How to Go Out Alone to Bars - The First Month (Part 3)

How to Go Out By Yourself at Night - 
The First Month 

Welcome to the first month of our "How to Go Out Alone to Bars" program.

The first month of this program is fairly easy and is largely meant to give guys a reason to GET OUT OF THE HOUSE and work on the very beginnings of controlled exposure therapy and the very very beginnings of Killer Instinct (aggressiveness)

Killer Instinct, as you know, is the primary factor that separates guys that Get Laid a lot at night and the guys who end up with a bunch of phone numbers.

While you've always had the option of going out alone - it's not an easy task to "just go pick up girls" if you have approach anxiety.

In fact, going out by yourself at night and having a productive (let alone not miserable night) is virtually impossible.

There's nothing worse than wandering around alone at night like a fucking idiot 'thinking about picking up girls' while your anxiety exponentially grows.

Those nights are terribly toxic and often have lasting effects.

Been there.

It's not just the fierce anxiety in the moment, but the sense of total failure and "I have such a long way to go..." feeling that sticks with you for the rest of the week.

Been there.

Understandably, it's those type of nights that make guys give up for good and decide "this pick up thing" is not for them.

With this program, now you have a reason to go out alone, a concrete game plan of what to do and a sense of accomplishment waiting for you if you follow through.

While you will never have 100% control over whether you Get Laid, our drills are doable and you have 100% control whether you have a successful night.

Remember -

Until the end of this program, the goal isn't to feel or become totally anxiety-free - the goal is to not become powerless when anxiety strikes.

Anxiety isn't a choice.

Proudly fighting back and standing up for yourself is.

In those 'Be a Man' moments - BE A MAN.

There will be many of these moments.

Try your best and you will be rewarded step by step, drill by drill, night by night.

And - 

Don't worry, you'll have some fun too.

Promise.

Proudly Resisting Anxiety and Nazi Occupation -
It's Always a Choice (La Résistance)

Before you go out, remember the 6 mandatory rules -

  1. You promise to go out at least 3 nights a week.
  2. You promise to go redo the nights that you do not fully complete.
    (the drills will be doable - that won't be the problem)
  3. You promise to do all the drills.
  4. You promise to find and use a physical 'good mood' custom.
  5. You promise to look as sexy as possible.
  6. You promise to DO WHAT YOU WANT.

How to Start Your Accountability Log

If you are taking the next 3 months seriously and doing an accountability log (or vlog, even better), tell us about your night in ~5 minutes or just what's on your mind.

Have you gone out alone before?

How did you feel getting while ready for the night?
(what's your 'physical good mood custom'?)

How did you feel thinking about going out alone?

How did you feel when it was time to get started?

How did you feel when you walked through the door by yourself?

Did having a structured game plan help you more than "go pick up girls"?

Tell us all about it.

week 1

Week 1 - And Away We Go!
(10 Drills)

Let's get started.

Listen -

This month, for some guys, the drills are not going be particularly hard and might even seem quite easy.

GOOD.

DO THEM.

Feel what it's like to go out by yourself and come home alone - with a sense of accomplishment instead of reminding yourself that you are a nervous failure who has a huge mountain to climb.

Half the battle to beating 'night scene' anxiety is to slowly get comfortable being out alone and being seen alone.

It's not just the 'drills' or "what you have the balls to do".  

You have to get comfortable with walking through the door - alone.

You have to get comfortable with standing by yourself - alone.

You have to get comfortable knowing you are - alone.

Once you have some degree of that - everything else becomes way easier.

Easy or not, doing these drills is MUCH MORE socially beneficial than what you'd be doing otherwise tonight - NOTHING.

Let's get moving.

Carry your phone with you and bring up the drills as you KNOCK THEM OUT - one by one.

For at least 3 nights this week, you are to go out and do the following -

Creeper challenge: Walk up 10 feet from a group of girls and take 3 pictures of them with the flash on. Post it on the forum.

week 2

Week 2 - Hit & Run I
(11 Drills)

If you didn't go out 3 nights and complete ALL the requirements in Week 1 - go back and do that.

Please don't start making your own rules already.

You won't finish the program and this will be another waste of time.

Obviously the drills aren't "hard" from Week 1.

Week 1 is all about getting you out of your house, completing some doable challenges and coming home feeling like you got a little better.

The hardest part for most in this month is simply becoming comfortable with being seen alone and the mindfuck of not having a buddy for emotional support. 

For at least 3 nights this week, you are to go out and do the following -

Creeper challenge: Walk up beside a group of girls and blatantly listen in to their conversation for as long as you can.

A Message from Chris

If you fall on the low-end of our social anxiety test, these drills will be a legitimate but doable challenge. 

For most, the hardest drill of the night is the first one.

If you can do that one, the rest of the night is pretty smooth sailing.

While you still have anxiety, it's critical that you engage other people within the first 15 minutes, build social momentum and not drift back into your head.

Remember -

If you are slipping into your head, use those moments as opportunities to step up to the challenge.

That is what this is all about.

week3

Week 3 - Hit and Run Part II
(12 Drills)

If you didn't go out 3 nights and complete ALL the requirements in Week 2 - go back and do that.

If you've been following the program as it is written, you've gone out a total of 6+ times by yourself in 2 weeks.

While that is not a lot of night scene action, I guarantee that it is more than you've been out alone in your entire life.

Hopefully the structure is helping you build momentum.

You should be proud of yourself if you've completed Week 1 and 2.

This is going to work for you if you keep taking it seriously.

For at least 3 nights this week, you are to go out and do the following -

Creeper challenge: Bring a condom to bar and put in on a table that girls are sitting at. Say nothing and leave.

week 4

Week 4 - The End of the Beginning
(17 Drills)

If you didn't go out 3 nights and complete ALL the requirements in Week 3 - go back and do that.

By now, hopefully you have developed some sort of 'physical good mood' custom to kickstart your night.

If not - make sure you find something that makes you tick.

By now, the lead up to a night out should be far less significant.

Walking to the bar by yourself is feeling slightly more normal.

Walking to the place by yourself is feeling slightly more normal.

Standing by yourself is feeling slightly more normal.

Anxiety may still come and go but nothing should be a big event anymore.

You are getting used to going out, that's what it's supposed to feel like.

For at least 3 nights this week, you are to go out and do the following -

Creeper challenge - get your finger wet (put it in some water) and wipe it on some girl's arm. Stare at her and leave.

A Message From Chris

The very first drill is legendary -

Look or slowly walk around the room and make eye contact with any 3 girls and wink.

The best very "natural" I ever knew would just do this the ENTIRE NIGHT to stake out his prey.

Usually it would go something like this -

Eye contact.

*Wink*
(girl smiles and look down)

Eye contact again.

*Wink*
(girl smiles and keeps eye contact)

'Danny' then goes right over to the girl immediately and says, "I figured we should finally talk instead of just flirting from across the room."

In his prime (we are talking 15+ years ago when we were both 19-22 years old), the kid was downright amazing.

When we were 17, he hooked up with a super hot Miami Dolphins cheerleader at the beach.

Danny, while we were close friends, was the 'player cousin' that I never had.

When I think about it, the 2 very best guys I ever knew (Danny and Scotty) in their day, were absolute masters of eye contact.

It's the ultimate form of screening and prevents inefficient "spam approaching" or bad reactions.

Eye contact is something that you are going to need to figure out. The good thing is, you can just go out alone and just work on it.

Now and in the future - try to catch eye contact and smile at whatever girl you are going to talk to.

Eye contact is how sexually available girls show you they are interested.

And -

Hopefully you are following the program and making yourself look at sexy as possible before you go out.

It's kind of a big deal.

When I look good, I'll catch eye contact from 10+ girls a night. If not, literally not one will show any obvious interest in me. No one is immune from this.

You NEED TO look good at night.

Thus ends your first month of 'How to Go Out Alone to Bars'.

Hopefully you are still with us and hopefully you haven't made your own version of the program.

To leave feedback or comments, please leave it in the comments section in "How to Go Out Alone to Bars - Final Thoughts & Answers (Part 8)". I will see all of those.

Longer questions are best left in our forum where you will receive a faster and more comprehensive reply from our community. Thank you.