14 Red Flags To Be Aware of
These red flags apply to girls that you have ALREADY slept with whom are your fuckbuddies or girls that you've been hanging out for at least a month or so and at least been naked with.
This does not apply to girls you just met and don't really know too well.
I don't want guys to use any of these red flags as an excuse to avoid calling back girls that they want to nail.
That's called a convenient excuse, stemming from anxiety or fear of rejection.
Reserve judgment until you
know fuck the girl.
With that said-
"If it looks like a rat, if it smells like a rat and if it acts like a rat...
It ain't a damn mongoose."
While these are generalizations, more often than not- I've seen these red flags eventually reveal a girl with a lot of baggage that will bring a significant amount of drama into your life.
Especially if they like you.
Girls are crazy and emotionally healthy ones admit it.
(it's a hormonal thing (PMS); many of them don't have a choice in the matter for at least 3-5 days a month)
These are all based on my experience and I've seen these themes repeat themselves. Over and over.
One red flag shouldn't make you draw conclusions but more than one is significant.
If the sex is good and the girl is cool- don't kick the girl out of your life just because she raised a red flag. In fact, I encourage inexperienced guys to put up with a lot of bullshit until they beat most of their sexual anxiety.
If you are considering a relationship (ideally after SIX months of her being your fuckbuddy, chasing you and earning you), a higher degree of consideration should be given to these flags. After six months (or more) of sleeping with a girl, once a week or two times every 10 days, there shouldn't be any surprises and you don't need us to evaluate if the girl is relationship material. You'll know.
I thought of these 14 flags in about 10 minutes, there's obviously more.
I felt these were slightly-less-than-obvious and perhaps insightful as you reflect on your past relationships and current uncommitted flings.
Red Flag #1: She Is Mean to Random People
This applies to people in general, but especially girls.
Emotionally healthy girls aren't mean to random people if that person isn't TOTALLY creeping them out.
Most girls will still be cordial and flattered when a guy they aren't interested in hits on them. Most girls won't be rude even when another person is rude to them. They might talk about it later but usually they won't get into verbal (certainly not physical) sparring matches with other people.
If it happens once, it might be a bad day.
If it happens more than once, it's a red flag.
Girls that are mean to random people generally aren't where they want to be in life.
There's a host of reasons why this could be, but it's not your job to be their therapist.
"Girls that are nice vs. Girls that are mean"
Red Flag #2: She Boasts That She Can't "Get Along" With Other Girls
(or Claims That Other Girls "Hate" Her)
This is ALWAYS a red flag in my book.
Nobody should be bragging that they can't get along with others, especially within the same gender.
Emotionally healthy girls try to get along with everyone and often put up with a lot of bullshit, even if the other person is a drama queen.
I haven't had a fuckbuddy that was emotionally healthy that openly boasted that she "doesn't get along with other girls," or "gets along better with guys because other girls hate her [for some reason]."
To this day, the most glaring example of this was a hot skier from Venice Beach named Jaime that I used to sleep with from time to time.
Often these girls will tell you about their drama and claim that they are "real" while everyone else is "fake".
While that alone isn't a red flag, if you hear it more than once- it's a pretty good sign that they can't maintain healthy relationships- with anyone.
Besides the obvious social competition, girls generally like to have a lot of friends, even if the relationships are superficial or on the "acquaintance" level.
Red Flag #3: She Constantly Talks Shit About Her Best Friends
This is an extension to #2.
Regardless of how much a girl is into you and how good the sex has been in the first month or so, the truth is- you don't know her and she doesn't know you.
Emotionally healthy girls won't rip their best friends to a guy that they have been fucking for a couple weeks.
Again, one incident isn't a red flag but if this theme repeats itself- you probably have an emotionally unhealthy girl on your hands that is a very negative person.
Unless the other person has seriously wronged them- the shit-talker is the person with the problem and will eventually be one of your problems.
This generally applies to all humans and animals.
Red Flag #4: She Has No Friends
Emotionally healthy people have friends.
Emotionally unhealthy people don't.
There's a reason they don't have friends and the reason isn't society.
This one doesn't necessarily apply to girls that are new in town, but girls that aren't doing the normal stuff like going shopping, meeting up for appetizers/drinks, doing a "girls night" with friends - should raise a red flag.
They have no emotional support network and will look to you to fill that void.
Girls without friends will often become SUPER CLINGY and demand to know where you are at all times.
While this makes for a predictable, easily controllable fuckbuddy- it usually doesn't end well.
Red Flag #5: She Doesn't/Didn't Have a Good Relationship with Her Father
(and they tell you about it when you didn't ask)
This is a sad one because it often isn't her fault.
Girls that are close with their father (Daddy's Girl) usually have healthy relationships with guys.
The ones that announce that they "hate" their father, generally have problems and a negative view of the male gender.
I can't remember the last time when I had a lasting, healthy uncommitted relationship with a girl who hated their father (even if their father is a legit shitbag).
Anytime I hear a girl that I recently meet rip their father, I know that these issues will eventually surface and the issues will be transposed onto me because I have a penis.
I have tremendous sympathy for rape and victims of sexual abuse - but they generally don't make good partners for a stable uncommitted relationship.
Red Flag #6: She Often Talks Negatively About Ex-Boyfriends
Generally when girls talk about their ex-boyfriends, they are searching for a replacement or a rebound fuck.
While that isn't a huge deal and certainly hasn't stopped me from sleeping with them- it's an indicator that they have lingering issues or sometimes a negative view of uncommitted relationships.
For some guys (not me necessarily), it might be an indicator that she is picturing you as "Boyfriend Material" rather than a guy who has "Boyfriend Potential" or a "Scumbag". It's better to be profiled as the latter 2 if your goal is to get laid.
See the Retention article to understand why this is.
Red Flag #7: She Posts About How She "Hates Guys" and Her Ongoing Relationship Difficulties on Facebook/Twitter
Girls that feel the need to vent their frustration that they "can't meet a guy" or that "men are pigs" on social media
generally always have issues.
It's so obvious and everyone knows it.
Emotionally healthy girls won't volunteer their relationship difficulties on social media and blame their problems on an entire gender.
I can't tell you how many girls I've fucked that have passive-aggressively tried to send me a message/make me jealous via their Facebook status.
(As I've gotten more selective in the past 3.5 years, this happens less and less. I don't add girls to my Facebook, unless we are close.)
Emotionally healthy girls have FRIENDS for emotional support that they can talk to about their relationships. Drama Queens and Trouble Makers use social media to campaign for sympathy.
Red Flag #8: She Talks About Feminism or Extreme Left-Wing Views
Hey Man-o-Sphere- here ya go!
I haven't had a fuckbuddy do this in years, but it should be a major red flag if you see it.
Hopefully I don't have to explain why Real Alpha Males and Hillary-Clinton-Hero-Worshipping "women" aren't compatible in the long term.
I highlight feminism and left-wingers, but just about any girl that goes on-and-on about her political/religious views (even if you agree with the views) tend to be trouble. They consume an overwhelming amount of negativity (aka "news") on a daily basis and they are giddy to bring "awareness" into your life.
Thankfully, the not-so-smart girls in Hollywood have no idea what's going on in the political arena and very few opinions about it.
This specific red flag can apply to girls you just met.
Unless they are a legit activist, if they volunteer their political/social views (when not asked) in your first interaction, they are passionate about it. Try to skip over the topic if you can.
Red Flag #9: She Goes Missing 2 or More Times a Month
I think it's rude when a girl that I've fucked doesn't text me back within 24-48 hours.
I make it clear that I'm too busy for that kind of stuff (I run a business, have a life and they usually think they aren't the only girl in my life).
I'm not a huge fan of long text threads with anyone, so when I want to set up plans- I'll call them and make it happen.
In my experience- if you keep it real with a girl [you've ALREADY fucked], she'll do the same if she respects you, likes you and thinks you might be sleeping with other girls. (different subject, another time)
After you bang a girl for a few weeks, you'll generally know before/when her period is.
During that period of time, don't worry if they are MIA; they can be moody and it's better if you don't hang out. Most girls I know make it a point to avoid guys during and slightly before their period; they are emotional and feel "dirty," and it's better to not spend time with them.
(I'll even straight up ask them "Is it your time of the month?" and get a yes or no. Most girls are cool telling you if they know you are comfortable with your sexuality.)
If they go missing more than once a month, it's a red flag.
Sometimes they want you to chase, but it's often an indicator that they aren't respecting your time and the whole thing might be trouble to manage and stressful for you.
Sometimes it has nothing to do with you- I've had a handful of girls go completely MIA because they went to rehab.
There's nothing worse than staring at your phone and being on another person's timetable, especially a flakey girl.
This type of thing can be avoided by having other girls to sleep with and setting up HARD PLANS via phone.
Once you get a feel for how to communicate with your fuckbuddy(s), you can set up plans via text.
Once you get a fuckbuddy- GET ANOTHER ONE ASAP.
My late best friend, Keith, told me that when we were 17. RIP buddy.
Red Flag #10: She Lets You Take Her Into a Bathroom To Have Sex With Her
ha.ha.ha. on this one
It's true though-
If she's willing to go into a bathroom (or janitor's closet), then she probably isn't relationship material.
She probably thinks the same about you.
Might make a good fuckbuddy though.
Red Flag #11: She Thinks You Should Pay For Her (All The Time)
This one isn't air tight, but in general- you don't want to be seen as a total provider and willing to pay for a girl all the time.
If you have money, don't give a shit, the sex is good and you don't see a committed relationship in your future- it's a different story.
I have a lot of friends, Trevor Kidd comes to mind, that nail a lot of hot pussy and pay the girl's way every time. They aren't necessarily looking for a girlfriend though and they enjoy taking girls out.
There's a part of the "courting" process where girls want the guy to pay for stuff; I don't think that this is a sign of a toxic gold digger or needs to be totally avoided if you are considering a committed relationship. Just make sure you aren't paying for everything and certainly not paying for stuff that you don't want to. She needs to put in some financial effort, even if she's poor.
(true gold diggers go where the real money is, no offense- if you are in your 20's, you probably aren't their target)
It's important to realize that simply "paying for something," doesn't make you look like a provider/boyfriend material.
If you are aggressive (touching) the girls you pick up, they will know in 5 seconds that you aren't Mr. Provider. How a girl sees you is largely based on the first impression you make.
Red Flag #12: Ms. Complicated, Her Life Is "Crazzzzzzzy!!!"
(There's Always Some Issue... Never a Dull Moment)
I guess the term "Crazy" is relative, but the majority of
girls people live a completely mundane life.
Some girls like to talk about their "Crazy" lives to impress you and sometimes you'll meet a girl who does have a fun life.
Most of the time, however, this "Crazy life" is simply because she is a delusional drama queen and she feeds/lives off of fictional exaggerated subplots to try and feel alive and significant.
If a girl is constantly talking about her "Crazzzzzzzy" life when nothing is actually happening- she's got excess baggage and you'll be paying to stow it.
(nice metaphor Chris)
Telling her to shut up sometimes works.
The final two red flags are just things that you should note or be aware of.
They aren't necessarily evidence that the girl would make a lousy fuckbuddy/relationship but these two flags came to mind because they generally provide insight on the girl's lifestyle.
* Red Flag #13: She Asks You For Drugs
Unless you've done drugs with a girl as part of your uncommitted relationship, if they ask you for a specific substance or a connection, especially early into your relationship- they generally have substance abuse issues.
I've especially noticed this in California, where marijuana is legal and you don't need to be trying to find a weed connection.
In my party up days, this would happen a couple times a month.
If you are in party-mode, I don't see anything wrong with hanging out with girls that do drugs. If you are considering a committed relationship, however, having a partner with substance abuse issues can be a major problem.
* Red Flag #14: She Won't Eat In Front of You
(not even a salad)
This one isn't a huge deal and you shouldn't arrive at any conclusions, but girls that won't eat in front of guys generally/obviously have body image issues.
While this won't necessarily spell trouble for you, body dysmorphia can have a profound effect on a girl's life and her relationships.
It's somewhat understandable if they don't want to eat a burger, fries and fart the smell out in front of you; some girls will literally sit there and won't even eat a salad or bread.
(you take girls/fuckbuddies on dates?!? yeah, I do)
I once told a fuckbuddy that I was going to withhold my thick penis from her if she didn't order an appetizer. For some reason, she responded really positively to it and we are actually good friends today, even though we don't hookup anymore.
Talking about weight/eating is almost always a LOSE-LOSE.
Don't talk about it if you can't be really lighthearted and the girl is at least somewhat secure with herself.
In fact- never talk about it.
So that's it.
This list obviously isn't EVERY red flag.
Just be on the lookout for these, especially if you foresee a committed relationship with a girl.
If you take my advice and sleep with a girl for 6+ months in an uncommitted relationship while she chases knowing/suspecting that you are seeing other girls, you'll see her true colors.
The hottest girls LOVE the challenge of trying to convert a "player" into a boyfriend; that's the excitement and chase for them. Even though it drives them fucking crazy.
It's rare that a guy can hold out for longer than a couple of months. Only emotionally healthy girls can chase for 6+ months and not go bonkers. While it's possible to get a good girlfriend after only a month or two of dating, it's a way more secure relationship if she has to spend 6+ months earning you.
I just noticed I didn't have any "red flags" about a girl's sexual history. You might however - and that's understandable. I honestly don't. Once you sleep with more girls than you can count (or remember), you might not care whatsoever. Maybe one day like me - once you grow a big dick and the majority of girls you sleep with tell you that you are by far the best lover they have ever had- you might not care anymore either.
If you have a Red Flag that you'd like to add (based on REAL LIFE, not some eBook), talk about it in the comments below-