How to Stop Feeling Guilty for Chasing Girls When You Have No Money
(A Discussion on Beating Lifestyle Guilt)
This discussion below focuses on coming to grips with your financial status (or lack thereof). It is not about moral dilemmas. It is aimed at guys ages ~18-35 (largely 18-30) who want to prioritize their sex life but can't fully commit. If you are older than 35, I do not suggest prioritizing 'Getting Laid'. You should be pursuing a relationship with women that are past their party stage.
The 'Red Pill' teaches us to go our own way, do what we want and not care what other people think.
It's harder than advertised though.
It sure as hell was for me.
In fact, I feel I wasted an entire year when I was part of an expensive 'pick up program' because I wasn't fully committed and often felt I should be focusing on establishing a career.
(the year wasn't actually a waste, I slept with 12 women and learned so much that eventually became 'Good Looking Loser')
I remember those feelings of guilt quite vividly.
After all -
I dropped a scholarship to the University of San Diego Law School with no plan other than 'Get Laid'.
Law School was supposed to be my saving grace. It was my chance to catch up with everyone and make up for a ridiculous amount of undergraduate transferring I did and tens of thousands of anti-social hours spent in the gym.
My "plan" had fallen to pieces. Again.
On dead nights in Hollywood, I would wander around by myself with tears in my eyes.
What the fuck was I doing with my life?
It wasn't working out and I knew it.
My friends had graduated college 3+ years before me and seemed to have it all figured out. They had jobs, spending money, relationships and they seemed to enjoy their lives.
I was supposedly going to be more successful than these kids too.
I was in a city that intimidated me, I had no money of my own, no job and no real direction.
I felt tremendous guilt for wasting my Father's money for 26 years.
(I've since paid my Dad back for all the "loans" he fronted me)
My feelings of self-worth were never lower than when I moved to Hollywood in 2008.
This sure wasn't helping me get girls in bed.
Some guys are okay with being "losers" that do nothing but get ass and party, but I absolutely wasn't.
I needed to fucking grow up or at least find a way to temporarily stop feeling so guilty.
That was my story.
I spent well over a year feeling this way and my results with women/everything suffered immensely.
As lonely I was on some Saturday nights in my early 20's, the feelings of remorse paled in comparison to spending (wasting) my Father's money on my juvenile dreams and rash decisions.
It wasn't until I temporarily got over most of my guilt that I was truly free and committed to my sex life.
Most of you guys have integrity, a sense of responsibility and feel tremendously guilty for prioritizing your sex life when you feel you should be doing other things. Even if you pay your own bills.
The 'Lifestyle Guilt', not the approach anxiety or social skills, is the biggest obstacle to having a good sex life.
It's easy for me to say, "Just Get Laid in your 20's and "Get Paid in your 30's!" but the psychology of fully committing are far more complex.
So I have some suggestions for you.
Take it from someone who has been in your shoes, felt the exact same guilt and slowly but surely - persevered.
My success with women (and later in business) would not have happened if I hadn't gotten past the 'Lifestyle Guilt' I had throughout my mid 20's.
You know and I know that the rest of your life will be much easier if you can see this through.
That's not a myth.
How to Stop Feeling Guilty For Chasing Pussy
(When You Should Be Doing Other Things)
Is There Really a Need to Prioritize Your Sex Life?
This is a discussion we already covered in the link above.
The answer is YES, if you want to.
As I said -
I don't believe that "picking up girls" should be a long-term lifestyle.
I do feel, however, for guys in their 20's, it is both healthy and rewarding to dedicate a couple of years to first beating your anxiety (~6 months) and then Getting Laid (12-18+ months).
Besides, you know and I know that devoting yourself to ONE GOAL will yield far faster and better results than multitasking and usually getting jack shit done.
The ultimate goal may be to "pick up girls efficiently" as part of an overall lifestyle, but you will get there much faster if you fully commit to it for a period of time.
If you aren't sure -
You absolutely DO NOT need to be wealthy to Get Laid a lot.
Having money gives you some confidence (anti-guilt), helps with 'retention' and relationships but does little to actually help you Get Laid.
If you are postponing your sex life until you make money, you are doing yourself a disservice.
(when you've built a business - nearly all of your time will be devoted to it, you are more FREE right now than ever)
#1 Try to Temporarily Forgive Yourself
I'm not going to say "just forgive yourself!" like most self-improvement websites and expect it to do anything for you.
I want you to entertain the idea of temporarily forgiving yourself and trying to Get Laid for a couple of years.
It IS possible to put the guilt on the shelf if you are excited about the direction of your life.
The suggestions below will make this a lot easier.
You can always give back to the world (or those who have supported you) later on.
I encourage that and that is what I have done with Good Looking Loser, although I'm no longer significantly motivated by guilt.
#2 Realize That 'Getting Laid' Is Simply a Stage
If you are living your life correctly, you will try a lot of different things that make you happy.
Getting Laid a lot is simply a stage of the journey.
A tremendously fun, rewarding, exhilarating stage.
It's a stage that the majority of guys will never fully experience.
In fact, I can honestly say that 2008-2011 were some of the best years of my entire life.
They were the most exciting years - by far.
As rewarding as building Good Looking Loser has been, the climaxes (literally) of my "sex life" era were second to none. I have never felt so alive on a daily basis. I never felt more connected to the universe and confident in myself. Truly amazing. I treasure this period and it's very easy to write about.
Not to get all mainstream on you -
Realizing that life is just a set of stages lets you forget about "what you should be doing" and be more in the moment.
If your sex life is important to you, put the rest of your goals aside.
There will be a time to work on them 100%.
If you can TRULY accept that you aren't yet in your "financial stage" or "business/career stage", the Lifestyle Guilt will be much less.
I don't know when I fully realized this "life is a stage" thing, but it was pivotal.
#3 It's Perfectly Acceptable to Prioritize Your Sex Life
(If You ACTUALLY Commit to It)
Before, during and after there will be a lot of naysayers that guilt trip you for wanting to Get Laid instead of doing [insert normal person thing].
You might even be the loudest naysayer.
Truth is -
Most guys, whether they admit it or not, actually prioritize their sex life for a half-decade.
It's called "College" and it's considered totally acceptable.
But if college has come and gone, like it did for me, I give you my permission to prioritize your sex life if you are ACTUALLY committed to it.
But you can't be on the fence about it.
Prioritizing my sex life from 2008-2011 was the best decision I made in my entire life.
Literally everything I do today (from Good Looking Loser to Happy Hippo to Male Enhancement to my relationship with a high-quality woman) is a product of that decision and lifestyle.
#4 It Means A Lot to You and You Know it
(How Much Does Getting Laid/Finding a Great Relationship Really Mean to You?)
It meant so much to me, especially the former.
I had underachieved for so long and I absolutely wouldn't be able to get over it unless I ACTUALLY fixed it.
Even before my "sex life stage", everything in my life revolved around validation and Getting Laid.
The countless hours I spent in the gym, trying to make new friends (for access to new girls), transferring colleges, etc. were meant to bring women into my life.
This isn't unlike most guys.
I just admit it.
If you read Good Looking Loser, success with women (even if it's not strictly 'Getting Laid') means a lot to you.
Your real instincts want you to go after it.
Trust those instincts and fight back against the Lifestyle Guilt.
Set this goal (be able to go out 2 or 3 times and Get Laid at least 1 time) - it doesn't take that long if you are actually committed.
I cared more than the average guy though.
I would literally never be able to forgive myself if I didn't ditch everything and focus on my sex life. I would also not be in a near totally ideal relationship right now.
#5 You Aren't Normal So Stop Acting That Way
(Regrets, Not Failure, Will Haunt You Forever)
Part of the reason for the guilt and indecisiveness is because you are still scared of what may happen if you don't follow the 'normal-person path'.
You're still young, so I get it.
I have friends that, against their true desires, chose follow the normal lifestyle, career, relationship, etc.
While certainly not all of them are miserable, I only know 1 that is actually quite happy with his life and doesn't wish he followed his real dreams.
Almost all of my more creative friends are totally disgruntled.
As you get older, you will realize that the 'normal-person path' (one stream of income, one girl, one house, nothing other than 'the weekend' to look forward to) is far more emotionally self-destructive.
Regrets are far more tormenting than failure.
The earlier you ACTUALLY start to believe this - the better.
Eventually, I believe that most of you guys will start living life on your terms.
Will it be today or tomorrow though? Or maybe in 5 or 10 years?
The sooner the better.
#6 Motivation From Results Will Strangle Your Guilt
(It DOES Actually Become Fun)
Even if all that I've said makes good sense, the best treatment for Lifestyle Guilt is results.
When your sex life is taking off (or even when you knock out most of your social anxiety), you stop feeling guilty because you are making it on your terms.
The voices inside your head will actually shut the fuck up.
Likewise, you no longer are vulnerable to the voices outside your head telling you what you 'should be doing'.
You don't care as much anymore because your life is working.
You won't feel like a loser.
Even if it's temporary.
The key is to get results and build momentum.
If you still have social anxiety, you need to try your best to appreciate the small victories and have a daily sense of accomplishment - no matter how insignificant it may seem.
Sleeping with girls becomes a total blast when you can actually do it.
#7 Get a Part-Time Job Too
There's no reason you can't get a part-time job either.
Ideally, a social job.
If nothing else, it will help pay some bills and lessen your guilt.
Ideally, however, it will help your social skills and give you a new network of acquaintances and women.
Becoming a bartender is ideal and something I wish I did in my 20's.
#8 Getting Laid Is For Men Despite What Haters Say
In a future discussion, I will tell you what "Being a Man" means to me.
Having sex with women is one of those things.
While others may say Getting Laid is "juvenile" and for "douchebags", the truth is -
Most guys are too cowardly to speak to women they do not know in any more than a totally harmless manner while not under the influence of alcohol.
That is the truth of the matter.
If it wasn't true, the average guy would sleep with 50 girls in his lifetime instead of 5.
If telling yourself -
Stop being a little bitch.
Approach anxiety doesn't exist - there are only cowards and men.
Helps you fight past your anxiety, then I'm all for it.
(I used to tell myself something like this back when I got started)
Another thing -
Guilt is for cowards.
It's all over our media and education system posing as "compassion".
That's one of the reasons the Nice Guys outnumber Men 25:1.
#9 Your 'Lifestyle Guilt' Is Simply Another Excuse To Stay Comfortable
Lifestyle/financial guilt is real, don't get me wrong.
At some level, however, "guilt" is merely another excuse to retreat to your comfort zone and not talk to girls.
If you want to Get Laid a lot more but often try to justify why Getting Laid isn't an acceptable priority - it's because you are scared.
Not because your guilt is so overwhelming.
My Lifestyle Guilt was extreme compared to most people.
It was very real.
But it wasn't the only reason that I wasn't talking to girls.
The reason was because I was scared.
#10 You Can Still Live a Physically Healthier Life Than Most Guys
Some people feel prioritizing your sex life is physically unhealthy.
It can be draining, especially 'partying' several times a week.
You don't HAVE TO do that if you don't want to.
You can do this during the day instead.
If you are following our principles and staying in good shape and eating right, you will be more healthy than the vast majority of guys.
Even when I was partying 4-5 times a week (yes, 4 or 5 times a week), I wouldn't drink myself into oblivion (Kratom, Phenibut are way healthier alternatives). I always got 7 hours of sleep, went to the gym on a regular basis and ate quality food.
Don't tell me that I was much more unhealthy than the average guy who gets 0 physical activity, eats garbage and drinks his face off on the weekends.
#11 You Have to Give Yourself a Chance For a Sex Life
(Get to 8-10% Body Fat and See How Women Respond)
Regardless how strong your guilt complex is (or whatever excuse you have for not prioritizing the sex life you want) is, at some level - you are probably curious how good you can have it with women.
You really don't know.
You've got to make yourself good looking (above-average) and give yourself a couple of consistent years to find out.
Not a couple of months.
If you believe in my 'above-average principle' (you don't need to be a perfect 10 to get a lot of hot girls, you just need to have an above-average appearance and fundamentals), you'd be foolish not to try.
As you know from "She's Already Fucked a Guy Uglier Than You", most sexually active girls have already slept with a guy who is less attractive and less cool as you are.
I probably don't have to remind you, but just in case you forgot -
Nothing has changed, except that other guys Getting Laid and you're still in your "thinking about Getting Laid" stage.
You've got to get in shape and give yourself a real chance to have a sex life.
Who knows -
Maybe you are the next Good Looking Loser, Scotty, Boy Toy, Rooster, DC7 (while also juggling competitive bodybuilding) Alex, Ronin, Grim Reaper, TipHat or countless others (sorry if I missed you!) in our community that absolutely put their sex life on steroids.
Or maybe you'll just have a decent sex life and nail 10 or 15 girls a year for a couple of years.
Either way, it will be exponentially more than you have now and you'll be way more confident.
You don't really know.
Just give yourself a chance for Christ's sake.
#12 Good Looking Loser Did It
(And Isn't a Total Fuckup!)
A big part of getting your sex life right is just giving yourself permission to claim that pussy and be a creep once in a while.
Even if the percentages are low when you start, you already know that you'll get a bunch of girls if you just ask a lot of them out.
I have actually gone that route - in my mid-late 20's no less.
Life has worked out for me, well beyond what I could have imagined when I was that young emotionally fragile, shame stricken 26 year old who wanted to Get Laid but couldn't commit because of his guilty conscious.
The decision to put my business/professional life on hold was monumental.
I have turned out just fine and the vast majority of my success (both financial and emotional) is because of that decision.
It has less to do with the "information" I'm able to provide to you on Good Looking Loser and everything to do with how I see the world as an abundant place.
There is more pussy, money, opportunity and love than you'll ever need.
One day, you'll believe it.
Guilt is a bitch, but it can be beat.
If you can temporarily get over most of it, results will carry you to the finish line.
No matter which direction you go with your life, you need to make your decisions from strength.
Whatever you do, you NEED TO BE ALL IN.