Two Steps For Removing Your Need For Validation

By: Illuminatus

As I mentioned in "Seeking Validation- Your Biggest Obstacle To Screening/Getting A Ton of Hot Pussy and Beating 'I Hope She Likes Me…' v1.x," your biggest obstacle to HUGE success with women, adopting a "screening mentality" instead of a submissive "I hope she likes me..." mindset and legitimate inner game development is- Seeking validation from women.

I also told my story about how was looking for validation for a few years and it totally slowed my progress down. Actually for a good 25 years, I was doing things I didn't like to do to try and impress people I didn't like or about about! Not a great way to live. I seemingly stopped looking for validation by getting a fair amount of high-quality pussy in the Summer of 2009- after that, I just wanted pussy and I got a ton for the next 18 months.

I also mentioned that I didn't really have a way for you guys to stop 'seeking validation' and that you'd have to figure it out.

Coincidentally, a post appeared on the forums at and from Illuminatus which REALLY expressed some insightful thoughts and actionable steps that you can take to remove the need for validation.

As you know, I'll never promote anything that I don't feel is USEFUL and LEGIT- this discussion makes perfect sense and actually mirrored my own story and how I thankfully, yet seemingly unintentionally, removed my need for validation. Best of all, Illuminatus gives direction and a couple of ACTIONABLE STEPS and to break your need for validation. Good stuff!

How to Remove Your Need For Validation

There are two main ways of removing the need for validation, and neither are about "talking yourself out of it".

The first is to actually get validation, from many sources, in order that you begin to believe your own self-worth. Create a network of supportive people. Get one or more mentors for each area of your life. Ditch negative people from your life (if you live with your parents and they are emotionally naïve themselves, they can often be a strong source of pain and reduced self-esteem, and you should consider moving out as a priority). Seek validation in your work and hobbies outside of the area of women and sex; you want to be getting validation as a valued human being rather than as a seducer. This is for the simple reason that basing your own validation in your skills with women is building a house on very shaky foundations: it only takes one woman to say "no" to have you doubting yourself entirely. We see this frequently amongst community guys.

The second method is actually to seek validation from the people you crave it from most desperately, including women, and to purposely feel the crush of defeat when it is (inevitably) denied to you. But don't just "touch" on the feeling: actually allow it to overwhelm you and reduce you to a feeling of profound loss. Cry. Grieve for what your emotional body feels it has lost (despite, rationally, your not having lost anything; your rational mind's assessment of a situation is usually vastly different to your emotional body's analysis, and it is generally more important for personal growth to attend to the latter). Like with the passing of a loved one, grief rewires your brain not to expect that person or entity (in this case, validation) in your life in future. It truly works.

I used both methods to stop seeking validation on an emotional level. I also used the second method to overcome my fear of death (by accepting the inevitable loss of life). The first method is more about becoming a contributive, emotionally-responsive human being, with the right friends and mentors. In other words it is about having a life. The second method is more about cultivating a reliable and effective acceptance of reality. This ability to truly accept is somewhat lacking in people at the moment, and our society is ill as a result.

I once made a fair assessment of "ego" when I was asked to define it. I said: "Ego is any process which attempts to prevent you experiencing the emotion of loss." Loss is certainly the one emotion not many people in this world are willing to experience, and they will go to great lengths to avoid even minor loss, such as losing face in a petty social squabble, or losing one's self-image of being a "tough guy" by crying or showing some other human emotion associated (wrongly) with "weakness". This is a real travesty, as loss is the single most powerful emotion for rapid reprogramming of the human brain, and for experiencing the beneficial paradigm shifts brought about by such rewiring.