Why You Aren't Getting Laid on Your First Dates (Boyfriend Material)

Why You Aren't Getting Laid On First Dates

Before we jump into this subject, I want to make something clear -

If you are inexperienced - completely disregard the first part of this post.

Go out on as many dates as you can and try to go a little further with the girl each time.

That's how "serial daters" (guys that have a top ~5% sex life but don't necessarily "pick up" girls) get nasty good.

AND

If you are Getting Laid - you are GETTING LAID.

Don't let any Internet-forum-stay-at-home-pick up-artist/analyst tell you that you need to be "more aggressive" or somehow having sex after going on 3-4 dates "doesn't count" or is "bad".

I went out on ~semi-traditional dates for years and they were some of the best years of my life.

Some of the later experiences were frustrating and a waste of time, but I definitely ended up sleeping with some really hot girls that otherwise wouldn't have been interested if I had no "Boyfriend Potential" and didn't have any "Nice Guy" (dating) attributes.

Sometimes the anticipation of going on a bunch of dates, being seen with a really hot girl, getting to [somewhat] know her and bringing her home is more rewarding than pulling a random girl out of a bar in 17 minutes.
(scroll down to interaction #5)

Really.

Sometimes.

At the same time - if you plan on getting a steak and blowjob for dinner, and just the steak comes.

It can be frustrating.

Although GoodLookingLoser.com is home to an aggressive Screening approach to GET LAID and not simply another community that discusses "meeting women" or "picking up girls", we tend to put too much importance on aggressiveness, speed and are way too quick dismiss girls as "asexual" or "only looking for a boyfriend" if they don't get down on the first night.

Until you have at least 2 fuckbuddies, you should be open to going on dates with girls and try to go further with them each time.

That is how I did it.

But it's going to take you less time because I had to figure this subject out on my own.

Stop 'Screening Out' women that want to sleep with you - just not on the first night. 

When you have 2 regulars and a cell phone full of potential girls 'on call' - you can change your policy.

Some girls simply require an emotional investment beyond a half-hour of fluff talk to let you take their panties off.

Especially those that are looking for a relationship or recently got their hopes up over a guy that fucked them and never called them back.

Most quality women, especially if you are meeting them online or in slower daytime/nonalcoholic environments with non-aggressive approach, will make you work a little bit before they let you get at their pussy.

Unless they are purely in "party/slut mode" and/or instantly receptive to your touching, many women will have a specific criteria of how many dates are required for their panties to come off.
(the term we use is 'Countdown to Sex')

Sometimes, there's not a lot you can do to get them to have sex with you if they have ALREADY made up their mind that they aren't doing it.

What you CAN do is learn how and why you Get Laid (or don't Get Laid) on your first dates.

That's what I'm going to cover.

For the record, it was YEARS of doing this "pick up thing" before I started consistently Getting Laid on first dates.

Although I made a really good sex life from being somewhat of a "serial dater", I definitely didn't understand why guys such as Scotty were ALWAYS fucking girls on their first meet up while I was taking them to a bowling alley with a Groupon.

The reasons are completely beyond obvious now but no one could offer me an explanation at the time.
(this circumstance, not 'pick up', is what made me lose faith in the seduction community)

It was the end of Summer 2008.

I was told I was a "near finished product". 

I had a nice tan.

I could talk to any girl, in just about any situation.

I was getting hot girls.

Yet, it would still take me 2-3+ weeks to get them in bed with me. 
(although every now and then, I would take a girl home from a bar)

I would certainly go further with girls than most guys did on first dates, but I usually ended up sleeping alone with my baby harp seal stuffed animal.

Finished product?

This wasn't what I signed up for...

chris and seal

The #1 reason that you don't Get Laid on your first date/meetup with a new girl -

Women See You as 'Boyfriend Material'
You are mainly attracting sexually-available but not DTF girls.
The Problem Isn't "End Game", it's your "Front Game" (Screening)

Some of you guys already know this.

Others - this will scramble your brains and you'll see why the guys in our community actually get results.

Everyone thinks that if you aren't Getting Laid on your first date(s) that the problem is your "End Game" or inability to disarm "Last Minute Resistance".

It's assumed that you aren't pulling the trigger or are simply clumsy/timid when it comes to initiating sex or "escalating" a girl.

This could be true.
(and often is if you are inexperienced)

But if you've already slept with a few girls - it's NOT the problem.

The problem is - 

You are simply hanging out with a girl that is NOT down-to-fuck.

In fact, many available-but-not-so-DTF girls will be somewhat confused/creeped out when you try to get physical with them beyond the general first date kissing that most girls plan for.

Some will even tell you -

I wasn't expecting this...

Listen to her feedback on this one.

Don't dismiss this as "her problem".

The reason you are finding yourself on a date with an available-but-not-DTF girl traces back to your initial interaction with the girl.

Specifically - the impression (profile) you made when you met her, your overall appearance/vibe and how aggressive you were (or weren't).

There's 3 general profiles that girls put guys in -

Most guys are ~90% Boyfriend Material (Nice Guy) and ~10% Boyfriend Potential (Player).

Girls will go out with this type of guy with the sole intention of being courted, flattered and seeing if he would indeed make a safe boyfriend.

She also assumes he is a "dater" or "looking for a relationship", as Plenty of Fish calls it.

Since she sees him as a potential significant other, at most, she doesn't want to sleep with him right away and look like a slut with weak sexual morals.

This is the reason that the vast majority of guys (unless they have sexual anxiety/completely inexperienced) aren't getting much action on their first dates and are often wait 3+ weeks to sleep with their newest prospect. 

Good Looking guys that are Boyfriend Material experience this too, but less attractive girls are sometimes willing to amend their 'Countdown to Sex' criteria, especially if the guy "gets them drunk".

Explaining how to lose the 'Boyfriend Material/Nice Guy' persona and put yourself in Player/Scumbag territory is a separate article altogether and in multiple discussions all over this site.

But the main things you need to remember are -

Those 3 things alone will significantly limit how many girls look at you as "Boyfriend Material", attract sexually-active DTF girls and will drastically shorten the 'Countdown to Sex' with all girls.

Although I was attractive and considered "hot" by most girls, I was the Good Looking Loser that they pictured having a relationship (and family) with.

Not the Good Looking Loser that they pictured absolutely obliterating their pussy with a wider than naturally possible dick

I had this issue for years and everyone blamed my "game" or "Last Minute Resistance" for not getting girls in bed.

They couldn't have been more wrong.
(to be fair - I didn't get this either)

I simply was not chilling with girls that were looking to fuck me.

I was on dates with girls that wanted to get to know me and prove to me that they weren't "easy".

Great.

In fact, I probably did pretty well, considering most of these girls were definitely trying to hold out for as long as possible.
(I went on lots of dates as a Good Looking Independent College Transfer/Loner)

By and large, being seen as 'Boyfriend Material' is the main reason that most guys aren't sleeping with girls quickly. It's not their "game" unless they are inexperienced.

Even then, chances are - they aren't chilling with a girl that is looking to have sex with them for a little while.

The other reasons I'm going to discuss also play a role but this is the main one.

Fix this and you'll be sleeping with girls a lot quicker.

This is a BIG BIG DEAL.

If you accomplish nothing else in the next 6 months other than being seen as a Player (with Boyfriend Potential) rather than Boyfriend Material - 2015 will be your breakout year.

Trust me, I know.

boyfriend-material joke

You Are Blatantly Setting Up and Going Out on Dates
(if you are inexperienced - you should not be reading this; go on all the dates you can)

Most guys around here, regardless of experience level, already understand this concept pretty well. 

While the initial impression (profile) you make is critical, it's also important that you don't give the impression that you are taking a girl out on a traditional "date" and voluntarily classify yourself as 'Boyfriend Material'.

The obvious way to do this is not offer the traditional 'dinner and a movie' that most guys do.

What is equally as important is how you "frame" your meet up.

You don't want to call it a "date".

You don't want to propose anything that would cause the girl to tell her friends that she has "a date" and get excited about the prospects of having a relationship with you. 

An easy alternative to is ask her to "meet up for a drink", "pick her up and chill/kick it", "smoke some weed", "go clubbing". 

Very informal and the alcohol/drugs/party reference is an understood polite invite for more. 

You may have more girls turn you down for this informal offer but you won't be going out with a girl that is playing hard to get because she wants a boyfriend.

While "dates" are certainly amazing for your overall experience and 'Sense of Entitlement', eventually you will start to get frustrated with getting strawberry milkshakes and miniature golfing instead of putting your penis inside a girl's vagina. 

It's just not quite the same thing.

Again, if you are inexperienced - none of these rules apply to you.

Go out on as many dates as possible.

If you haven't been Getting Laid, don't "reject" girls because they want to get to know you a little bit before they sleep with you.

Often these girls stay around a lot longer because they are emotionally invested. So it's not the worst thing in the world - even if you are experienced.

5 years removed from the pick up community "Get Laid" protocol (get number, text game, phone game, date 1, text game, phone game, date 2, text game, phone game, date 3, sex(?) etc.) blueprint - it should have been obvious to me that this wasn't much of a "Huge Player" protocol that the guys that have the most sex follow.

The guys that are Getting Laid the most (from cold approach) are getting pussy into their bed on the SAME NIGHT and often live within walking distance of a high-traffic venue.

They aren't going on any Day 1, Day 2, Day 3's.

I don't know why I didn't realize this.

With that said, you can have an amazing sex life as purely a 'Serial Dater', my buddy Trevor is just that guy.

It's way more time consuming but the girls tend to hang around for several months trying to lock you down or until they discover you are just a womanizer.

perfect boyfriend

You Have No Gameplan For the End of the Night
(it should end in your bedroom)

Just as when you are picking up girls, you need a general, repeatable gameplan for your "dates".

Otherwise, you'll have nights ending with her driving home, you driving home, or even worse - your "date" ending cordially but abruptly with no promises of ever speaking again.

Most guys simply "meet up" at a neutral location for their first date and audition for a second date.

It's literally a tryout. 

You won't be doing that and shouldn't be feeling that way unless the girl is from the Internet (and you literally have not met in-person) and you are inexperienced.

In general, this is how you should plan your first "date" unless you are absolutely certain that the girl wants to have sex with you - 

  1. Have the girl drive to your place and park.
    (this is easy and great in LA since parking is so limited and expensive; you can pick her up and drive back to your house if this isn't possible)
  2. Show the girl your place, including your bedroom.
  3. Walk to a local spot for a drink or 3. Yes, even during the date - girls love drinking during the day.
    (Drive if you have to, not suggested though - you are better off walking to a grocery store and buying a cheap bottle of wine and a dessert to share).
  4. Come back and go into your house under the pretense of "I have to be up early in the morning/do something later today but you can come in for a drink and we'll chill for 10-15 minutes..."
  5. Pour drinks, turn on the TV, sit down next to the girl and follow my basic "escalation" blueprint below. 
    (massage, kiss, touching her all over)
  6. Duck into your bedroom under the pretense of "let's get some privacy".
    (have some music ready to go)
  7. Continue what you were doing, all the way to having sex.

This was my version of "The First Date".

I have repeated this so many times I can't even count.

At first, it wasn't super successful (maybe ~15-20% success rate).

But that was because I was going out with girls that were not DTF.

Once I learned to Screen (and was profiled as a 'Player' (w/ 'Boyfriend Potential') and not straight 'Boyfriend Material', this improved to over 90%.

I was Getting Laid more often than not on the "first date".

This was really big for me and I remember the night that I realized it - I had gone 4 for 4, over 3 days.

Regardless of what you do on your "date", make sure the final destination is your bedroom/living room with drinks on hand.

If she is DTF - THAT IS WHERE SHE WANTS IT TO END TOO.

You aren't twisting her arm or seducing her - you are just providing the foreplay.

TAKE HER INTO YOUR ROOM AND SHUT THE DOOR.

Some will try to be cool and helpful by advising, "just fuck her in a park!", "just fuck her in your car!", "just fuck her in a men's toilet stall!", "just fuck her in the alley away from the broken glass!".

You know and I know that you aren't comfortable enough to do that - especially on a first date.

It's also fucking stupid and generally not enjoyable unless you are both beyond intoxicated.

Stop making things hard on yourself (or weird/trashy for the girl) and take her to a clean bedroom like she wants.

If you can't bring girls into your house because your parents are weirdos - GET YOUR OWN PLACE as soon as you possibly can.

If you can't think of an 'excuse' to take a girl into your room, here are some perfectly reasonable pretenses - 

Hey, let me show you that YouTube Video I was talking about...
(grab her hand and walk her to your room)

Hey, let me show you this YouTube Video...
(grab her hand and walk her to your room)

Hey, come meet my dog, he might be asleep now though...
(grab her hand and walk her to your room - show her a stuffed animal and playfully tackle her onto your bed)

Let's get some privacy.
(same deal, follow me technique)

Here, let's lay down so we can really get into this massage...
(both Scotty and I suggest giving the girl a massage as the first step when you want to get things moving toward sex)

I have a softer place to sit, come here...
(hardly a pretense, just take the girl into your room)

Lets go into my bedroom now.
(yeah, that works too because the girl wants to do that)

No matter what destinations your "date" includes, you should plan to have it end in your bedroom if you want the best odds of sleeping with the girl.
(the living/family/TV room is fine too if you have a nice sofa or Lovesac

While you could potentially go to the girl's place (I don't suggest this until you are officially fuckbuddies), I see absolutely no advantages to doing this unless you are literally homeless or have parents that will sue you for having sex in their house.

mickey-kids-bedroom-cartoonAlthough a bit of an exaggeration - when I spent a few weeks at my Sister's house in DC. for Christmas instead of going to FL., I brought 2 girls (dates, mind you) back to a room that looked like this. The bed was slightly larger but there was no train set though. 

Your Dates Are Auditions and Not Foreplay

Although your initial impression/profile is most important, "how you act" on your date is obviously significant.

Your first date shouldn't be an audition for a second date or be spent playing "not to lose".
(the exception is an Internet date if you are inexperienced - in which case you will be telling the girl that you are only meeting up with her for 45 minutes)

You should be 'touchy-feely' with the girl from the start.

You probably already know this and it seems like an easy thing to do, but keep in mind - most guys will absolutely not be doing this and that is why making moves on the girl later in the night seems so weird.

At best, on a first date with a new girl, most guys will be trying to prove that they are super interesting/stand up comedian and stumble in for an awkward end-of-the-night kiss after only hugging the girl when the night began.

Keep your hands busy.

Lead the girl around WHEREVER YOU WALK with the basic 'Follow Me' technique.

Hold her hand and walk her to and from wherever you are going like she is a 5 year old kid.

Play with her hair.

Play with her hands.

Put your arm around her.

Put your hand on her legs.

Slap her ass.
(if this "doesn't work" then you have a prudish girl on your hands)

Massage her shoulders and neck.

When you do kiss her, it's not awkward and completely wanted and expected. 

That's foreplay.

The simple fact that you have given yourself permission to touch your date sets you apart from 95% of guys who are leaning on their interesting stories and jokes to get girls horny/second date.

Girls will realize they are on a date with a man and not a boy.

YOU WILL HAVE SOME GIRLS TELL YOU THIS TOO.

Remember, a little "touching" goes a long way.

You just need to be somewhat 'touchy-feely' on the actual date and get more physical (massage, kiss, rub intimate zones, makeout) once you are drinking with the girl on your couch.

The main thing to keep in mind when you are out with a girl - 

She, in some capacity, ALREADY LIKES YOU.

You have at least met or exceeded her 'Looks Threshold'.

That is why she is okay being seen in public with you.

You shouldn't be auditioning, you should be simply taking things further until she stops you.

If your girl is DTF, the "date" is simply foreplay.

Girls enjoy the 'Countdown to Sex' and the emotional lead up and investment, even if it's sometimes brief.

audition

You Make Things Harder By Not Drinking 

I'm not much of a drinker, but I will absolutely kill a few drinks on a date.

In fact -

I insist. 

Besides -

Girls want to drink.

Especially DTF girls.

Girls are nervous too.

They are worried if they look hot enough, if you like their dress, if their hair is staying put, if you like their stupid purse, if they are wearing enough/not too much makeup, if you think they are a slut and all the other nonsense they think about that we pay no attention to.

Alcohol (and drugs) loosens them up so they can have fun/sex, as well as an easy excuse if they wish they hadn't the following day. 

It's amazing to me how many guys (who look online for dating/sex advice) don't take advantage of the ultimate "Last Minute Resistance" cure - ALCOHOL.

But guys searching for help online want techniques, intellectual answers and eBooks I guess.

The one time there IS a legitimate quick-fix, they don't take it.

If you don't know how to offer a girl a drink, just make her one and hand it to her.

Or say -

"I'm going to have a drink."
(and make her one too)

"Drink this, quickly as possible, I'm trying to get you drunk", works great too.
(they want to drink, especially if they are DTF or want to be DTF - see how this works?)
(the girl in this video from Vegas insists on drinking before more we go at it)

The average "natural" who is good with girls simply has good social skills, finds DTF girls by exuding a 'Player' vibe and can get girls to drink with them.

Nobody wants to admit it but alcohol is more powerful than "end game". 

Actually - normal people admit this all the time.

perfect-boyfriend-patch

2 Other Reasons You Aren't Sleeping With Girls on Your First Date (Inexperienced Guys)

Those 5 reasons, ESPECIALLY the first one (Boyfriend Material) are the reasons that most guys (unless they are really inexperienced) aren't having sex on their first dates.

They simply aren't chilling with a girl that has any plans to sleep with them that particular night.

Here are two other reasons -

You Are Legitimately Inexperienced (Sexual Anxiety) or "Bad End Game"

Obviously this is a factor for some guys.

They aren't 'pulling the trigger' because they get performance anxiety.

The most inexperienced aren't 'pulling the trigger' because they simply don't know how to initiate foreplay (just do it, no perfect moment).

If you've gotten laid a few times, however, this is probably not your main problem.

You know how to "escalate" girls, you know when to kiss them (whenever) and you know that at some point in the night you need to be ALONE in a comfortable setting (usually with alcohol) with your date.

Chances are the girl is not letting you undress her because she is simply not DTF.

She isn't DTF because she doesn't quite see you as "that guy".

"Bad End Game" or "Being a Pussy" (performance anxiety) is ALWAYS ONE AND ONLY REASON that is to blame for when guys don't Get Laid when they are alone with a girl that likes them.

This is only the case for inexperienced guys.

Are you not Getting Laid on your first dates because you are "Being a Pussy"?

Or is it because you are not with a girl that is DTF (because you are seen as Boyfriend Material)? 

You know the answer.

And so do I. 

 

Goofy shy.sized

Inexperienced guys, listen -

We exist to help you.

Although this site is based on some edgy stuff, I damn well know who is seeking out 'dating' advice and it is my goal to fix your sex life and not charge you a penny.

We will do just that. 

You Simply Aren't Going Out on Enough Dates and Putting Too Much Pressure on Yourself

If you haven't been going on a lot of dates - each time you go out with a girl, you will feel added pressure to "make it happen".

Chances are, if you are inexperienced, you won't be going out with a DTF girl - so it's not going to happen anyway.

The last thing you need to do is blame yourself or put added pressure on yourself to "perform".

Remember, it was YEARS until I started Getting Laid on my "first dates".

So long as you are following the gameplan and doing what you need to do - there is NO SHAME in going on a date and not Getting Laid.

If you are really inexperienced, even if you had a DTF first date - you probably would get nervous and it wouldn't happen anyway.

That's not a defeatist mind - it's simply to reassure you: IT DOES NOT MATTER.

Your best bet is spending 6 months to a year (or however long it takes) going on dates with girls from the Internet, beating Approach Anxiety and some Basic Guy (compliment, small talk, ask for number) approaches - until you have a couple fuckbuddies.

From that alone you will be getting more pussy than 90% of guys.

And, Oh yeah - get down to 8% body fat.

Dedicate 12 months to that and you tell me if you aren't holdin it down.

keep-calm-im-not-boyfriend-material-

Pour Conclure

Unless you are really inexperienced and are still get scared when things are heating up -

If you aren't Getting Laid on your first date (or later dates for that matter), it's because you aren't with a girl that is going to fuck you that night.

The probable reason is because you still reek a high percentage of 'Boyfriend Material' and aren't attaching sexual active girls.

If you have a girl that is DTF, you will get laid with minimal effort.

If you have a girl that is not DTF, you will not get laid with maximal effort.

Keep that in mind.

Obviously, there are some girls that fall in-between and "good game" or drugs/alcohol can close this gap.

But the "end game" element, as always - is overplayed and hardly a solution if you have a girl that has no plans of having sex. 

Last Minute Resistance often occurs because the girl simply wasn't planning on fucking you.

The good news is - all of this can be fixed once you understand what the problem is.

If you questions, comments or want to express how much you love/hate us, drop us a line below -
(in-depth questions are best left in the forum where you will receive in-depth feedback)