Your Mental Problems Are Everyone Else's Normal (You Aren't a Big Mess - You Just Care More)

You're Fucked Up, But At Least You Admit It

Unlike in my early/mid-20's, in my wise old age (32), I'm not a huge fan/believer in "teaching" or "learning" motivation.

Why I Don't Really Focus On Trying to Motivate Guys

I used to be all about motivation. 

I used to be the kid searching for motivation in bodybuilding magazines, based-on-a-true story-but-exaggerated movies and later downloading and re-watching primitive 240p YouTube videos.

I used to be that "motivational" 'Just Do It!' guy among my friends and peers.

In 1999, my Montgomery Blue Devils Bantam level ice hockey team made the playoffs as the 6th and final seed.

We had a subpar losing record (13-15-1) in the regular season.

We were a two-man show, just myself and this kid that we'll call "Binstock" who somehow got high before games.

We had no business even being in the playoffs. 

In the locker room before the first playoff game, I gave a legendary speech that would have made Dr. Martin Luther King (or Benito Mussolini aka Il Duce, whomever you prefer) proud.

Our team responded and pulled 2 major upsets (against the #1 and #3 seeds) before advancing to the Montgomery Hockey championship (which we lost in 4-3 in double-overtime).

I'm not that motivational give-and-take guy anymore though.

For one, I'm always plenty motivated these days and when I'm not - Kratom gives me more motivation than any single person should be allowed to have.

For two, I don't really think that my "feel good" speeches will convince the average indecisive person to leave his comfortable-yet-mundane life and really go after his dreams, money or pussy.

And While some people have told me that advice from Good Looking Loser has been highly motivating, there's very few discussions that have the sole or even primary goal of motivating you.

Although we maintain a highly positive environment, there's very little "You can do it!" or "You're awesome but you/everyone can't see it!" stuff here.

We laugh at that fluff.

In a positive way, of course.

I prefer to focus on applicable steps and not fluffy high school junior varsity football coach speak.

In fact, the only obvious motivational post I can even think of is "She's Probably Already Fucked a Guy Uglier Than You".

There's a 3 reasons for this -

#1 Motivation (from a blog, video, otherwise) is a highly temporary thing for 99% of normal people. Normal people have trouble committing to their goals, let alone even making goals. Very few people adopt any sort of sustained drive that it takes to accomplish big things from surfing the Internet.

You have to have the 'seeds' of motivation within you and YOU have to cause them to germinate.

What feels like motivation is usually just simply entertainment. I call this the 'Good Movie Effect'.

You live your life differently for 2 weeks, but it wears off and you are back to where you started.

#2 Aside from infrequent slumps, what you need is Long March self-discipline, not instant coffee motivation. Many people seeking motivation simply have poor discipline or a half-willingness to even commit, let alone endure. Sometimes their "search for motivation" is actually just their latest form of procrastination. 
(self-discipline > motivation is a familiar concept, but it's true)

#3 The best motivational blog has already been written. But, to me, Victor successfully motivates through example, somewhat moreso than by "typing the correct words" or pushing your right buttons. As he'll admit - the guys he motivates are the ones born to succeed, not losers that are on the fence, constantly seeking a fix of synthetic digital motivation. 

#4 Lastly, if I really need to convince you to get excited about getting to the point where your life is full of pussy, money and [insert here whatever you want], then you are probably depressed and need to address that first.
(more on depression at another time)

Despite all of that...

You might find this discussion to be somewhat motivating. 

If nothing else - you'll realize that maybe you aren't all that messed up after all.

"Your Insecurities Are Everyone Else's Normal"


* I have a new apartment - but I have lived alone in LA before (2009-2010ish)

Your Issues Are Common. 
You Are Just More Insecure Because You Care More.
While the Average Person Gave Up Long Ago.

Despite the differences between yourself and those that will never read this post, you are actually quite similar. 

Every guy wants to be able to Get Laid when he wants to, eventually finding a hot and loyal girlfriend that supports his every dream. 

Every guy wants to look good and have sex appeal. 

Every guy wants to be beyond financially secure and have some "toys" or higher-end entertainment to play with.

Every guy wants to 'stand out' in a positive way and not just fit in with the average people.

Every guy wants to feel warm and fuzzy when groups of girls talk about how his dick is better than other guys.

Every guy wants to win at life.

Or at the very least - win more than other guys.

Real men want to be successful. 

Any guy in his 20's or 30's that says his one and only goal is to simply "be happy" has quit on himself a long time ago.

You Aren't Unique.
Your Issues Aren't Unique.
You Are Just More Insecure About Them Because You Have Higher Expectations. 
(and that's why you will fix them...)

Similar to your masculine desires, the obstacles ahead are generally no different than the average guy.

Civil rights leader and People's Champion, Michael Cernovich, dug into this issue a little bit recently on Danger & Play.

I commented - 

GLL danger and play comment

Over 50 times a month, we have guys explain why they have a unique issue or special problem and don't know how to fix it.

Obviously it's rarely true.

They know how to fix it.

They are just asking for permission to try and the lack of a time/money-back guarantee concerns them.

That's fine, I felt the same way when I was younger, I had to get permission to talk to women I didn't know.

Even though I thought my "I can't talk to hot girls I don't know" issue was a special, unique problem that originated from not being invited to all my friend's Bar mitzvahs and growing up as an only child despite having a brother and sister - it was normal too.

It was called 'Approach Anxiety' and the solution to fix it was the same as it is for everyone else -

EXPOSURE THERAPY.

After I stopped inventing complex solutions, I eventually fixed the easy, common problem. 

That Fact Of The Matter Is

NEARLY EVERY ISSUE WE DISCUSS IS EITHER A GOAL OR INSECURITY OF EVERY 20 OR 30-SOMETHING HETEROSEXUAL MAN ON THIS PLANET.

You know it and I know it.

So What's The Difference?
(Your Mental Problems Are Everyone Else's Normal)

The difference is -

You have high expectations and you haven't quit.

You aren't afraid to admit it. 

Normal people are afraid to admit their insecurities and that's their problem.

The difference is - 

Your insecurities motivate rather than discourage you.

You fight to bring your issues to the surface rather than to repress them for the pending midlife crisis.

The difference is that you admit it and won't accept it.

Take this example - 

Every guy wants to be able to talk to pretty girls.

Right?

Uh-huh.

For you, if you can't muster up the courage - it makes you want to kill yourself or at least beat yourself down.

You feel like a total pussy.

You literally feel like you aren't a man.

I know that's how I felt.

But for normal people, not having the balls to talk to hot girls isn't a problem because they have long accepted that they are a pussy. That ship has already sailed.

Approach anxiety is common, I don't know any guy (even the experienced ones) that could just walk up to any/every hot girl unless they earned the social freedom via exposure therapy.

Yet, only about 1% of guys (yes, it's that rare when you look at the real world) have the courage to engage a hot girl they don't know in a somewhat of a meaningful dialogue while being in a sober state.

But only YOU care if you can't do it.

You feel you should be part of that 1%. 

That's a good thing because normal guys don't think they belong.

They would be correct.

The difference is -

For normal people, its totally normal and acceptable to feel like a coward.

For normal people, its totally normal and acceptable to act like a coward.

For normal people, its totally normal and acceptable to be a coward.

Normal people try to 'accept themselves' through various denial methods while you try to FIX yourself.

Don't get diverted by this "accept yourself" crap.

If you want big things, you'll never be able never accept mediocrity anyway.

That's for normal people.

Pour Conclure

Newcomers, not-yet-accomplished guys -

What you perceive as an insecurity or problem is exactly how 99% of guys feel about that same issue but are too scared to admit.

You just care more and that's the same reason you will be able to FIX and not just "accept" yourself.

Your problems are not unique.

Neither are the solutions.

Compared to other guys, you are not any more or less insecure about most issues. You just CARE more while normal guys have quietly thrown in the towel many years ago.

While I can't guarantee everyone massive success in all walks of life, I can safely say - if you really (and I mean REALLY) focus on your goals, one-at-a-time, in your 20's and don't give in, you will easily be ahead of the average guy within a few years.

If all else fails - at least you'll have a better body and bigger penis.

I've been able to make a living on that.