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Controlling Emotions
Relationships & Oneitis (Part 1)
(By Rooster, Good Looking Loser Contributor/Livestock)
Forward by Good Looking Loser
There is always a demand for us to talk about relationships and don't worry- I hear you, we will.
While relationships are no doubt relevant, my main focus to cover nearly all the topics that are related to GETTING LAID since there are VERY FEW websites/guys that specifically cover this topic or even know the difference between GETTING LAID and 'Meeting Women'.
The criteria, strategies and overall approach to GETTING LAID differ from meeting women, dating or "picking up" girls.
Rooster, today however, is going to talk to you about relationships, why guys sweat one girl too much and how he dug himself out.
This advice might apply to guys that broke up with their girlfriends months/years ago but are still in slumps. Plenty of you guys read our site.
I estimate that 100% of guys will experience something like this and could use some good advice or hope.
No matter how many sexual options you have or how many girls you do, once you meet a special one (or convince yourself of that) - your shit can get twisted.
I've even experienced this with fuckbuddies, who in most cases- liked me more than I liked them.
No matter how secure you are or how many options you have, no one is immune when real emotions become involved and the thought of never seeing someone again is a reality.
I don't want to exaggerate but- a breakup, to a lesser degree, can trigger the SAME FEELINGS and the SAME EMOTIONS as when someone you love dies.
I unexpectedly buried my brother when I was in 4th grade, my friend Keith when I was 28 and both grandparents on my mother's side. I also had an ex-girlfriend that "disappeared" for almost 3 years. While the lasting impact of those cases was more significant, at the time- I experienced the same feelings in some shape or form when relationships ended before I wanted them to.
It's natural if you aren't a sociopath.
The part that isn't natural or acceptable is the fear that controls your emotions and behavior before anything actually happens.
Oneitis is a psychologically unhealthy condition, often mistaken for 'love', in which an insecure guy obsesses, worries and acts compulsively toward and for a girl that he is emotionally and/or physically infatuated in.
The resulting behavior eventually sabotages the relationship and/or leaves him in a completely subservient vulnerable position where he may be emotionally, sexually and sometimes financial exploited to compensate his masculine inadequacies in order to preserve the failing relationship.
It occurs for various reasons, sometimes including but not limited to- a lack of self-esteem, sexual inexperience, social inexperience, poor physical condition and appearance, underdeveloped penis size and nice guy syndrome which has resulted in a lack of sexual options.
- Good Looking Loser
In normal terms-
He believes the girl is perfect and perfect for him.
This belief makes him emotionally invested and heavily attached.
He will do "anything" to make it work. Since HE is not enough, he begins gives all the emotional, physical and sometimes financial support he can.
This generally affects inexperienced guys. But can happen to anyone if a hotter than usual girl comes into a his life. Oneitis could stem from a bunch of things like: dry spells, being single for a long time, wanting validation, being emotionally unstable, and/or if the guy’s a type who craves relationships.
GLL Says:
Some guys even become obsessed with the vision of another guy with a bigger cock fucking her while she screams in pleasure. Believe it or not, this type of thing can become a lifetime obsession for some guys, drastically reducing their ability to move on or even become sexually active or emotionally healthy again. I'll tell you about how/why I know this another time, what the guys were like and what their relationships with their girlfriends/wives (if any) were like.
The main fear of oneitis comes from the thought of life if "perfect" girl leaves you.
The guy has unyielding belief that he will not find another girl like her, or have MAJOR troubles doing so.
Some guys think they will not and cannot find another girl whatsoever.
Logically, most guys knows that this is not true.
Emotionally, however, it is very real to them and this feeling can last for numerous years if not destroyed.
There are two types of Oneitis: Initial and Relationship.
Both have a negative impact on your life built up from false beliefs, low self-esteem and general inexperience.
Initial Oneitis is an overwhelming obsessive crush on ONE girl.
Sure, crushes can be okay, but this can start when you don’t even know the girl at all or worse- if she is your friend and better looking/cooler than you.
Some guys end up feeling this with almost all the girls they date; and every one of their new crushes they believe she’s amazing and truly one of a kind. Most of the time it’s happens within the first few months of dating, but it can even start with just some friend you’ve become infatuated with.
For a lot of guys, this has likely happened to some degree with their first committed relationship. “The first cut’s the deepest”. That’s almost expected with basically no experience – but the issue is that it continues for some guys for most or their entire lives with women.
If you fall for girls easily, you’re going to hit the ground hard, almost every time.
Overtime with gaining experience you’ll realize a lot of girl will come and go, if you were to become invested in girls too easily and quickly, you’re setting yourself up for an emotional roller coaster of disappointment and breakups.
GLL says:
On the flip-side, girls usually have a way better feel on their 'initial oneitis' - if they believe a guy is TOO COOL and TOO GOOD LOOKING for them, they will consciously pull away from the guy, so they don't get hurt. (we'll talk about how to get these girls back sometime, it's possible because they still like you). Most guys, however, will naively chase heartbreak and become very bitter.
Relationship Oneitis is a near total dependence on your girlfriend for all of your social and emotional needs.
You enjoy what she provides for you in your relationship, which is great. But there can be an expectation that she always will.
You might not feel the same powerful emotion as Initial Oneitis, but when your relationship with her becomes strained, shit hits the fan. You realize how much you “need” her and become a controlling/whipped emotional wreck trying the get her to stay with you.
GLL says:
An emotionally healthy girl will talk to you about this and later break it off with you if you continue being a dependent.
An emotionally unhealthy girl will leverage this against you to justify cheating and claiming "her stake" of your assets.
When you meet and start dating a really cool girl, it can be awesome. There are a lot of positive emotions that start and continue to build overtime.
The issue is that there are also negative feelings that we often just bundle as “normal” for a relationship, and part of the process.
These negative, controlling, obsessive emotions are unhealthy and do not have to be a part of dating.
To remove them, you first need to realize it’s largely from…
BEING DEPENDENT ON HER FOR:
SEX
The dreadful thought of having to “get back out on the market" meeting, dating, and building new relationships is hard work to the guy that’s inexperienced. It’s much easier for him to just rely on one girl for his sexual needs. If there is only one sexual girl in your life, this would likely be the biggest reason of dependence.
COMPANY
If you don’t often hang out with friends or people for that matter, she might be your only contact of someone who you enjoy spending time with regularly. People require contact with others. Make a priority to have a life outside of her.
LONELINESS WITH WOMEN
General feeling of just wanting to have a relationship. There’s some belief with guys that they might always be alone if they don’t “lock a girl down” while they’re young. If you despise being single, bouncing from one relationship to the next is not the way to do it. Put significant time with improving yourself and your standards, with the right direction (GLL) and effort you could have both quantity and quality of women in your life before you know it.
EMOTIONAL SUPPORT (and self-worth)
Someone to count on with relating to how you feel. This relates more to your independence as a person. Are you one who relies on your girl to make you feel better? Having emotional support is great, especially when it’s close friends/family that care a lot about your well being. But the more you depend on with a girl, the more a negative impact a potential breakup can be.
SOCIALIZING
You might be close with her group of friends as well as dependent on that social circle for socializing. There can be a fear of an ended relationship with her is an end to socializing with all her friends. This might not always be true, or be a big deal to you, but it’s just another added daunting thought of consequences of a break-up.The more you make your life around her, instead of a great part of it, the more you have to lose.
This is a large part of what creates the neediness that becomes 'oneitis', and also the first step to being able to control your emotions. If you change to reliance on different people or girls for these needs of yours, the negative effects will go down.
Signs You Have Oneitis:
General Signs of Oneitis include, but not limited to-
(By Rooster and Good Looking Loser)
If you have any more than 2 of these, you have significant oneitis and SHOULD NOT pursue a relationship of any sort with the girl until you fix your shit NOW or after you get your heart broken.
Signs of Obsessive Oneitis include, but not limited to-
(By Good Looking Loser)
* GLL says:
one of my hot friends, Danielle, claimed that she was certain that a friend (who liked her but later proved to be a freak) was doing this to her.
There's a whole story behind it that I won't go into but I just wanted to point out that is probably a sign of Obsessive Oneitis.
When we go out, I make sure to tell the story to people we just met to see their reaction in front of her.
All these signs/symptoms/behaviors are extremely unattractive and are damaging to the relationship, regardless of how far it has progressed.
But if you realize that this is not a healthy or usual part to dating/relationships and that it can be avoided or controlled- then you can rid yourself of this disease and start to have emotionally healthy relationships for the right reasons.
(assuming the girls don't have similar issues)
The negative emotions drive you to want to do more to protect the relationship (or what you had before the relationship). It’s usually from the thought of her leaving you/being with another guy that brings upon your insecure, controlling feelings; which feeling then results in your controlling and overprotective actions which inflicts further damage.
These actions (the signs listed), drive the girl away.
Ironically-
The feelings that guys act upon to try and keep the girl in the relationship results in being the reason why it ultimately ends.
This can happen to both guys and girls, but it’s usually is the men who struggle with it the most.
This is why the majority of time - it's the guys (not the girls) who want to establish, label, and enter the relationship. And Also why majority of time girls are the ones who first decide to end it.
“But she’s not like other girls!”
Yes she is.
I’m not saying your girl isn’t somewhat special, but if you haven’t been with a lot of women, can you really confidently say she’s that rare?
You can't.
If you were to spend a bit of time improving your sex appeal, social freedom, and actually hit the numbers…
Do you honestly believe you won’t find anyone better, even though odds are in your favor you will?
GLL says:
The truth is - you are totally compatible with hundreds of thousands of other people, most of which you will never meet.
Odds are that you will ultimately have better chemistry with some of them than whichever girl you are currently sweating.
The chances are low that the traits, dreams, looks, etc. in whichever ONE GIRL you are obsessed over aren't replicated hundreds of thousands of times over the entire population. If you nail even 20 girls you'll come to see this.
Oneitis happens most often to inexperienced guys.
Inexperienced guys believe their girl is rare… and they don’t have the experience to change their mind.
Yet Their Belief Still Stands…
The average (slightly more than totally inexperienced) guy isn't in much better shape.
Odds are-
If he put a bit of time improving sex appeal and hitting the numbers he could find a lot new women who are just as or higher quality than his wife... but that pushes the comfort zone a bit so it’s easier to just settle for a safe choice that isn't that much worse looking than he.
This average/normal lifestyle may be just right for some guys, that’s totally fine and up to you.
If you do find a girl that you really like, or already have been for awhile that’s cool.
Just be aware of what you depend on her for, as well as your real potential if anything were to happen.
Don’t assume you’ll never get a girl like you again; odds are overwhelming you will with some effort and direction.
GLL says:
And you if don't, you can always consent to financial slavery with a gold digger that is past her prime and contact me on Adult Friend Finder and I'll fuck her in front of you if she won't give you any action. Getting your shit together is probably a better idea for the long-term however.
continued in-
What would you recommend for someone who can't get over an ex and thinks about her all the time yet does NOT want to be with her, KNOWS there's better girls out there, FUCKS other girls, but it just doesn't change the way he feels about that...
What would you recommend for someone who can't get over an ex and thinks about her all the time yet does NOT want to be with her, KNOWS there's better girls out there, FUCKS other girls, but it just doesn't change the way he feels about that stupid, lying, unfaithful bitch? And the phone calls and texts he gets from her months after the breakup saying she misses him and loves him and and apologizes for all of her past mistakes don't make it any easier.
Good article Chris...
Just came across your website as I am struggling a bit. I have never had a girlfriend in my life. I am 22, turning 23 in January. I don't even have a lot of sexual experience or have been on many dates. Part of it is that I...
Good article Chris...
Just came across your website as I am struggling a bit. I have never had a girlfriend in my life. I am 22, turning 23 in January. I don't even have a lot of sexual experience or have been on many dates. Part of it is that I had a severe concussion a year ago and am still having symptoms, so I haven't been able to do any sort of physical activity in the 9 months. I am getting better,but still some ways to go.
I am scared I am going to continue down this path even though I know its not my looks. I am about 6.3 and a quarter, 195 pounds, 10-12 % body fat, clear smooth skin, white teeth and good hair. I even do small thinks to improve my facial features like small amounts of make up. I see guys far less attractive then me with good looking girls. My face is very decent and I see a lot of girls giving me the eye. But I don't have a lot of success with cold approaching. I approached a lot of girls this summer (probably 150 +, definitely more then I ever have)and barely got any phone numbers. And even if girls give me eye contact, I still get a lot of resistance. I think I put myself well together, but when I get rejected by 3-4 girls in a row who are less attractive then me in some areas (not as fit as me, wearing way to much make up, weird teeth), it throws me off and makes me feel unattractive. My confidence then goes through the shitter. I don't have a strong social crew so I have to rely on cold-approaching to meet women. I am starting to doubt my attractiveness and not sure how to go about this anymore. I have lowered my standards to a point where I am approaching girls who I have no physical attraction to (chubby girls, cake-faced girls) It makes me feel like women are just super picky and bars or clubs are a horrible way to get laid, meet women or just interact with them. I know I am a good long-term catch (I have high business connections with a lot of powerful business owners in different fields, I have a strong education, plan to go to grad school, get good grades, am liked by a lot of people that I work with, have 50K saved up by myself while in school), but this is not going to help me get laid or get dates. I have had girls like me and clearly attracted to me after getting to know them (e.g. at work, or at school), but I want to increase my experience and live my youth.
Anyways, sorry for the rant, but just looking for some guidance as you seem like a good guy that genuinely wants to help guys out there. Thanks for your time
Love your articles brother! I've slowly mastered outcome independence in the last few years. 34 years old and not giving a fuck :).Wish I knew this stuff at 18, but something to pass on if I ever have a son, and smoother sailings! Keep up the...
Love your articles brother! I've slowly mastered outcome independence in the last few years. 34 years old and not giving a fuck :).Wish I knew this stuff at 18, but something to pass on if I ever have a son, and smoother sailings! Keep up the awesome work!
Thanks dude- yeah there's something to be said for simple maturity and experience. Growing/looking older, its good in the way that most guys don't rely on their looks and are more confident about their apperance even if they dont look as "hot"
hey GLP- the suggestions will be in the next article and you'll see them in less than 24 hours
Hey Robbie,
I highly recommend you make a video log and or submit face/body pics to the forum. We can tell a lot about you and your vibe with a shirt intro video about yourself. Maxing out your sex appeal (or getting it to above average) is...
Hey Robbie,
I highly recommend you make a video log and or submit face/body pics to the forum. We can tell a lot about you and your vibe with a shirt intro video about yourself. Maxing out your sex appeal (or getting it to above average) is very important and until we know what you're at, any other advice might not be the best for you.
Cheers dude,
if you end up going ahead with this, send me a pm to your intro thread to make sure I end up seeing it when I have some time soon.
I Definitely know a lot about this. Honestly I just started experiencing something like this with one of my newest girls. I haven't been able to get her off my mind all weekend and honestly it sucks. However I'm well past the super emotional,...
I Definitely know a lot about this. Honestly I just started experiencing something like this with one of my newest girls. I haven't been able to get her off my mind all weekend and honestly it sucks. However I'm well past the super emotional, clingy stage that you describe earlier in the article.
It's hard for me to read some of the comments here about guys who are around my age or older who have never had sex/girlfriend or anything like that. It's completely crazy to me. I was never the most outgoing/cool/popular/stylish guy and I've been with 30+ girls starting when i was 16. I guess it just sort of happened then i started actively pursuing girls/sex and figured some things out.
I've had one SERIOUS case of oneitis and it almost cost me everything: my life, my sanity, my future, etc. I was just completely crazy with jealousy and every other negative emotion with this girl. It took me two years until I finally saw that she was an emotional vampire hell bent on sucking me completely dry of my soul. I pulled myself back from the brink. It's almost as if I stared into the darkest abyss of a woman's soul and somehow managed to fight my way back out to be happy. I'll always be extremely wary of girls though, and I doubt I'll ever truly trust them again, but I don't believe it's good to trust girls that much to begin with, especially not super personal feelings early on, which was my mistake.
-CleanCutBadBoy
I didn't think the "Get Hung" guide would have girls eyeing my bulge. It did.
I didn't think that your exercise and diet advice would have girls checking me out. It did.
I DEFINITELY didn't think that your hair-loss prevention would fix my hairline. Not in a billion years. It mother fucking did. You saved me a crazy amount of time, a ton of money, unnecessary pain, and destroyed my #1 source of anxiety. DESTROYED IT.
Kratom is next!
To anyone reading this, follow through, read this material, APPLY this material, and enjoy life.
Thanks again Chris, life would suck without you.
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