Do Whatever the Fuck You Want
This is version 2.0 of "Do What You Want > Don't Be Reactive"
The previous version communicated my message-
Doing what you want, 99% of the time will be the RIGHT decision even if there are consequences.
In the discussion, however, I talked about an incident that suggested I advocated violence. I don't. The example I gave was extreme, just like most everything else on GoodLookingLoser.com. So to be more realistic, I am going to present some hypotheticals that you might actually run into. When and if you do, heed my advice, "Do what you want, don't worry about 'being reactive' because a seduction guru or pick up artist told you so."
If you trust your instincts, you'll have no regrets and it will the "right" decision 99% of the time.
How many times have you made the "wrong" decision and regretted it?
How many times have you not done anything and regretted it?
Several years ago, for me, the later was more frequent.
Master Pickup Artist Monkey Says: Don't Be Reactive!
There's a lot of mainstream dating/pick up advice that encourages guys to "not be reactive" to women/life.
To a point, I endorse that advice- "Live Proactively: Are you Alive? Or Just Flushing the Toilet After Other People Take A Shit? version 1.12 (Lifestyle)". It's a lot better to live a 'proactive' life then a 'reactive' life. Much better.
This 'Don't Be Reactive' mainstream advice is somewhat misplaced and misguided however.
The idea is of 'Don't Be Reactive' is based on 'this is what an Alpha guy would do'. It's meant to [try to] make to guys unaffected if women/person is rude to them or 'shit tests' them. It's meant to communicate that 'you're an Alpha guy' that DOESN'T GIVE A SHIT.
Cool- I get it (and you do too).
While this concept is well meaning, I feel that has been generally misplaced.
A lot of guys that are trying to be "non-reactive" actually still find themselves getting pushed around and holding their feelings (masculine energy) in. If something happens that upsets them, they want to say or do something, but a voice in their head says- "Don't be reactive!"
And they do NOTHING.
But they are still upset and it ruins their emotional state for a while.
That's not alpha male behavior.
I want you guys to replace "Don't be reactive," with "DO WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT."
I like that better and I generally live that way. Scotty sure does too.
DO WHAT YOU WANT
I don't know about you guys- but I get MORE irritated when something upsets me but I DO NOTHING or I SAY NOTHING. It leaves a shitty feeling in my stomach. Later I think to myself, "I should have done ____," or "I should have said ____," but I didn't. I hate that feeling, so I basically NEVER let it happen.
A REAL MAN does whatever he wants. A pussy doesn't.
Stop worrying about "Don't Be Reactive."
The majority of pick up artists that preach "Don't Be Reactive," don't Get Laid anyway.
Being Reactive = Terrible Mistake?
Scotty and I have worked with lots of people on our own and also been observers and/or part a few 'dating companies' that I won't be naming. We've met a lot of guys that are caught up in this internal battle of "what they want to do" vs. "trying to be non-reactive".
Guys are fed such a overstated ridiculous version of "don't be reactive" and the potential consequences of reactive behavior.
Instead of "Get Laid," a lot of guys make "Don't be reactive" their 1st goal. Usually, they are eventually successful at "not being reactive" and still don't Get Laid. That's not really progress if you ask me.
Here are some examples that emphasize "Don't be reactive!" and totally overstate the consequences of doing so.
"Alex Messes Up With A Girl That Wasn't Sexually Available and Gets Mad At Himself"
This example is quite common.
Alex wanted me and another one of my friends that gets a lot of pussy to watch him talk to chicks at one of our usual spots. About a month prior, I told Alex to "screen" girls by initiating physical contact almost immediately. Alex went up to a girl and touched the girl and she pushed his hands away and stepped further away from him. This obviously suggests that she work almost definitely NOT sexually available. The girl gave him some sort of look at the said "get away from me, you creep..." For some reason Alex called her out on her "look," he said "don't look at me like that, you weirdo." That's it.
I was waiting for Alex to go hit on another girl but he walked over to me.
I said, "whats up?"
He said, "damn it man, I messed up."
I asked, "why?"
He said, "oh she gave me this weird look and I told her she was weird."
I asked, "so?"
He said, "well I know I know I'm not supposed to do that... but I wanted to tell her that, she was weird. I just had to say it, cause I'd be thinking about it for the rest of the night. I know I'm not supposed to do that though..."
I asked, "do what?"
He said, "be reactive. that's wrong..."
Alex was under the impression that he "messed up" and somehow being reactive ruined his interaction.
If a girl is not sexual available and you touch her aggressively, she is not going to react favorably. That's the entire point. Alex was stuck on somehow he messed up or if somehow he didn't do that, the girl would magically become sexually available.
First, I told him that it doesn't matter if you are aggressive, not aggressive, reactive, not reactive- if a girl is not sexually available then its not going anywhere. Being reactive had nothing to do with it. Stop worrying about being/not being reactive, do want you want to do and 99% of the time it will be the right decision.
Second, Alex did what he wanted and called the girl "weird". Who cares? Big deal. There's no consequences for that at all. The only thing "wrong..." is to not do what you want. In this case, Alex said he'd being thinking about it for the rest of the night. So the only thing "wrong..." it is not do what the fuck you want. Again, do want you want. 99% of the time there will be no consequences. Even if there are, the worst case scenario will present itself .01% of the time. Don't live in fear of stuff that never happens.
"Mike Is Reactive So Everyone Hates Him Instantly"
This is from a workshop in Los Angeles led by one of the more popular dating companies.
I wasn't working it but I knew Mike and I wanted to see what they had him doing.
Mike went up to a chick, spit some Mr. Funny Man lines and the girl was receptive. They talked for about 5 minutes. The girl's 3 friends liked Mike and his jokes too. Randomly, another guy seemed to barge into the interaction. Mike was trying not to be reactive so he stood there trying to observe if the girls knew the guy, so he could plan his next move. It wasn't clear to him (or me) if they knew each other. Mike eventually got irritated and just started talking to her again. The other guy got irritated and start yelling at Mike. Mike told him to go away and called him a loser. The guy yelled something at Mike. At this point, the girls decided to leave the area. That's it. Later that night the girl Mike was talking to was sitting at a table (a dinner table, not a club table) with another another guy and her group of friends.
Mike told the coaches about what happened.
Right away, the coaches (idiots) told Mike, "YOU WERE REACTIVE AND YOU LOST THE GIRL AND HER FRIENDS."
It made sense to Mike, he was told and read 100x to "not be reactive," and his broke that "rule".
He was a little frustrated because he was trying not to be reactive when the loud mouth guy interrupted him.
He had the girl, but since he showed reactive behavior- the girl and all of her friends wanted NOTHING to do with him.
That's how it was explained to him (he told me later that night).
The advice he was given was- work on "not being reactive".
Mike thought he "messed up" and did something "wrong".
Mike was told he "had" the girl. Then he was reactive and "lost" her.
That's the furthest thing from the truth. Mike never "had" her. Mike never "lost" her.
The girls walked 10 feet away because they didn't want to be part of the fight (that wasn't going to happen) between Mike and the other guy. He didn't turn-off anyone. They'd be happy to speak to him later. But Mike was told that he "lost" them.
Later, the girl was sitting at a table with her fiance later that night. She wasn't sexually available. If Mike would have screened her he would have found that out, but that's a different issue. Instead he's under the impression that simply telling the rude guy to "Get Lost" ruined the ENTIRE interaction. He's later told to practice "don't be reactive" because so long as he wasn't reactive, he might have been the one sitting at the table with the girl. The bottom line was, the girl wasn't sexually available, being reactive or not being reactive had nothing to do with anything.
How do I know the girl wasn't sexually available and that was her fiance? She was my cousin, Valerie.
The bottom line is- Mike wasn't getting my cousin because she wasn't available. He might as well have done what he wanted to (which would have been telling the guy to Get Lost and stepping in between Valerie and the guy). Even if he did turn the girls off by doing that... Who cares? There's a 100 million other girls and there's only 1 YOU.
"Erik Yells At the Manager At Popeyes', Therefore He Can't Get Pussy"
This ridiculous mindset of "be reactive = lose pussy," is just as obsessed over and misplaced among mainstream community students as it is among the mainstream gurus. Neither group gets much action and their misunderstanding of issues like this might point to why (as well as a lack of balls).
When my friend Erik came to visit me in Los Angeles, against his wishes I agree to meet up with this community obsessed know-it-all guy named Andrew that had been nagging me to hang out for the past month (we have 2 common friends). To my knowledge, Andrew had never cold approached a single girl but declared him an expert on picking up girls.
Long story short, we went to Popeye's. It's a fast food place that makes fried chicken and all that other bullshit that American's eat :) The line was out the door, it was so busy. We still wanted to go since we don't eat this crap very often. Once the line moved up a little, we were standing the doorway. The manager of the place told us to close the door and wait outside. Neither of wanted to do that, so we just ignored him. He came over and told us that he wanted to shut the door and to step outside and come in when there are more room in the place. Since the line was moving and he was being rude, we weren't about to do that.
The manager raises his voice at us and Erik cuts him off and yells, "shut the fuck up you fucking loser, we're not going anyway, fuck off," the line moves forward 20 seconds later and we step in the place. That was it.
When we sit down to eat, Andrew is telling Erik that "he was reactive" and he needs to practice on "not being reactive," if he wants to get girls. Andrew explained Erik did was "wrong" and that he "messed up". He also mentions that Erik could be killed for behavior like that. This is the precisely the reason I shouldn't have brought this pick up-expert-that-never-talks-to-girls along. Erik just tells him to shut up and eat his food (Erik didn't like Andrew in the first place). Andrew points out that Erik is being reactive to him and he's just trying to help Erik to not "mess up".
First off, Erik has banged over 40 girls in his life by the age of 26. That's more than I had by 26. Andrew has never spoken to a girl he didn't previously know in his entire life. Andrew has heard "don't be reactive," and remembers to apply it to every single situation in his life and every situation in everyone else's life too. He thought that because Erik yelled at the manager at Popeye's for 10 seconds that it's "PROOF" that he can't get pussy and that he needs an impromptu pick up seminar. He thought that it was only a matter of time before Erik or his friends got "killed" for being reactive. This is obviously completely fucking absurd. Andrew is someone that is living in fear of far-fetched "worse case scenarios," not someone that should be giving advice to anyone... ever.
Erik did what he wanted, there were no consequences- besides a ridiculous lecture explaining why "that's wrong" from Andrew.
Even if there was consequences, we might have been asked to leave the restaurant. Big deal. Andrew is suggesting that we'd be lined up in front of a firing squad for "being reactive".
How you interact with men, your parents, your friends, authorities figures, co-workers, strangers and children can be totally independent and non-representative of how you hit on girls. Sure, there are guys that are "nice guys" and submissive, passive -aggressive or reactive to a lot of people. But just because you behave a certain way in one incident, it doesn't mean that you have look at your entire life unless you constantly find yourself in the same situation.
If you look across the board at your demeanor with the different groups in your life, you interact and treat them differently. You don't talk to women the same way you talk to your father. You don't talk to your father the same way you talk to your co-workers. I speak different to you guys than I do to random girls, you probably do the same.
The bottom line is- Do what you want. Andrew probably wanted to scream the rude overworked-underpaid manager at Popeye's but he didn't because he was busy practicing "don't be reactive".
There's no "messing up" or being "wrong" when you do what you want.
1% of the time their will be consequences and .1% of the time it will be the "worst case scenario".
That's absolutely no reason to not do what you want 100% of the time.
Get out of your head and do what you want. It will be the "right" decision even if it's "wrong".
Help, I'm Still Scared of the Consequences...
Yes, there can be consequences if you embrace this mentality.
The 'worst-case scenario' consequences rarely happen however.
In most cases if you upset somebody- Nothing significant will happen. You might get yelled at. You might get kicked out a bar.
No big deal.
Social consequences are not real.
In less cases if you upset somebody- You might get in a fight (and the bouncers break it up in 20 seconds) and you don't see the other party ever again.
In way less cases if you upset somebody- You might get arrested or get physically hurt.
But that has never happened to me during a social confrontation and I've NEVER seen it happen to anyone else (honestly).
I've seen fights but no one was ever seriously hurt or went to jail.
Obviously I've heard of bad things happening but these are rare .01% of cases. Maybe I'm being naive but I honestly haven't seen horrible shit go now.
My point is- nothing usually happens. Use discretion but DON'T live in fear.
Fear should NEVER (rarely) motivate your actions. At the same time, pride shouldn't motivate your actions (thanks Sam and Geo). :)
"What if..." shouldn't control your life.
It's not a huge deal if you are wrong 1% of the time and incur insignificant consequences.
What is a huge deal is becoming a submissive little pussy when you are trying to live by the "Don't Be Reactive" mindset.
When you start getting laid a lot, you'll naturally probably not want verbal or physical conflict. I'm pretty polite to people just because I love my life. I'm choosing to be polite though, I'm not doing it to "not be reactive," do you understand what I mean?
Bringing This All Together- Understand, Accept and Embrace the Potential Consequences
In the internal battle of "do what you want" vs. "don't be reactive," I encourage you to side with the first.
Just as "don't be reactive" can be difficult, so too can "do what you want," especially for nice guys.
Here's how to do what you want and feel that is it the right decision.
As I said,
99% of the time it will be the right decision.
1% of the time there will be real consequences.
.01% of the time these consequences will be "worst case scenario"
While I encourage you to focus on the 99%, lets have a look at the 1% and .01%.
Here's a scenario that you should be familiar with- you see a hot girl, you want to talk to her and see what she's like-
A thought creeps into your head, "what if she has a boyfriend?"
Okay, so "WHAT IF she has a boyfriend?"
99% of the time- if she has a boyfriend, nothing will happen.
1% of the time- if she has a boyfriend, he'll rudely tell you to leave her alone.
(ironically, 1% of the girls I approach that say they have boyfriends I hook up with, that's a rough estimation however.)
.1% of the time- if she has a boyfriend, you'll end up in a physical confrontation where no one gets hurt.
.01% of the time- if she has a boyfriend, you'll be in a physical confrontation where someone goes to the hospital. (worst case scenario)
I don't know about you, but I'm actually willing to accept ALL those scenarios- even the one where me or the other guy goes to the hospital.
Even the worst case scenario isn't something that going to keep me from hitting on the girls I want and banging them.
I'd rather go to the hospital a bloody mess a 1 or more times than be a pussy who lives by "what if..." and gets no action.
I've slept with over 110 girls, strictly from cold approach, in just over 3 1/4 years since I started this.
I've probably hit on several thousands, especially when I just started out.
NOT ONCE did ANYTHING outside the 99% happen. A girl's boyfriend has never even rudely told me to leave her alone. I'm completely serious. I haven't gotten in a fight and I sure haven't gone to the hospital.
If it does happen, I'm going to hit on more chicks and Get Laid more after I get out of the hospital. Because That's what I do.
I do what I want. It took me a few years to understand, accept and embrace the consequences, but I'm there. I really do what I want as much or more than anyone I know.
I mean- shit, I have naked pictures of myself on the website. I accept whatever consequences may happen- even the worst case scenario.
DO WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT. :)
This entire attitude should apply to your entire life and not just women.
Ideally, you do what you want to do 100% of the time, aware and accepting of the consequences.
Don't like your job? Quit. Go do something else you like more. You'll find another job.
Don't like one of your friends? Tell them to fuck off and meet cooler people.
Don't like someones attitude? Let them know.
Don't like the food in the restaurant? Complain or walk out.
Need to pee? Piss on the ground if you really have to.
The main thing is that YOU are HAPPY, doing what you want and living the life that you want.
If you constantly find yourself in bad situations, then we have to take a look at why that is. It's probably YOU and not the world.
That's not the majority of guys though.
The majority of guys just need a kick in ass to remind them that they have every right to stick up for themselves. If you are legitimately working hard to become your best self, then you especially have every right to stick up for yourself. You should be proud that your life is motivated by PASSION, DESIRE and WANT rather than by NEED, PRIDE or FEAR.
Seriously- if you have made the decision to become extraordinary then you shouldn't behave like you are just ordinary.
- Doing what you want, 99% of the time will be the RIGHT decision even if there are consequences.
- If you "Do what you want," you will have no regrets, even if there are consequences.
- If you "Don't do what you want," you will often regret it.
- Consequences are rare unless you are doing something blatantly illegal or physically harmful to other people.
- Even if you incur consequences, only about .1% of the time will they be "worst case scenario" repercussions.
- Know accept the possibly of these consequences beforehand, they will be very rare and shouldn't prevent you from doing what you want.
- Don't live in fear of the .1% "worst case scenario" hypothetical. It barely ever happens.
- There is no such thing as "messing up" or being "wrong," even if you later realize you made a bad decision.
It's the right decision if it's the right decision at the time. Follow your instincts and get out of your head! :)
If you have questions or comments don't hesitate to post below-