Why I'm Jealous Of You...

What You Have I Don't

I have an endless list of topics I need to write about -

endless ideas for posts

But more often, I just end up discussing whatever is going on in my head that day, that's how I'm able to publish my best stuff. I'm not a great writer.

Sometimes - ideas just come to me.

But sometimes there's a certain incident that is the catalyst. 

This is one of those.

snoopy working 

This weekend I was at the gym and a guy came up to me.

He recognized me from this website and the YouTube channel.

Although this has happened several times before, what happened after wasn't the usual.

He asked me for my autograph and to take selfie photos with him. 

This isn't something (honest to Christ) that I'm comfortable with, especially the former.

I'll never forget what my 5th grade math teacher, Mr. Edmunson, told our class.
(I was in 4th grade but in 5th grade accelerated math!)

He didn't believe in "autographs".

He wasn't a hater either.

He told our class that "celebrities" (I am hardly that) are simply 'other people'. While talented (or not that talented and simply at the right place at the right time), they are simply humans.

They have the same needs in life -

They want a little bit of love.

They want a little bit of respect.

They want a little bit of adventure.

They want a little bit of security and protection from fear.

They have their own version of our problems, that produce similar feelings of unhappiness and insecurity. Even if those problems are "high-quality" problems, like having to protect their reputation, money or how to further their careers, the net result is the same - worry, insecurity and even helplessness.   

He valued a down-to-earth heart-to-heart talk rather than an impersonal autograph. 

I do too.

Instead of taking him up on the "autograph" (I did the selfie pictures), I invited him to lunch - on me, of course.

I wanted to discuss HIM and not me because I already knew what his problem(s) were simply by the way he approached me at the gym. 

Sure enough, I was correct.

lunch time michael ledray

We sat down to lunch and he began to tell me how he was really grateful for the invite, but how he was nervous and even contemplating not coming at the last second. He said he was respectfully "jealous" of my life, past and present - citing specific things, mostly true, but many that he just assumed. He also said that he didn't know how it was going to be possible to get on "my level". Both Scotty and I have heard statement a lot.
(it actually take a lot of courage to say this stuff...)

I knew what was going on.

He was under the impression that he wasn't worthy to be there and somehow I was a special person.

As I explained to him (for 90 minutes or until he believed me, whichever came last) -

I AM NOT A SPECIAL PERSON.

I AM AN ABOVE-AVERAGE PERSON who knows that is ALL IT TAKES to achieve SPECIAL THINGS (IF YOU APPLY YOURSELF).

At best, I am an Above-Average person who has achieved some special things because I've worked at it and did/learned whatever I had to along the way.

Most people don't achieve special things for reasons other than a lack of talent.

95% of people simply disqualify themselves from success because they don't know what they want or allow their inferiority complex to eliminate them ever REALLY trying.

Or even get started - for that matter.

The remaining 5% are the only competition. Attrition and willingness to learn often determines the victor.

Sometimes, the entire 5% finds good success.

There are people far more talented than I, far better looking, far stronger, far smarter, with far better ideas and higher ceilings. Most people would have a bigger penis if they did the exercises.

They don't have the financial or sexual success because they don't believe this "Above Average" principle.

They think they need to be "superhuman" to get superhuman results. They think that successful people are superhuman.

So they never try.

Hardly the case.

In this kid's case, his "inferiority complex" was particularly ridiculous.

He is 22, good looking, if not better looking than I was at his age. Had a lot of friends, a hot girlfriend (he showed me pictures on his cell phone) that he was 'scared' to break up with and school/learning new things came easy to him.

I envy him.

When I was 22, I was wasting my life playing video games (I was REALLY good at NCAA Football and Madden) and posting on Bodybuilding forums, convincing myself that I was "learning" or "relaxing" since school was "so hard".

I was quickly becoming "The Lonesome Bodybuilder", a convenient excuse to live a mundane life as a loner in denial.

I was 'Good Looking Loser'.

One of the biggest wastes of sexiness that ever existed.

Girls liked me but yet I wasted the prime years of my physical appearance in the gym (trying to become superhuman) and my one bedroom apartment on AOL Instant Messenger.
(a man's prime is 28-34, a "kids" prime is 18-23 though)

Hot or Not

I can't get those years back.

This character "Good Looking Loser", this person "Christopher Deoudes", should have been so much more in his early and mid 20's.

Instead, I was just that.

Good Looking Loser.

A sensitive 20-something kid that hid his fragile ego behind his physical appearance, scared to death of rejection, motivated only by approval from others.

I was like a teenage girl.
(18 year old girl, of course!)

And Still - I was living a better life than most. Or at least I told myself that.

Arguably, it was my half-decade of relative failure, that was the only reason I became obsessed with picking up girls and social self-improvement.

Mr. Insecurity turned out to be my best friend.

But still - I can't get those years back. All those birthdays I spent in my room alone, are old news.

You can though.

Although my life turned out pretty well, if I could do it all over again (stupid hypothetical), I would have done things differently.

I wouldn't have wasted my early 20's being so comfortable.

I wouldn't have been Good Looking Loser.

My message to you "kids" is -

---START NOW---

Not when you are 26. 

It's like investing.

If you start early, even if with minimal contributions, you will be WAY AHEAD of everyone else when you become their age.  

I'm starting to realize what older, wiser people have told me for years. 

They always said that they "envied" my youth and the years are special, if for no other reason than simply not having real responsibilities and financial commitments.

It's the perfect time to get ahead (or at least set yourself up for success).

---START NOW---

You might not get the chance later.

I'm lucky.

Real fucking lucky.

As a Law School dropout who pretended he was a Native American to get a scholarship, with a shitty know-nothing liberal arts major (I did get a minor in business administration!) my Dad blindly agreed to loan me what turned out to be well over $48,000 so I could to go to California and pick up girls as part of Brad P's program.

With no evidence (other than my inflated GPA and biceps), he hoped that I would actually become a high-end personal trainer to pay him back and not prove my older siblings right that I was the 'spoiled baby' of the family.

Interestingly enough, it was my obsession with picking up girls (and having a thick dick that got some publicity in popular party circles) that paid off more than my body and fitness knowledge.
(this blog)

Though I have repaid my father many times over, the guilt in my later 20's was horrendous. It certainly affected my 'Sense of Entitlement' until my personal training gig started working.

I will always feel that I wasted my early 20's and that dropping my Law School scholarship to have him pay for "Pickup Mansion" was completely absurd - even though my relationship with "Brad P." was critical to my initial success and eventual mega-success. 

I got lucky.

Real lucky.

Though you may deny that my success was due "luck" and not hard work, I maintain that it was DEFINITELY BOTH, the former playing a bigger role than you might believe.

I don't want you to rely on "luck" though.

You don't have to be me.

I don't want you to.

You have the opportunity NOW.

If you aren't married with a mortgage, kids and a dead-end job you hate/need - you don't have any REAL responsibilities now. 

Even if you are working a first or second job. It hardly matters now.

Learn to Get Laid NOW, so you aren't wandering around drunk on Hollywood Boulevard on a slow Tuesday night thinking about at which point your life started going downhill.

Learn to Get Laid before you get in a committed relationship or start your "career".

Sexual frustration will put a ceiling on your entire life and make you resent whichever "wife" you settle for.

Once you know you can Get Laid (my definition: go out 2-3 times and get at least 1 girl in bed), you won't ever have to worry about sex again.

Learn to Get Laid (whatever your definition is), have some fun with it and move on to bigger and better things. 

It's possible, these guys are doing just that -
(don't view these at work or in front of your Mom)

And Plenty more guys are having sex with 10-20-30+ women.

That is what my early 20's should have looked liked.

Instead, my posts were on a bodybuilding forum and I was posting selfies of my body to a bunch of dudes instead of the pussy I was hitting.

It wasn't until I was 27 that I was doing stuff like that.

I wasn't on "your level".

I hope you understand that.

I'M THE JEALOUS ONE.

I was just Good Looking Loser.

A comfortable, highly normal, undersexed existence.

Take advantage of your 20's or prepare for the pending mid-life crisis in your 30's or 40's. 

People who have psychological breakdowns in their adult years didn't build themselves up in their 20's and are faced with financial barriers that prevent significant change.

They are stuck.

Don't let that happen to you.

Pour Conclure

Before I sound like a grumpy old man on his deathbed, nostalgic about his life as an underachiever, I want to affirm that I do enjoy my life.

It's ideal.

But it's more than I deserve and I know it. 

I have no business in the Top 1% in wealth and sex because I'm simply ABOVE-AVERAGE (at best) in reality.

The thing is -

I KNOW IT.

You have your youth and you don't even know how valuable that is.

Apply yourself now and you'll be far ahead of me when you celebrate your 32nd birthday.

~ Good Looking Wise Old Man Loser

smart owl