How to Lower Your Standards (and Keep Your Dignity and Boner)

7.5 Ways to Hook Up With Chicks You Aren't Super Attracted to and Gain Much Needed Experience

I used to have absurdly high standards.

It was one of the main reasons I didn't Get Laid as much as I should have in my 20's.

Starting in 2008-ish, I finally reconciled my ego with my undersexed reality and "lowered my standards". I started getting more action and was slowly able to increase my standards almost back to where they were to begin with.
(on average, when you start, the girls you get from 'cold approach' will be less attractive than those in your peer groups you have fucked in the past)

Let's discuss.

How to Lower Your Standards and Keep Your Dignity
(video covers all the content in this post)

There's a general consensus that inexperienced guys should 'lower their standards' in order to gain confidence and sexual experience.

That newfound confidence and sexual experience will translate into more, hotter pussy at a later date.

Seems reasonable.

In fact, it seems like a rather good idea.

I concur and you probably do too.

I'm not really going to discuss "why" you should lower your standards.

It's common sense - if you haven't been sleeping with at least 1 new girl a month.

Yet, asking people to 'lower their standards' (on any subject, in any capacity) is almost always met with resistance and demand for better alternatives. 

Just lower your standards!

Just use average girls for practice!

This hardly appeals to the ambitious male who has plenty of self-respect.

This is because our "standards" and preservation of ego are directly tied to our pride and self-worth.

To some, suggesting that they should 'lower their standards' is insulting and the last thing they want to hear - even though they know it is temporary and very beneficial in the long-run.

I'm going to discuss the "how" of this 'lower your standards' subject so you can find a happy-medium, start to have fun and gain experience with the 'not-your-ideal' girls that are already interested in you.

I turned down a lot of 'these girls' in my teens and early 20's and it cost me DEARLY.

Those long lonely dry spells and Lonely Saturday Nights in college took their toll.

At age 25, with undergrad largely in the rear-view mirror, I began to confront the reality that repeatedly transferring colleges and my no-life bodybuilder lifestyle left me socially and sexually inexperienced and no amount of "lifting weights" was going to fix that.

I can honestly say, now at age 32, as so many others will testify -  

I wish I fucked more girls in my early 20's.

I wish I lowered my standards or figured out how to reconcile my ego with reality.

It is my biggest regret.
(yet if I had a great sex life in college, I would be a miserable lawyer or personal trainer now and never would have started GLL)

Perhaps you can relate to my thought process at the time -

I told myself that anything less than a really hot girl probably couldn't even turn me on and there would be no point in even trying to get her in bed.

I wasn't necessary wrong, I remember average looking girls would throw themselves at me in college. After all, I was Good Looking Loser - 

Hot or Not Age 22Pretty nice guy.
Literally and figuratively.

I always remember thinking to myself -

I'm just not into this girl...

I should be doing so much better than this chick...

I need to tell this average looking girl that I need to wake up in the morning so she leaves...

Was it just sexual anxiety?

I don't really know.

What I do know is -

I was a nice guy and I simply cared too much what other people thought of me.
(related: "How to Not Give a Fuck What People Think")

Frankly, I cared too much of what I thought of myself.

I didn't want other people to see me with a girl who wasn't my equal in looks, because it would suggest that I was underachieving.

I didn't want to see myself with a girl who wasn't my equal in looks, because it would confirm that I was underachieving.

I also had no clue of how beneficial it would have been to HAVE A SEX LIFE rather than BARELY EVER HAVE A SEX LIFE, even if the girls weren't my ideal. As I'll discuss in a bit, if you are emotionally healthy (I was not), hooking up with "lesser girls" can be fun and fantastic for your ego, if nothing else.

You'll get compliments from one-night stands with average girls that significantly hotter girls would probably never tell you. These compliments, however superficial or possibly exaggerated, will help build your confidence.

Contrary to semi-popular belief -

Sleeping with women that don't quite meet your standards does not reinforce your inferiority complex.

NOT.GETTING.LAID.EVER, long dry spells and being a little bitch reinforces your inferiority complex.

While your "new standards" are completely up to you, the less selective you are - the faster you will move with ALL girls.

Knowing you can Get Laid, even if it's just with average girls is incredibly powerful. Most guys never reach anywhere near that level of entitlement. While a lot of guys say they can Get Laid "anytime they want", in reality - most know they need a girlfriend to Get Laid.

group of men

Vintage Good Looking Loser (1982-2006)

I got into this "pickup stuff" in 2006 when I was 25 years old. 

It wouldn't be until I was 27-28 that I was getting action on a regular basis and could definitively say that I could "Get Laid" aka go out 2 or 3 times a week and bring at least 1 hot/decent looking chick back to my apartment.

It also wasn't until I was 27-28 that I started getting hot girls on a regular basis (7+ every 2-3 weeks, instead of 1 every 2-3 months). 

Much of Good Looking Loser is based around that ~3 year period that often felt like total stagnation. 
(click here to see my year-by-year history)

But what feels like stagnation is almost always progress, so long as you are really trying to get better.

Although I didn't know it at the time, this is exactly how it feels for most guys who stick with it. 'Quantity' comes before 'quality'. Then 'quantity' and 'quality' both come a year later. Alex discusses an almost identical progression, that's how it happens.

But what took me 3+ years should have taken just 1 year though.

There were 2 reasons it took me several years to starting Getting Laid on a regular basis. 

Not surprisingly, these 2 reasons are the EXACT SAME 2 reasons why I wasn't Getting Laid much in the first place -

#1 I was not talking to enough girls
(or I wasn't trying with the girls that I already knew)

This is why most guys only tag a handful of girls (or less) in their entire lifetime.

Most guys say they want to Get Laid more, but they don't put in the time.
(related: "The Comfortable Life of the Undersexed Male")

Beginning in the later part of 2008, once I started talking to 20+ girls a week (and asking all of them to hang out), instead of 2-3 girls a week (and only taking numbers from the ones who were blatantly interested) - I started to Get Laid at least once every 10-14 days.

When I hit on 40+ girls in a week, I usually got laid more than once.
(these are estimations; I kept no statistics, wrote on no forums and didn't even have a smartphone until 2013)

Standing on the sidelines is the reason most guys aren't Getting Laid.

Just talk to 2 or 3 chicks a day and ask each of them out.

If that's too hard, get on an online dating site and follow this exact procedure that Rooster has spelled out. The pussy will come.

#2 I had outrageously high standards 
(and turned down pussy whether I knew it or not)

For the first 25 years of my life, I wouldn't talk to girls that didn't meet my standards and was too scared to talk to the girls that did.

It often made for a non-existent sex life.

If it wasn't for friends that would tell me -

Chris, [name] thinks you're hot.

You should go talk to her!

I might have gone all 6 years of college without hooking up with a single fucking girl. 
(although 'word of mouth' is how most guys Get Laid in college)

I still managed to have an average sex life though.

Aside from some drunk girls on Spring Break or Beach Week trips, in my early 20's, I moved very slowly with girls. By 2005, when I was fat (really strong but looked dreadful, 245lbs 19% BF) and losing my original hair line, I made sure I had a "long-distance girlfriend" so I wouldn't even have to try anymore and could just focus on the gym.

I had reached an all-time high in squat and bench press but an all-time low in my sex life.

If I temporarily lowered my standards instead of taking pride in being selective and not Getting Laid, I could have gained plenty of valuable experience that would have been super useful when I came across random hot chicks that already liked me.

If nothing else, temporarily lowering my standards would have given me far more options and I wouldn't always get so emotionally attached so quickly every time I met a hot girl who liked me back.

Lowering my standards probably would have changed the course of the rest of my life.

That is no exaggeration at all.

But "lowering my standards", like so many other too-cool-for-school 20-something guys with a lofty Sense of Entitlement, was just about the last thing I was willing to do.

In fact, I took pride in having high standards and not Getting Laid. I was the type of guy who would point when one of my friends (especially if he was good looking) hooked up with a girl who wasn't attractive.

Even if I was right, I was a hater.

That's what happens when your #1 goal is getting validation and not enjoying your life.

In my case, I couldn't bring myself to 'lower my standards' because I looked at it as a direct hit to my pride and image, something that took years to build.

I needed to look at "lowering my standards" in a different way, a healthier way.

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How to Lower Your Standards and Keep Your Dignity

Here's the list of what I wish I was told.

It would have changed my entire outlook on "lowering my standards".

#1 Lowering Your Standards Will Help Your Present and Future Sex Life

We just went over this.

You get it.

#2 Remember the Other Reason For Why You Haven't Been Getting Laid

The reason that many of you haven't been Getting Laid much has nothing to do with your "looks", "social freedom" or "I'm not good at Screening yet".

This is why  -

Essentially, most guys (especially around here, who are already attractive enough) are turning down the women that already are interested in them. It's not just a 'high standards' thing, they just have no idea how easy it would be to Get Laid with an available girl who knows you are hotter and cooler than she is.

I have a pretty good idea who the average Good Looking Loser reader is -
(I know because I was you just 5-10 years ago, plus we have hidden robots that tell me)

If you don't fit this description - work on getting there.

Our culture is different than most 'how to meet women' communities where most guys debate "does looks matter", "direct/indirect game" and World of Warcraft.

As weird as we are, Good Looking Loser is actually the "normalfag" dating advice community.

Most guys on here don't have any glaring weakness, certainly none that they can't overcome and most should already be Getting Laid.

Or at least bagging some average girls.

penguin love

#3 You Won't Be Always Hooking Up With Super Hot Girls via Cold Approach Anyway

Guys that are good at this stuff will sleep with 1 or 2 universally hot or attractive girls in a month.

Fucking 4+ super hotties in a month, from cold approach, would be a GREAT month (or meant you went out 4+ times a week).
(it's possible, but not practical, unless you were doing this full-time like Scotty and I were)

Most of the chicks that they sleep with are slightly above-average because the majority of girls that are single, dress up and go out are slightly above-average

That's how it was for me.

That how it was for Scotty.

That how it is for every single one of my friends that fuck girls outside their social groups via cold approach.
(if you get established in the popular party scene, all bets are off - you can nail hot girls on a regular basis)

Despite Internet claims, I have yet to meet a guy that "only hooks up with super hot girls" on a regular basis via cold approach.

You can accept this now, lower your standards and start having sex with average girls.
hint: give girls the dietary supplement 'Phenibut' and their pussy will absolutely melt (audios within)

Or you can wait 5 years to do the exact same thing.

You might as well do it now.

#4 You Might Have Better Sex with the Less Attractive Girl
(and feel more confident about trying kinky shit)

You won't know until you try.

I hate to generalize but -

Once you break into the super hot pussy tier, you'll find that many of the hottest girls will simply just lay there during sex, especially when you fuck them the first time. It's their nature to be feminine and just let you lead. Very few are naturally proactive, especially the first time you fuck.

The best looking girls I've fucked (largely post-party/club scene), were usually drunk and high and just spread their legs and closed their eyes. Most were probably more concerned about how they looked naked (and what I thought of their naked body), than actually having good sex. Some of them just weren't very experienced because they are super selective in which guys they fuck. Some have only had asexual nice guy boyfriends that didn't "train" them in the bedroom.

Many really hot girls will make no effort to please you (even if they knew how) and feel that giving up their pussy is more than enough.
(for less experienced guys - it definitely is)

The first time with a new girl is exciting but - hot or not - the really good sex happens when both parties are more comfortable with each other.

In my experience, it's more of a mixed-bag with the average/slightly above-average girls. Some girls will take immense pride in getting you off and will blame themselves for 'not being hot enough' if you don't look like you really enjoyed their pussy. Closer-to-average girls tend to give way better blowjobs and are more willing to give you compliments on your looks, performance and any endowed body parts that you may have dangling around.

Also, closer-to-avearge girls are often more willing to be experimental and kinky on the first night and they are generally easier to keep around.

ESPECIALLY if they know that you are hotter and cooler than they are.

Many closer-to-average chicks know that it's unlikely that they are going to keep you (or turn you into a boyfriend), so they don't worry as much about "being slutty" when they fuck you for the first time.

Some of my absolute best first time experiences were with average girls who had no reservations about sitting on my face, covering me in their disgusting cigarette smoke while I fucked them, deep throating my cock with tears in their eyes and indulging my other shameless regular semi-weirdo fetishes.

Also, there's way less "I don't want to creep her out" pressure with average looking girls.

A buddy that I used to party with would tell me that he got a total power trip from looking in the mirror and watching a lesser-attractive girl lick his ass but that he'd never try that with a hotter girl on the first night.

Seems reasonable.

If you want to do some kinky shit in bed that you've never done before or weird stuff that you'd only try in a relationship - try it on a closer-to-average 'low-risk' girl.

If she isn't down or leaves - who really cares.
(this isn't mean-spirited, it's indifference)

You might be pleasantly surprised though -

If an average girl likes you and knows you are a 'catch', she'll want to please you and likely be "amused" (exact word I've heard over-and-over) by your requests and fetishes.

For me, this was the #1 reason why I should have lowered my standards 10 years ago.

I wouldn't have to only masturbate to my kinky fantasies, many average girls would have gone along with it from the start.

As I would discover -

In the moment, I can get just as turned on by doing this kinky shit with closer-to-average girls as I do by having basic intercourse with closer-to-perfect girls.

The best of both worlds is doing kinky stuff with hot girls (who aren't your fuckbuddies) on the first night - but that's not always doable.

amy facesitting

#5 You Might Gain Just As Much Confidence By Fucking the Less Attractive Girl

Most of us underestimate how valuable fucking any given girl can be.

I know I did.

I'm not going to argue that sleeping with an average looking girl is going to do bigger things for your 'Sense of Entitlement' (confidence) as fucking a really hot girl.

It might be close sometimes though.

Here's why -

Closer-to-average girls will relentlessly feed your ego if they know that you are 'above' them in the status quo.

Yeah, it's superficial, but -

You're so gorgeous...

Your body is so hot...

That dick you have is the thickest I've ever seen, what do you feed it...

Is EXACTLY what inexperienced guys need to hear.

Is EXACTLY what insecure guys need to hear.

When you haven't been Getting Laid much and aren't very confident with the opposite sex, hearing these superficial things will do wonders for your confidence, even if from an average-looking chick.

Sometimes, the confidence boost will be as much as if you fucked a hotter girl who just laid there silently.

Some of the most lasting, nicest, genuine, most ego-inflating compliments came from girls that I wasn't super attracted to. I will remember many of these for the rest of my life because I was insecure at time.

Everyone needs to be given the chance to feel this way.

Everyone needs to feel they are actually special, even if it's just from a random stranger who isn't beautiful.
hint: this works on girls too *wink*

Hearing that you are special and have sexual power over someone is incredible when you aren't too sure of yourself.

You will be on cloud 9 for weeks and feel like everything in your life is perfect.

Validation from girls, when you are insecure, is like crack.

Don't underestimate how good crack can be, just don't get addicted.

Don't disqualify girls just because you don't want to sleep with them as much as they want to sleep with you!

#6a Just Go Through the Motions and You'll Get a Boner

Besides stating the obvious, "sleeping with girls is good practice!", there are 2 benefits to fucking a girl that you aren't initially really attracted to.

It will show you -

  1. It can be fun.
    (or at least better than the usual night of watching Red Pill/anti-establishment videos)
  2. In the moment, you can get turned on by girls that you previously wrote off.

The 2nd one is the one we're going to talk about.

Before I knew better, I literally thought I wouldn't be able to get and hold an erection with a girl who didn't meet my standards.

I disqualified every single girl that I wasn't initially very attracted to.

Perhaps you feel the same way and do the same thing, even if to a lesser extent.

You'll just have to take my word on it but -

Even if you aren't initially attracted to a girl, so long as you aren't grossed out - you will be able to get and hold an erection so long as you go through the motions and your dick is stimulated.

Especially if you take Cialis, you'll get an erection even if you aren't really that turned on. You literally have to do NOTHING to get and keep a strong boner from that stuff.

Like I said, so long as you aren't grossed out, you'll be able to perform once you get in the moment.

If it doesn't work out, who cares, obviously she wasn't hot enough.

let it kill you

#6b Let Yourself Be Turned on By Her Best Feature
(learn how to turn yourself on)

This is a little technique that took practice but has been super valuable to me.

It's let me to broaden my horizon and get turned on by far more girls.

Basically, you train yourself to try to notice the BEST FEATURE on average girls.

Most guys already do this to some extent -

But instead of waiting for this to happen, you should actively scope out the 'best feature' on girls.

While you might not be able to do this when the average stranger walks by, it is super helpful on dates or even during foreplay if the girl isn't your ideal type. I've picked up girls that didn't initially turn me on but found something about them that turned me on when we met up.

This is a 180 from how I used to profile girls.

Figuring out a way to make more girls turn you on can drastically improve your options and sex life.

I describe "Her Best Feature" and other similar unique "How to Turn Yourself On" techniques here -

#7 Have a Private Life That Nobody Knows About

While it's nice to have a hot girl to take pictures with and show off to your friends, it's more enjoyable to have a private life where you do shit you never talk with anyone. It's a little adventure.

As much as I reveal on Good Looking Loser, I still have a private life that belongs to me.

Always will.

It's not particularly out of character or even overly extreme. It's just stuff that I don't share with anyone.

For example, back in the 'pickup era', I did a fair amount of kinky shit with women via Adult Friend Finder. Sometimes with their husbands watching and holding their legs. That kind of stuff.
(note: I don't know how AFF will work in a smaller town, I've always lived in big cities)

- But I don't want to be a different person!

You aren't "being a different person". You are just having a private life.

Celebrities, executives and some of your cooler friends have a private sex life that no one knows about. Hot girls do too.

Do you think all the girls that fucked me (and especially Scotty) would bring us around their friends and family?

Nope.

You don't need to use a different name (unless you have a job or money to lose) or rent hotel rooms, but it's cool to travel and have fun with people that also have a private life.

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Pour Conclure

The reason most guys aren't Getting Laid is because they are disqualifying the vast majority of girls that already like them and focusing on girls that are either currently unavailable or currently unattainable.

From this, many guys reach the conclusion that they can't get pussy.

They remind themselves everyday.

"Lowering your standards" or 'broadening your candidate pool' can do HUGE things for your confidence and sex life.

If you want to be nailing the real hotties one day, at least temporarily - you need to start having sex and enjoying women in general. The hotter pussy will come, but you'll need to be ready.