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In Part I of our series, "Plight of the Lonesome Bodybuilder", I discussed who "The Lonesome Bodybuilder" is and why he actually has pretty good potential with women if his emotional problems don't run too deep.
In this section, we're going to discuss the common mindsets, tendencies and self-imposed roadblocks that The Lonesome Bodybuilder faces.
More importantly, we'll offer a first-step solution to all of these.
Many lonely undersexed Bodybuilders aren't ready to hear this. (I'm plenty qualified to give advice on bodybuilding and how to escape it - I've done more juice than 99% of guys that are reading this. It was my entire life for 5.5 years.)
Because cardio is boring. While I wasn't quite the 'Lonesome Bodybuilder', I had many of the following problems.
Obviously, not ALL these issues will fully apply to ALL Bodybuilders, many will however.
I suggest that you keep an open mind and acknowledge any issues you might have, rather than looking for excuses to deny them like the typical bodybuilder always does.
Regardless of how good you are at denial, I was pretty good - your 20's will pass you by.
Reality always wins.
Will you be eating pussy or just oatmeal?
Take your time reading and thinking about this series.
It's a LONG one.
#1 The Bodybuilder Lacks Swag Factor (Coolness) (and general social awareness/skills)
Although social freedom (ability to talk to girls) is a primary problem for the Bodybuilder, a bigger problem is often his lack of social awareness and experience.
He is not necessarily a 'loser' (the bad kind) or a weirdo, he just isn't cool.
Introverted and a loner by nature, he began hitting the gym to look good in hopes of getting attention. What began as a psychologically healthful hobby turns into the perfect antisocial diversion.
His social skills stagnate, his ability to communicate with most women erodes and he becomes almost completely one-dimensional. (extreme cases will go WEEKS without talking to girls, unless a female employee is at the gym desk)
He can't understand or relate to popular girls or even most guys his age.
He doesn't understand or recognize popular culture.
It's all "gay" to him.
He is out of touch and he is no one that a popular girl would want to be seen with.
His answer to "What's new?" is always -
Small talk with non-Bodybuilders is tough.
There is nothing going on in his life and he doesn't know how to encourage others to talk.
He decides socializing (talking to other humans) is "gay".
Though usually in denial, the gym gives him some pleasure and a daily sense of accomplishment - often keeping him from hitting rock bottom and really making the decision to create a decent social/sex life.
First Step Solution Swag Factor (developing social skills and social status) is not a quick fix.
A reasonable first step would be to get a WEEKEND job as a bouncer or doorman, just to get the Bodybuilder out into the scene.
Even just standing at a door asking people for their ID and talking to bar staff will be more helpful than another night at home.
Just by being out in the scene - guys will compliment his body, praise he hardly needs, but it's better than another night of jerking to YouTube videos and eating canned sardines. Eventually, someone on the bar staff will invite him to an afterparty and he can eventually make some friends that will force him to come out more.
The isolationist cycle needs to be broken as soon as possible.
That's how the lonely Bodybuilder can do it, break into the scene and slowly gain confidence.
definition from Urban Dictionary Swag is not about "acting Black" or parading around like a clown. It's about being seen as a cool guy who is a social asset rather than a liability.
#2 The Bodybuilder Judges Himself Based on How His Body Looks That Day (and is terrified of rejection)
Never-ending body dysmorphia.
Like girls have their "fat days", the Bodybuilder will have his psychologically devastating "small days".
His self-esteem is almost completely based on his appearance, which is ever-changing from anabolic bloat and usually loosely-defined fitness goals.
The bigger problem is -
The Bodybuilder thinks that EVERYONE ELSE is also judging him on his body.
Any sort of rejection is interpreted as -
I am not attractive enough. (seeking to guard against this - most Bodybuilders will absolutely not try for any girls)
This is a death blow.
The reality is - no one really cares if his arms aren't 18" that day or if his calves look small that day.
With the exception of other Bodybuilders, nobody even fucking notices.
Unfortunately, on the days that he looks great, he does nothing but go to the gym, or at best - takes new selfies to post on social media.
He never leverages the momentum to talk to women.
First Step Solution
Like Swag Factor, self perception and years of body dysmorphia has no quick fix.
I have two starter steps though -
ADMIT that girls prefer the athletic-but-not-too-big guy or "surfer boy" who has abs and a little muscle to the grotesque chemical monster with overgrown features and emotional problems. (see #18) (fitness girls may prefer bodybuilder physiques)
ADMIT that you have anxiety about talking to women and that is the other primary reason that you are and will remain undersexed.
Those 2 realities are extremely difficult for the Bodybuilder to come to grips with.
Most will go to the grave before they concede these weaknesses.
I was in denial for many years. Of any problem, admitting to myself that I was scared of pretty girls was by far my biggest hurdle.
Years later, I would learn that "rejection", IF you look above-average, was a matter of 'Sexual Availability' and not a lack of sex appeal.
That changed everything.
I never took rejection personally again.
#3 The 24/7 Bodybuilder Lifestyle Prevents a "Normal" Life, Social Development and Simply Having Fun
You probably already have a better body than 98% of guys and already have potential to get pussy - stop wasting it at the gym if you aren't a competitive bodybuilder or athlete.
Very few Bodybuilders have a sense of style. We'll discuss that later.
#4 The Bodybuilder Rarely Has Girls Who Are His Friends
As touched upon in 'Lack of Swag Factor' (#1), the 24/7 non-competitive Bodybuilder rarely has girls in his life, in any capacity.
He loses touch with anyone who doesn't go to the gym and has a particularly hard time relating to popular girls.
Extreme cases start to hate women, which is often a point of no return.
You NEED to have at least some girls as friends (they hook you up with their friends - it's a great thing).
Don't listen to that "No Friend Zone" shit that geeksquad pick up artists talk about.
They have no cool friends - male or female.
First Step Solution
Fitness girls are pretty friendly and they like to meet the big/frequent guys at the gym.
You are part of the "in-crowd" at the gym, they will be happy to talk to you. (the only time a Bodybuilder isn't part of the 'in-crowd' at his gym is if he smells or has weird training habits such as screaming and yelling)
Befriend these girls to just get used to talking to someone without a penis.
Unless the girl blatantly flirts with you (many fitness girls will do this), just stay friends with her. Try to hook her up with one your friends, if she is willing to introduce you to her friends.
Get her number by saying -
Hey what are you up to this weekend? (they often have no life either) I'm going out with some friends, you are welcome to join us.
Let me take your number and text you later.
If she finds you sexually attractive, you'll eventually do her.
But don't get too far ahead of yourself yet - LEARN TO SPEAK TO THEM and see what they are doing with their lives.
#5 Post Cycle Therapy Prevents the Bodybuilder From Trying (and anxiety from daily stimulants/hormonal fluctuation)
For those that cycle and engage in a HPTA/testicular recovery period (PCT), there is no worse time to try and get pussy.
Sex drive is wrecked, you have very little interest in the opposite sex. It will take several weeks until it returns to normal.
Testosterone levels are low and possibly in the single digits. Erections are scarce and very hard to maintain.
Motivation is pretty low too. There is little motivation to do anything but chill out, a well-earned vacation after busting your ass in the gym for 10 to 14 weeks.
Although "roid rage" is largely bullshit, among the plethora of lies told about anabolic steroids, hormonal fluctuation (up or down) can cause anxiety. This is often seen while on cycle (especially with Tren, EQ, etc.) but can happen during PCT if you are prone to anxiety.
Pre-workout stimulants can cause post-workout anxiety as well.
The net result is -
Bodybuilders simply don't try to do anything social during these periods.
Many simply daydream about their next cycle and spend their PCT month typing away on Internet forums and evaluating other men's bodies.
First Step Solution
There is very little that you can do to prevent the issues that come with PCT/juicing.
It's part of the game.
The most obvious solution is beginning doctor supervised HRT and not coming off (cruising). I made that decision in 2005 and it has been great. My testosterone levels are higher than everyone that I speak to - it's a physical and psychological advantage.
I do not suggest this for everyone or anyone not under an endocrinologist's care.
As for on-cycle suggestions - avoid steroids that give you anxiety or mess up your sleep.
While there are some Bodybuilders (Juiced Party Boys) that leverage their appearance to have a good social life, there are just as many that live in near total isolation.
#6 The Bodybuilder Has a Below-Average "Dating IQ"
This is another by-product of relative isolation and undeveloped Swag Factor.
Most Bodybuilders simply don't know "how it works" with women.
There's a lot of basic things that the Bodybuilder simply does not understand -
The Bodybuilder doesn't get why girls seemingly like "pussy ass guys" that aren't built. (it's not the girls prefer "pussy ass guys", it's that non-gym rats often have better social skills, friends and simply talk to girls more often)
The Bodybuilder doesn't get why women (especially the most attractive ones) don't approach him. (although girls may compliment the Bodybuilder and tell him that he's "huge", they won't initiate real conversations or give obvious invitations for sex unless he is good looking. It is simply not female nature to take the lead and "huge" guys are intimidating to most girls)
The Bodybuilder doesn't know how to get a girl's phone number or how to follow up. (he is not used to the very basics of male-female interaction and will move very slowly, if at all)
The Bodybuilders that do follow up usually present themselves as boyfriend material in an effort to be nice/not lose and end up on painfully awkward dinner dates since they simply don't know what they are doing.
First Step Solution
The problem originates from a lack of experience.
The solution is to gain experience.
My suggestion which will gain the Bodybuilder some Dating IQ (if nothing else) is to make an online dating profile and go out with some girls.
This will allow him to bypass the mandatory social skills needed to setup traditional dates.
Many loner Bodybuilders actually take advantage of this, as well as they should.
Aside from some memorable rejections, in my first year of picking up girls full-time, I got a lot of ego-boosting feedback.
I still wasn't Getting Laid as much as I thought I should though. I was just a little bitch.
Eventually that "good feedback' got old and I got frustrated.
I started getting more aggressive with girls and the rest is history.
"Bulking" is not something that you need to be doing unless you are significantly underweight. We'll discuss that later...
#8 The Bodybuilder Has Ridiculously High Standards That He Cannot Currently Fulfill
The Bodybuilder constantly compares himself to other guys (and other Bodybuilders).
In most cases, he is bigger and stronger.
He probably looks better than the average guy too.
Since he judges himself and everyone else on their physical appearance (body), he tells himself he is superior to 99% of guys.
Whether he actually believes it or not is a different story.
He also thinks, mostly half-hardheartedly, that since he is bigger and stronger than 99% of other males that he is entitled to the Top 1% of girls.
Given his lack of in-crowd social circles, Swag Factor and Social Freedom - this top tier of women is out of his league/access, especially if he isn't naturally good looking.
First Step Solution
While it will be difficult for the loner Bodybuilder to immediately start sleeping with the popular girls in the Top 1%, he should leverage his gym/body status to go for hot fitness girls, many of which can be extremely attractive.
It's also important for the Bodybuilder to come to peace that he may not actually be among the Top 1% of guys, regardless of how big or strong he is.
Few Bodybuilders will admit this however.
#9 The Bodybuilder Is Always Comparing Himself to Other Guys and Has a Hard Time Making Cool Friends
As mentioned -
Loner Bodybuilders cling to fantasy that their body places them in the top tier of society, social skills are not needed.
Maybe in the gym, but not in the real world.
Many Bodybuilders look down on guys that don't go to the gym or don't train psychotically.
It's primarily a defense mechanism but it leaves them without many "normal" friends.
Many committed Bodybuilders only have other non-competitive Bodybuilders as friends. Many of the friendships aren't actually genuine and there's constant silent competition and jealousy.
The lack of "normal" friends contributes to stagnant social skills and lack of access to parties and girls.
First Step Solution
Anything that can get the Bodybuilder out of the isolated, socially-limited sub-culture is good.
Getting a job as a bouncer/doorman/security can open the door to new friendships and normal people.
At the very least, becoming a personal trainer (and starting friendships with the staff, not just trainees) can be beneficial as well.
#10 The Loner Bodybuilder Is Simply Inexperienced
This is similar to #6 (Low DatingIQ), but a little different.
Loner Bodybuilders usually begin as regular loners.
The average loner usually has less experience with girls than the average guy.
Although the average guy doesn't have much experience, in this game, the rich get richer and the poor grow more hungry.
Bodybuilding, a convenient excuse for a loner to embrace isolation, widens this gap.
They are inexperienced because they can't Get Laid and they can't Get Laid because they are inexperienced.
First Step Solutions
Regardless of all the potential ways that you can meet women, a conscious decision needs to be made to -
FIX YOUR SEX LIFE or a more specific goal: Sleep with 1 girl in the next 90 days
It needs to become your #1 goal if you are going to make significant progress and get significant results.
Otherwise, the Déjà vu Bodybuilder cycle will simply repeat itself -
Sleep (jerking off prior)
A good first step to gaining experience (Getting Laid) would be to put up an online dating profile.
#11 Bodybuilders Generally Have Weak Dicks and Sexual Anxiety (in relative proportions)
There's an inside joke among girls that Bodybuilders/Gym-Obsessed guys are attention whores with small dicks. (steroids DO NOT shrink your dick, they can temporarily shrink your balls however)
While this isn't true (it might just proportionally appear that way), Bodybuilders obviously fall within the usual average, it is rare for a Bodybuilder to have a big dick.
While some Bodybuilders don't know that male enhancement actually works, many are simply too proud to exercise their dick.
It's beyond me why most aren't interested in this subject.
I'd suggest working your way up to at least 7 inches erect and at least 4.5 inches when flaccid, otherwise some girls will consider you small because IT WILL LOOK SMALL in comparison to your legs.
Off-topic story: I'll get into this in detail another time, but one of the best experiences I had were fucking a 20something Bodybuilder's girlfriend while he watched. I was still semi-big at the time (6-2, 215lbs) but he was ~5-11, 245lbs and shredded. He had the perfect Bodybuilder body, but significantly lacked the equipment to bring his girl to orgasm. The fact that I was relatively out of shape but could get his girl off was amazing/psychologically devastating (his words) to him. You don't want to fall into this category, your body cannot compensate for an underdeveloped penis if you are trying to sleep with girls that have options. (couples/people to cuckold can be had via Adult Friend Finder, this was not a "pick up")
If you can't put in the time, just using Bathmate for 12 minutes a day will significantly increase both your length and girth. Especially if you have never done any male enhancement.
If you have the 'Bodybuilder' mindset and some degree of body dysmorphia, the last thing you need is more sexual anxiety from a sorry dick. Blow it up.
Also - if you are on cycle or running HRT, I suggest you use HCG (750ius, 3x/week). That will keep your balls nice and full. It also helps your flaccid size and erection quality. DO NOT have unprotected sex while using HCG; you will spit out tons of live fishes that go looking for eggs to turn into babies and child support payments.
#12 The Bodybuilder Has Absolutely No Fashion Sense Whatsoever
We have an entire guide on Hair Loss. Click above.
#14 The Bodybuilder Often Has Below-Average Skin/Complexion
Just as many juiced Bodybuilders are prone to hair loss from DHT, plenty also have issues with acne.
Left untreated for long periods of time, it can result in permanent scaring. (this can be mostly fixed with expensive laser treatments or temporary concealers)
Also, in my experience - heavy juicing made me look older than I was.
Let me explain.
It's not that steroids "cause" wrinkles.
It doesn't work that way.
However, steroids will make all of your muscles stronger, including your facial muscles.
Thousands of hours in the gym, tens of thousands of intense facial expressions - ADD UP.
Strengthened and repetitive creasing of facial muscles will accelerate lines and wrinkles.
Add anabolic bloat from heavy testosterone use, and your face will look older.
For some, this is a good thing, for others - it's not.
If you are a heavy juicer, you will eventually look older than you are.
Sorry. That's the way it is.
First Step Solutions
I'm not prone to hormonal acne, so I'm not going to comment on how to beat anabolic acne.
You will probably want to ask your doctor about Accutane though.
Do not buy it from an online pharmacy.
As for limiting premature lines/aging appearance -
Stay away from heavy doses of steroids or long periods of juicing. Control the bloat with the supplement I suggest below.
Or, just accept it and take good care of your skin and try to keep the bloat down.
Proper skin care, including low doses of Botox/Radiasse can make a huge difference. (it's highly ironic that Bodybuilders refuse to get Botox injections, yet spend years injecting steroids to supposedly look better)
I look slightly younger than my age these days.
This is significant because I always have looked older than my age. When I was 16, I could buy alcohol.
#15 The Bodybuilder Looks Like a Complete Loser on Social Media
Just so you know - I'm not totally against having Facebook or Twitter (I have to have it for work/communicate with East Coast friends).
I simply suggest that you don't spend all day on it or try to "work on" girls via social media.
If you do have a Facebook/Twitter/Instagram, make sure you aren't like many loner Bodybuilders that post hundreds of half-naked selfies, without a sense of humor or even a single friend.
Popular girls (and most everyone else) find desperate male self-promotion to be pretty sad and an obvious sign of immense insecurity.
If you have hundreds of half-naked selfies, hopefully you haven't added any girls that you are actually trying to fuck.
First Step Solution
Leave the self-promotion/jerk off pictures to girls.
Delete all those lonely half-naked selfies.
Leave the house.
Get yourself some inexpensive and respectable professional pictures via your Local Groupon (photography offers).
Same rules apply for creating an online dating profile.
Some selfies are fine. Just don't have too many selfies or pictures without friends.
#16 Gyno Totally Prevents Bodybuilders From Talking to Girls
Just as post-cycle therapy and the potential for erectile dysfunction discourages Bodybuilders from meeting new girls, to a greater extreme - gynecomastia will cause the Bodybuilder to shut it down socially too.
Sometimes for years.
This is unfortunate and understandable.
First Step Solution
DON'T GET GYNO.
Educate yourself and always have anti-estrogens on hand in case your chest flares up.
If you have it, whether from steroids or puberty - do whatever it takes and/or raise the money you need for surgery to get it removed.
If you only have a small amount of gyno, which isn't that noticeable - try not to worry about it.
It's not actually going to kill your chances, unless it's blatantly obvious.
Girls don't notice this stuff unless it's REALLY bad.
There's so many guys that give themselves gyno from smoking weed everyday (burnout have high estrogen levels) and hook up with female stoners on the regular.
#17 The Bodybuilder Often Looks Like Shit In the Off-Season
Many non-competitive Bodybuilders use their entire winter to get huge (fat).
Sure, it's fun (I did it), but if your #1 goal is to get pussy, being over 18-20% body fat will limit your options. Even if you are good looking.
If you care more about bodybuilding than girls (and don't have the silent agenda to get laid a lot) - by all means:
Do whatever your want.
First Step Issue
Nothing says that you have to have a "bulking" period.
Especially if your goal is to get into girl's panties, rather than putting panties on and posing on stage.
If you aren't a competitive Bodybuilder, there's no reason to live or eat like one.
After years of natural and not-so-natural bodybuilding, I can honestly tell you - there is very little difference the in the net results (lean mass) from full bulking vs. eating just above maintenance.
Your diet will be the biggest factor. Stay pretty clean.
Also, using T3 and/or HGH/peptides can help you stay lean despite some overfeeding.
T3 helps prevent bloating too.
#18 The Bodybuilder Doesn't Believe/Understand That His Body Type Isn't Ideal to Women
This infuriates non-competitive loner Bodybuilders that spend thousands of hours in the gym to better appeal to hot girls.
But it's true.
Girls, with the exception of fitness girls/female bodybuilders, prefer guys that are "lean with some muscle" to huge chemical-looking freaks. (while that's not what we may feel is "best", it is what the vast majority of women prefer)
But you already know this.
For what it's worth, here are some mainstream surveys that repeat this -
I didn't think the "Get Hung" guide would have girls eyeing my bulge. It did.
I didn't think that your exercise and diet advice would have girls checking me out. It did.
I DEFINITELY didn't think that your hair-loss prevention would fix my hairline. Not in a billion years. It mother fucking did. You saved me a crazy amount of time, a ton of money, unnecessary pain, and destroyed my #1 source of anxiety. DESTROYED IT.
Kratom is next!
To anyone reading this, follow through, read this material, APPLY this material, and enjoy life.