TOPIC: Socially Inept--thoughts???

Hey everybody,

I am an 18 year old guy doing my Senior year at school.

All my live I was very lonely; admittedly, I was not social at all, and to whether it was an effect, a cause, or both, I was very academically dedicated at school and have always been the best student on my 36 persons promotion. I used to fight a lot with the boys on my grade: I had fist fights with nearly 11-12 of the 18. Starting on 6th grade, I started to calm down and try be more social. This worked to some extent, still I was seldom invited to anything. By 8th grade, I at least spoke with boys around school and lived a live that resembled more the "normal". In 10th grade, for the first time, I had a conversation with a girl; it was on the school bus and it lasted about 35 minutes and I really felt good about that. Just tells you how socially unable I was.

Now, on 12th grade, I can speak with people normally. Still, I feel I am different. Maybe I don't share the same interests that my mates have; I don't drink (I don't like it--I feel it is a shortcut against anxiety), I don't really like partying, although I do like dinners and lunchs and sports activities, but people around me are not so much into that. And anyways, I sometimes feel out of place in this type of social gatherings just because even though I don't dislike them, I have never been used to them.

Anyways, suggestions, questions, answers, comments--anything is welcomed.

Chris wrote posts for guys that are still in highschool, maybe there are some more, i found two of them:
www.goodlookingloser.com/what-you-high-school-kids-need-to-know
www.goodlookingloser.com/chris-high-scho...-includes-old-photos
Do you play any sports? I played football (soccer) in secondary school and it gave me some status. Never had "social anxiety", can't relate, sorry.

lucasxpogba wrote: Hey everybody,

I am an 18 year old guy doing my Senior year at school.

All my live I was very lonely; admittedly, I was not social at all, and to whether it was an effect, a cause, or both, I was very academically dedicated at school and have always been the best student on my 36 persons promotion. I used to fight a lot with the boys on my grade: I had fist fights with nearly 11-12 of the 18. Starting on 6th grade, I started to calm down and try be more social. This worked to some extent, still I was seldom invited to anything. By 8th grade, I at least spoke with boys around school and lived a live that resembled more the "normal". In 10th grade, for the first time, I had a conversation with a girl; it was on the school bus and it lasted about 35 minutes and I really felt good about that. Just tells you how socially unable I was.

Now, on 12th grade, I can speak with people normally. Still, I feel I am different. Maybe I don't share the same interests that my mates have; I don't drink (I don't like it--I feel it is a shortcut against anxiety), I don't really like partying, although I do like dinners and lunchs and sports activities, but people around me are not so much into that. And anyways, I sometimes feel out of place in this type of social gatherings just because even though I don't dislike them, I have never been used to them.

Anyways, suggestions, questions, answers, comments--anything is welcomed.

You have potential. I know it just from reading your post. You're intelligent, and you've already shown force of will and moral virtue by taming your anger on your own. Don't piss away your potential.



This video is a shot in the dark, but a silver bullet if it connects. Your back story might now be the same, but there might be a gem for you somewhere there. If there isn't, then at least you got an inside look at someone's life who's been just as hard as yours.

I hope to see you around.

You are most likely much more intelligent than the "normal/average" person. This is why you feel out of place.

While others are talking about "normal" stuff, and doing "normal" things like partying, you would probably rather be doing something productive, or talking about things that are more intellectually stimulating.

At least that was the case for me, I was/ am a loner much like yourself.

EDIT: Voodoo Child hit the nail on the head.

Looking back on it now, 18-years-old is young as fuck. I can't emphasize it enough, you're so young that your brain hasn't even finished developing yet.

The answer to everyone's problem is usually figuring out what your goals are through honest self-reflection. However, at 18-years-old, there's a good possibility you don't even know what you want yet, which is fine because many people don't, and neither did I as a matter of fact.

If I were you, ask yourself: "If I didn't have any limitations at all and I could have whatever I want, what would I have? Who would I be?"

Come up with your answer.

Then set goals so you can get what you defined.

For example, "I would be a rock star."

Then your goal is: "Join a band," or maybe even just learn to play the guitar or figure out how to use Logic Pro X.

Yeah, I play soccer, but everybody here (Colombia) does. I don't know, it really doesn´t give you status.

Anyway, appreciate the reply man, thanks.

@Voodoo Child

Ohh, another Stefan Molyneux fan!

On being more intelligent than others, that may be true, but maybe that’s alienating. If your goal is to gain social skills, you shouldn’t start rationalizing why you don’t have them.

High school was a lot of ups and downs for me. I climbed my way to (near) the top twice. Best advice I can give for that is: throw parties. Be the person who hosts get togethers. Think of social life like a budget. Getting invited to stuff is like people giving you money. Inviting people to stuff is like you giving others money. Don’t be a mooch, be generous. Other ways you can do this. Bring food or drinks, help plan, etc. I left the party scene after 9th grade due to my own antisocial issues, and I stopped getting invited. I wanted to get back in in 11th grade. One time there was a party I was told I couldn’t come to. I offered to let some guys come crash at my place afterword. Eventually I started getting invited. By senior year I was invited to all the hottest parties every weekend, and hosted some of them.

If you “don’t like parties”, that can change... if you want it to. All my best memories from high school involved drinking and partying. Is that “bad”? Maybe, but I wouldn’t trade those memories for anything. It’s ultimately your choice. You can find a way to enjoy any scene if you work on it. Just immerse yourself until you get comfortable with it.

Welcome to GLL, hope to see some good progress reports from you!

You mentioned you like activities most other people your age don’t. Have you considered meeting them half-way?

That’s the thing about being social. You have to be willing to become at least somewhat mainstream. You can have your niche interests, but you have to also be able to enjoy what most people like doing together. I experienced this with music. I was always a fan of prog rock. Tried so many times to get my friends into it, made them listen to 20 minute long “suites” by Yes and Rush haha, they hated it. Nowadays I’m into EDM. I’ll always love prog rock, but you know what’s cool about liking EDM? A lot of people like it, there are concerts all the time, festivals, you can talk to people about it. I’m not pretending, I genuinely like it. But I had to make a little effort to meet the mainstream halfway, and I pushed myself to because it’s a mainstream music genre.

Nothing wrong with getting into popular stuff because it’s popular. So like I said, you can find a way to enjoy drinking and parties if you make an effort. Whether you want to, that’s up to you, but also like I said: I cherish the memories of drinking and partying with my high school friends, and I’m glad I eventually got over the “I’m too good for this” mentality I had in 10th grade. Don’t waste your youth. I went wild in high school, and to a lesser extent in college. Today I’m an engineer making six figures living at the beach in LA. My biggest regret? Not partying harder and drinking more, especially in college.

The city I live in has a ton of different events every single day that gets hosted mostly by the university here.
Its a great way to meet and talk to a bunch of different people, the events vary from lectures to conversation cafes and also parties .

My friend and I have used this a lot lately and we have met a TON of people and its easy to create social circles like this even if you dont have any friends to begin with it doesnt matter at all, you just need to show up. Its mostly the university who hosts these event but since its an open university everyone can go even you dont actually attend uni, its just open for everyone. You can get an overview of events like these on facebook under the "events tab" and choose your city. Try it, there might be something like this in your city as well

Start working on it now. Beimg socially inept is a huge crutch. Alternatively being good socially is a massive boost. Learn to make friends. A large part of that is being genuinely interested in other people.

Sorry for the late reply. I was in my Senior trip and had no access to a computer from which to reply.

Thanks, saw the video. I used to watch Stefan Molyneux a lot before; I believe he is quite right with a lot of political/economics stuff. I stopped watching him because he is too good of a speaker and I was finding myself listening to him for hours; after I saw the "cult" accusations, I stopped.

Anyways, I think the video leaves something clear: there is an underlying cause; which one I do not know exactly. Probably it is a mix of family and friends.

Now, what are my options? Well, first I should ask myself, is this situation I have a problem?

Well, it makes me unhappy. I could just ignore everything and give nothing about others's opinions and somehow be happy doing what I have always done, rationalizing there is nothing inherently wrong with it.

But I think that would be a wrong decision. It seems I am choosing an extreme by not doing any effort at all to socialize. Also, as justDan suggested, my intelligence might be the cause of it. And, most people in life will probably be like that, less intelligent. And we humans are not animals of reason; most people probably feel attacked in a way when my own actions don't concide with their own (i.e. socialize frequently, most of the time centering it around alcohol). I could make an effort and go to social events, say, every 1 or 2 weeks. Have a beer that night, so to not be dissonant with the mood. Maybe even be the one who says, "Hey! Let's go out eat", and organize the going-out once in a while. And the following is a question: In practical terms, as I will be sorrounded by people all my life, would not this be the better option? Although uncomfortable, especially at first, socially, in practice, it would be beneficial (maybe even mentally healthy?)? And I say beneficial because it is how the world, most of the time, operates, so having relations with people by investing this bare minimum seems almost like a close to "necessary" investment.
Please, suggestions, comments anything. What do you think of this last idea and question I had ?

I think that is my case. Thanks for the reply. It is good to hear about people who passed through the same situation and look at it retrospectively and are fine.