How to Go Out By Yourself at Night -
Rules & Nightly Preparation
Welcome to Part 2 of our "How to Go Out Alone to Bars" program.
We are going to discuss what you need to know and do if you are going to take this seriously.
This is very important.
This is what we are going to discuss -
- There is Nothing "Normal" About This Program
- My Challenge to You (Be a Man Moments - Just try Your Best)
- Where to Do This Program
- You Aren't Unique - Everyone Has 'Night Scene Anxiety' but Very Few Will Do Anything About It
- 6 Mandatory Rules of the Program
- Accountability Partner/Log
- This Program Only Has 2 Possible Outcomes
There is Nothing "Normal" About This Program
First, I want you to know and remind yourself -
There is nothing "normal" about this program.
There is nothing "normal" about this program.
There is nothing "normal" about this program.
Normal is standing on the side at bars with a group of friends.
Normal is staying home alone playing on the Internet if you have no one to go out with.
Normal is going months and months without Getting Laid and having your only realistic options be girls who are looking for boyfriends or girls you meet through mutual friends.
You are going to feel weird throughout this entire process. Especially the first couple weeks.
There is nothing normal about doing this.
Now, of course, there's no reason you couldn't just decide to go out and "just talk to women" by yourself, but having a structured game plan and our permission to go out alone to do this stuff will really help.
Eventually, going out alone will feel fairly normal.
Eventually after that, going out alone will be fun.
Until then, just remember -
THERE IS NOTHING NORMAL ABOUT THIS.
If you are willing to accept that, commit and do what I say, you will be able to go out comfortably in ~3 months.
I'll make sure of it.
My Challenge To YOU
(Just Legitimately Try Your Best)
Second -
I'm going to make this process as painless as possible for you, but this isn't the easiest stuff in the world.
But if it were easy, every guy would be going out alone to the hottest spots and trying to take the hottest girl(s) home to fuck.
There will be moments in the next few months when you are all alone by yourself, feeling weird, slowly slipping inside of your head and will literally have to say to yourself -
TIME TO BE A MAN.
... and push through your initial anxiety.
(the first interaction/drill is always the hardest)
If you agree to do that, on most occasions over the next 3 months, I can get you to where you can go out alone and feel loose enough to hit on the girls you want to sleep with.
That is all I ask.
After that, it's a numbers game based on her sexual availability and your sex appeal.
In those tough moments -
Just TRY to push through.
We will attempt to spoon-feed and ease you into stuff as best we can.
But those "Be A Man" moments are not something that we want to totally shield you from.
We want to put you in challenging, doable situations where you can rise to the occasion and be proud of yourself when the night is over.
If you guarantee the effort.
I can guarantee the result.
In 3 months, you will be able to go out alone and hit on 90% of the girls you want to talk to.
Sound good?
Where to Do This Program
This program is mainly meant to be done at bars.
While you can certainly go to nightclubs, as you know - nightclubs in the United States (with the exception of in Vegas) are far from a ideal to go to if you are trying to take a girl home with you via cold approach.
The vast majority of club girls are in big groups with a travel dependency. Many have afterparty plans and have no plans to break off from their judgmental friends to leave with a "rando" (random guy).
The best way to get access to these girls is to get established in "The Scene" so you can get invited to afterparties. More on that in a future post.
Unless you live within walking distance of a popular nightclub (very few people do) with no cover charge, I would just stick to the nearest strip of bars or EXACTLY where you plan to be going out in the future.
And OBVIOUSLY -
That's not to say you "can't" pick up random girls from nightclubs, obviously you can (my best year ever was ~100% Hollywood Club/Party Scene), it's not as efficient or logistically convenient as going to nearby bars. For most guys, leaving a nightclub requires a car ride and having the girl(s) leave their friends and cancel their afterparty plans.
With that said, there's nothing stopping you from doing this program in nightclubs.
If your city/nightclub scene is more conducive to cold approach and that is mainly where you will be trying to pull girls from, by all means - go to nightclubs.
But in Los Angeles, it's all about becoming an insider to the Popular Nightscene and gaining access to the afterparties.
Otherwise, you are just an outsider fighting an uphill battle.
You Aren't Alone - Everyone Has Anxiety
Your 'night time' anxiety is nothing unique, all guys and girls have it.
You just care more and think about it more often because you are more ambitious.
Very few guys will do anything about their general or social anxiety.
Most will just avoid situations that trigger it.
Just like you do.
I don't know a single guy that is good with women (cold approach) that didn't have at least some anxiety about going out without their friends when he started.
Many still need a few drinks to clear up some early jitters.
Bartenders, club promotors and other various night scene "rats" included.
Every guy that I know that can roll solo and Get Laid, definitely put some effort into getting comfortable with it and figuring out how to get and stay in a good mood.
So don't feel bummed out if you have always been anxious about it.
The night scene is meant to make guys feel anxious so they drink to feel better. The whole thing is a total mindfuck, I'll have my club promo superfriend (AJ) explain it to you someday.
There will be times in the coming weeks when you feel weird, alone, stupid, lonely and like an outsider.
It's all natural social tension and it's something that we need you to feel (in controlled amounts) so you get desensitized and eventually learn to get outside of your head.
At weird as it feels in the moment -
It's better than sitting at home because you are too scared to go out alone.
We are going to give you plenty of drills and goals that you will gradually be able to do and that make people talk back to you in a friendly manner.
Now you don't have any excuse to stay home alone or wonder how you can beat your nighttime anxiety.
We are giving you the exact steps.
The Mandatory Rules
Here are the rules you MUST commit to.
Your compliance will be the primary factor in your success or failure.
#1 You Promise to Go Out At Least 3 Nights a Week
You need to go out 3 nights a week.
I'm not going to demand that you go out every night of the week.
(although that would almost definitely get you over your anxiety in 30 days)
By default, that includes a weekday, a slower night, which you will find is IDEAL to meet women.
(weekdays: groups of girls often break off each other because some have work the following morning)
Happy hours are fine too - just follow the game plan.
#2 You Promise to Repeat the Nights That You Don't Fully Complete
(The Drills Will Be Doable)
If the night doesn't go well (aka you don't complete it), you must redo it.
I know that there are 'sticking points' in the Approach Anxiety Program, so I'm making sure that all these drills are DOABLE.
Some will be very easy with the sole purpose of getting you into a social mood.
You NEED to do those.
Part of breaking through your anxiety is to gain social momentum and just get your mouth running and your confidence up.
Even when you get comfortable with going out, on some nights you'll have to kick yourself into 'social mode'. You won't feel perfect every night.
Get used to it.
Don't be too cool for school and make your own version of our program.
#3 You Promise to Do ALL OF THE DRILLS
(DO NOT Pick and Choose What Drills to Do)
You need to do ALL OF THE DRILLS, as best you can.
The drills are all doable.
Like the Approach Anxiety Program, we want you to focus on DOING THE DRILL and not trying to Get Laid or getting specific reactions.
Chances are, on most nights, you will finish most of the drills in about 90 minutes and find yourself in a pretty good mood.
But unlike the vast majority of the Approach Anxiety Program, if you want to use the 'social momentum' to go and meet some girls or talk to more people, go for it.
There's no reason to go home if you don't have to wake up early the following morning.
Just remember -
Don't get all bummed out if you start freezing up in your post-drill interactions or start feeling nervous again - that is what we are working on.
#4 You Promise to Develop a Physical 'Good Mood' Custom
Until you have very little social anxiety, this is key.
I want you to find something physical and repeatable that almost always puts you in a good mood and alert state before you go out.
This doesn't mean just drinking or doing drugs.
(more on that later)
My custom was going to the gym 2 hours before or doing at least 15 minutes bodyweight push-ups, pull-ups or squats while listening to loud music. Then using Bathmate for 5 or 6 minutes. Then spraying on my favorite cologne.
There's something quite inspiring about seeing yourself in the mirror with your muscles bulging and fat dick hanging halfway to your knees.
Even after I was comfortable with rolling solo, I maintained this custom almost every night.
Pre-game natural endorphins are really underestimated when it comes having a good night.
The guys that spend the afternoon and evening in a desk chair on the Internet are far less prepared to deal with anxiety - let alone even speak to other humans.
After you get past most of your anxiety, you'll find that your mood or "state" is the ONE AND ONLY challenge to making it a successful night.
Eventually, you will lose more chicks from being in a non-social mood than to anxiety.
#5 You Promise to Look AS SEXY AS POSSIBLE
Every night - YOU MUST LOOK YOUR BEST.
This game is highly superficial.
You no like?
Then Getting Laid isn't for you.
You need to look as hot as you possibly can.
Even for the nights when you don't do many "talking" drills.
Looking good is ABSOLUTELY FUCKING CRITICAL in the night scene.
This is different than the Approach Anxiety Program where I don't mind if you are in sweatpants and look like a scrub sometimes.
The "lead up" to leaving your house for the night is important.
You should be able to look at yourself in the mirror and FEEL and KNOW that you look sexy.
This includes putting on the same clothing that you plan to wear if you were going out to Get Laid.
This includes being as reasonably tall as possible.
People will respond to you TOTALLY DIFFERENTLY if you look better (or cooler) than they do - especially at night when your first impression is the only impression.
Even if your sex appeal ceiling is just 'above-average' - it's a different universe to look better than the average guy.
#6 DO WHAT YOU WANT
Ultimately, the goal of any type of social development program is to empower you to have the courage to DO WHAT YOU WANT.
That is the goal of this program -
To get you to DO WHAT YOU WANT without fear of social consequences.
That includes (excluding anything illegal, physically violent or totally obscene) -
Saying what you want - when you want - to who you want.
The vast majority of guys, certainly guys around here, don't actually need to 'learn' new social skills.
They just need the courage to use them.
The vast majority of nights in this program will be fairly uneventful and you will feel a warm sense of accomplishment when it's over.
But there will be times when you are met with resistance from emotionally unhealthy girls and animosity from onlookers and undersexed white knights.
This is a chance to handle extreme social tension on your terms.
The correct reaction is to -
DO WHAT YOU WANT.
That might mean laughing at them.
That might mean telling them to 'fuck off'.
That might mean walking away.
That might even mean apologizing if you stepped over the line.
That might mean all 4.
It's up to you.
The correct response is whatever you want to do.
While the long term goal is to become desensitized, non-reactive and 'not give a fuck' what people think - it's more important in the meantime that you react ON INSTINCT instead of being a pacifist and wishing you reacted differently.
The ONLY RULE is to "being alpha" is -
DO WHAT YOU WANT.
Related -
Accountably and Progress Log
The main reason most people don't accomplish anything these days is not a lack work ethic, opportunity or talent.
The reason is because they live a comfortable life and don't really need to make changes to better themselves or have any accountability if they even wanted to.
I can't twist your arm and tell you keep an accountability log (or find a GLL partner to hold you responsible), I can only tell you that your chances of completing the program is probably 20x greater if you document your progress for accountability purposes.
The whole point is to IMMERSE yourself in the process and watch yourself grow.
It needs to be your #1 goal for 90 days.
There Are Only 2 Possible Outcomes
After ~90 days, you will be in 1 of 2 positions -
1) You will be able to go out and be able to comfortably hit on girls.
or
2) You will be in the exact same position you are currently in.
If you follow this program as it is written and finish this program as it is written, the former will be the result.
If not, it is more than likely that the latter will be.
It's up to you to which outcome you want.
Before we get into the program, I want to leave you with one last thing to think about -
There's 2 types of goals in life -
- Goals that mainly require mainly talent to accomplish
- Goals that mainly require mainly perseverance to accomplish
Goals such as playing professional sports require a tremendous amount of natural ability (and a large degree of genetic predisposition) is an example of #1.
You can't just train yourself hard enough to become a professional athlete if you lack too much of the natural talent.
Goals such as losing weight however - don't require as much natural talent and hard work can easily (if not entirely) compensate for is an example of #2.
'Perseverance-based' goals are 100% DOABLE if you are willing to invest the work.
Thankfully, beating anxiety (of any type) is strictly a perseverance goal.
While not everyone has the same amount of anxiety when they start, everyone can beat social anxiety - at least to the point where they can talk to members of the opposite sex without getting nervous.
You know this.
Even Jesus Christ and Charles Darwin agree that human being are social creatures and meant to interact - especially with the opposite sex.
Beating anxiety is a perseverance goal and you have 100% control over whether you are successful or not.
Like I said, you have probably ALREADY made the decision whether you are going to take this SERIOUSLY or just "seriously".
Hopefully you made the right decision.
Let's continue -
To leave feedback or comments, please leave it in the comments section in "How to Go Out Alone to Bars - Final Thoughts & Answers (Part 8)". I will see all of those.
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