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Help! She's Hitting On Me!
(I'm not prepared for this "situation")
Other than telling you some stories from my life, I specifically do not speak in-depth about special/hypothetical situations about picking up chicks under special, specific circumstances.
As enlightening as 'situational pick up' sounds (e.g. if you are at the gym, do this... if you are at the bar, do this... if you are at the airport, do this... if you are hiding in the girl's locker room, do this...), all it does is clutter your brain with further theory that you won't consistently use and suggests that your "game" or certain techniques can create a significant amount of physical attraction.
Regardless of your "game", over 90% of your verbal interaction is "normal people talk" (also known as small talk, chit-chat).
If you have recently come back from a PUA-rehab facility or far away planet, I will state again - "game" does not create a significant amount of sexual attraction. It creates some but will not help you break the 'looks threshold' if you are below a girl's standards for sex appeal, swag factor (status) or cannot hold a normal conversation.
"Game" is not going to make girls like you if they don't want to be seen with you.
You are better off having 1 or 2 basic approaches that you are familiar with and freestyle (aka flirt) once you get even more comfortable.
You need to have above-average fundamentals.
Not to Get Laid a few times, but to get a significant amount of action with high-quality chicks.
There is one common "situation" that is worth discussing because I need you to see that the "situation" IS NOT A SITUATION AT ALL.
That situation is when a random girl is hitting on you, or simply initiating conversation (which suggests that she is interested in you).
Here's a story from one day when I left my apartment:
When I was at the tanning salon (our guide to safe tanning will come out soon), the hottest girl I've seen all year started hitting on me. Her name was Kyrissa and she was way too hot to be hitting on any guy in a sober state - let alone, while she was working.
Although this was a bit of a 'Red Flag', it can certainly happen - but usually not so directly, "Chris, you better lock the door to your [tanning] room, otherwise I'm going to have to come in," "You need to make sure you flip over [in the bed] or your tushy is going to burn burn burn."
Anyway, I did what I would do in any interaction -
TAKE IMMEDIATE CONTROL OF THE SITUATION.
I grab her hand, lead her out from behind the counter and tell her to come sit down with me on the chairs in the waiting area.
(the other girl on staff stays at the cash register)
"Hey, I want to talk to you, come sit down for a second."
(similar to 7:50 in this video)
After exchanging 'small talk' (name, location, interests, weekend stories, etc.) with her for about 5 minutes - I ask for her number.
Like a lot of girls that hit on guys, she wanted to take my number instead.
(I still have no idea why they do this)
I refused and told her that I would be taking her number.
And After some half-serious/half-flirtatious back-and-forth, I told her -
"Your job is to be the girl and my job is to be the guy."
"You aren't the guy. Okay?"
"I will call you. You will answer."
(I find myself saying this when girls are being bossy - even if they are kidding)
So I took her number.
More on Kyrissa at another time.
(she was the type of blonde untouchable hottie that has pussy hair that is lighter than her bronze skin, if she didn't have a million-dollar smile, she would be completely scary)
This is exactly how I suggest you handle ANY AND ALL situations when a girl initiates with you.
Matter of fact, you should handle ALL "SITUATIONS" just like that.
TAKE IMMEDIATE CONTROL OVER IT.
Don't stand there flirting back-and-forth for long.
Don't stand there looking for further evidence that she likes you.
Don't stand there thinking about 'witty-er' or 'more funnier' lines to spit back at her.
Don't stand there on her watch, waiting for her to ask you out.
Way too many guys just stand there and assume the role of the female.
(I'm not saying that this never works - you are just better off taking my advice 100% of the time)
TAKE CONTROL AND PULL HER ASIDE ON YOUR TERMS.
This is no different than any other situation -
Got it?
Same situation as if you walked up to her - except now, you know that she's interested.
Bars/Clubs
If you are in a bar or club, you can go further.
If a girl approaches you or starts talking to you, IMMEDIATELY TAKE CONTROL and take her by the hand to go sit down/go somewhere else with you.
She's already interested, you just have to see if she's DTF or how available she actually is.
In some situations, you'll run into some cases where the girl approached you because her friend thought you were hot or she (and her group) are looking for cocaine.
In the first case - find out which friend likes you, "Oh, who's your friend? Introduce me to her."
TAKE CONTROL OVER IT and take her to a private place to "talk".
In the second case - handle it however you see fit - going somewhere private. I can't tell you how many Orange County (or "OC") girls have come looking for cocaine from me or my friends.
* Here's a tip, mainly for nightclubs - if a girl approaches you and she seems to be very physical (touching you, especially your arms or chest) - immediately grab her hair and kiss her. Bite her neck. More often than not, these types are strictly looking for cocaine. Don't take it personally, as these type of girls have an agenda. In fact, you can be flattered that they thought you were cool and might have cocaine on you - dorks and losers aren't approached like this.
If they don't run off and continue making out with you - try to take them out of the club (or into the bathroom).
They are DTF and not just looking for drugs.
Whatever the "situation", you should IMMEDIATELY TAKE CONTROL OVER IT.
Don't just "let it play out".
Like I said, this is NO DIFFERENT than what you should be doing in the first place.
Common Sense?
This certainly seems like common sense: hopefully it is.
The fact of the matter is, most guys don't usually do this.
"Normal Guys" generally safely flirt back with the girl to no end, often acting like they just won the lottery and they are destined to get laid that night.
"Weirdo Guys" (also known as pick up artists), generally start "qualifying" the girl, playing "hard to get" or executing some other strange overkill technique.
Neither are particularly necessary and both eventually become pretty strange to a girl that is ALREADY INTERESTED in you.
Cut the bullshit and begin the process of getting the chick in-private, where she wants to be if you seem to be as cool as you look.
Killer Instinct.
Hot Girls?
You may have noticed that I specified "Hot Girls" in this post, as I generally do on most posts.
There's a reason for that.
Hot (or just attractive) girls don't have to hit on guys and the vast majority never do.
If the girl isn't attractive and she's hitting on you - that's because she has to.
In which case, you can act however you want and as long as you don't come off as completely gay/creepy they'll be happy to see you again.
(if you aren't interested in a girl, be nice and let her down politely, don't hurt her feelings)
With hot sexually active chicks, however, it's important to dominate them from the get-go and reek masculinity. Especially the hot "alpha" girls that like to flirt with guys and then start sending mixed messages.
They aren't as excited about meeting the Good Looking Goofball Man - if they aren't looking for a boyfriend.
The Window
This largely applies to bars and clubs where the girls are all dressed up, flaunting their sexual power and getting intoxicated.
It's important that you understand what is going on when a girl hits on you.
Assuming she's not doing so for a friend or seeking out cocaine, it generally means that SHE LIKES YOU and is SEXUALLY AVAILABLE. (aka "The Window")
(as usual, you find out by touching them or trying to take them to quieter/more private area)
Don't assume that the 2nd factor will stay that way forever.
When she sobers up or wakes up the following day, you may just be another "Bar Guy" or "Club Slut" to her - NO MATTER HOW GOOD LOOKING YOU ARE.
She might not even remember that she was the one hitting on you.
It is imperative that you learn to STRIKE while "The Window" is open or while the iron is hot, like Brian (Scotty) says.
You should immediately be thinking of leaving the place or "going for a walk" after you've flipped some small talk with the girl and kissed her.
It doesn't mean you have to move that fast - usually it's best that you get a drink together - but your mind/moves need to be moving toward the exit.
For more information on "The Window", read this discussion about Killer Instinct and learn "The One Killer Instinct Move You Need to Know - Follow Me".
Boss girls around with the "CEO/Executive Frame".
Conclusion
So that's it, short and sweet.
Don't make this complicated - it's not.
In fact, it's no different than any other situation.
IMMEDIATELY TAKE CONTROL OF THE SITUATION.
Chris,
Like the article. Been meaning to ask you a question.
Can you offer me some insight or make a post on one-itis/ ex-girlfriends? I am fairly successful with girls, 20 years old, currently even having sex with a girl that is pretty cute, but...
Chris,
Like the article. Been meaning to ask you a question.
Can you offer me some insight or make a post on one-itis/ ex-girlfriends? I am fairly successful with girls, 20 years old, currently even having sex with a girl that is pretty cute, but even so, I still long for my ex, the one I never got over. Is this just something you deal with? For me, it's been years and i'm still not over it. Maybe it's because i'm living in the past, or maybe because i've never wanted something so bad.
Any help would be great.
-Theo
Hey TA-
I'll have to get into that sometime.
It's something I'm going to have to think on because there's 3 types of "one-itis" (sweating 1 girl).
The first type is - guys get obsessed with a particular girl because they fear they'll never...
Hey TA-
I'll have to get into that sometime.
It's something I'm going to have to think on because there's 3 types of "one-itis" (sweating 1 girl).
The first type is - guys get obsessed with a particular girl because they fear they'll never have sex/a hot girl again. In your case it's not that. The solution is to GET LAID ASAP.. get a profile up on POF/OKC/Tinder and fuck some girls ASAP. I recommend online dating since most guys aren't in a good headspace to go out and hit on new girls (usually).
The second type is - guys get obsessed with a particular girl because they got dumped and hate the fact that the girl is fucking another guy/moved on. It's more of a "chase" thing and it's not "love" -- it's just obsession of wanting something they can't have. The solution is to realize this and start to think of WHY they feel this way and what their life is lacking.
The third type is more rational - where a guy has legitimately shared a lot of powerful emotions with the girl and it feels like she has literally died. There's a mix of solutions to that and that's the one I gotta think about. This might be your situation. In the meantime, check out Rooster's discussion on it, maybe you can relate to some of the things he talks about-
http://www.goodlookingloser.com/entry/get-laid/oneitis-part-1
Hey Chris,
I know Scotty offers coaching in New York. Do you offer coaching yourself?
Hey TJ - not at the moment, way too busy. I may in the future, last time I did was ~2010-ish. there's some guys on the forum that I've worked with
Chris, shouldn't only looks and killer instinct be required to get laid? Style is part of looks (in fact, a good-looking bloke dressed in garbage can still get laid), while killer instinct (i.e. moving things to the next level) is all the social...
Chris, shouldn't only looks and killer instinct be required to get laid? Style is part of looks (in fact, a good-looking bloke dressed in garbage can still get laid), while killer instinct (i.e. moving things to the next level) is all the social freedom we need. Anyone with incredible looks and killer instinct also reeks swag factor. That should simplify the equation a lot... Looks to reel the fish in, killer instinct to close the deal.
Just my two cents' worth... Also, maybe a post on killer Killer Instinct moves/scenarios would be cool. By the way, keep up the site. I've literally got my lay count from 2 to 20 largely by applying GLL knowledge. Thanks a lot to you, Chris, and Scotty.
Yup Killer Instinct is the only thing that matters in the end (beside sex appeal = looks + style).
http://www.goodlookingloser.com/entry/killer-instinct/killer-instinct-is-the-definition-of-game
and here's the only killer instinct move that you...
Yup Killer Instinct is the only thing that matters in the end (beside sex appeal = looks + style).
http://www.goodlookingloser.com/entry/killer-instinct/killer-instinct-is-the-definition-of-game
and here's the only killer instinct move that you totally need-
http://www.goodlookingloser.com/laid/fundamentals/social-freedom/killer-instinct/entry/killer-instinct/the-one-killer-instinct-move-that-you-need-to-know
You wrote: "Here is a tip , mainly for nightclubs-if a girl approaches you and she seems to be very physical (touching you, especially arms or chest) immediately grab her hair and kiss her. "
Does this only apply for girls in nightclubs or girls...
You wrote: "Here is a tip , mainly for nightclubs-if a girl approaches you and she seems to be very physical (touching you, especially arms or chest) immediately grab her hair and kiss her. "
Does this only apply for girls in nightclubs or girls that want drugs or does this also work with normal girls at college or at work too?
You wrote: "Here is a tip , mainly for nightclubs-if a girl approaches you and she seems to be very physical (touching you, especially arms or chest) immediately grab her hair and kiss her. "
Does this only work for nightclub girls/ girls who...
You wrote: "Here is a tip , mainly for nightclubs-if a girl approaches you and she seems to be very physical (touching you, especially arms or chest) immediately grab her hair and kiss her. "
Does this only work for nightclub girls/ girls who want drugs or also for normal girls at college or work?
Hey Dave
Never do this at work.
As for college, it depends.. maybe at a college party. It's really meant for random girls where is are NO CONSEQUENCES. I'm all about being aggressive - but its only appropriate in certain environments.
I actually thought that your answer would be Yes. And I know that you are about being aggressive and thats why I am confused now. I mean I left out the neck bite part in my last comment (because I wouldnt bite a girl at college or work) . ...
I actually thought that your answer would be Yes. And I know that you are about being aggressive and thats why I am confused now. I mean I left out the neck bite part in my last comment (because I wouldnt bite a girl at college or work) . And I thought its absolutely normal for an alpha guy to kiss a girl if she is getting physical and touches my arms or chest because that would be a clear sign for me that she is interested.
Hey Dave
im all all about aggressive stuff on random chicks (or in appropriate situations when you know a girl likes you -- at a party, in a bar, etc.) not at work when you can get fired or she can get in trouble. It's based on the environment....
Hey Dave
im all all about aggressive stuff on random chicks (or in appropriate situations when you know a girl likes you -- at a party, in a bar, etc.) not at work when you can get fired or she can get in trouble. It's based on the environment. If you are at work - make arrangements to hang out with the girl elsewhere. Pulling her hair and biting her neck in a work environment serves no real purpose because you won't be taking the room to your bedroom/private place.
here, have a look at this-
http://www.goodlookingloser.com/more/archive/entry/screening-vs-escalation-depends-on-your-gameplan/
I'm excited about your upcoming tanning article. I would love to hear your opinion on these topics:
Are the tanning goggles a must or can I just close my eyes? Is tanning lotion overpriced and unnecessary? It seems like my skin just needs to be...
I'm excited about your upcoming tanning article. I would love to hear your opinion on these topics:
Are the tanning goggles a must or can I just close my eyes? Is tanning lotion overpriced and unnecessary? It seems like my skin just needs to be moist. Stand-up or flatbed? UVA, UVB, what is all of that shit and what does it mean for my tan? Should I just get a base tan and stop there? How do I approach tanning during the winter? I want to look good without looking like a fake bake. How do you handle questions about your tanning? What is all this spray on shit? Is it worth a try? Most importantly, how do I rock a tan without looking like a pair of alligator boots in ten years? You know, fine lines and wrinkles type shit.
Hey dude I'll cover that soon
wear the goggles, use SPF40+ on your face, high quality tanning lotion (reasonable priced) and flip over
Chris cool post had same issues today. I dont have any problems to get quickly physical with random girls Bar / Street. At university when hot girls clearly hit on you, touch your chest.... I did the same move as you just without making...
Chris cool post had same issues today. I dont have any problems to get quickly physical with random girls Bar / Street. At university when hot girls clearly hit on you, touch your chest.... I did the same move as you just without making out....
Do you think its better to bring them around some corner where no friends see you and make out.. or is it just creepy at this environment?
I tried to go for a date but those hot girls have way too many of guys kissing up their asses.(less likely possibilty of meating)
Cheers Swiss Loser
Hey Chris, I really dig this post, just as much as the other two posts from this month on Killer instinct and the "one move". I've been on GLL for 1,5 y and I'm still learning a lot from your douchebag wisdom :)
Little story from last night -...
Hey Chris, I really dig this post, just as much as the other two posts from this month on Killer instinct and the "one move". I've been on GLL for 1,5 y and I'm still learning a lot from your douchebag wisdom :)
Little story from last night - actually a few hours after I had been reading this post: I was in this bar, when a girl clearly showed interest (hit on me). Normally I would have talked with her in "passive" mode, waiting to see where it goes and expecting her to turn the heat up. But not this time - I took her outside ("follow me"), short small talk, then make out, then she says: "I need to go the bathroom". So I took my shot, followed her and pulled her into the handicap bathroom and locked the door. She started laughing, saying "this is stupid" and it she didn't want do anything in there, so we just left again haha. But it was awesome nonetheless, my very first bathroom pull! Even though the girl didn't wanna do nasty stuff in there, I could tell she really liked being pulled like that (later that night we ended up at her place, happy ending after all).
Thanks a lot man, this stuff is incredibly effective. I never thought I would be able do these kind of things...
"â¢You are still going to want to screen the girl (to some degree) to see if she means business or she's just happy-go-lucky/fucking with you"
Ok how do you know if she is "just happy-go-lucky/fucking with you" type? I was at a bar a 6 weeks...
"â¢You are still going to want to screen the girl (to some degree) to see if she means business or she's just happy-go-lucky/fucking with you"
Ok how do you know if she is "just happy-go-lucky/fucking with you" type? I was at a bar a 6 weeks ago and was having a casual convo with a bartender their when out of the blue another bartender started talking with me. I asked for number (I wasn't going to wait around all night to take her home) so I could text her later. She said yes, but left and did not come back. I know based on your "take charge" article that you would have said to pursue her until she said to fuck off and asked for it again. Saw her a couple of weeks ago and she said hi to me, but I already put her in the "she's just being friendly " box.
So would it be correct that I should have kept going for the number while at the bar, or is this a case of "happy-go-lucky/fucking with you' person?
As a side note, I was reading over at a "pua" forum, and can't believe how much is just froth, and compared to what you talk about, the people who are over their are almost delusional, discussing every little nuance of a interaction. I am coming to realize that I "taking charge is the only way" to go, plain and simple
Ok how do you know if she is "just happy-go-lucky/fucking with you" type?
--- just touch her, hold her hand, etc. that is 'screening'... if they stay = they are in, if not = they are out
I didn't think the "Get Hung" guide would have girls eyeing my bulge. It did.
I didn't think that your exercise and diet advice would have girls checking me out. It did.
I DEFINITELY didn't think that your hair-loss prevention would fix my hairline. Not in a billion years. It mother fucking did. You saved me a crazy amount of time, a ton of money, unnecessary pain, and destroyed my #1 source of anxiety. DESTROYED IT.
Kratom is next!
To anyone reading this, follow through, read this material, APPLY this material, and enjoy life.
Thanks again Chris, life would suck without you.
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