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How Getting Laid Should Fit Into Your 20's
(Prioritize Women So You Never Have to Again)
While working on our recently published series "How to Go Out to Bars Alone (If You Are Scared)", I stumbled upon a topic that required its own discussion altogether.
In fact, it's probably long overdue.
I take immense pride and responsibility in the privilege being able to help shape your 20's.
I'm more lucky to have you guys than you are to have me.
I actually believe that.
How Getting Laid Should Fit Into Your 20's
Still, I readily admit that not everything on Good Looking Loser is right for everyone.
I simply take what I did (and didn't do) and learned in my 20's and offer you suggestions to get ahead (or at the very least - avoid major fuck-ups).
But hopefully, it will take you half the time or less if I can provide direction and solutions.
A lot of the advice comes from hindsight.
I didn't really start to get my shit together until I was about age 26 and it was quite a long journey from there.
These days, I'm happier than I've ever been, have 3 financially successful online businesses and have a hot, wonderful and extremely loyal girlfriend that cheers me on.
100% of it is due to the direction I took in my 20's, particularly my late 20's when things finally started coming together.
Let me discuss how I think your 20's should play out and where 'Getting Laid' (women) should fit in.
The Ultimate Goal for "This Pickup Stuff"?
Just like anything else in life, it helps to have a longer-term ideally quantitative goal and vision for where you want to end up. It is no different with this "Get Laid" stuff.
My goal, after coming back to planet earth from the seduction community, was to BE ABLE TO and KNOW that I could Get Laid.
Per my definition -
I am able to (and know I can) go out 2 or 3 nights a week and Get Laid at least 1 time.
I describe the goal in detail in "How to Know If You Are Successful With Women (The One Goal that You Need to Have)".
I'm not trying to force that threshold on you, but I will remind you that is it critically important to your future emotional health and if your ultimate goal is to be in an emotionally healthy committed relationship with a sexy, high-quality girl who has limitless options.
She needs to know that you have more options and that you are in the relationship because you WANT TO BE and not because you have to be.
Guys that can Get Laid - have secure, rewarding relationships and don't get pushed around by their girlfriends.
Guys that can't - generally don't.
As Victor from Bold & Determined and Mike from Danger & Play suggest, but feel the need to expand on -
You should be sexually active in your 20's so that you can "get it out of your system" and focus on more important priorities later.
You don't want to be trying to build a business or survive graduate school/life if you are lonely and sexually frustrated.
Is Picking Up Girls a Lifestyle?
From the beginning, I encouraged guys to integrate picking up women into their life, rather than have it be the entire lifestyle.
That is the ultimate goal.
It's true - I'm very much against the draining repetitive 'last resort' lifestyle of going out for huge blocks of time specifically to hit on women or do "sets".
Yet, that seems in direct opposition to our "Nothing in Moderation" principle that revolves around having ONE GOAL that you dedicate as many hours as possible to.
Some people, and rightly so, have pointed out this contradiction.
Let me clear it up -
I don't believe that "picking up girls" should be a long-term lifestyle.
I do feel, however, for guys in their 20's, it is both healthy and rewarding to dedicate a couple of years to first beating your anxiety (~6 months) and then Getting Laid (12-18+ months).
Have fun with it until it gets old and your priorities change.
After that, you can just hit on a handful of top-tier girls a week.
Once you gain experience, increase your sex appeal and know you can Get Laid - you'll be able to hook up with girls WAY MORE efficiently and won't have put in half as many hours.
But for the first year or so, don't worry about being efficient.
Just beat your anxiety and try to fuck the most girls you can.
Also, it goes without saying but -
The earlier in your 20's, the better.
Prioritizing Getting Laid/Women?
(IT'S JUST A STAGE)
Every so often (actually more often than that), a guy will leave a comment on the YouTube channel or the blog that goes something like -
You GLL guys are pathetic.
There is more to life than sleeping with women.
You guys need to get a life and a job.
This guy Chris lives a totally meaningless, unhappy, unfulfilling life based around having sex with women.
Don't take his advice unless you want to end up as a broke loser who ends up lonely and chasing teenage girls in your 40's.
When I first started seeing these comments back in 2012, I thought to myself -
What a bunch of undersexed haters...
But when I kept seeing these type of comments, I realized something different.
(giving them the benefit of the doubt that actually believe this; the same people often say prioritizing making money or the gym is wrong too)
Some people actually think that I do (and I recommend doing) absolutely nothing with your life other than trying to fuck girls.
That is furthest thing from what I recommend (or have done with my own life).
While I think dedicating a couple of years to beating your social anxiety and Getting Laid as much as you can, this type of "player lifestyle" is simply a STAGE - something that you will enjoy very much but ultimately move away from.
For some people, this stage is called "college" or "your 20's", but some of us weren't so fortunate.
While some college guys legitimately prioritize their social life to make friends and meet people, the vast majority of guys are simply looking to Get Laid and fuck as many chicks as they can as part of their ongoing education.
Whether for validation purposes or because sleeping with hot girls is one of the most fun, rewarding and memorable experiences that you can possibly have -
MOST SINGLE GUYS IN THEIR 20'S JUST WANT TO GET LAID.
Especially lesser experienced guys.
THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT.
You should have absolutely no reservations or guilt about wanting to Get Laid if you haven't yet had the sex life that you picture. At any age.
Life is just a collection of stages if you are doing it correctly.
These were mine -
- Late 1995 to 2000 (and again in 2004) - Hockey and inline hockey
(won a championship at the national level 2004)
-- 2000 to 2006 - Gym and fitness
(a fun/aesthetically beneficial stage that I pushed to the extreme for too long)
--- 2006 to early 2011 - Getting Laid and partying
(one of the reasons I left Law School, I absolutely could not prioritize or juggle a serious academic stage)
---- 2012 to now - Good Looking Loser and business
You will do plenty of different things if you are living a rewarding life.
Nothing is a lifetime commitment and the correct stage to be in is the one you want to be in.
You shouldn't have to try talk yourself into/out of any of these stages.
You already know what you should be doing at every stage of your life.
Trust your instincts.
ABSOLUTELY ALL IN - NO MATTER WHAT
I can't emphasize this enough.
No matter what stage you are in, you need to be ALL IN physically, psychologically and emotionally and not hold onto any contrasting mindsets and behaviors from previous or future stages.
I discuss how this relates to Getting Laid in "How to Go Out Alone at Night (If You Are Scared) - Final Answers & Thoughts"
While my early 20's left a lot to be desired, I was always ABSOLUTELY OBSESSED with whatever stage I was in.
I couldn't help myself, I was quite insecure at first but very hopeful that hard work would win out.
I always wanted it bad.
Although I took some criticism from others who didn't understand my approach -
Chris, I thought you were a hockey player, why are you obsessed with lifting weights and looking good?
Chris, I thought you were a bodybuilder, why are you obsessed with Getting Laid and partying?
Chris, I thought you were a "player", why you are you obsessed with building a business?
This was the correct way to live and I've had quite a diverse and rewarding life.
At least I think so.
Life is a collection of stages.
If you are going to succeed, you absolutely need to be ALL IN or it's time to find something else more rewarding to do.
What To Do?
(Financial vs. Social Goals)
The vast majority of guys already know what stage they are in (or what stage they want to be in). There is no confusion or room for debate.
Still, there's quite a few that are torn between prioritizing financial or social (Getting Laid) goals in their 20's.
I don't have a one-size-fits-all answer on this.
I can only speak from experience.
In my mid 20's, while it certainly would have been nice to have a bunch of businesses that produced multiple passive income streams, it just wasn't practical at the time.
It wasn't practical, not because I couldn't have built these income streams (although Good Looking Loser would be a terrible website with generic 'meet women' information if I didn't solely focus on Getting Laid for 4+ years), but because all I could constantly think about is how I should be Getting Laid a lot more than I did.
Although you shouldn't let "what you should be doing" influence you too much, I knew that it was 'NOW OR NEVER' and I only had a couple of years left in my 20's before I had bigger responsibilities and bigger bills to pay.
I was so sure of my decision that I left Law School (and scholarship) and never looked back.
(technically, I took a 'medical leave of absence' so I had the option of going back the following year, but I never even considered that - I mentally checked out from academia)
It was the correct decision.
Although it seems like a monumental crossroad in my life, it was one of the easiest decisions I ever made.
Fast forward 5 or 6 years, I literally no longer think about Getting Laid or where my life is headed. I can dedicate nearly all my time to my financial goals.
For me, prioritizing my sex life in my 20's was the correct decision. After all, had I not, there would be no Good Looking Loser community and I'd be a third-rate pill popping lawyer or an uninspiring, disinterested personal trainer who sold growth hormone.
That's not to say it's the right decision for you though.
But as I mentioned several times, if I hadn't prioritized Getting Laid over potential financial goals for a couple years, my entire life would be COMPLETELY different.
Besides, in my opinion, once you find financial success, you won't have the time to then shift all your attention to Getting Laid.
That's why rich guys get high-class hookers.
It's a more efficient use of their time, even if they are good with women.
You guys are still young (I don't care if you are 25+, you are still a baby) and have multiple, super valuable resources influencing your opinions and direction.
There's a blatant (or unspoken) "don't base your life around women, there are more important things in life" mantra that you'll come across on every credible self-improvement community.
I couldn't agree more.
You need to focus on YOU.
Prioritizing women or anyone other than yourself in the long-term is a recipe for regret.
That's why, in the short-term, if you want to get your sex life 'handled', I feel it's a good decision to prioritize beating social anxiety and Getting Laid so you can live on your own terms.
Once you can Get Laid and realize you have limitless options, you'll never prioritize women or anyone other than yourself. The 'Sense of Entitlement' will benefit all areas of your life.
You have got to put in the effort though.
I stand 100% behind and whole-heartedly encourage you to beat your social anxiety and sleep with a lot of women over a 1.5 to 3 year period if Getting Laid is important to you.
After that, you'll be more efficient and won't have to put in the time or effort to get some action when you want it.
It's a totally amazing and worthwhile stage that won't (and shouldn't) take up too many years.
Think about it this way...
Have you ever heard anyone say -
Damn, I wish I didn't fuck so many girls in my early 20's.
Dude, I really wish I got laid less when I was younger.
Aside from someone that contracted an STD from irresponsible sex -
You won't regret putting in a couple of years to have fun and have a hot sex life.
If nothing else, you'll 'get it out of your system' and be able to move on to more important things.
And By the way -
Have fun with it, that's what you are trying to do in the first place.
It will be one of the most truly exciting and memorable eras of your life.
It's truly remarkable how quickly someone can go from hating the process of meeting girls to enormously enjoying it.
Pussy does that.
You've thought about it long enough.
Thanks for the article.
I'm a bit lost .. See i 'm a professionnal freerunner, i train a lot , make videos, it takes a lot of time and i don't have much time left for women. ( or maybe just an excuse..) what to do ? obviously my 1# priority is...
Thanks for the article.
I'm a bit lost .. See i 'm a professionnal freerunner, i train a lot , make videos, it takes a lot of time and i don't have much time left for women. ( or maybe just an excuse..) what to do ? obviously my 1# priority is training freerunning
i want to get laid more, i'm frustrated sexually i think
whats your goal with women, how important is it (honest question)
if its to get laid 50+ times a year, you are off course
if its to get laid 10 times a year or have a few fuckbuddies that can be done
10 times a year/ few fuckbuddies i guess.
will do. i train 20 hours a week parkour. i need to cut some hours and go after girls
Hey chris, thanks a lot for this. It would be great if you could start getting these either on Soundcloud or the podcast feed again. I mainly consume podcast/audio content and find it quite difficult to get time to watch these vids. An audio-only...
Hey chris, thanks a lot for this. It would be great if you could start getting these either on Soundcloud or the podcast feed again. I mainly consume podcast/audio content and find it quite difficult to get time to watch these vids. An audio-only version would be really helpful
will do, ill have my webman make the audio now
What do you reccomend for guys +30 to do if they're inexperienced with women?
Is it ever too late? Can 35yo dudes get 22yo dimepieces?
Hey Brett, no Chris but from my own experience (36 this month) you can get them as young as the law permits (here that would be 15) i skip on the kids because really right, but the last i hooked up with on tinder was 19. I'm not elite looking...
Hey Brett, no Chris but from my own experience (36 this month) you can get them as young as the law permits (here that would be 15) i skip on the kids because really right, but the last i hooked up with on tinder was 19. I'm not elite looking either, actually a bit overweight and balding, so if i can get a 19yo 7 so can you.
Hey Chris! I'm 31 and have slept with 61 women. I'd like to hit 100 minimum. Yet, I seem to be very easily satisfied and have a hard time putting in the work to find new women once I have a functional girl-rotation going. For example, I currently...
Hey Chris! I'm 31 and have slept with 61 women. I'd like to hit 100 minimum. Yet, I seem to be very easily satisfied and have a hard time putting in the work to find new women once I have a functional girl-rotation going. For example, I currently have a girlfriend (open relationship) and 2 fuckbuddies. I already feel like I barely have time for anything else (friends, work, future projects, hobbies) with 3 girls - let alone more, and thus I lose my motivation to keep cold approaching and racking up numbers. I'll see a girl int he street and say "nah, I already have 3". Is this a normal feeling or am I just being a pussy and procrastinating and not going 100% on my goal? I'm afraid that having constant but moderate abundance with women will not allow me to get over the "get Laid" thing - unlike what you did, which is "I'm drowning in different pussies everyweek and fucking 30+ girls a year". Also, since I get laid with daygame and cold approach and subsequent dates for the most part, I can't get laid according to your definition of going out 3 times a week at night. What would be the "I can get laid" threshold for guys that get laid through daygame, cold approach and dates - instead of clubs, nightgame and One night stands?
Hey GN -
It all depends on how much you really want to hit the 100girl goal. It seems like more of a cool milestone for you than anything. There's no real difference between sleeping with 99 girls or 100 girls, or frankly 100 girls or 150 girls....
Hey GN -
It all depends on how much you really want to hit the 100girl goal. It seems like more of a cool milestone for you than anything. There's no real difference between sleeping with 99 girls or 100 girls, or frankly 100 girls or 150 girls. You might want to reevaluate the goal and decide how much it's really worth it (cost of time vs. benefit of 100), because getting another 39 chicks in bed will take a significant amount of time from daytime approaches.
But again, my 'get laid' threshold is just my definition and what I wanted. Just because you don't have the time/desire to go out 3-4 nights a week doesn't mean you can't get laid. I honestly think just 50 chicks from daygame/dating is the threshold and you've already surpassed that.
I'd like to pose a question on this matter to not only Chris, but all the guys reading this. I'm currently 28 years old, and as of right now, just casually date and sleep with girls, living the player lifestyle so to speak. This is how I like...
I'd like to pose a question on this matter to not only Chris, but all the guys reading this. I'm currently 28 years old, and as of right now, just casually date and sleep with girls, living the player lifestyle so to speak. This is how I like it for now, as it fits my current goals perfectly. I know Chris says in this post it's considered a "stage" but I really have my doubts as to whether the whole wife and kids lifestyle will ever really be for me, even when I'm in middle age. I'm not saying I wanna be a player for the rest of my life either, but I know that I'm too selfish of a guy to ever be able to invest that time and commitment. Do you guys think there's anything wrong with this? It just seems that there's this unwritten rule out there that as soon as your 30s hit, you absolutely *must* settle down with a wife and kids, and without a family, there's absolutely no way you can live a happy and fulfilling life. I'd like to hear not only Chris', but everyone else's input on this.
yup, Felix Dennis' book was the last one I read
If someone is in their 20's reading this site they are lucky. Not having sex in my 20's because of religion is my biggest regret in life. I finally left religion in my 30's and I'm much happier now being free to think for myself, make my own...
If someone is in their 20's reading this site they are lucky. Not having sex in my 20's because of religion is my biggest regret in life. I finally left religion in my 30's and I'm much happier now being free to think for myself, make my own decisions, and live the lifestyle I want to live. I have decided I am never going to get married. My core value is freedom and I cannot conform to the mainstream marriage propaganda, especially by religion, that says everyone "Has To" get married. I really like women, I treat women very well, thus I could live with a woman in a LTR, but personally I won't even live with a woman because I travel so much. I am a not married guy reading a how to "get laid" site. I'm with Shawn and Global Nomad. As a few others said, for me the "player lifestyle" is not a "stage" because I am never getting married. I am happy with my decision to never get married. Eventually the venues may change as I will get laid more through elite business trips, niche activities, and social groups. I'm surprised that it seems like the majority of guys want to get married, so maybe that's better for them. There's nothing wrong with being married, or not being married, if it's what you want to do. Personally, I want to live a lifestyle of freedom where I have SNL's, a few escorts in legal countries, some STR's to MTR's, and never get married because that makes me and the women I'm with happy.
I feel the same, i absolutely want no kids, no house, no wife, a girlfriend YES! (but only when my libido gets weaker) probably in my early 40's. Until then i will live the player lifestyle, and there will always be young girls who are going to...
I feel the same, i absolutely want no kids, no house, no wife, a girlfriend YES! (but only when my libido gets weaker) probably in my early 40's. Until then i will live the player lifestyle, and there will always be young girls who are going to fuck you, don't worry. One of my cousins is 36 and his girlfriend is 22, his older brother is 41 and his girlfriend is 24. Both, still hanging at night clubs and banging other young chicks, and their girlfriend are ok with it. So, having that evidence first hand, i will honestly consider to imitate them. If you go with society, you are fucked anyway. All virtues were created by men not by some God, therefore i can create virtues myself, and i'll create virtues that fit me and my lifestyle, as simple as that.
Spot on. I'm 44 and boys your 20s...or even just time in general is not to be squandered. Funny how at my high school reunion some people came in with escorts probably because they lived such pathetic lives and now they need to impress people...
Spot on. I'm 44 and boys your 20s...or even just time in general is not to be squandered. Funny how at my high school reunion some people came in with escorts probably because they lived such pathetic lives and now they need to impress people they barely even knew 20 years ago.
haha, thats pretty funny
Eh money is more important to me but I could be wrong. i kinda always knew not to multitask tho and maybe i will be wrong but money it is for me. at least to me money is being able to keep food on the plate and a roof over my head. w/o that...
Eh money is more important to me but I could be wrong. i kinda always knew not to multitask tho and maybe i will be wrong but money it is for me. at least to me money is being able to keep food on the plate and a roof over my head. w/o that getting laid is poitnless just my 2c
sup Chris. this post is cool. I've already been through this stage and am happily married now. Getting laid does affect other aspects of your life. I might even go as afar as to say think rocks tars and professional athletes. they might have lots...
sup Chris. this post is cool. I've already been through this stage and am happily married now. Getting laid does affect other aspects of your life. I might even go as afar as to say think rocks tars and professional athletes. they might have lots to lose but they have to be fucking lots and it has to effect their ego.....
I didn't think the "Get Hung" guide would have girls eyeing my bulge. It did.
I didn't think that your exercise and diet advice would have girls checking me out. It did.
I DEFINITELY didn't think that your hair-loss prevention would fix my hairline. Not in a billion years. It mother fucking did. You saved me a crazy amount of time, a ton of money, unnecessary pain, and destroyed my #1 source of anxiety. DESTROYED IT.
Kratom is next!
To anyone reading this, follow through, read this material, APPLY this material, and enjoy life.
Thanks again Chris, life would suck without you.
comment 26220 - "How to Pickup Girls if You Are Nervous... (Nervous Guy Game)"