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How to Not Give a Fuck What People Think (A Different Perspective from Good Looking Loser)
This is a long discussion, even by Good Looking Loser standards. While 'not giving a fuck' isn't completely a choice, there are things you can do to adopt this mindset or render people's opinions useless.
There's not all that much quality insight about 'Not Giving a Fuck' out there.
Certainly you've heard the beyond useless, non-applicable mainstream advice -
Don't be insecure!
Don't let their words hurt you!
Don't care what people think!
Don't give them the power!
Lions don't care about the opinions of sheep!
The usual garbage with no steps.
But frankly, 2 weeks ago, I didn't have much to say about the matter either -
In your 20's - just look better and Get Laid more than the average guy and you'll automatically stop caring what he thinks. (acquire Swag Factor - Status)
In your 30's - just have more money and Get Laid more than the average guy and you'll automatically stop caring what he thinks.
Both are true but both are long-term destinations that you can't just "do".
But I thought about it some more and realized there is more to it...
My insights are based on 32 years of living on planet earth.
For ~25 years, I dedicated my near total existence trying to impress others and very much 'giving a fuck'.
The past ~7 years, however, I've stopped caring about impressing others or what they thought of me.
Going from "always giving a fuck" to "usually not giving a fuck" is something I can proudly claim I accomplished.
But perhaps to your surprise -
I don't actually think trying to develop an "I don't give a fuck" (IDGAF) attitude is that big of a deal.
There are more important things and you need to look at it in a different way.
You'll see where I'm going with this in a second.
Remember, we are discussing 'not caring' in a personal and social context, not a business and public relations context. If you own a business - you should definitely care what people think.
Does Chris Really Not Give a Fuck? (A Reflection on Where I Stand)
Apparently you guys seem to think that I am a decent source of IDGAF insight.
7 years ago, I was a broke a Law School dropout who massively underachieved with women and had no real plan for his life. Today I own 3 successful businesses, slept with more chicks than I can count and literally don't have to do anything I don't want.
It's partly because I figured out to stop caring what people thought of me.
This attitude has allowed me to take "risks" and follow my instincts (no matter how crazy or creepy), even though there are people who are more talented AND harder working than I.
But it sure didn't used to be this way and I am by no means totally indifferent to people's opinions.
I just 'give a fuck' somewhat less than the average guy.
So what changed?
Why don't I 'give a fuck' as much anymore?
There's one major reason that I don't care as much what people think of me anymore -
I am more serious about my life now.
Plain and simple.
I ACTUALLY care more about myself than others.
I ACTUALLY desire success more than validation for my success.
This didn't used to be the case.
10 years ago, I swore I was serious about my goals (gym, school) but in reality - I just wanted approval.
In a 'dating' content, we always say -
When your desire to GET LAID is ACTUALLY greater than your desire to avoid rejection - you will have no more approach anxiety.
The mind is a powerful thing -
When you ACTUALLY want to do something, your thoughts and reactions fall into line.
But I'm Serious About My Goals! I Just Get Easily Distracted! And For Some Reason [I LET] People Get To Me!
No you aren't serious.
You just think you are.
But a lot of people swear that they care more about success than what other people think of them.
Yet the same people immediately get sidetracked when someone, either fairly or unjustly, says something they don't agree with or puts them down.
Some respond by becoming passive-aggressive toward friends and family.
Others take to social media to flip out and try to rally support for their fragile egos.
Others quietly stew about it for days.
They all swear that they don't give a fuck.
We've all seen this person.
In reality, most people almost immediately lose focus on their real priorities when they hear that someone thinks in opposition/lowly of them.
Obviously they aren't THAT serious about their mission.
Actions speak louder than words.
If you indulge "haters" or have the repetitive urge to engage someone (who may even have a reasonable argument against you) in a time-wasting debate - it's just evidence that you are unfocused, insecure and you don't have a real purpose in life.
It took me about 30 years to realize this.
I have plenty of advice below, but perhaps you just need to GET SERIOUS about your life.
Find something in your life that is worth living and dying for.
You might have to try a bunch of different things but when you are actually serious about your life -
"Not giving a fuck" will take care of itself.
Got shot. Blood all over the floor. Don't give a fuck. (joke)
How Important Is 'Not Giving a Fuck' for Getting Laid?
Especially if you've spent a quarter of a century seeking approval, validation and non-confrontation - like I had.
Just being aware that you always have the choice to DO WHAT YOU WANT or cave to social pressure can be empowering.
The best way to adopt the DO WHAT YOU WANT mindset is -
To admit that DOING WHAT YOU WANT is ALWAYS a choice you can make.
To choose to DO WHAT YOU WANT in the face of social pressure.
That's how you really start training your brain to start living on your terms.
Although you may never be totally indifferent to others, having the power to DO WHAT YOU WANT in moments of social tension is REAL EMPOWERMENT.
If you can make a habit of 'DOING WHAT YOU WANT', "giving a fuck" or "not going giving a fuck" doesn't really matter.
"Not giving a fuck" is simply an ideal.
DO WHAT YOU WANT is an actionable step and a choice.
People that DON'T GIVE A FUCK, DO WHAT THEY WANT.
People that DO WHAT THEY WANT, DON'T GIVE A FUCK.
Do you see how this works?
To other people, it will look like 'you don't give a fuck', but in reality you just DO WHAT YOU WANT even when you care what people think.
#3a SEE AVERAGE PEOPLE FOR WHAT THEY ARE (Average)
Although your focus should be on trying to DOING WHAT YOU WANT, without being malicious - it doesn't hurt to consider where the average person is in their life since it's their disapproval that we so fear.
Who is the Average Guy? -
He doesn't Get Laid.
He can't Get Laid without having a girlfriend.
He has no money or is in debt.
He doesn't know what he wants in life.
If he figures it out - he doesn't know how to get what he wants.
When you look at it that way, it's rather silly to care what the average guy thinks.
If you owned a business, and someone applied with that resume, you would toss it in the trash.
Unless you are running for public office, you shouldn't care what the average person thinks.
His approval or disapproval literally has no bearing on your success whatsoever.
To other people, it will look like 'you don't give a fuck', but in reality you just don't take average people seriously.
IDGAF Fun Fact I once hooked up with a girl that does those 'mixed wrestling videos', she was actually pretty hot in 2009 - but now she's way too butch.
#3b CONSIDER THE SOURCE (No Emotionally Healthy Person Hates on People or Fightson the Internet)
This one piggybacks off #3a.
I encourage you to CONSIDER THE SOURCE if you are worried about what people think or hear something that upsets you.
From what I've seen from my 32 years of walking around on this planet -
I don't know a single emotionally healthy person that hates on people in real life or uses the Internet to "talk shit" or flame people.
That's just not how successful people invest their time.
That is how losers spend their time.
There's so much better stuff they could be doing (having sex, making money, playing outside, going to the gym, washing potatoes, doing hardcore drugs in moderation) but instead they are "trolling" or "hating" online.
Do you think he spent 2000-2008 constantly stirring up drama, talking shit about his friends, posting pictures of "douchebags" online, trolling on Internet or fighting people on forums or in YouTube comments?
Correct answer -
He invested the vast majority of his time, energy, labor and emotions into building [what later became] Uber.
The fact of the matter is -
You are probably overly concerned about the opinions of people that have little to no influence or social and financial status.
I know I was.
You should have a little "arrogance" (or common sense) and not take most people seriously.
Especially not faceless people online.
The average person doesn't even take his own life seriously, why the fuck should you?
The only opinions that might matter are of those who are 'above' you in status or people that you respect.
Feedback or thoughts from accomplished people can be valuable because in almost all cases - it's not coming from a negative 'hate-driven' place.
But you already know this.
So stop taking the average person seriously when they think negatively of you.
To other people, it will look like 'you don't give a fuck', but in reality you just don't argue with losers.
IDGAF Fun Fact Girls who smoke like to have sex.
#4 WANTING TO BE LIKED IS OKAY (It's OKAY if You Sometimes Care What People Think)
This might be my most radical belief of ALL TIME.
Wanting To Be Liked Is...
Does that take any pressure off?
Red Pillers always feel that "wanting to be liked" is always a bad thing.
To other people, it will look like 'you don't give a fuck', but in reality you are just too happy and busy to care about what other people think.
IDGAF Fun Fact Part of being happy is appreciating success.
#6 TRY TO EMBRACE YOUR COUNTER-CULTURE (You Are Different, Stop Trying to Be Otherwise)
I'm doing my best to explain these concepts and offer applicable steps, but some of this "feel this way" "think this way" or "embrace this idea" mindset advice doesn't always immediately translate to a set of directions.
If you are still with me (we are ~2500 words in), it is fair to assume that you are DIFFERENT than the average person.
You and I know that.
Average people don't read this blog.
But sometimes being different makes you feel like a disconnected outsider.
This is especially true of our younger guys who are simply not as sure of themselves yet and still desire a sense of belonging in being seen as the "regular guy".
The difference between me at age 32 vs. age 22 is that I've ACTUALLY come to embrace that I'M DIFFERENT.
I always knew I was different.
I always liked myself for it.
And I always did my own thing.
But I never TRULY EMBRACED it.
I was only semi-proud.
These days, it's different.
I'm actually nearly 100% proud of myself and thus free to DO WHAT I WANT.
But since they never fully embrace their 'counter culture', they are never really able to DO WHAT THEY WANT.
But you're different.
It's time that you stop hanging on to thoughts that you are a "regular guy" or have anything in common with him.
This will make more sense as you get into your mid and late 20's.
You'll wonder why you ever held on to being a regular guy.
To other people, it will look like 'you don't give a fuck', but in reality you are just comfortable in your own skin.
IDGAF Fun Fact Very few people actually don't give a fuck.
#7 NOBODY CARES ABOUT YOUR OPINION EITHER (Indifference is a Two Way Street)
Hear me out.
As far back as AOL Instant Messenger, I used to love to put up my 'opinions' about life, sports, politics, just about everything.
I had an opinion.
In fact, I had the right opinion and I needed to tell people ASAP.
I loved having people agree with me, it meant the world to me.
I also took pride in attacking/debating those who didn't.
I never lost. I was undefeated.
These days, for the most part, I rarely share my opinions with random people.
The desire is just not there anymore.
What changed? Why do I no longer want to share my opinions with people?
I simply don't care if people disagree OR AGREE with me.
It doesn't matter.
Nothing is better or worse in my world if they disagree OR AGREE with me.
It doesn't get me laid, doesn't make me more money, doesn't make me more successful and frankly - I'm too busy for another distraction.
If I have something worthwhile to discuss, I'll talk to my friends or family. Maybe.
Guys that ACTUALLY DON'T GIVE A FUCK, understand that indifference is a two-way street -
Other people's opinions don't matter
Their own opinions don't really matter either
That's solid indifference right there.
I'm not saying that "not caring about anything" or 'total indifference' is what you should be aiming for.
It's just an obvious difference between the me of today (empowered/successful, 32) and me of 10 years ago (approval seeking/underachieving, 22).
- I care way less about your opinion.
- But I care equally less about telling you my own.
-- Frankly, I care way less about my own opinion too.
I'm still concerned about the world.
Not sharing their opinion will be really hard for some people because they very much DO GIVE A FUCK and absolutely love the drama.
For some, there's no easy fix other than to realize that constantly sharing your opinion and reading/reacting to the feedback is a colossal waste of time.
The next time that you feel like going on a rant to your friends about some political issue or blowing up on Facebook/Twitter about some social issue, slow down for a minute.
Think to yourself -
WHAT IS THE POINT OF THIS?
WHY DO I CARE SO MUCH?
WHAT CAN I DO INSTEAD?
Again, if you are an opinionated guy and love discussing controversial subjects at length (knowing full well no one is changing their mind) for entertainment purposes - that's fine, I'm not telling you to live differently.
It's more important to DO WHAT YOU WANT.
However, if you are really looking to NOT GIVE A FUCK about other people, try stepping away from your own opinion.
Opinions of any sort have no effect on your world.
To other people, it will look like 'you don't give a fuck', but in reality you just care more about your success than your opinion.
Virtually anytime I share my opinion today, in person or on the Internet, it's as a complete joke.
Way back in 2004, I was hardly a selfish "douchebag" who didn't give a fuck what people thought of me.
I was actually a nice, fairly-wholesome, sensitive kid who was obsessed with his physical appearance and social feedback.
People just considered me to be a douchebag because I was in shape and I didn't dress in normal, lifeless, outdated clothing.
You've probably experienced the same thing.
If you are above-average (or just appear that way), the average guy will resent you.
It just comes with the territory.
These days, even in Los Angeles, when I walk around with a bandana, guys stare at me and think negative thoughts to themselves.
I'm used to the stares.
I wasn't always though.
I wanted to expose people who didn't like me as haters and losers.
I just don't care anymore.
The faster you can get used to being seen as a "douchebag" by guys and less desirable girls - the better.
'Douchebag' is a word that low status guys use to describe other guys with higher social and financial status.
Get used to the people staring at you and looking down when you make eye contact.
Get used to guys standing next to you while you talk to girls, desperately hoping the girl disses you.
Get used to less desirable girls perceiving you to be an asshole simply based on your appearance. (just be nice to them if you are trying to fuck)
That is the reality you are signing up for.
The best way to get used to being a Douchebag is to simply look at as good as you can, put yourself out there and see that the vast majority of people that you come across are totally forgettable and their opinions, favorable or otherwise, are completely insignificant to your life.
To other people, it will look like 'you don't give a fuck', but in reality you are just comfortable with your Douchebag persona.
IDGAF Fun Fact Getting a tattoo or piercing will increase your IDGAF by 33%
#9 SOCIAL CONSEQUENCES DON'T ACTUALLY EXIST (Be That Creeper)
One of the most important things is to experience that there are NO SUCH THING AS SOCIAL CONSEQUENCES from strangers.
What I mean is -
Though it may feel like otherwise in the moment, if you creep some random girl out - it literally has no repercussions whatsoever on your life or any other random girl you speak to.
To other people, it will look like 'you don't give a fuck', but in reality you simply know that 'social consequences' don't exist so you aren't afraid to look like a creep sometimes.
IDGAF Fun Fact At least 1000 girls think I'm the biggest creep on the face of the earth. I have slept with some of them too.
#10 TRY TO SLOW THE USUAL REACTIVE EMOTIONAL TRAINWRECK
In the early stages of trying to 'not give a fuck', it's going to be difficult to simply "not care" about things or people that traditionally upset you.
That's fine, you can't really control that, you've been programmed to 'give a fuck'.
What you can control (to some extent) is how bent out of shape you get and how much TIME YOU WASTE thinking about it.
The next time someone or something pisses you off and you start the usual trainwreck of negative emotions and reactions, do your best to stop it and break the cycle - something that you have probably never even tried in the past.
For men, it's easier to get mad than to control our emotions.
The next time you want to do something and you feel social tension trying to discourage you -
Stop thinking about it and do it anyway.
Look at it as practice.
* again, this refers to your personal and social life, if someone tries to harm your family or business - ABSOLUTELY RETALIATE
To other people, it will look like 'you don't give a fuck', but in reality you simply have better control over your emotions.
IDGAF Fun Fact Once you truly don't care what people think, you are free to DO WHAT YOU WANT.
#11 STOP PUTTING YOURSELF IN THE SAME FUCKING POSITIONS OVER AND OVER
Overly "giving a fuck" is largely just a lack of focus, determination and self-confidence.
Just as you can somewhat control having trainwreck reactions that extend for days, you can also do yourself a favor and not put yourself in SAME positions where you always get all bent out of shape.
That means -
Stop sharing your opinions with people.
Stop reading/listening to everyone else's opinions.
Stop concerning yourself with social or political issues.
After 1 warning - cut ties with friends/family/fuckbuddies/girlfriends that annoy you.
Immediately stop talking to a girl who "shit tests" you in a way that you do not approve. (Girls/people that are mean to strangers have emotional problems)
Stand your ground but don't speak to people who annoy you in public.
Ignore instead of engaging "haters" and other low status agitators.
Get serious with your life.
A lot of people that claim that they 'don't want to give a fuck' actually seek out drama and conflict.
Hopefully you aren't one of those types - that is hard to change.
To other people, it will look like 'you don't give a fuck', but in reality you simply avoid drama and drama queens.
* again, this discussion pertains to your personal and social life, not your professional or business life. IDGAF doesn't go over well with business partners and customers.
#12 HAVING A BIG DICK CAN REALLY BE A SPECIAL THING
A Good Looking Loser Loser post wouldn't be complete without mentioning the 'big cock factor'.
Although some guys insist "size doesn't matter", it sure mattered to me and I increased my dick size from ~5.25" to over 7" (NSFW) in length and from ~4.8" to over 6" in girth (post Bathmate session).
While having a fat piece of meat hanging between your legs may not directly encourage social IDGAF changes, some of the things that girls tell you in the bedroom will really feed your ego and stick with you for a lifetime.
Superficial or not, your "Sense of Entitlement" tends to go up when girls request your pictures to show their friends (and in one case - ex-boyfriend).
Your confidence goes through the roof when guys in your party circles ask which girls you've fucked because they are seemingly concerned about not measuring up or being able to fill the pussy that you enjoyed.
You feel like you are something special and that every chick will be a returning customer so long as you get your meat inserted.
Maybe it's stupid - but this kind of shit gave me such confidence after years of being somewhat sheepish about my size.
It's that warm and fuzzy, I'm the man feeling.
Egotistical or not, in my opinion, there's no better "cure" for sexual anxiety than a thick floppy impressive dick. Seeing girls eyes light up like they won the lottery is priceless.
Check out our stuff on penis enhancement, you don't even have to spend a dime to gain both length and girth.
To other people, it will look like 'you don't give a fuck', but in reality you have a penis that rests warmly and confidently on the inside of your right thigh.
IDGAF Fun Fact Being in a room where over 50% of the people know you are hung will increase your IDGAF by 36%
#13 WIN AT LIFE (and Then Shut Up About It)
Simply 'being better' than the average guy won't automatically launch you into IDGAF mode.
I know a lot of successful people that very deeply care what others think of them.
Still, there is an unmistakable confidence that comes from knowing you are cooler, better looking, stronger, wealthier, better hung and can Get Laid more than the average guy.
It's not that you consider him to be inferior.
Nor do you feel the need to put him down.
It's that deep-down, you ACTUALLY consider yourself to be superior to the average guy.
But not in an arrogant way.
Although you might be working on yourself at first out of sheer insecurity, once you start getting ahead of the average guy - you will naturally not care as much about what he thinks.
To other people, it will look like 'you don't give a fuck', but in reality you simply know you have more going for you.
IDGAF Fun Fact Confidence is knowing you are better than your competition and not having to tell people.
#14 GET REAL EXPERIENCE & THICK SKIN
I can give you all the mindset/techniques in the world, but ultimately developing IDGAF is going to be because you have built a legit tolerance to social tension and live a happy life.
The reason I don't want to insult girls who are rude to me is because I legitimately don't care anymore.
The reason I don't want to fight guys who stare at me or give me dirty looks is because I legitimately don't care anymore.
The reason I don't get into Internet fights is because I legitimately don't care anymore.
The reason I don't care anymore is because I've dealt with virtually every type of negative response or "hate" that imaginable.
When someone calls me a "douchebag", it's only the 259,520,149 time I've heard it.
After hearing something 259,520,149 times - it seems to lose its effect.
To other people, it will look like 'you don't give a fuck', but in reality you simply have seen the exact same scenario 259,520,149 times.
IDGAF Fun Fact I don't know any non-celebrity that is called a 'douchebag' more than myself.
#15 OPTIONS ARE THE REAL GAME-CHANGER
Everything I said above is part of adapting an IDGAF reality, but like #15 (Experience/Thick Skin) NOTHING can substitute for knowing you ACTUALLY have plenty of options.
Eventually - you will HAVE TO get to this point if you want legit IDGAF.
A man with options is a man that doesn't give a fuck.
A man with options is a man who can DO WHAT HE WANTS.
I didn't think the "Get Hung" guide would have girls eyeing my bulge. It did.
I didn't think that your exercise and diet advice would have girls checking me out. It did.
I DEFINITELY didn't think that your hair-loss prevention would fix my hairline. Not in a billion years. It mother fucking did. You saved me a crazy amount of time, a ton of money, unnecessary pain, and destroyed my #1 source of anxiety. DESTROYED IT.
Kratom is next!
To anyone reading this, follow through, read this material, APPLY this material, and enjoy life.