All contents herein is subject to our General Disclaimer and Medical Disclaimer.
This is an opinion website that offers information of a general nature and none of the opinions should be construed as advice. Nothing contained within the site is the advice, opinion or otherwise the view of any host, owner, server or other provider of services to Good Looking Loser. Nothing stated shall be construed to serve as a replacement for competent advice from professionals.
Affiliate Disclosure: At absolutely no expense to you, if you make a purchase, we may receive commissions from some links on this website. That is how our community supports itself. I don't recommend anything that I have not used personally or believe in. Thanks!
You're Fucked Up, But At Least You Admit It
Unlike in my early/mid-20's, in my wise old age (32), I'm not a huge fan/believer in "teaching" or "learning" motivation.
Why I Don't Really Focus On Trying to Motivate Guys
I used to be all about motivation.
I used to be the kid searching for motivation in bodybuilding magazines, based-on-a-true story-but-exaggerated movies and later downloading and re-watching primitive 240p YouTube videos.
I used to be that "motivational" 'Just Do It!' guy among my friends and peers.
In 1999, my Montgomery Blue Devils Bantam level ice hockey team made the playoffs as the 6th and final seed.
We had a subpar losing record (13-15-1) in the regular season.
We were a two-man show, just myself and this kid that we'll call "Binstock" who somehow got high before games.
We had no business even being in the playoffs.
In the locker room before the first playoff game, I gave a legendary speech that would have made Dr. Martin Luther King (or Benito Mussolini aka Il Duce, whomever you prefer) proud.
Our team responded and pulled 2 major upsets (against the #1 and #3 seeds) before advancing to the Montgomery Hockey championship (which we lost in 4-3 in double-overtime).
I'm not that motivational give-and-take guy anymore though.
For one, I'm always plenty motivated these days and when I'm not - Kratom gives me more motivation than any single person should be allowed to have.
For two, I don't really think that my "feel good" speeches will convince the average indecisive person to leave his comfortable-yet-mundane life and really go after his dreams, money or pussy.
And While some people have told me that advice from Good Looking Loser has been highly motivating, there's very few discussions that have the sole or even primary goal of motivating you.
Although we maintain a highly positive environment, there's very little "You can do it!" or "You're awesome but you/everyone can't see it!" stuff here.
We laugh at that fluff.
In a positive way, of course.
I prefer to focus on applicable steps and not fluffy high school junior varsity football coach speak.
In fact, the only obvious motivational post I can even think of is "She's Probably Already Fucked a Guy Uglier Than You".
There's a 3 reasons for this -
#1 Motivation (from a blog, video, otherwise) is a highly temporary thing for 99% of normal people. Normal people have trouble committing to their goals, let alone even making goals. Very few people adopt any sort of sustained drive that it takes to accomplish big things from surfing the Internet.
You have to have the 'seeds' of motivation within you and YOU have to cause them to germinate.
What feels like motivation is usually just simply entertainment. I call this the 'Good Movie Effect'.
You live your life differently for 2 weeks, but it wears off and you are back to where you started.
#2 Aside from infrequent slumps, what you need is Long March self-discipline, not instant coffee motivation. Many people seeking motivation simply have poor discipline or a half-willingness to even commit, let alone endure. Sometimes their "search for motivation" is actually just their latest form of procrastination.
(self-discipline > motivation is a familiar concept, but it's true)
#3 The best motivational blog has already been written. But, to me, Victor successfully motivates through example, somewhat moreso than by "typing the correct words" or pushing your right buttons. As he'll admit - the guys he motivates are the ones born to succeed, not losers that are on the fence, constantly seeking a fix of synthetic digital motivation.
#4 Lastly, if I really need to convince you to get excited about getting to the point where your life is full of pussy, money and [insert here whatever you want], then you are probably depressed and need to address that first.
(more on depression at another time)
Despite all of that...
You might find this discussion to be somewhat motivating.
If nothing else - you'll realize that maybe you aren't all that messed up after all.
"Your Insecurities Are Everyone Else's Normal"
* I have a new apartment - but I have lived alone in LA before (2009-2010ish)
Your Issues Are Common.
You Are Just More Insecure Because You Care More.
While the Average Person Gave Up Long Ago.
Despite the differences between yourself and those that will never read this post, you are actually quite similar.
Every guy wants to be able to Get Laid when he wants to, eventually finding a hot and loyal girlfriend that supports his every dream.
Every guy wants to look good and have sex appeal.
Every guy wants to be beyond financially secure and have some "toys" or higher-end entertainment to play with.
Every guy wants to 'stand out' in a positive way and not just fit in with the average people.
Every guy wants to feel warm and fuzzy when groups of girls talk about how his dick is better than other guys.
Every guy wants to win at life.
Or at the very least - win more than other guys.
Real men want to be successful.
Any guy in his 20's or 30's that says his one and only goal is to simply "be happy" has quit on himself a long time ago.
You Aren't Unique.
Your Issues Aren't Unique.
You Are Just More Insecure About Them Because You Have Higher Expectations.
(and that's why you will fix them...)
Similar to your masculine desires, the obstacles ahead are generally no different than the average guy.
Civil rights leader and People's Champion, Michael Cernovich, dug into this issue a little bit recently on Danger & Play.
I commented -
Over 50 times a month, we have guys explain why they have a unique issue or special problem and don't know how to fix it.
Obviously it's rarely true.
They know how to fix it.
They are just asking for permission to try and the lack of a time/money-back guarantee concerns them.
That's fine, I felt the same way when I was younger, I had to get permission to talk to women I didn't know.
Even though I thought my "I can't talk to hot girls I don't know" issue was a special, unique problem that originated from not being invited to all my friend's Bar mitzvahs and growing up as an only child despite having a brother and sister - it was normal too.
It was called 'Approach Anxiety' and the solution to fix it was the same as it is for everyone else -
EXPOSURE THERAPY.
After I stopped inventing complex solutions, I eventually fixed the easy, common problem.
That Fact Of The Matter Is
NEARLY EVERY ISSUE WE DISCUSS IS EITHER A GOAL OR INSECURITY OF EVERY 20 OR 30-SOMETHING HETEROSEXUAL MAN ON THIS PLANET.
You know it and I know it.
So What's The Difference?
(Your Mental Problems Are Everyone Else's Normal)
The difference is -
You have high expectations and you haven't quit.
You aren't afraid to admit it.
Normal people are afraid to admit their insecurities and that's their problem.
The difference is -
Your insecurities motivate rather than discourage you.
You fight to bring your issues to the surface rather than to repress them for the pending midlife crisis.
The difference is that you admit it and won't accept it.
Take this example -
Every guy wants to be able to talk to pretty girls.
Right?
Uh-huh.
For you, if you can't muster up the courage - it makes you want to kill yourself or at least beat yourself down.
You feel like a total pussy.
You literally feel like you aren't a man.
I know that's how I felt.
But for normal people, not having the balls to talk to hot girls isn't a problem because they have long accepted that they are a pussy. That ship has already sailed.
Approach anxiety is common, I don't know any guy (even the experienced ones) that could just walk up to any/every hot girl unless they earned the social freedom via exposure therapy.
Yet, only about 1% of guys (yes, it's that rare when you look at the real world) have the courage to engage a hot girl they don't know in a somewhat of a meaningful dialogue while being in a sober state.
But only YOU care if you can't do it.
You feel you should be part of that 1%.
That's a good thing because normal guys don't think they belong.
They would be correct.
The difference is -
For normal people, its totally normal and acceptable to feel like a coward.
For normal people, its totally normal and acceptable to act like a coward.
For normal people, its totally normal and acceptable to be a coward.
Normal people try to 'accept themselves' through various denial methods while you try to FIX yourself.
Don't get diverted by this "accept yourself" crap.
If you want big things, you'll never be able never accept mediocrity anyway.
That's for normal people.
Pour Conclure
Newcomers, not-yet-accomplished guys -
What you perceive as an insecurity or problem is exactly how 99% of guys feel about that same issue but are too scared to admit.
You just care more and that's the same reason you will be able to FIX and not just "accept" yourself.
Your problems are not unique.
Neither are the solutions.
Compared to other guys, you are not any more or less insecure about most issues. You just CARE more while normal guys have quietly thrown in the towel many years ago.
While I can't guarantee everyone massive success in all walks of life, I can safely say - if you really (and I mean REALLY) focus on your goals, one-at-a-time, in your 20's and don't give in, you will easily be ahead of the average guy within a few years.
If all else fails - at least you'll have a better body and bigger penis.
I've been able to make a living on that.
Dude sometimes I swear you have a video recorder watching my life. So often I'll be thinking about something, and you'll magically post something that makes me feel 100% better. Recently i've gone from dating 4 girls, down to zero in a month, and...
Dude sometimes I swear you have a video recorder watching my life. So often I'll be thinking about something, and you'll magically post something that makes me feel 100% better. Recently i've gone from dating 4 girls, down to zero in a month, and can't seem to find any new ones. I've been laying around on a Saturday night in a deep depression about how much my life sucks. Then out of the blue you throw out this awesome post! I feel 10 times better now thanks to you. Keep up the good work!
Thanks Dan - I know what you guys are thinking. Literally.
I've been in those shoes and I remember what I was thinking.
Since no one is "special", it seems like I can read people's minds - when all I have to do if flashback about 5-6 years.
I...
Thanks Dan - I know what you guys are thinking. Literally.
I've been in those shoes and I remember what I was thinking.
Since no one is "special", it seems like I can read people's minds - when all I have to do if flashback about 5-6 years.
I appreciate it, I try to keep stuff positive for the most part.
Read the article, and am listening to the podcast now - GREAT SHIT Chris! I feel motivation, in and of itself is for lack of a better definition - for the weak and/or weak minded. That being said, I'm doing your Fat Loss Diet starting this week...
Read the article, and am listening to the podcast now - GREAT SHIT Chris! I feel motivation, in and of itself is for lack of a better definition - for the weak and/or weak minded. That being said, I'm doing your Fat Loss Diet starting this week and am going to start college in the Spring. I'm also going to hunt down the best fucking sales job I can get to stack up money. - Also found out I have Gyno and surgery will cost $8800 if I book by the end of next month. I've given up porn, jerking off, and shitty foods. I'm going ALL IN. I refuse to live this nightmare anymore.
Thankx Ash - did you see if you can get insurance to cover some of the gyno surgery?
Gyno is, after all, cancerous...
I had NO idea Gyno's cancerous - shit! Unfortunately bro - it's not something covered by insurance with the good surgeons I know of. They take something called Care Credit, which is financing with approval being based on credit - and mines's is...
I had NO idea Gyno's cancerous - shit! Unfortunately bro - it's not something covered by insurance with the good surgeons I know of. They take something called Care Credit, which is financing with approval being based on credit - and mines's is bad so I don't think I'll get approved. I've never wished for good credit so badly lol. Oh well, just one more obstacle to knock out of the way.
This is interesting, yesterday I wrote about the exact same thing...
I agree and don't agree with what you are saying.
No one thinks they are uniquely great. Everyone thinks they are uniquely garbage.
It is true that every problem, insecurity...
This is interesting, yesterday I wrote about the exact same thing...
I agree and don't agree with what you are saying.
No one thinks they are uniquely great. Everyone thinks they are uniquely garbage.
It is true that every problem, insecurity and shame-based issue a person has, is nothing special. It is common as fuck. Why? Because the insecurity comes externally from the parents, media, friends etc, it doesn't come from within.
You are like everyone else, but in your own special way. You are unique as you are, but every problems that arises to your mind is not.
Acceptance is the only thing that cures the issue. Evading the "problem" is not acceptance, it's escapism. Escapism from yourself is the root problem.
You accept it all, then carry on. If you want to change it, you change it the best to your ability, but carry on. The funny thing is that things change automatically after you accept the shit. Nothing is really fixed. Do you think the people who try to "fix" their insecurity of appearance via plastic surgery actually fix anything? Even after fixing everything requires more fixing.
Nothing is ever fixed if you don't accept it.
Thanks for writing in Sam, I came across your site for the first time via Google just recently. Good luck with it and ill check it out some more this weekend
I've tried to "motivate" friends in the past and am still trying, and I have pretty much come to the conclusion that if a person doesn't have that "it" factor, that inner flame that drives you, then no amount of talk in the world is gonna make...
I've tried to "motivate" friends in the past and am still trying, and I have pretty much come to the conclusion that if a person doesn't have that "it" factor, that inner flame that drives you, then no amount of talk in the world is gonna make them do anything long term...
It was a painful realization because i wanted to go into business with my best friend since childhood but alas, a regular career works best for him.
yeah dude, i totally wasted 24 years of my life trying to motivate people who just weren't interested
I hear you on that totally
Thanks for the powerful post Chris.
When I started on my journey of getting better with girls / get laid / self-improvement, I was a broke 20 year old Asian virgin living in my parent's basement with no Game. After reading, absorbing all the...
Thanks for the powerful post Chris.
When I started on my journey of getting better with girls / get laid / self-improvement, I was a broke 20 year old Asian virgin living in my parent's basement with no Game. After reading, absorbing all the wisdom and advice of Manosphere blogs likes yours, I took massive action in the last few years to improve all areas of my life. Since then I've have had many incredible social, life, travel, and sexual experiences. I now have a body I am proud of and last year I made 6 figures while getting a cute and feminine girlfriend that adores me. I went from awful to good and my challenge now is to move from good to great.
When I see "chode" guys now I almost pity them because I see so much of my old self in them. The only difference was that I was self-motivated and cared enough to take action, to face my fears, to confront my insecurities through deep introspection and to chip away at myself day after day because I believed in the diamond underneath.
Although I'm not tall or "good looking," I learned a lot from your website. Guys like you and Victor / Mike who are not afraid to show your authentic selves and put yourselves out there through your blog have inspired me to start my own website to help men improve their lives. Keep up the great work.
Thank you very much Lee!
Thanks Chris! As usual your podcast is spot on and timely for me. I'm an older loser, virtually every guy I know has long since given up on getting in shape, getting hot girls etc. They have settled for an average life. I was complaining to a...
Thanks Chris! As usual your podcast is spot on and timely for me. I'm an older loser, virtually every guy I know has long since given up on getting in shape, getting hot girls etc. They have settled for an average life. I was complaining to a work friend the other day, that I want to get lean, but whenever I cut back my food I lose strength; it was really frustrating me. My buddy looks at me and says, "maybe your idea of being strong is not societies idea of being strong, maybe nobody needs to lift 1200 lbs". He lifts too. So he gets it. He just reminding me that I'm being stupid, lol.
Your post shares my opinion on motivational videos. I am happy that I almost stopped watching this stuff. I think that motivational videos are really really useless BS. Recently I saw one of my friends (who is really not doing well now due to...
Your post shares my opinion on motivational videos. I am happy that I almost stopped watching this stuff. I think that motivational videos are really really useless BS. Recently I saw one of my friends (who is really not doing well now due to his lack of discipline) constantly posting motivational videos on facebook and that really made me raise my eyebrows several times because I really think those videos are almost useless.
The last good motivational video I saw was on D&P "How to get motivated" where Mike mentions how important it is to have little victories in everyday life.
Yesterday I also read my first book in a long time because I usually dont read that many books anymore. (I heard Victor from B&D mentioning it) Think and grow rich-from Napoleon Hill. I downloaded it for free and read it yesterday within 4 hours and it really surprised me. I think it was the best book I have read in many years. I am motivated now after reading this book,but I cant say how long /how many weeks this motivation from this book will last- but still this book is really worth mentioning.
haha, reminds me of my [someone in my family]--- always posting motivation quotes on facebook and telling people how to live their lives, when she is a total mess
Brother thank you for this post..I have beating myself lately for being a pussy and not completing my AA program..
This literally put the fire under my ass...
that's good man.
I'll prob be updating the program sometime soon- student retention will improve
I didn't think the "Get Hung" guide would have girls eyeing my bulge. It did.
I didn't think that your exercise and diet advice would have girls checking me out. It did.
I DEFINITELY didn't think that your hair-loss prevention would fix my hairline. Not in a billion years. It mother fucking did. You saved me a crazy amount of time, a ton of money, unnecessary pain, and destroyed my #1 source of anxiety. DESTROYED IT.
Kratom is next!
To anyone reading this, follow through, read this material, APPLY this material, and enjoy life.
Thanks again Chris, life would suck without you.
Read More...
comment 26220 - "How to Pickup Girls if You Are Nervous... (Nervous Guy Game)"