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Welcome to Part 7 of our series "How to Go Out Alone to Bars".
We are going to discuss 'moodiness' and talk about how to handle it and how much it really matters.
Like I mentioned earlier, after you get reasonably comfortable with going out by yourself, your mood or "state" will be the main factor in how your night goes.
You will "lose" more chicks to being in a sour mood than to anxiety.
So yes, your mood is very important.
At the same time, don't think for a second that you can't Get Laid if you aren't in a great mood.
Being in a good mood definitely helps, but the more I thought about it - being the life of the party (mainstream term) or "spreading positive energy" (seduction term) is overemphasized.
I've gotten action just as much when I was in an 'okay' mood and not really wanting to talk to anyone except a fully interested DTF chick.
I'll tell you what I do.
Remember - the goal is to Get Laid, not to "be in a great mood", "talk to people" or "win at social dynamics". Keep that in mind.
If that is news to you, I'm sure you've seen several examples of "Mr. Mayor" or "Mr. Positive Energy Social Butterfly" that talks to a million people, seems like he knows everyone, but doesn't really Get Laid anymore than you do. It's a lot of effort and not fully necessary.
The life of a smiley 'Social Butterfly' is obviously better than being grumpy or totally introverted, but extroverts have their own form of social anxiety and it doesn't always pay off in mad pussy.
Myself and the best guys I know, with only 1 exception (the club promoter/Hollywood socialite friend), go out and talk to the girls they want to fuck and aren't shaking everyone's hand or trying to make a bunch of new friends.
We'll cover -
How to Start Your Night in a Good Mood
If you are doing our program, you know the importance pre-game "endorphin preparation" and starting the night in a good mood.
I had you do it EVERY NIGHT.
Your night will likely go much better if you start in a good mood and don't have to snap yourself into it.
There's really a million and one suggestions for 'How to Get in a Good Mood' (just Google it) and you know what works best for you (yes, you already know what makes you tick), so I'll just give you what I used to do.
Here is the exact pre-game Full Prep. that I used 2 nights a week when I started going out alone.
ALL NIGHT GOOD MOOD ROUTINE (FULL PREP.)
This is the "Full Prep." protocol for nights when I went out at 7:00pm (until I brought a girl home or 2:30am).
The Full Prep. protocol is incredible but you don't want to use Phenibut more than 2 times a week.
On these "Full Nights", I would hit on up to 25 girls over the course of the night and try to take each one to my apartment that was 120 yards away.
I did this 2 days a week for the later part of 2009 and majority of 2010.
I had the time of my life.
Needless to say, after I shook off the rest of my 'night scene' anxiety, I was Getting Laid 1 out of every 2 nights. In fact, the percentage was over 50% in the late Summer months.
There were 3 nights in the later part of the year that even I brought home multiple girls in a single night - often random Tuesday nights.
Admittedly, these numbers (50-60% success rate) are a bit inflated because of my location (4 minutes and 26 seconds from 3 popular bars, 1 club), multiple attractive fuckbuddies that boosted my confidence and the fact that I was really quick on my feet and literally was scared of nothing since I was going out 4 or 5 nights a week.
Sleeping with 1 girl, every 3 nights via cold approach is a more realistic average - once you really figure this stuff out and settle in.
Thankfully, there weren't all that many "wasted nights" when I did my 'Full Prep.' and no girls were out. I specifically saved this for the busy nights.
On not-so-busy nights, I would just do some pushups, pull-ups or squats in my apartment and have a drink and go out to see who I could meet.
While it's important not to make your pre-game an extensive "event" that just psyches you out, it's absolutely critical that you try to feel and look your best every night.
On slower nights when there's less action - create yourself a 'mini-prep' that takes 30 minutes before you go out.
But no matter what -
Look your best.
In the night scene - first impressions are the only impressions.
I always had my small little living room and bedroom clean and 100% ready to go. I always left my Xbox360 playing music videos, almost always "Red Hot Chili Peppers - Live From Slane Castle)". All I had to do was turn the TV on and the mood was set. I had 2 floor lamps that would cast red light on wall. There was always Tequila and cigarettes for the chicks.
Here's a YouTube video of the exact video I kept on repeat -
I'm listening to it now and tearing up.
These were very special days and unlike other parts of my life - I really appreciated this period of time when I was living it.
It was finally really happening for me.
And I knew it.
How to Get/Stay In a Good Mood
This isn't terribly insightful -
The key to staying in a good mood is be in a good mood in the first place.
We just discussed that.
After that, the key is not drift back into your head.
Here's my suggestions for that -
#1 Stay In the Game and Out of Your Head
(How to Build Social Momentum)
You can prevent Approach Anxiety by not letting it start in the first place.
The best way to do that is to immediately talk to the first people you see or make sure you talk to people within 15 minutes.
You can use my LITERALLY FAIL PROOF line -
Hey guys, I'm new around here...
On a scale of 1 to 10, how much do you like living in [the city]?
[Listen to what they say]
That 'line' will work ANYWHERE on ANYONE.
The 'New Guy' factor encourages people to be friendly and helpful.
The question is something everyone can share their opinion on and intriguing enough for people to ask you questions too.
Use that to build your social momentum and get out of your head.
It's literally all you need.
You can always ask other 'opinion' type questions or talk about whatever you want, but I encourage you to take advantage of the 'New Guy' factor. People are extra helpful and cordial to the New Guy.
#2 Only Hit Up Spots That You Like
This should be obvious, but still way too many guys end up in environments and scenes they despise because they feel obligated to go there.
If you have spots that you like (or think you will like once the anxiety has died) - go there.
That also includes hanging out in areas of the place that you like.
If you can't stand loud music (I fucking hate most live music), stay away from the dance floor or band. Don't buy into that crap that you "have to learn to pick up girls everywhere" if you want a good sex life.
Not true at all.
Learn to creep in the quiet areas, especially the patio areas that are quieter - those areas are almost always better anyway.
At the same time -
Try to stay somewhat open-minded though. Chances are, you hate the anxiety and not the scene. Reserve some judgement until your anxiety is gone.
I used to hate bars but once I got comfortable - I didn't mind them. Once I started Getting Laid, I actually liked some of them.
#3 Go Through the Motions and Fix Your Body Language
I'm not really big on this "fix your body language" or "pretend you are in a good mood" stuff, but it actually works for a fair amount of people.
More than I will admit!
What does your body language look like when you are feeling good, looking good and think you are the coolest guy in the place?
Like my friend Jordan says -
Walk around like you have an 'S' on your chest.
(a reference to "Superman")
Correct your body language and strut around like the confident, despised douchebag/douchebag-to-be that you are.
Perhaps your mood will improve.
#4 Have a Drink, Be a Weirdo, Get a Rush, Etc.
I never really have more than 1 or 2 drinks a night (Kratom is way better for me), but if it helps you get into a better mood, by all means - drink up.
If dancing or ordering food helps - by all means.
If doing something "weird", such as asking a girl if she touches herself, if her big breasts give milk or bringing up a naked picture of yourself on your phone to show a group of girls - by all means.
If doing something "ballsy", such as spotting the hottest girl in the bar and barging right into her conversation to talk to her - by all means.
You could even volunteer a creepy story, such as -
So check it out.
I hooked up with this girl at the beach last summer, she was this model chick from New Hampshire. Later that summer, she invited me up to her cabin for the weekend.
You know, just me and her, real intimate.
The first day I got there, I went to use her bathroom and in the toilet there was shit. It was literally dinosaur-sized shit floating at the top.
I couldn't believe it, did that really come from her ass?
The following morning I went into into her bathroom to take a shower and again - huge dinosaur-sized shit in the toilet bowl. Even a bigger pile this time, fresh and floating at the top and I knew it was her - no one else was in the cabin with us and she had just gone in there to brush her teeth.
Was this girl trying to send me a message or something?
Later that day, we fucked in the 69 position and I literally was terrified of the thought that she had another massive dinosaur load ready in her ass just inches from my face. Her asshole was puckering as I licked her clit.
Long story short, I lost my erection and she got upset and asked me if she did something wrong or why I got turned off.
I was polite and didn't tell her why but she didn't believe me and got even more upset.
I'm not good at lying to girls.
Should I have told her my concern or asked her why she was seemingly not flushing the huge mess she left in the potty?
(Half the story happened - I used to have a hot fuckbuddy named Adrienne, she would "forget" to flush and told me she didn't consider it a big deal - that's the last we talked about it, she didn't seem the least bit embarrassed. Some girls literally live in their own universe.)
Whatever it takes to shoot some positive endorphins into your blood stream - I'm in favor of.
I don't have a million suggestions for good moods because I'm usually in a good mood and it's critical that you figure out your own methods.
I don't actually consider always being in a great mood all the time that important, I'll explain why in a little bit.
What Should You Do If You Just Can't Snap Into a Good Mood?
There will be some nights that you are in a great mood and feel totally fearless.
Not only can you talk to people, you actually want to.
You're on and you know it.
But there will be some nights that you aren't in a good mood and nothing is making you feel better.
You just can't get yourself into it and the party is gaining more and more energy.
Here are my suggestions for those lousy mood nights -
#1 Don't Make Things Worse
When I started this shit, I ruined way too many nights because I made things worse.
I would get angry that I wasn't in a good mood.
I would get even more angry that I couldn't pull myself out of it.
Before I knew it -
I was in an even worse mood and my night had completely gone to hell.
#2 Try to Pull Yourself Into a Better Mood but Remember That it Doesn't Have to Make a Difference
Try to snap in a happy/social mood with the suggestions above (or whatever makes you tick) but remind yourself that "being in a good mood" isn't the key to Getting Laid.
It certainly helps your confidence and vibe, but the fact of the matter is, Getting Laid is mainly about -
Unless you are in an absolutely terrible mood, if a girl finds you physically attractive (or you are simply better looking/cooler than she is) - you can still Get Laid if she is available and you can feed off her enthusiasm toward you.
You absolutely DO NOT have to be "The Mayor" or "The Social Guy" to Get Laid.
You need to find ONE available (DTF) girl and get her out of the place.
#3 Give Yourself a Break and GO HOME
I'm probably the only person in the world that recommends this and many people will lose all respect for me.
If you've really tried to fix your lousy mood but still don't feel good, here's my suggestion -
CUT YOURSELF A BREAK AND JUST GO HOME.
CALL IT A NIGHT.
You will have good nights and you will have bad nights.
That will NEVER CHANGE.
If you are totally stuck in a bad night - don't beat yourself up or tell yourself that you don't have what it takes.
(even if you are still inexperienced and not yet good at this stuff)
Just GO HOME and go to sleep.
You have my permission.
There is no point torturing yourself and making a bad experience worse.
Next time you go out, just make sure you do better 'good mood prep'.
Good Looking Loser's 0 to 100 Principle
(Alternative to "Staying Social")
When readers heard that I was creating this "How to Go Out Alone" guide, one of the most frequently asked questions was -
How can I make sure I'm talking to people and being social when I'm not talking to girls?
My short answer is -
You don't have to talk to anyone that you don't want to have sex with.
Hopefully that is a weight off your shoulders.
What you do need to do (and practice) is what I call going from "0 to 100".
You need to be able to go from not speaking to anyone for a while or being in a "low state" to talking to a girl you want to fuck with reasonable ease and enthusiasm.
It takes some practice, of course.
In my opinion, although difficult at first, "0 to 100" completely solves the "I need to be social" issue, "what should I be doing when I'm not talking to girls?" and just about every other state/mood maintenance concern.
"Talking to everyone" may have positive social intentions and anti-anxiety benefits for inexperienced guys, but ultimately - it is exhausting, unnecessary and just another way to make stuff harder on yourself.
You shouldn't need to "talk to everyone" to control/maintain your own mood, let alone find ONE to leave the place with.
Does that make sense?
Guys that are good at picking up women at bars can go from 0 to 100 and don't need social warmups or need to stay on constant alert to stay in a good mood.
Don't get me wrong -
Social momentum is great, especially for inexperienced guys.
But the last thing I want to suggest is that you NEED it and that it is somehow a mandatory prerequisite to ending the night with your dick 7+ inches into a healthy vagina.
The pressure is off.
Good moods are great but being able to go from 0 to 100 is even better.
So What's the Best Way to Practice This?
You already know what I'm going to say.
If you haven't talked to anyone for a while and are fully in your head, use it as the perfect opportunity to go from 0 to 100.
If you are scared to walk up to a hot girl, use the line -
I'm new around here...
On a scale of 1-10, how much do you like living in [the city]?
on some people that are just standing around (in their heads too).
Eventually, if you really want to get really good at going out by yourself and Getting Laid, you will need to get good at going from "0 to 100".
So practice it as much as you can along the way.
You'll find it's actually way more effective and easier for Getting Laid than "talking to everyone".
Our series "How to Go Out Alone to Bars" continues here -
To leave feedback or comments, please leave it in the comments section in "How to Go Out Alone to Bars - Final Thoughts & Answers (Part 8)". I will see all of those.
Longer questions are best left in our forum where you will receive a faster and more comprehensive reply from our community. Thank you.
You've thought about it long enough.
I didn't think the "Get Hung" guide would have girls eyeing my bulge. It did.
I didn't think that your exercise and diet advice would have girls checking me out. It did.
I DEFINITELY didn't think that your hair-loss prevention would fix my hairline. Not in a billion years. It mother fucking did. You saved me a crazy amount of time, a ton of money, unnecessary pain, and destroyed my #1 source of anxiety. DESTROYED IT.
Kratom is next!
To anyone reading this, follow through, read this material, APPLY this material, and enjoy life.
Thanks again Chris, life would suck without you.
comment 26220 - "How to Pickup Girls if You Are Nervous... (Nervous Guy Game)"