How to Go Out By Yourself at Night -
The Introduction to a Doable Program
This doable program is meant to help anyone who can't or has trouble going out alone at night.
It is structured so that guys with virtually no experience can succeed too.
Although there are many shades of gray, when it comes to really Getting Laid, there are two types of guys -
- Guys that absolutely know that they can go out alone and Get Laid.
- Everyone else.
Either you can do it or you can't.
Either you know you can or you don't.
The vast majority of guys can't.
I know I couldn't for about 2 years after I started this shit.
People, especially our impatient generation, want guarantees before they are willing to try just about everything.
While that is a recipe for doing nothing with your life, I can guarantee you -
If you take the program seriously and actually follow the rules, in 90 days, you will be comfortable enough to go out alone and have a chance at Getting Laid.
A Heartfelt Message from Chris
This was originally meant to be a single blog post. Then it became a multi-post series. Then it became something entirely deeper and more structured.
Every time I worked on this program, it meant more-and-more to me.
Unlike some topics, this issue isn't something that can be presented, explained and solved in a single post. Not even one of my usual 5000+ word discussions.
Many of you guys have entertained the idea of rolling solo to meet chicks, feel it's possible, but just don't have the social freedom to make it happen yet.
You still feel there's time, and in most cases - there certainly is.
As you already know - so long as you make yourself look 'above-average' and you can talk to girls without getting nervous - you can Get Laid if you really want to.
But for some of you guys, whether you know it or not, this is your final attempt at really trying to make the bars/clubs work for you so you can sleep with girls on the SAME night. The loneliness and isolation that your anxiety has caused runs really deep for you. Not being able to Get Laid (or even be comfortable in social settings) will affect how you see yourself for the rest of your life.
A guy who knows that he can Get Laid if he goes out 2-3 nights a week lives a different reality than a guy who doesn't believe that.
A guy who knows that he can Get Laid by simply showing up to a bar a couple of nights a week has a legitimate 'abundance mentality' and won't get emotionally attached to girls (or most anything) too quickly.
When his natural sexual instincts strike - he can take care of it.
A guy who can't - doesn't truly believe that he has legitimate options for sex. He will ultimately settle for a partner or a girlfriend just for the emotional security and the chance to 'get some' on a consistent basis.
It runs pretty deep.
I know your psyche and I know your emotions. I was exactly you just 10 years ago.
(I was 22, 10 years ago; About Chris)
I will do my very best to not let you down.
Can and DO YOU go out at night - by yourself?
About This Program
This is more of a 'social freedom' program.
The bulk of this series isn't necessarily to dig into our approach, process and techniques (screening) for Getting Laid in the night scene, please see my other material if you are looking for that, especially the discussion and examples here -
I've basically covered it all.
It's also not going to cover the 'dynamics' of specific scenes or go in-depth about bars or clubs (popular party scene).
This guide is all about building your confidence and tolerance so you aren't sitting at home on Saturday Nights (or any night) because you don't have the courage to go out alone.
With that said, there will certainly be some fresh insight on how to pick up chicks at night. Especially in final section, "How to Go Out Alone to Bars - Final Thoughts & Answers".
While that might be a disappointment to some people, I will remind you -
There is NOTHING I can "say" or tell you that is going to actually going to PERMANENTLY reduce your anxiety.
Your anxiety is the only thing keeping you home at night.
If you've worked on your appearance and are 'above-average', you are well-aware that guys less appealing than you are getting more action.
It's time to change that.
You are really going to have to earn this one.
I'm going to try and make that as easy as possible.
Is There Anything Else Like This?
Just like most of Good Looking Loser, unless it's copied or spun (there's plenty of that), this is probably the only place that discusses this subject in-depth and offers a "do this = get this" applicable solution.
When I started "researching pick up" back in ~2006, I don't remember ever coming across a guide that specifically discussed (let alone offered a step-by-step process) overcoming the anxiety of GOING OUT ALONE BY YOURSELF - AT NIGHT.
The information that I do remember coming across, looked something like this -
Just have fun!
Just meet people!
Just be social!
Don't care what people think!
Just entertain yourself!
(I'm being sarcastic btw) :)
My goal is to create a guide that gets a lot of you guys out of your house, gives you direction and a nightly sense of accomplishment, something you will critically need because you will likely be going home alone the vast majority of the nights.
Going out alone might be weird at first but you'll slowly become more comfortable and realize rolling solo is actually a doable, worthwhile and even FUN option - in that order.
It Is Really Worth Investing Time to Get Comfortable to Go Out Alone?
If you want to consistently Get Laid the SAME night -
If not, things like online dating and talking to women at bookstores/coffee shops are decent, albeit almost always slower, alternatives for Getting Laid.
If you accomplish NOTHING ELSE this year but are able to go out by yourself and semi-aggressively hit on women, an entirely new universe will open up for you.
That is no exaggeration or selling point.
(I don't sell any 'dating' stuff anyway)
You've probably heard and maybe even fantasized about the promises of being able to hit the night scene by yourself.
I know I did.
You can go out anytime you want!
You don't have other 'social commitments'!
(having to stick with your friends, transportation, pre/post-party sausage fests, putting up with acquaintances you don't like)
You can bring girl(s) home on a regular basis!
You can create your own wild nights and early mornings with random women!
The guys that are "the best" with women (cold approach) always roll solo!
It is true?
Does being able to go out alone really live up the hype?
Or is it just another lonely, last resort 'pick up artist' weirdo outsider effort that falls very short of compensating for a normal social life?
The truth is -
These are two different things though.
Being able to go out alone anytime you want does not compensate for a rewarding social life and emotional closeness with friends or even 'dating' does.
But if you are really ambitious about hooking up with random women -
A rewarding social life DOES NOT compensate for the freedom, confidence and empowerment that is involved in creating your own nights and living your own terms.
Don't let anyone tell you differently.
So many of my most memorable, special and wild nights were when I left my apartment by myself, walked down the steep hill to Sunset Blvd. with no plans to meet up with anyone that I knew.
After I got comfortable with it, there were some nights that I literally knew I would be holding some girl's legs within a few hours. I could feel it in the air. It was already decided. I was often correct. It was just a matter of who and how fast. I never felt so free in my entire life.
I treasured this period of my life and I really appreciated it at the time too.
Conversely, so many of my loneliest nights were because I didn't have the courage to go out by myself. These were some of the most forgettable nights of my life, I was in college but I couldn't feel more disconnected from the college scene. I was just a student.
I am absolutely in favor of guys gaining the social courage to go it alone.
If you are successful, you will be more socially courageous than 99% of guys and your sex life will begin to reflect that.
You will be proud of yourself, even if you aren't bringing home girls on the regular yet.
It will translate to other areas of your sex life too.
Hooking up with women that you meet during the day, go on dates with and are in your friend/party circles will be unbelievable easy if you know you can go out by yourself and Get Laid.
Having options is the ultimate key to truly "not giving fuck".
If you live in a big city, you will have legitimate access to the pussy and you will enjoy it so much more.
You can also travel the world and sample the local pussy - not just take pictures of the buildings and buy t-shirts.
It's not a dream. That's how it works.
Don't listen to the sideline guys that tell you it's "weird" to go out alone. They don't get much action and have been doing the same boring stuff for years.
For you, it will eventually be "weird" to stand on the side at a bar like a piece of living room furniture.
Scotty and I both agree that we get more anxiety standing around in a bar rather than hitting on girls and trying to get them out the door. We would both get more anxiety staying home on a Saturday night instead of going out by ourselves. Frankly, we felt the same about Monday nights too.
It is the COMPLETE OPPOSITE of how I used to feel.
Also, if nothing else, if you are able to go out at night and semi-aggressively talk to girls - eventually - you will be able to Get Laid and YOU WILL KNOW IT. You will actually start to believe that you have near unlimited options, just like hot girls do.
'Knowing you can Get Laid' is a mandatory prerequisite to handling a sexy, high-quality girl in a committed relationship.
You are playing with fire if you get into a committed relationship with a hot girl who has far more options than you.
Guys that REALLY GET LAID -
GET LAID AT NIGHT.
It's time to join the club.
What's a Realistic Timeframe?
I'm hoping this will take you 3 months.
You need to follow the directions (not pick and choose what parts to do), make sure you go out at least 3 nights a week and not take ANY weeks off.
In 3 months, bare minimum 36 nights, if you have followed my instructions -
You will feel comfortable (or comfortable enough) to go out by yourself, meet people and slowly give yourself the opportunity to develop the Killer Instinct you need to take chicks home.
You will also have enough social freedom to Get Laid.
While you probably won't be taking chicks home on a regular basis in 3 months, but you will feel comfortable going out by yourself - which is a MAJOR step forward.
With no breaks.
That is what I need from you.
But even if it takes you 6 months - it will still be worth it if Getting Laid is TRULY a priority in your life.
It is my belief that -
If going out alone to Get Laid is TRULY something you desire, you will FIND A WAY to get yourself there.
I will provide the exact steps.
My job is to give you permission and to make things as easy and focused - thereby efficient, as possible.
Who Should Not Consider This Program?
We need to take a look at a few things before I give you a 'green light'.
First, take a look at this post -
If you score below 11, which is very rare, I don't suggest starting this program yet.
You will benefit from the recommendations in that discussion which includes getting a blood test to see if you have some undiagnosed medical issue that is causing an unnatural amount of social anxiety.
(no worries - thyroid/testosterone are easily treatable)
Also, if you know you are -
- Depressed (Lack significant motivation/enthusiasm for social activities)
- Overweight (>20+ lbs or >20% BF)
- In significant financial trouble
- A virgin or very inexperienced (follow our 'How to Lose Your Virginity Guide' first, you'll Get Laid quicker)
Fix that issue first.
Those are far more important than going out to bars by yourself.
Besides, you are going to need to take care of those issues if you are going to make significant progress in your life anyway.
My History With Going Out Alone
(or NOT being able to go out alone!)
Maybe I look like a douchebag party boy to you.
The kind of self-confident in-crowd filth that you see walking a girl out of the bar 3 hours before closing time.
The truth is much different.
For as long as I can remember -
I ALWAYS HATED BARS AND CLUBS.
I would get anxiety 5+ hours in advance if I knew I was going out that night. Even if it was just with friends.
(looking back on my teenage and college years - I probably had a moderate undiagnosed anxiety disorder)
I don't even know why.
I just took going out really seriously (you tend to do that when you don't Get Laid or go out very much). I felt that I needed to meet at least one girl or the entire night was a complete failure.
Like a lot of people, I would self-medicate with alcohol and I would make certain I was fully intoxicated before I set foot in any bar or club.
But even under the influence, I remember the awful feeling of standing there powerless and staring at hot girls (or just people in general) that I so desperately wanted to talk to.
I just didn't know what to say.
My mind would go blank and I'd immediately turn to one of my friends to talk about sports.
I hated scanning the room and making circles around the bar like a creep.
I hated 'lurking' in high-traffic areas.
I swore everyone was looking at me (or not looking at me - was I attractive enough?).
I hated feeling sweaty.
I hated pushing through crowds to order a drink.
I hated paying $7 to some ungrateful bartender who poured me a weak 5 cent drink.
I hated the loud music and the drunk idiots.
I hated watching other people talk to each other with such ease.
(in hindsight, most people were just talking to their friends)
I hated the ride home when I would be half drunk and have no new prospects to hook up with.
I most hated the 'afterparty' which would be the same 10 guys and no new chicks.
I always remembered thinking -
I wish I had stayed home, not drank these empty calories and lifted weights instead.
I hated it.
But that's not to say that I never got any pussy from the night scene.
I did, but it was very, very random and nothing that I EVER initiated.
Although I had successfully taken girls home in the past or got them into a room at an afterparty, it was almost always because my friends met a group of girls and one of them picked me to hook up with.
Mooching girls off my friends wasn't a bad gig, but it was complete luck.
With a few exceptions, these girls were generally "cute" or slightly above-average - not the totally sexy hot girls that I spent thousands of hours in the gym for.
I wanted to hook up with girls I masturbated to.
But my ego was way too fragile and the bar scene was a scary place to risk it.
I remember thinking one particular Summer night in New York -
This bar stuff just isn't for you Chris.
Please don't worry about it anymore.
You have a good life.
Why are you doing this to yourself?
After I got more and more obsessed with the gym and steroids (starting ~2004), other than New Year's Eve and some other random occasions, I pretty much stopped going out altogether.
By 2005, I spent just about every weekend in my apartment - alone.
But when I started reading material about how to pick up women (starting ~2006), I was hooked.
I fell in love with the hope that just maybe I could be that guy who goes out on any given night and bring a girl home.
I really wanted to be that guy.
One night in 2006, on pure enthusiasm alone, I memorized some pick up routines, wrote a few others into my not-yet-so-smart phone and jumped into the night scene.
(I was in Gainesville, FL. but after I graduated the University of Florida)
I was excited to see what the nights would bring!
Only problem was -
I was scared shitless to start conversations with people by myself at night.
(under normal circumstances, I never had too much trouble talking to random people, but this 'pick up thing' took on a different meaning)
Going out alone felt incredibly weird.
Especially since now - the new goal was to meet women by myself.
Something that I wasn't great at in the first place.
Since I had college friends in Gainesville, I'd usually meet up with them after I spent an hour wandering around by myself.
Then I moved to San Diego for Law School and called it quits after 10 days.
Now I was really alone. In a totally different time zone.
But I wanted to try again.
Only problem was -
I was scared shitless to start conversations with people by myself at night.
(By this time - I really began to view bars/clubs as some sort of alternate universe, where my normal social skills couldn't apply)
On 4 different San Diegan nights, I wandered around for hours and hours - not talking to a single person besides the male doorman that I handed my ID to or the shot girl that I handed my money to.
Again, it was enormously deflating.
I again abandoned the idea of going out alone and just started meeting up with friends from the my former Law School class.
I figured, "I would get better at going out alone, after I moved to Los Angeles at the end of the year".
Those were my first experiences with trying to go out alone.
I also remember feeling something that I never really felt before -
Going out alone at night to "do pick up" was legitimately scary.
It was hard for me to stay in a good mood.
I felt like a total outsider and it got worse-and-worse as I got more-and-more inside my head.
I never felt it with such intensity before.
I HATED BARS and it just fucking got worse.
Not only did I hate bars, I was now actually scared of them now.
All that shit I read about 'how to pick up girls' (and never applied) made my anxiety worse to the point where I couldn't even use my basic social skills (aka talk) at night.
The First Group of Girls I Ever Approached Were So Mean to Me! (2001)
(2008 - Present)
From ~2006 to 2007 I tried to pick up girls on an intermittent basis.
Just like in my early 20's, weeks (sometimes months) would go by without talking to new girls.
In 2008, even when I was part of a year-long pick up program, I inconsistently hit on girls - mainly during the day and hardly ever alone. I often felt like I was "starting over" after every break.
Eventually, largely starting in late 2008, I started going out alone to familiar spots (where I knew some of the staff) and had a decent experience. I developed a few strategies to loosen up and get me talking (and have others talk to me in a friendly way - see Month 2).
Although I was technically still in my 'comfort zone', this was big for me and I eventually got the nerve to go to random spots where I didn't know anyone.
Right around the same time, I met my goal of getting 3 hot fuckbuddies (2 from online, 1 from a club that Scotty basically introduced me to) and thus began my first "Golden Era" where I genuinely stopped caring about rejection and my anxiety was noticeably less.
Thankfully, I made enough progress during this special time that I seemed to shake off the majority of my "night scene anxiety" and could go out alone and be fairly comfortable.
Eventually, after I brought a few girls home, my anxiety was basically gone.
Still, it would be almost a year later when I started bringing home girls on a regular basis.
Why Did It Take Me So Long To Get Comfortable With Going Out Alone?
Plain and simple.
I kept quitting and not trying.
Although I could tell you that "there was no program to help me", that would hardly be the truth.
The reason I kept quitting was because my fear of rejection was far greater than my desire to Get Laid (or simply fight back against anxiety).
Although I had an undersexed life, I was very comfortable.
There was nothing that forced me to get out of my proverbial 'comfort zone'.
No immediate consequences.
Only a lonely, yet otherwise highly comfortable life that only really frustrated me once in a while.
By ~2007, I had moved to the other side of the country and really didn't know anyone that I could go out with.
I had to do something about it.
And I did.
But very slowly.
Looking back, if I really wanted to - I probably could have gotten over my 'night scene anxiety' in 2006 if I really wanted to. I could have beat it at anytime actually.
All I had to do was keep going out and accept that it might suck for a while and latch onto moral victories.
But I was too scared.
I just didn't have it in me.
Now, many of you guys "don't have it in you" under normal circumstances, but I think that if I give you a structured plan - some guys will make it through.
We will lose some guys along the way, but I definitely know that dedicated guys will beat their night scene anxiety because they have a real game plan in place.
Let's begin -
To leave feedback or comments, please leave it in the comments section in "How to Go Out Alone to Bars - Final Thoughts & Answers (Part 8)". I will see all of those.
Longer questions are best left in our forum where you will receive a faster and more comprehensive reply from our community. Thank you.