Seeking Validation Will Keep You Average/Make You QUIT
This is one of the most important discussions you'll read on GoodLookingLoser.com
Here's a pretty long audio (~50minutes) on this IMPORTANT subject if you are having issues with developing a LEGIT screening mindset and getting LOTS of HOT Chicks. It discusses in-depth about my history/struggle to beat the validation mindset and how this mindset can potentially completely ruin your chances at getting good at this causing you to eventually quit.
The audio expands on the discussion (text) below-
Here are some other SUPER important discussions that you should understand, apply and embrace-
- "Screening Game: How to Screen and Filter Girls Out Instead of Being Rejected" (Approach Anxiety)
- "I Hope She Likes Me Game - So Much Is On The Line!!!" (Screening)
- "Mr. Funny Man (I Hope She Likes Me) vs. Mr. Pussy Inspector" (Screening)
- "Get Laid or Get Lost" (Screening)
Hey, GoodLookingLoser.com has been public for about 3 months now, I'm thrilled to have EVERYONE here. Seriously, I am. This is basically my first time building an ongoing website and I appreciate all the love and feedback that we have gotten. I can't do with without you guys.
It's time that I discuss something with the public students (and the readers at home) that I tell the guys we work with privately right from the start. It's very important.
It starts like this-
There are two types of guys that go out and meet women-
Guy #1- goes out to GET LAID because he loves the mutual experience of having sex with a HOT girl.
Guy #2- says he goes out to GET LAID but is actually just seeking VALIDATION from women.
Most guys fall into both categories a little bit, but they are largely fit into one category or the other.
Chris Was A Huge Pussy.
4 or 5 years ago- I was Guy #2.
It is perhaps the most painful thing I had to admit to myself (and some friends) during my journey.
While I said I wanted to GET LAID (and I did to some degree), my actions and thoughts absolutely didn't reflect this whatsoever. My entire "game" was being a "Mr. Funny Man" to impress girls, avoid rejection as much as possible and praying to myself, "I hope she likes me..." I wouldn't push things physically and was super 'safe' because I didn't want to lose the validation that I was getting/might get.
When I got started with "Mr. Funny Man/I Hope She Likes Me" game- a "successful" night was when 3 out of 3 girls I talked to were nice to me and maybe even complimented me on my looks. Still, I didn't take anyone home or get their numbers (way too much risk). The next day, my friends would say, "Chris was talking to 3 hot chicks! They were so hot!" and I'd feel all warm and fuzzy inside. The girls liked me! My friends like me! Yay!! I got my validation! I didn't get rejected! (but I didn't Get Laid)
At it's worst- sometimes I'd sit and talk to a girl who had a boyfriend for 2 hours because she was nice to me, I remember thinking "Whew... I'm talking to someone! She's being nice to me!"
When I got a little bit better at "Mr. Funny Man/I Hope She Likes Me" game- a "successful" night was getting a few girls to laugh and taking a few numbers. These chicks liked me, were probably sexually available [that night] but I was seeking VALIDATION and I didn't want to push it.
When I got really good at "Mr. Funny Man/I Hope She Likes Me" game- a "successful" night was talking to girls, getting them to like me and then pushing on a "display" for ALL to see where I'd touch the her, spin her around, slap with ass, pick her up and take her number! People would watch and think "Wow! He just did that! He's great at this! He doesn't care what anyone thinks!" I even impressed and worked with a few 'major' dating/pick up companies. One top guys in the industry told me, "Bro, you are the next Mystery!" I Got Laid sometimes, I even picked up an A-List celebrity- but I was an insecure VALIDATION seeking pussy and I knew it.
Then something happened during June and July of 2009. I met a couple of guys, including Scotty.
These guys were cooler than me, got more pussy than I- and I knew it.
One night, I took a look at myself in the mirror after hitting the gym hard, the 100+ phone numbers in my cell phone and my inconsistent sex life.
I wasn't happy with myself.
I knew that despite the "results," I felt like a fragile little pussy that put my ego on line every time I left the house. I still rather take a phone number from a HOT girl than risk getting rejected on most nights. I was good at getting girls to "like me" but I still didn't have the dating/sex life that I wanted. More importantly, I wasn't the MAN that I wanted to be.
Why did I feel this way? What were my priorities?
Now, I didn't snap and start breaking things in my room like I used to do 3 or 4 years ago.
I actually collected myself and started reflecting on how I was pretty good at "The Game," I made a lot of pretty solid changes in my life in the past 14 months or so. I had two pretty hot Los Angeles "model-type" fuckbuddies too. Even though I kept reminding myself that I was a pussy, I realized that I had still stretched my comfort zone. I was pretty positive about the whole thing. Maybe I was more secure than I thought.
I had all the validation I needed and was going to get. For once, I didn't think I want or need it anymore.
This wasn't about what girls or what my friends thought of me. It was time to figure out want I really wanted and go after it.
I decided that I had enough with the VALIDATION bullshit and I truly wanted to get what my life lacked- SEX with the HOTTEST and COOLEST women and LOTS of it.
So I did.
I just started walking up to chicks and screening them for sex in the most aggressive way ever.
(even though I had been trying to get them to "like" me before, I did understand that it didn't go anywhere most of the time. I knew how to "be aggressive," I just didn't give myself permission to do it that often).
I started screening out / getting "rejected" more than ever and I started Getting Laid more than ever.
In the next 8 or 9 months, I banged 30+ HOT (well mostly PRETTY HOT) girls and had about 40 or 45 on my bed. My results were nothing close to that before.
Now my transition from Guy #2 (Validation Seeker) to Guy #1 (Get Laid) took me a while (~26 years, but ~2 years of approaching women).
There were a few reasons for this (and this is my BEST guess)-
Before I started out- I definitely wasn't trying to Get Laid. I had confidence issues and I was constantly trying to avoid rejection.
When first I started out- I wasn't truly trying to Get Laid. I was seeking validation. So I didn't get laid.
After I got some validation / results- I still wasn't truly trying to Get Laid. I was still seeking validation. So I didn't get laid too much.
After I got some more validation / results- Even though I had some more confidence, I still wasn't truly trying to Get Laid. My actions didn't reflect it. I kept telling myself that I was a pussy, despite the results. Looking back, at this point, I probably wasn't as big of a pussy that I thought I was (I don't think?), I didn't care if girls didn't like but I certainly was still seeking sex for VALIDATION purposes.
After I realized what I had been doing (seeking VALIDATION), didn't want VALIDATION anymore, I realized I was free to do what I wanted to do- GET LAID. I abandoned the "I Hope She Like Me" and "Mr. Funny Man" game and started screening girls aggressively for sexual availability. I Got Laid a ton.
This took a long time. Probably about 2 years?
Years later, I have this website, for the sole purpose of helping the guys that are SERIOUS.
I'm even sharing my insecurities, my failures, my successes, my life and I'm even showing my dick on the Internet knowing that lots of people will think I'm complete garbage. Pretty cool life!
Scotty was different.
From the start he wanted to bang HOT chicks and didn't give a shit what they thought or what his friends thought. He wasn't doing this to feel cool or to tell stories on the fucking Internet. It's no wonder that he banged 30+ girls his FIRST year. He was screening girls from the start (pretty much).
Not everyone is like Scotty however.
Now, I wish I could tell you something that would make you strictly want to Get Laid and not seek VALIDATION.
But only YOU know where you stand and why you are here.
The fact is- a great deal of guys aren't trying to Get Laid for the experience. They just want VALIDATION.
A lot of guys out there want to Get Laid (or talk to women) simply for VALIDATION. That's especially true among the new guys, I was like that. They want stories to tell, respect from friends and to feel cool.
It is a recipe for underachievement and slow progress.
You can Get Laid if you are after VALIDATION but you will always underachieve since your ego will be fragile.
There comes a point (and sometimes it's at the BEGINNING) that you LEGITIMATELY decide- I'm not doing this to feel cool, I REALLY want to bang a lot of HOT girls. It unfortunately took m a while to reach this point. I had waste my time to get a lot of pointless validation to get there.
The only way you will reach your potential and bring in a TON of HOT pussy is to drop the VALIDATION seeking.
The only way to truly adopt 'screening game ' is to drop the VALIDATION seeking.
I don't know how to tell you to do that, you gotta figure it out.
For me, it took getting some validation and not being fulfilled by it. I legitimately wanted to bang 5 HOT girls on a weekly-10 day basis.
If you are out there for VALIDATION you will constantly be trying to get girls to like you.
If you are out there for VALIDATION you will constantly be scared of rejection.
If you are out there for VALIDATION you will never be able embrace the numbers game.
If you are out there for VALIDATION you will constantly underachieve and have inconsistent results.
If you are out there for VALIDATION you will constantly feel insecure.
If you are out there for VALIDATION you NEVER reach your potential and bang 100's of HOT women.
If you are out there for VALIDATION you will NEVER have that much fun with this. Too much is on the line.
When guys that find GoodLookingLoser.com tell me that they've already banged 100+ HOT girls and had 20 3-somes, I know they are seeking VALIDATION and they probably haven't.
Please be honest.
Not for me- for YOU.
Don't seek VALIDATION from women.
Don't seek VALIDATION from me.
Don't seek VALIDATION from your friends.
Don't seek VALIDATION from your parents.
Don't seek VALIDATION from anyone.
If I think of a way to get VALIDATION seeking guys stop- I'll tell you.
Until then, you might have to figure it out.
You might not actually be sure if/that are you are seeking VALIDATION in different areas of your life. You might really have a take a hard look a yourself. I wasn't always certain why I wanted to meet women, have money, have status or do different things.
Getting validation and embracing it is just fine.
Seeking validation is not good. It will hold you back.
Validation is good, but it's not the most important thing- RESULTS are.
Once you drop the VALIDATION seeking, you're free to do whatever the fuck you want in life. It's a liberating feeling.
It might be tough, but trust me- it's worth it.