Why You Aren't Getting Laid
This is a shorter post, even though you've told me that you prefer the comprehensive ones -
There's no reason why this one needs to be too in-depth.
I'm going to tell you something that I wish I heard when I was your age.
Although, when I was your age, I probably wouldn't have listened.
Lets begin -
Anytime someone signs up for the forum, we always insist that they try to answer this question -
- What are your main blockages?
(contributing to underachievement in your sex life)
Most are quick self-diagnose with many of the usual fundamentals -
- I have too much Social Anxiety.
- I have too much Approach Anxiety.
- I don't have enough Killer Instinct (game).
- I don't have enough Sex Appeal (looks/style).
... usually a combination of the 4.
It's all probably true.
The fact of the matter is - there's a lot of other guys in the same boat as you, but some of them are getting more action than you are seeing.
There's a 5th blockage that is likely affecting you as much, IF NOT MORE.
In fact, it's quite likely that this 5th blockage has disguised or magnified itself as other blockages - which aren't as bad as you think.
This 5th blockage is -
I refuse to have sex with the girls that want to sleep with me.
On first impression, you might be thinking -
That's not true...
I don't have that problem...
Why would I turn down sex? I'm not like that...
But you do.
I sure did.
It led to long streaks in college without getting pussy and the deflated confidence that accompanies these self-inflicted "slumps".
It's just another way to say -
I refuse to lower my standards.
I don't like to phrase it that way because the issue is much deeper than that.
It can also be tough to convince guys to "settle for less" or "lower their standards".
Even if everyone agrees that it is a good idea in the short-term.
Like my former self but unlike most guys that are naturally successful with women, a lot of guys would rather get NO PUSSY/EXPERIENCE than to hook up with a girl that was average or didn't earn the approval/social points from his entire group of friends.
This is a validation issue, not a legitimate "quality" issue.
Guys turn down pussy/experience that is right at their fingertips. (sometimes, literally)
THIS IS WHAT CAUSES DRY SPELLS.
THIS IS WHY MOST OF YOU DIDN'T SLEEP WITH A GIRL THIS WEEKEND.
THIS IS WHY MOST OF YOU WON'T SLEEP WITH A GIRL NEXT WEEKEND.
THIS WILL CONTINUE FOR MONTHS ON END FOR SOME OF YOU.
Don't confuse -
I refuse to have sex with the girls that want to sleep with me.
I have Approach/Social Anxiety, I'm not good looking enough or I have "no game" right now.
It's a totally different issue and the ultimate form of self-sabotage.
The reality is - you probably have a decent chance with every girl that is single and looking so long as you make the effort to present yourself as more attractive and cooler than she.
The rules apply to online dating as well.
A Decent Attitude to Have
Don't look at it as "lowering your standards".
Look at it as -
That's it, fun.
Better than sitting at home.
Maybe the girl isn't your ideal woman.
But can you find ONE thing you like about her that somewhat turns you on?
Maybe she has nice eyes.
Maybe she has nice lips.
Maybe she has a big chest.
Maybe she has a round ass that she can lower over your face.
Maybe she has neither but your thick dick will demolish her petite/un-endowed body.
Maybe you can get her to do things (lick your asshole, indulge your fetishes, kinky shit, etc.) that you'd never try with a hotter girl on the first night.
(hint: THIS IS WHERE IT'S AT FOR LOWERING STANDARDS AND STILL HAVING FUN)
Just find something.
Have a look at this post for ideas on how to turn yourself on with girls that don't quite do it for you -
- "Non-Mainstream Ways To Beat Sexual Anxiety/Turn Yourself On"
(I particularly like this old article - I'll update it some day with more recent examples)
Try to look at it like this -
Would you rather:
- Get pussy/Get a blowjob?
- Have a new experience?
- Sit at home wondering where the fun is?
- Do the same exact time as every other weekend?
It might not be the hottest girl ever.
It might not be the best sex ever.
If nothing else - you will learn something and have a new experience that will make the weekend (or any night) more memorable than sitting at home.
I'm willing to bet that you are turning down more pussy than you know.
There's plenty of girls on your Facebook and in your cell phone that would be willing to sleep with you - you just have to ask them out.
(who cares if it isn't smooth? your goal should be to GET LAID, not "be smooth")
Right now - there's 100's of girls on the Internet that would be willing to sleep with you.
You don't even have to do any approaching.
Just letting you know.
You might have to go on a few dates and pretend that the girl might be your girlfriend one day - but who cares. It's better than spending 6 months without getting laid.
Are you telling me you can't hit up a few lonely, less desirable girls online and share a decent time with them?
Sure you can.
You know you can too.
Look Who's Talking...
I'm not really the person that should be the messenger on this subject.
I actually feel a bit strange presenting myself as an authority on this topic since I've been the PERFECT EXAMPLE of what not to be.
In my teens and the majority of my 20's, I had ridiculous standards that were way too high to ensure any sort of consistent sex life (or progress).
That's why it took me way longer than it should have to beat Approach Anxiety.
That's why I never had more than one fuckbuddy until 2008.
In hindsight, I absolutely realize how much pussy/experience/fun my "standards" cost me.
Not only did I directly lose out on a lot of girls that were seemingly willing to sleep with me,
I also indirectly lost out on the girls I wanted to sleep with since I was so timid and fairly inexperienced.
I easily had the potential to sleep with 50+ girls in college. Maybe even at 2 or 3 schools.
I was looking for international super models though.
(I actually was in 2002-2004)
There's no reason whatsoever (even as a several-time transfer student) that I shouldn't have had a consistent sex life in college. I was even on a dating show when I was a sophomore and did well on national TV.
When the rare occasion presented itself when I was alone with a hot girl, I was often too scared to act unless I was absolutely sure that I wasn't going to get turned down or move too fast.
It was probably equally as awkward for the girls who were sitting on my bed (that I brought to my room) that I wasn't interested in.
(ironically - a lot of girls felt like I turned them down and didn't realize I was just scared)
Why did I even do that?
Because I wanted people to see that there was a girl in my bed.
One girl (who flew in from California and set aside 2 days to spend with me in 2002) later told me in an email -
Instead of showing me pictures of what you looked like in high school and those Red Hot Chili Peppers' music videos, I wish you would have did me on your bed. We had the entire place to ourselves.
Oh well, it was nice seeing you.
I was 19 at the time.
In an upcoming discussion I'll talk about how I was able to "lower my standards" aka NOT TURN DOWN SEX, enjoy myself in the process and not seemingly hurt my fragile ego.
And Just because you lower your standards doesn't mean you won't get super hot girls.
In fact, you are MORE LIKELY to get them with what you learn and the experience you gain.
Story of my life (1982-2006)
Not interested in the 90% girls that liked me
Scared to talk to the 10% that I liked
A lot of nights alone
Feel free to drop me a line below if this topic relates to your life.
You have a certain mindset when it comes to quality vs. quantity or "lowering your standards".
I feel it relates to A TON of guys and some don't realize just how much is it affecting their current experiences (and their future experiences).
A lot of you guys are really leaving easy experience on the table.
I know I did.
Super Super Related -