How to Go Out By Yourself at Night -
Final Answers & Thoughts
Welcome to Part 8, the final part of our series "How to Go Out Alone to Bars".
We sure have covered a lot of stuff huh?
I'm going to answer some miscellaneous questions that I've been asked and also leave you with some thoughts.
I appreciate you reading my series. By the way.
My Final Thoughts
I can't tell you much having the skill power to Get Laid has benefited my life.
I would be a totally different person if I couldn't.
I would make very different decisions because I would see myself a different way.
There would be no Good Looking Loser (website - I'd still be the same chump) and I'd either be a below-average pill popping lawyer or an uninspiring personal trainer/steroid vendor dating a moody girl that is slightly above-average looking.
Unfortunately, like any type of self-improvement advice, the majority of guys will not use this guide to improve their sex life. Even though EXACT STEPS are chronologically Laid out, most guys will use the guide as "information", for a temporary feel warm and fuzzy feeling and only take tidbits to loosely apply it to very infrequent interactions with the opposite sex.
It's a shame because, as I mentioned, Getting Laid is almost entirely a combination of two doable 'perseverance' goals - looking above-average (diet, gym, fashion) and talking to women (beating social anxiety).
I really believe that.
(maybe you'll never be a superstar, but every guy can become 'above-average' and sleep with a bunch of decent looking chicks)
I do think, however, that since our advice is free it will definitely impact and be a turning point in a lot of mens' sex lives.
In fact -
I know it will.
Will you be that guy?
It's up to you buddy.
I look back very nostalgically at my "Hollywood years" and particularly the period when I went out by myself - night after lovely/grinding night. Those were some of the very best nights (and subsequent mornings) of my life.
Today, I'm 32 years young, happier than I ever have been, financially very well off and just beginning the prime of my 'real adult' life.
Still, nothing I do today, compares to the sheer excitement and perpetual rewarding afterglow of 'those Hollywood nights' from 6-7 years ago when I felt, although I had no money, career plan, obvious direction or significant other in my life - GOD HAD GIVEN ME A SECOND CHANCE AT LIFE.
That is no exaggeration at all, in fact my words today don't do it justice.
I was once again optimistic about my life, something I had not felt in well over a decade.
I was a kid on Christmas Morning - every morning.
Even when I didn't wake up with a chick next to me.
I literally felt like the world belonged to me and that everything in my life was actually going to work out after all.
You see, Getting Laid (and knowing that you can do it) after years of underachievement, mild depression and self-doubt can really do that. It's not a validation thing, it's a natural euphoria, something that drugs can't match.
(Scotty agrees with me here too)
These nights are the times I most remember from my 20's.
I absolutely cherish this period of my life.
If you are in your 20's or even in your early 30's, I plead with you to see this through.
Do it the right way.
It's worth it.
Not just to make up for lost time, not just to 'Get Laid', but to watch the rest of your life fall into order because you will never again be sexually deficient.
You have the steps, just walk them and everything will be okay.
I promise you.
You can really make this work if you try.
But Are You Really "ALL IN"?
This program does what I promise -
In 90 days you will be able to go out and comfortably hit on girls.
Stick with it, you'll Get Laid a bunch.
I'll be honest with you though -
If you REALLY WANT TO FUCK A LOT OF GIRLS, you are going to have to go out A LOT for a while.
This is the part that I honestly wasn't willing to accept for so long.
I just wanted to be super efficient from the start.
I wasn't ready to fully embrace the party lifestyle and ditch my "fitness" tendencies.
I was holding on to a lot of things that I felt were really important -
- Not drinking, certainly not more than 1 time a week.
- 8 hours of unbroken sleep.
- Getting to the gym at least 4 times a week.
- Not smoking cigarettes.
- Not getting to sleep too late.
- Eating at least 200 grams of protein to help maintain muscle mass.
- Not eating crappy food.
- Only going out if I felt good.
- Never being dehydrated.
- Not sleeping with girls who weren't in great (fitness) shape.
- etc. etc.
When I REALLY decided I wanted to start going out on a regular basis in 2009, unlike previous attempts, I actually decided I was "ALL IN" this time.
I made going out to Get Laid my #1 PRIORITY and didn't hold on to remnants of the bodybuilding lifestyle.
I was ALL IN.
Over the course of 3 years, I picked up some bad habits and even became that party boy rat that I once so despised, but I finally started making big time progress in my sex life.
I had to let go of my obsessive, uptight, ultra healthy, introvert-by-choice ways and I'm glad I did.
If you fully embrace the lifestyle for a while, eventually you'll be able to go out a couple times a week or just hit on ~10 girls a week and Get Laid.
That does not happen super quickly for most guys.
My advice is -
If you are really serious about Getting Laid a lot, make it your #1 priority and FULLY embrace the lifestyle for a little while.
Be willing to stay out late, be willing to not stick to a specific diet, be willing to miss the gym sometimes, be willing to have a lousy night.
Don't even try to stick to previous habits that you know are contrary.
If you aren't really that serious, you can certainly try your best, but chances are - you won't get half the pussy that you would get if you really embraced the lifestyle for a little while.
Pick one -
- Fuck lots of girls
- Build a profitable business
- Get a perfect body
- [insert other near full-time ambitious goal]
Put 100% into it until it's accomplished.
My way isn't the only way and it's not even necessarily the "right" way but -
I needed to literally drop almost everything in my life for a period of ~2 years to get where I wanted to be with women.
At first, it was definitely hard to let go of some otherwise good and healthful habits.
But it was ABSOLUTELY CRITICAL to embrace a new lifestyle for a little while.
What Should I Do With the Phone Numbers I Get?
I mentioned it a few spots in the guide but - text the numbers you get at close/just before you leave the place.
Text them (something like) -
where the party at
hey sexy what are u up to now
lets party sweetie
(in or out text)
Don't wait until the next day, not only will half of the numbers be useless, but all the girls will be sober and not in "party mode".
In fact, a lot of the girls are slightly hungover the following day and have no plan of meeting up with ANY guys (or going out again that night).
If you really want to see one of the girls again, by all means - text her (call when she texts you back) and set up some plans.
Just don't assume that sex or meeting up with ANY GIRL you met at a bar the previous night is a given.
Even if you were making out with the girl and she was really feeling you - in most cases, you are still just another "Bar Guy".
With all that said, don't be reluctant to text the girls the following day. You never know who is waiting for your text.
Just don't assume anything or spend a lot of time doing it.
Do I Need Elite Social Skills to Get Laid A Lot?
Using myself as a frame of reference -
I say no.
I don't consider myself to have 'elite' social skills.
(whatever that means?)
My social skills are beyond the average guy but hardly 'elite' compared to guys I know that love to talk to everyone.
Besides, I've been completely wasted, repeating the same dumb questions/stories in the same conversation and still hooked up with plenty of hot girls.
Social skills are just part of our 'Swag Factor' concept.
Just like all fundamentals - Looks/Style (Sex Appeal), Social Freedom (Killer Instinct), Confidence (Sense of Entitlement) you'll be fine if you hit the "above-average or B+ threshold".
If you are above-average at all of those, so few guys are - you are absolutely an elite guy. Period.
Social skills are certainly necessary to hook up with a lot of girls but they are more important in networking or in some social/sales-based job such as club promoting.
If a girl finds you physically attractive, you just need enough 'social skills' to get her alone.
Chances are, like I said earlier, your social skills probably aren't too bad (guys around GLL are generally pretty socially competent), it's just the anxiety is holding you back.
If you can hold and proactively lead a conversation (make small talk aka talk about anything) simply by not being nervous, you should be just fine.
There is some "new age" anti-seduction pick up theory that highlights 'having social skills' as the key to having a hot sex life.
It's obviously helpful, but it's not the key.
Sex Appeal (physical attraction) and Killer Instinct (making it happen) are most important.
What Should I Wear?
(I Don't Want to Look Like Boyfriend Material!)
It's true, physical appearance and first impressions are critical at night.
We have 3+ years of style guides to point you in the right direction.
When in doubt, however - wear a full suit.
Even to a college bar.
Yes, you'll be overdressed but if you look good and important chicks won't hold it against you. It will probably spark some intrigue.
As far as "Boyfriend Material", you don't want to dress like a "nice guy" but remember -
Just putting on a necklace or some accessories will set you apart from nearly all guys.
You don't have to wear a bandana like me or get tattoos from head-to-toe like Scotty.
You don't even have to follow our "edgy" suggestions, just LOOK GOOD.
You can escape the "nice guy" or "Boyfriend Material" profile by simply touching girls (screening) in the first 30 seconds.
In fact, most of my friends that are good with women actually go for the 'well-dressed' look, more so than the 'edgy' look.
(I'm a combo of both)
None get confused for nice guys because they DO NOT ACT like nice guys.
Just in case you wondered, make yourself as tall as possible but keep in mind that "your shoes" aren't a huge deal.
The saying -
A girl always loves a man in a good pair of shoes!
Just isn't the case.
Most girls won't even notice your shoes, especially if it's dark.
Don't wear stupid looking, old, dirty, immature or outdated shoes but don't think you have to spend big on a pair of shoes. Other clothing elements are far more important.
I had a $400 pair of high-end fashionable Frye motorcycle boots I wore every night of my life.
I took them back to Nordstrom because they made absolutely no difference whatsoever.
Mainstream dating sources and other "I know what every women thinks" experts will disagree on this, but I've actually been out a million times and I know this to be fact.
As long as you don't have awful shoes, you'll be just fine.
What Should I Do About the Loneliness?
A lot of guys worry that going out alone several nights a week to try and fuck chicks is going to be a lonely existence.
Think of it this way though -
Are you really more lonely going out and talking to girls than staying at home like you usually do?
Of course not.
Yes, there will times when you are out by yourself on a slow night and feel lonely. I felt that.
There might even be busy nights when you see big groups of people and loneliness strikes because you are by yourself. I felt that too.
The reality is -
You are no more lonely than before.
You just are more aware of it because you are going out alone and don't have your usual entertainment to distract you.
In fact, so long as you are talking to some people - you are probably less lonely.
Just trust me -
Once you start Getting Laid, you won't give 3 fucks about "loneliness". If you stick with this stuff, you'll have more girls than you can handle.
Like I said in the introduction, it doesn't compensate for a rewarding social life or emotional closeness with a significant other - but it sure as hell isn't lonely. Not at all.
What a lonely existence fucking 2 hot girls a week is!
If I Beat the Anxiety, Will I Always Be Able to Go Out Alone or Will It Come Back?
A lot of guys want to know if beating night scene anxiety is similar to 'riding a bike' when once you learn - you will always be able to just pick up where you left off.
(fun fact: Chris never learned how to ride a bike)
The answer is -
Yes and Yes.
If you completely stop going out for a significant amount of time (7+ months), you will need to go out for a few nights to start feeling completely comfortable again.
You won't ever have bad anxiety again, you just won't be as quick on your feet.
It's just like ANYTHING ELSE that you learn/do that you take time off at.
When you pick it up again, you will be rusty and it will take a little while to regain your previous form.
That includes riding a bike (or in my case iceskating).
You'll be able to ride the bike but you won't feel totally comfortable right away at high speeds or doing any advanced tricks that you previously learned.
The good news is -
Just going out two consecutive nights will be enough to shake off most of the jitters.
It might feel like you are "starting over" at first, but there is a sort of 'psychological muscle memory' and any approach anxiety will disappear very quickly.
If you do beat your anxiety, take time off and find that your anxiety is back -
You'll beat it faster than you ever have before.
What is the Best Place to Go Out Alone to Try to Bring Girls Home?
The best place to go is the nearest place that serves alcohol and at least 30 women.
I don't know any guys that Get Laid a lot (via cold approach) that frequently take 30 minute car rides to meet chicks. Especially not long drives or public transportation to clubs.
In those cases, you could do the 'hotel room' thing, but it's just one more obstacle, one more charge on your card and more uncertainty.
(Vegas is a different story, where you already have a hotel room)
Ideally, you want to be within walking distance of both your place and the venue.
As you know, when I was getting the most action (via bar scene, 2010) I literally lived 3 minutes away from the 4 (mainly 3) places I went to.
It makes all the difference in the world.
It was easy to justify "let's grab a quick drink and come back in 15 minutes".
That's what we did.
It generally took 45 minutes though. :)
Sometimes I'd get the girl back to the bar before her friends even noticed.
Usually they noticed though.
How Should I Handle 'The Friends'?
Although this is a subject in itself (and a way overanalyzed topic), I'll give you the basics.
All you gotta do is -
BE SUPER NICE.
HIT THEM WITH COMPLIMENTS.
Don't wait for them to evaluate you, step up -
Call them pretty.
(without hitting on them)
Call them cool.
(without totally kissing their ass)
Call them fun.
Call them classy.
Tell them that they dress well and need to give other girls fashion advice.
(this one is beyond awesome)
Tell them that they are intelligent and it's a rare thing to see.
Tell them that they 'impress' you.
Ask which ones are single and tell them that you want to introduce them to your friends.
(describe your friends as near God-like men that would be interested in them)
Tell them that you'll invite them to parties.
Be/pretend to be interested in their lives.
THAT IS HOW YOU HANDLE 'THE FRIENDS'.
Give them absolutely every reason to LOVE YOU (even if you are completely lying) and no reason to hate you, remain undecided or take their friend away.
When you've won the group over (or they seem to be leaving you alone) - immediately "borrow" their friend and get to a private area.
This is especially important if you have a distinct player look/vibe - you want to go FULL NICE GUY.
This only applies to 'the Friends', not to the girl you are trying to bang.
'The Friends' want their friend meet a "nice guy" and not a player/scumbag who will fuck her, not call her back and not bring anything to the table.
This is something I'm actually amazing at. I'm a pretty nice guy and this is all you need to do.
Which Girls Should I "Target"?
In terms of groups, you should focus on girls that are alone or in small groups (7 or less). Big groups have more logistical issues, social issues (judgement) and obstacles.
At the same time, a group of 2 girls can get complicated because some girls can't 'ditch' their other friend.
In that case, take their phone number (text them later in the night) or take both girls with you. If the 'friend' has a boyfriend or thinks you are a cool guy, she won't be totally opposed to sitting in the living room with a drink and the TV on while you fuck her friend. It really varies though.
(just make sure you don't leave valuables out for her to steal - putting a dummy camera in your living room can help; I have a real one now)
For straight cold-approach (no afterparty), weeknights can be more friendly than weekends because groups of girls don't plan to stay out all night and will go home early if their friend meets a guy she likes.
All of these logistical/group issues can be significantly minimized by living in walking distance. Sneaking off with the girl for 30 minutes is all the time you need and you don't have to deal with the group's social commitments or other bullshit. 30 minutes usually turns into 60 minutes. But once the girl is horny/wet, time is not a concern.
(hint: turn the girl's cell phone ringer off if she uses your bathroom and leaves her purse in the living room, she won't notice/care)
In terms of individuals, besides focusing on the girls you want to fuck, the ones that want to fuck you (eye contact), I encourage you to apply our "Best Feature Principle" so you have more options.
Try to consider chicks that have 1 very nice feature about them, even if they aren't your ideal girl.
For example (7010) -
I wasn't having a great night, there just weren't that many girls out and I just wasn't hitting it off with the hotter ones.
One girl I noticed had a slightly above-average face but was wearing stupid looking clothes. She was wearing an oversized sweatshirt and jeans that barely even showed her figure.
The group she was with posed for a picture and the girl adjusted her sweatshirt.
Even though my vision isn't very good, I saw that beneath the sweatshirt she was packing some absolutely monstrous healthy breasts.
I went to talk to her and we hit it off, apparently we had a mutual friend (never hurts).
I got the girl home about an hour later and I immediately took the sweatshirt off of her.
Her breasts were absolutely enormous, real and even bigger than I even thought. She had a special bra (that looked like 2.5 bras) to try to support her massive estrogen endowments.
Needless to say, I sucked and played with them for hours and had distinctly more fun than I usually do.
Her best feature (her monster homegrown breasts) made the experience better and unique than fucking a girl that was better looking.
When it comes to sex, a super confident slightly above-average girl that knows that she has a huge natural rack that guys masturbate to could be far better in the moment than a hotter girl that just lays there in bed.
It was a great lesson, my pool of candidates opened up significantly.
She explained that she wears a sweatshirt in cold bars when she's specifically not looking to meet guys. Ironic. Chilly temperatures absolutely make her breasts dominate the room and become the focal point of everyone's attention. Poor girl.
By my standards, I even became rather obsessed with this girl too. Her waistline was amazing considering the voluptuous breasts she inherited. We saw each other just 2 more times but she wanted out because apparently I didn't show her that I potentially wanted a relationship.
(I didn't obviously but I usually do a better job keeping them around, she bailed way faster than I wanted!)
Based solely on a girl's appearance, however, it's hard to tell who is DTF and who is not.
You've got to screen them.
Just about all girls at bars wear skimpy clothing these days and drink a little more than they should.
I'm attracted to above-average looking girls that smoke cigarettes, especially confident ones that smoke during the day and don't give a fuck if they annoy people. Chicks that smoke just happen to be more sexually liberated so they are an easy group for me.
Scotty likes Black/Latina girls and they tend to be more DTF than the average girl.
In this podcast, he discusses how he could Get Laid in under 5 minutes by picking out the drunkest, hardest partying girl on the dance floor and immediately taking her to his car.
The chicks you approach should be a combination of -
- The girls you want to fuck (talk to 5-10)
- The girls that want to fuck you (talk to 5-10)
Usually there is some cross-over if you aren't being too selective.
How Often Should You Go Out?
If you want to Get Laid a lot (or learn to) I suggest going out 3-4 times a week until you get 1 or 2 fuckbuddies. Then cut it back to 1-2 times a week.
I'm going to discuss this more in-depth in a future article, as well as give my perspective on how rewarding the 'Player Lifestyle' really is and how to ideally structure your 20's so you Get Laid and then move on to bigger and better things.
For most guys, ideally as early in your 20's as possible -
I think it's worth spending a good 3-6 months 'beating Approach Anxiety' (doing our program) as your #1 AND ONLY GOAL.
After that, I suggest spending a good 1-2 years having fun - doing nothing but Getting Laid and partying.
After a few years and plenty of success, you'll get chicks efficiently and you won't have to try or go out that much to Get Laid or replace MIA fuckbuddies.
Although ~1-2 years seems like a lot - it's really not.
Most people do this for 4+ years.
It's called "college".
Scotty (~7.5 years of full-service) and myself (~4.5 years of full-service) were very ambitious and big into partying in general, we devoted our lives to it longer than I recommend for most.
After you've had your fun, focus on your finances/career and getting wealthy.
At that point, a hot girlfriend or a few low-maintenance fuckbuddies makes sense.
Just make sure you know you can Get Laid.
This entire thing is a near psychological waste if you spend years on it but still doubt that you can Get Laid.
What Is the Appropriate Strategy Once You Know You Can Get Laid?
Get Laid. Have fun with it.
That's what you were trying to do in the first place, right?
I can't comment on every scene or city, but this is what I did -
Once I knew I could Get Laid every 2 or 3 times (or hit on ~10-25 girls) I would go out at ~12:30am on Tuesday, Thursday/Friday and Saturday nights.
12:30 am was a good time because girls were pretty drunk and weren't thinking about getting home/leaving yet (closing time is at 2am in LA).
I would get to the bar at 12:33am and literally try to take every single hot girl up to my room for a quickie.
Same thing always.
0 to 100, start a conversation, hit her friends with compliments (if necessary) and try to walk her out the door and up the hill.
Not much different than in this video.
(not to give the wrong impression - it usually took me 15-25 minutes once I found a DTF girl, not 5-10 minutes like Scotty's method)
Although, I wouldn't smash pussy every night, it was literally that simple.
What Should You Do If You "Get Busted" For Being Out Alone?
A lot of guys absolutely dread the thought of "getting busted" or called out for being out by themselves.
Although this isn't something that I was ever ashamed of, I'll give you 2 suggestions -
1) If you really feel the need to defend yourself, just say that your friend(s) work at the place and you probably know more people than he/she does and immediately resume whatever you were talking about.
2) Make the decision that you are going to try to stop caring about crap like this.
You are afraid of this type of thing is because you aren't comfortable in your own skin. There is nothing wrong or shameful about going out alone - the guys that fuck the most chicks via cold approach mainly go out alone. Those guys aren't insecure losers, quite the opposite.
If you can't stop caring about this "getting busted" stuff - Getting Laid might not be for you. Eventually, you will have to get past this COMPLETELY INSIGNIFICANT fear, so start now.
I don't like to be negative or offer non-insightful "just get over it" advice. But frankly there are certain things in life that you need to decide just aren't a big deal and develop the strength to stop caring about.
This is one of those things.
Once you start Getting Laid you'll slowly stop caring about this issue or what other people think anyway.
So go Get Laid.
Although I suggest devoting a period of your 20's (or early 30's) to doing virtually nothing but beating your social anxiety forever and then Getting Laid, I know that the full lifestyle is not for everyone.
Eventually everyone wants the pussy to come easily - but you have to put in the work up front.
This 'Getting Laid' period isn't forever, but neither are your 20's.
I just know my past, present and future were so much better because I was 'ALL IN' for a couple of years.
Thank you for reading my guide, it is beyond a blessing to be able to help you improve your life.
I mean that.
I hope this helps you.
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