Saturday Nights (2002-2006) Were Worst Nights of My Life
This post is meant for those in their 20's who stayed home alone tonight, seemingly so far removed from the social scene and a sex life, comfortably marinating in self-doubt.
This is for you.
I've been there.
"Lonely Saturday Nights"
(Me, Myself and Reality - Living Together in a One-Bedroom Apartment)
(there some content in the video that isn't in the post, and vice versa)
Saturday nights were the hardest.
Saturday nights were the worst.
My favorite distraction (the gym) was closed and everyone else was out with their friends and having a life - and I knew it.
I was sitting in my apartment, by myself, playing on the Internet or watching ESPN and seeing how much fun other kids were having at college football games.
I used to tell myself that I was doing the right thing and "those kids" that were partying were wasting their lives.
I would tell myself -
I'm going to come out on top in the end!
But in reality -
I sat there just wondering where I went wrong and if I would ever have a much of a sex life - something that I thought would be the hallmark of my 20's rather than long-streaks of unwanted abstinence and mild depression.
Regardless of what other people were doing and how I rationalized why my life was supposedly better - I wasn't where I wanted to be, socially or emotionally. And I was well aware that my life was seemingly becoming one big, otherwise comfortable, disappointment.
But the loneliness really ran deep on Saturday night.
I hated Saturday night.
It was the night that I knew I should be doing something else other than being lonely.
The best case scenario would be for me to fall asleep early on Saturday night and wake up early on Sunday morning to go to the gym while ALL the "irresponsible" hungover kids were sleeping.
But that rarely happened.
More often, I just sat in front my television or laptop, listening to the sometimes unbearably irritating short spurts of noise from kids that were enjoying their lives and the bass music from passing cars that were headed to parties.
I hated hearing other people's Saturday night parties and music.
In sheer frustration (although to this day - loud music irritates the shit out of me when I don't want to hear it), I'd often call the "non-emergency" police number and report the apartments spewing the loud music.
Sometimes, I would literally call 10+ times.
I didn't want to hear my neighbors, I didn't want to hear their voices, I didn't want to hear their music - I wanted to be alone in silence so it seemed like I wasn't missing out on life.
I lived in a college town (Gainesville, FL.) but I was nothing more than a kid that simply went to class and used the school's gym.
Far removed my senior year of high school and Freshman year of college (Emory) where I was semi-popular and at least had girls talking about me - I simply sat alone in my worn desk chair on Saturday daydreaming of what my life would be like when all my hard work in school and the gym paid off.
Was I depressed?
To this day, I don't really know.
If I was - it was a tolerable, comfortable, high-quality of life depression.
The kind of depression that isn't bad enough to make serious life changes.
I had my own nice apartment, my own new car and plenty of distractions to treat mild depression whenever it would show its face.
But I remember -
Saturday Nights were so lonely.
At times - emotionally unbearable.
It was on Saturday Night that I would start to wonder if my entire life wasn't going to work out.
This was a terrifying thought because I always lived in either the past or a more promising future.
Perhaps my hardline "loner by choice", "I know what I'm doing" isolated lifestyle had finally caught up to me.
And more terrifying - perhaps there would be no return.
... said no one ever.
Why Didn't You Just Go Out Alone?
I guess I had the option of going out alone.
After all, Gainesville was a college town and there was plenty going on.
But I would always find an excuse -
- I have to eat my 6th meal of the day at 1 am.
- It's too warm/cold.
- It's only worth going out if I drink.
- I don't like that place.
- I'm too big.
- I'm too small.
Regardless of whatever excuse I gave myself on the rare occasions that I somewhat considered going out by myself, having a social/sex life just wasn't one of my goals at the time - and the only reason I forgive myself for this self-imposed lonely, comfortably depressing era of my life.
I was fully certain that my efforts in the gym and the classroom would pay off in an infinite sex life after I graduated.
Besides, doing steroids, going to the gym to get all pumped up and eating grotesque amounts of food was fun at the time.
Still, whether consciously or in subconscious denial at the time, one inescapable truth remained that I never wanted to admit -
I was scared to go out alone.
(very few guys in their early 20's are able to do this though...)
Beyond "being nice", I was scared to really talk to hot girls I didn't know.
And Even when they liked me - I didn't really know how to handle it since I played it so safely.
My inexperience and lack of courage was breeding MORE inexperience and MORE timid behavior.
A lack of a social life (or even friends), inexperience and a bloated juicehead appearance with no killer instinct - it was surprising that I got laid at all during these years.
At the time, given my highly volatile psychological, emotional state and self-esteem, going out alone (which I tried a few times) and not getting completely discouraged was highly unrealistic.
I had high anxiety, no experience with cold approach and no gameplan if I wanted to.
(I didn't find the "pick up community" until my final semester in college - in 2006)
Perhaps going out alone was an option, but it sure didn't seem like one at the time.
Escaping the Lonely Saturday Nights
If these 'Lonely Saturday Nights' are all too familiar to you, there is plenty of hope if you are willing to do something about it.
Perhaps there was hope for me, I'm sure there was, but nobody encouraged me or told me how to fix it.
Besides, besides the Lonely Saturday Nights, my isolated, anti-social, highly-comfortable existence was highly tolerable.
But I'm encouraging you and going to give you a few easy options that you can apply on Monday morning.
If you are in college - get a "social" job.
(see this college post for further information about how to break in/social opportunities)
The ideal thing is become a bartender at a popular bar or club.
These jobs are highly sought, so you might have to be persistent or apply at the middle/end of Spring semester because much of the staff goes home for the summer. If you are good looking or have experience, the former being more important, you can usually find a way in.
If you can beat the shit out of people - becoming a doorman or bouncer is also a decent way to get an immediate new group of friends/acquaintances meet some new people.
You might have more in common with the other meatheads, but use the opportunity to become everyone's friend - the "normal guys" generally offer more social opportunities than the other bouncers/doormen. Befriend them and tell them to come train with you at the gym or help them if they ask for fitness advice, they'll hook you up socially.
If bartender jobs are simply not to be had, or you can't bring yourself to at least try to put yourself into "the scene", try to get a job as a server at a popular restaurant or get a on an campus job.
I worked at the University of Florida recreation center (the gym) and met a lot of good people. Even though most of the social circles were closed, I made a lot of friends and even hooked up with a few of the younger girls on the staff that had the job because they disliked the party scene.
At the time (my last year in college), this was really good for me, I went from having absolutely no social life (with little or no daily social interaction) to having some friends. I appreciated this time a lot. If nothing else - it kept me from going totally insane.
The "social job" is certainly an option for non-college students, but chances are you already work a job or just don't have the time.
More realistically, if you can't go out and meet people (or vehemently dislike "the scene"), online dating is an easy way to meet girls. Try to secure some girl(s) for the weekend on Thursday afternoon/night.
Laugh if you want, but I have some friends that nail 20-30 new girls a year from online dating.
That is more than 99% of guys.
Back in 2002-2006, online dating wasn't really an option for me unfortunately.
There was no major dating sites such as 'Plenty of Fish', Tinder or OKCupid and there was a strong negative stigma to online dating. I met some girls on Myspace, AOL, HotOrNot and the earliest version of Facebook (thefacebook.com) even slept with a few of them, but online dating wasn't really a big deal at the time.
If you have no social/sex life or haven't lost your virginity, you are NOT too cool for online dating.
Drop the attitude please.
Sure, most of the girls you meet online are looking for boyfriends and you'll find yourself on some dead-end dates, but it's better than a Lonely Saturday Night. Being a Serial Dater beats being without a sex life.
(use this basic technique to do some safe screening to find the more DTF girls)
ANYTHING is better than a Lonely Saturday Night.
I'm turning 33 this year, it's been years since my main goal was to get fresh pussy on a daily basis.
It's been even longer since college.
Still, I remember those Lonely Saturday Nights very well.
It was a very dark part of my otherwise unexciting, comfortable college experience.
Some Saturday Nights - I legitimately hit rock-bottom and was totally depressed.
Other weekends, I used to make the 5 hour drive from Gainesville to Naples, FL (and back). to hang out with my Dad because I didn't want to be all alone in my apartment thinking of how average my life was turning out.
Had it not been for those Lonely Saturday Nights that eventually led me to the "pick up community" and a relentless pursuit of freeing myself from self-doubt, loneliness and inconsistent pussy - I never would have ditched Law School and dedicated 4 years of my life to trying to Get Laid and becoming a man.
Without the Lonely Saturday Nights (and the fear of living them again), there would be no Good Looking Loser community.
I suppose that is a happy ending.
Yet, I legitimately get emotional about my self-inflicted isolated life of underachievement that I had created for myself in my early 20's.
I don't want you to experience any more Lonely Saturday Nights than you have to.
That's not how your life is supposed to be.
You can fix it.
You don't have to try to become some sort of social butterfly/leech if your naturally introverted tendencies have left you without a social/sex life.
You can absolutely have the sex life without having the major social life.
I am a Loner for life.
Even though I have an older brother and sister, I was basically raised as an only child, hardly ever seeing my older siblings aside from holidays. I never had more than a handful of close friends or the major desire to meet people for social benefit. I've spent more weekends in my life completely by myself than with other people. The 'Loner Lifestyle' is more natural and comfortable for me even though the social repercussions became obvious.
I knew the consequences and accepted them a long time ago.
I wanted to be the 'Successful Loner' who has a massive sex life. I thought that was possible.
But for several years, 2002-2006, especially on Saturday Night, I really started to believe that my persona was the wrong one and I'd never have the life that I thought I would have.
Even worse, those Lonely Saturday Nights made me question a lot more about myself than just my immediate sex/social life.
I often questioned if my entire life was meant to be just one big disappointment where going to the gym would be my only escape.
The Lonely Saturday Nights were really deflating. It was just me and reality in my one-bedroom apartment.
I remember it well.
It would be YEARS before I really fixed my life or even be able to go out alone and have a legitimate chance at taking an attractive girl home, but it was totally worth it.
These days, on Saturday Night, I do whatever I want.
I usually stay home (not necessarily alone), but it's finally by-choice and not out of fear.
IT IS POSSIBLE.
AND THAT'S WHAT I WANT YOU TO KNOW.