How to Appreciate Every Woman
(At Least Temporarily)
It's been a while since I've published anything on Good Looking Loser (there's been a few posts on Lifestyle by Good Looking Loser however).
I've been flying around the country in the past few months.
Some business, some pleasure, some neither.
Per your suggestion, I downloaded several seasons of the hit series, "Californication" (free via Prime), to watch on the plane.
The show was really popular between 2007-2012, many of the same years that I was living my own version of Californication.
(aka sleeping with a lot of random women in Los Angeles)
I had never seen the show before though.
This surprises a lot of people because many people (including friends) say that I resemble (or resembled) the main character - Hank Moody (played by David Duchovny).
After watching 3 seasons of the show, there's some similarities between us, my friend Danny is literally a clone of Hank Moody. His persona much more of the "charming asshole" than myself. I'm more of a masculine hyper-douchebag juxtaposition good guy type. Moody is more of a scumbag, the very best brand of guy for frequent casual sex, like Scotty was.
Long story short -
In Californication, Hank Moody is a handsome established writer who wrote a best-selling novel but suffered severe writer's block ever since. He copes with 'self-worth frustration' (moreso than stereotypical depression) by abusing alcohol, getting in fights and having lots of sex with women (often unprotected).
He is incredible with women but is totally consumed by his ex, whom he had a daughter with.
He is healthfully narcissistic and self-loathing.
He is tremendously smooth with women but often totally creeps them out.
And Like me, he is both a role model and a complete disgrace.
Moody is pretty much what most big time scumbag players in their late 30's or early 40's are like.
Many are truly happy with their lifestyle, many are not.
Moody is both.
Aside from the status of being a best-selling author, he's the type of 'old dirtbag' that can still make teenage panties drop.
He is the classic 'womanizer' - an unnecessary, generally manipulative persona that we don't really talk about or aspire to.
I won't go into what is realistic vs. unrealistic about Californication, but the Moody character is pretty well done. I didn't love the series, but I understand Moody on a deeper, almost spiritual level given my years of fantastic similar sex and drug addiction.
Whoever wrote and developed the Moody character was clearly a chick magnet with his own dark history.
This type of persona isn't something you can simply research and recreate.
You have to live it to fully understand the psychology.
On a very basic level, I appreciated Californication because, for once, Hollywood portrays a true alpha male as the protagonist. There are very few Hollywood series that show realistic scenes where the male fully takes the lead, meets and fucks the female. In most unrealistic Hollywood trash, women do ALL the work, usually "seducing" the totally passive but decent looking male from beginning to end.
(there were some less believable scenes where women ripped off Moody's clothes and initiated conversation and sex)
I could go on and on about what makes Hank Moody so successful, but it's shit you've already heard if you read Good Looking Loser.
There was one element that I want to focus on though -
Something I've not really spoken about.
Although Hank Moody is an asshole (subjective - he just does what he wants and isn't a typical nice guy), he has an IMMENSE appreciation for women.
In some cases - OBSESSION.
He loves women.
Beyond just fucking them.
This might seem counterintuitive.
(how can he appreciate women but play them with no remorse?)
(how can he obsess over women but not be a bitch boy??)
(I thought love was for pussy-whipped guys?!)
But the appreciation is very real.
The thing is -
This appreciation only lasts for only ONE night.
The next day, all the feelings are gone.
Almost like they never even existed.
Moody perfectly describes this feeling -
(mandatory - watch this to understand the rest of the article)
Despite the apparent lack of emotional connection, every guy that sleeps with more girls than he can count knows this exact temporary feeling of immense appreciation.
It is very real and very intense.
This strong appreciation makes the one-night sex so rewarding, the natural high and confidence afterglow is unlike any other.
But feeling isn't simply selfishly beneficial for sexual conquest. Nor is it a 'technique' or sociopathic.
Girls crave this appreciation.
And The guys that sleep with the most girls legitimately crave pleasuring and making a girl feel special.
For just one night.
That's the kicker.
Girls become absolutely obsessed with guys that show extreme appreciation then go cold.
To them, the guy is sending "mixed messages" but in reality, he's moved on to the next special princess.
It eats them up inside.
Even if you are inexperienced, this 'temporary appreciation' concept shouldn't be too foreign.
Once you fuck a girl 1 or 2 times, 90% of them lose virtually all their appeal.
(smart girls admit this and will withhold their pussy if they're actually interested in the guy)
And I mean ALL.
That is natural and you aren't gay.
The good sign is -
If you are even more excited about a girl after you've done everything with her in bed, it's a sign that you should pursue a relationship with her.
(uncommitted relationship for many months)
Now, unlike traditional weirdo seduction, we don't need you to artificially create these feelings.
Once you are an above-average looking guy who can talk to girls (eventually realize that you can Get Laid) and have your life together, these feelings of genuine female appreciation and healthful indifference come naturally.
Since you have options, you appreciate all of them.
Each one is a blessing.
Each one is special in her own way.
But how do you appreciate women more?
Especially if you are inexperienced or have a negative view of women?
How to Appreciate Women
I don't have all the answers and I've never hated women.
What I do have is more experience with women than virtually anyone I know.
I had no job for 3 years and did nothing but try to get women to sleep with me.
A meaningless, but absolutely rewarding temporary existence.
Lower Your Standards
If you are inexperienced, the key to starting a sex life is lowering your standards.
YOU NEED TO IT.
You need to Get Laid more often to rewire all the negative associations you have getting sex and females in general.
Men that have a pessimistic view of sex and women are simply inexperienced.
(yes, vast majority)
They spend too much time consuming anti-feminist thought and don't spend enough time with real women.
To them, women might as well be from a different planet.
While it is true that some women are major attention whores, cunning cheaters, overly superficial and only financially or socially motivated - this is NOT the majority of women.
Most women actually live a mundane life, are insecure and looking for something different to finally happen to them. When available, they would love to meet an exciting 'above-average' guy, even if he wasn't the ideal man, even if it was just one night. Even the women that don't have casual sex still want to meet any above-average guy.
One thing I learned from my own years of Californication is -
Getting Laid (or just meeting women) is mostly about being at the right place at the right time.
I call it "sexual availability", but there's more to it.
By lowering your standards, literally millions of new women become available to you.
Ironically, you may find that you appreciate many of these less desirable women more than really hot ones.
These women also face similar social challenges and insecurities.
You will empathize and your entire view of sex and women can change.
Though it may seem the opposite, less desirable women are more likely to build up your self-esteem, stroke your ego, make certain sure that they pleasure you in bed and even indulge your kinks and fetishes without more convincing.
Some of the most memorable, flattering compliments and sexual experiences I have ever had were with average looking girls.
While your life shouldn't revolve around getting validation, when you are inexperienced, validation is ABSOLUTELY FUCKING CRITICAL to building your confidence and undoing years of negative self-talk.
In Californication, 'super player' Hank Moody often sleeps with average looking women.
Don't listen to "I only fuck models, buy my eBook" Internet wizards.
EVERY SINGLE GUY that Gets Laid a ton mainly sleeps with average or slightly above-average girls.
You might as well start now.
It does not lower your confidence - it builds it.
I wish I knew this in my early 20's.
I would have been way less selective and therefore - way more experienced.
Super related -
Appreciate and Fixate On Her Best Feature
('Her Best Feature' Concept)
This concept is key to lowering your standards and gaining an appreciation of women.
It is what will allow you to sleep with a ton of women.
The Moody dialogue immediately made me think of our "Best Feature" concept.
In fact, this is EXACTLY what he's talking about.
(watch the video again)
In short -
Almost every girl (average or above) has a best feature that will turn you on - even if you aren't immediately attracted to her.
If you just go through the initial motions in bed, she will become desirable.
If you learn to fixate on this feature, you can appreciate (and fuck) a far greater amount of women.
Every guy I know that sleeps with a lot of women does his own version of "focus on her best feature".
It allows him to appreciate and enjoy sex with a far greater amount of women than if he was ridiculously selective.
This takes practice if you like to immediately disqualify girls.
Instead of looking for imperfections when you see a girl, look for her best feature.
This alone can transform your sex life.
The flipside to "focus on her best feature" is "focus on your best feature" to turn yourself on.
Having a killer body, butt or a big dick are a good example of this.
Having mirrors in your bedroom can help too.
Remember the Real Reason You Didn't Get Laid Last Weekend
One of the most under-appreciated discussions on Good Looking Loser is -
For most guys, it's not because you are too ugly, overly anxious or not cool enough.
It has nothing to do with Looks, Style, Social Freedom, Swag Factor, Killer Instinct or Sense of Entitlement.
Those are the reasons that you aren't Getting Laid EVERY weekend or sleeping with the caliber of woman you desire.
If you aren't Getting Laid at all it's because you are constantly turning down sex from the most available girls.
Whether you know it or not.
Getting Laid, as opposed to committed relationships, is very superficial.
You may see this as a disadvantage, but it's not.
It's true that some girls (especially the teenagers) have ridiculously high standards, but just about every girl who is truly single and looking will be interested in any guy who is more attractive or more cool than she is.
When you are above-average, the majority of available girls - are available.
When you take responsibility for your inconsistent sex life (and not blame women) you will be more motivated to fix it.
When you are more motivated to fix it - you will eventually start Getting Laid.
When you eventually start Getting Laid - you will start to appreciate women more.
As in life, experience solves every problem.
Go On Dates With Women
(Use Online Dating If You Are Inexperienced)
You will appreciate women more by simply spending time with them.
One of the biggest problems with a lot dating advice is that - dates that don't end in sex is considered some sort of failure on your part.
Some advice even discourages guys from calling back girls who don't put out right away.
This couldn't be more counterproductive.
While experienced guys who are looking to simply Get Laid shouldn't waste their time on girls that are looking for a relationship (and therefore move slowly), going on a lot of dates is ABSOLUTELY CRITICAL if you are inexperienced.
I probably went on 50+ "dates" in my first year in Hollywood.
Although the majority didn't end in my bedroom, my calmness, killer instinct and appreciation of women got better and better. Despite my frustration with many, it was worth every second.
If you are inexperienced (or have a negative view of women), going out on dates, regardless of the end result will make you appreciate women more.
When a girl is willing to meet up with you, she appreciates you and considers you attractive and cool enough to be seen with.
When you go on lots of online dates, regardless how they conclude, you will see that you have options than you thought.
It will make you appreciate women more.
Regardless if you are currently the man you want to be, some women ARE interested in you, despite of your self-esteem issues.
Remember That Some Women Are Totally Nuts and Don't Appreciate Themselves
(And You'll Appreciate the Average Woman More)
You'll need to get some experience under your belt, especially if you have a negative view of women, but you'll actually come to appreciate women more by having a few bad experiences along the way.
This may seem ironic.
But this is true because -
Most women ARE NOT nuts.
There's a subset of feminist rejects, broken users and emotionally unhealthy girls that love to hurt men.
They are not representative of the population.
I'm not going to say "What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger!" but experience, both good and bad, is a positive thing in the long-run.
Some women don't appreciate their life and will lash out at strangers in order to feel better about their miserable existence.
But this isn't the majority.
The majority do their best to hide their problems and just have a good time, just like you do.
Appreciate Good Sex and Where It Came From
Results will vary.
Many guys assume that sex with a super hot girl will be automatically better than with an average looking girl.
While the confidence injection from sleeping with a bunny is significant if you are inexperienced, the actual experience may be not be.
In fact, a less-than-rewarding first experience with a hot girl may do more for you future sex life than a really rewarding experience with a hot girl.
You'll be less picky.
One of the hottest girls I ever slept with (guys were praising me for months) was the most unremarkable sex I ever had.
She just laid there with her eyes closed.
It was like fucking a plastic toy.
During intercourse she'd awkwardly try to start trying to kiss my mouth (but without the tongue, she was a germaphobe).
It was the weirdest shit ever.
I only called her back because she was super hot and I thought it might have been "first time with Chris jitters", but the same thing happened the following time.
On the other hand, sex with a more average looking girl might be insanely good.
Like I said, less desirable girls often care more about your experience, are more likely to indulge your dirty mind and aren't arrogant enough to think that they are doing you a solid by spreading their legs.
You will usually be more confident with less attractive girls and that swag makes them more wild.
If I look back at my Top 5 experiences, only 2 of the girls were really hot, 2 were average and 1 was below average.
I remember the latter just as much as any other.
For many gross reasons.
You Don't Want to Be a Woman
(But You Can Have a Sex Change If You Do)
Although you may hear otherwise around our sphere of influence, most women have it tougher than most men.
You should apprecriate that.
While it's true that the average girl can Get Laid easier than the average guy, "which girl eats the most cum" isn't exactly what most chicks are competing over.
Women simply don't control their life destiny as much as guys.
The majority of their value, time and money is spent on improving and maintaining their appearance, very conscious of their depreciation and ultimate expiration date. They spend hours camouflaging their imperfections, hiding behind makeup and pretending to be someone else for the majority of their life. The hot ones especially.
Men have far less pressure and can do whatever the fuck they want with their lives and be totally happy if they are 35 and unmarried.
There's way too many guys whining that they "wish they were girls".
Go ahead and cut your balls off.
You won't even know they're gone.
Appreciate Yourself First
A lack of appreciation of [anything good] is more a reflection of your mental health than anything else.
Although Mr. Moody didn't really appreciate his life (he appreciated the highs), you'll want to appreciate your life regardless of how many or few women you want to sleep with.
At the end of the day, your quest to sleep with a lot of women is simply to further enjoy and appreciate your life.
You should have something that you work on EVERYDAY that gets you excited.
You should have something that brings you 'into the moment' and out of your head.
It doesn't matter if it's sleeping with women, bodybuilding, med school or traveling.
It doesn't matter if it's a short-term or long-term goal.
You just need ONE GOAL or ONE HOBBY that you can fully commit to for the near future.
Also, it helps to have fun with your life.
You should do something worth talking at least 2 times each month -
It seems basic but "appreciating women" (while not being a wimpy nice guy) is actually "next level" stuff.
It makes this 'fuck lots of women for a couple of years' truly rewarding and not just something to reflect on.
That is what so many white knights and Good Looking Loser haters don't get.
Sleeping with women isn't about ego or conquest for the guys that are really the best at it.
It's simply about having fun and appreciating your life.
After all, women are just part of life.