TOPIC: Captains Log

Sorry to hear about your grandfather. These things always have an effect.

Your Kratom use doesn't sound too out of control if you can just stop at will. Force yourself to do stuff even if you're not motivated and I'm sure you'll do fine.

Yeah Captain, 12g a day isn't too big a habit. Compared to me and Chris that's nothing lol. Sorry for your loss. Even if you weren't really that close it still sucks.

You had a pot "problem" before? Was it making you lazy? I know people who swear by the daily use of pot and say that it makes them more productive. But for some people the exact opposite thing happens. Anyways, you are probably better off on kratom than pot but the one good thing about pot is there is no dependency. You can still become psychologically addicted though.

No Logan weed actually did motivate me in a lot of ways. I would say if i ever became seriously depressed in a suicidle way then i would instantly go get a bag of weed. I think weeds the best thing for depression. The problem for me ways I believe 100% it was making my mild OCD much worse and also gave me anxiety even when i wasnt high. I agree with you and Kratom has been soooo much better for me than marijuana ever has. The money is starting to become the main problem with kratom.

A couple things

I tryed to follow the retention guide for the gas station girl and it didnt work. I invited her over saturday night, she said she wasnt sure i was willing to give her what she said wanted, meaning a relationship and i agreed. She said " i dont want to become attached to something i cant have ". Im pretty disappointed by this because shes a very sweet girl and is great in bed. But deep down i knew it was for the best to let her go, just didnt want to hurt her in any way.

Im talking to two girls from POF right now and the girl from badoo who Is just very cool to talk to. Even if nothing happens with badoo girl im fine with just being a text buddy. Shes really smart, not superficial, funny and hot so I dont mind this.
I havent had any probiotics in the last week or so and my mood hasnt been right. Ended up buying some last night and i feel great this morning. Probiotics are something I think a lot of guys should look into for overall mood. TJgoodlooking vouches for this as well.

After being out in public the last two days my social anxiety has gone down a lot and I think ill take a trip to the mall soon and give out some compliments. I havent done that in a long time and think today would be perfect to get some momentum going.

Im starting to really like this girl from badoo, its getting to the point i might need to cut back on our conversations. She posted a picture 100% confirming shes not a catfish which made me feel a lot better. Time will tell what happens with this one. The two girls from pof have been busy but insist there very excited to hangout with me. Also I got a phone # from a very cute mexican girl last night who lives close so thats cool.

I continue to work on my core strength everyday and still intermittent fasting atleast 4 days a week. Staying lean with low body fat is the only thing I care about right now. I think ill do a lot of body weight squats tonight then take a cold shower followed up with my dinner.

An exercise Ive started doing again is the superman hold ( google it ) and I believe this also acts as a very strong kegel contraction. I jerked off last night with a very impressive erection and when i came it was more intense than ive felt in awhile. Having a strong PC muscle should always be a focus for guys who want a good sex life. Ive been neglecting this for too long.

Lately for online dating im really paying more attention to the girls personality. Obviously they need to be somewhat cute and not fat. But if a girl displays any type of bitchy behavior or seems boring then i next them instantly without even thinking about it. I simply dont care to spend time around negative chicks anymore.

Going back to what i said the other day I really believe being off marijuana is changing me in a very positive way. It feels like my emotions have just been much more stable lately. It also feels like my urge to drink has gone down drastically in the last two months. This could be from other factors like kratom and probiotics but my gut feeling is that smoking weed made my OCD / anxiety worse so then i needed to go get drunk to calm down and reset my brain or something.

The badoo girl is acting strange and its sort of annoying but whatever.

me and one of the girls from pof have been sending pictures back and forth on our phones. She said last night she doesnt want to have sex the first time hanging out, i said i didnt care as long as i got a hug. She said next thursday she could come over since she has midterms and work everyday before then. Im skeptical if shes actually going to come over but well see.

Last night and today I took some magnesium and B complex that was given to me by a family member. The magnesium was a different form than ive been taking. Its magnesium glycinate and it definitley seems to effect me much better than the magnesium citrate powder ive been taking. Ill be taking this stuff from now on for sure. Also the b complex is coenzyme b complex ( still not sure what the conenzyme means ) but i notice a major difference compared to the cheap GNC brand ive been taking. It just goes to show how much a difference supplements can make.

I would like to write a lot more but sort of have to go since the library is closing in 15 minutes.

Ill end by saying that last night i was doing a lot of research on marijuana and reading a lot of stories from people who have quit it. Im never going to go back to that stuff i can honestly say that now. Everyday lately things have been much better and my thoughts seem so much more, normal? Im still not quite used to this feeling but im excited as hell for the future and cant wait for what the next couple months will be like. My memory seems to be one thing thats sticking out to me the most lately. I really took for granted how much weed and alcohol was effecting me in this department. I just seem to be able to recall things better and words seem to be flowing much better than usual. Like i can articulate myself much easier and its a great feeling.

Just some random stuff.

my sleep schedule got all fucked up from sleeping in again monday morning so im pulling an all nighter right now and just feel like garbage at the moment. I'll be chilling at the library on the computer until im ready to go home and sleep.

The girl ive been texting photos with from pof is supposed to come over tomorrow night which im excited for. I'll report back on what happens but so far it looks very promising just by how the texting has gone. Shes 5 ft tall with nice curves, probly C cups and a lot of tatoos. Just a really great body but definitley a butterface. She seems very cool though so it should be a goodnight. I plan on drinking a couple glasses of wine and dosing some kratom before she gets there so im in a good comfortable mood.

Theres a lot on my mind right now but dont have the energy to write it all up. Need more coffee..

Haven't been able to get on a computer in a few days but some there's some things on my mind I wanted to get down. Last Thursday night I got laid and though the girl ended up looking worse than her pictures the sex was pretty great and she was a cool chick. I Wrote down a lot of notes in my phone later on in the night after she had fallen asleep so I'll have a lay report up tomorrow or the next day when I find the time. Ive decided I'll make my next few lay reports very specific down to the littlest details. This will be due mostly for the new guys / Virgins and will hopefully help out. After that I'll just write down very basic and lazy lay reports. Today I feel no neediness whatsoever. I've been getting good responses from some really cute girls on POF after I put up better pictures. One girl actually messaged me and she's covered in tattoos and has a lot of piercings. I never thought I had a chance with these types of girls so the fact that she's interested gives me a lot of hope and it's very exciting. My confidence today compared to say 3 years ago is like night and day and the best part is I know I have so much room for improvement. I've been working hard in a lot of areas of my life but In all honesty I've been coasting by and being lazy. What's made the biggest difference for me? My attitude and mindset combined with a better body. Having a good body, whiter teeth and clear skin have done 80% of the work for me for getting chicks into my bed. The other 20% has been improved swag factor. The bottom line is when I like myself and respect myself with a healthy lifestyle girls can sense it and there comfortable around me. They love me because I love me. It sounds cheesy but it's 100% true and every guy should cultivate this mindset. Chris talks about how you need to know you can get laid. I believe I now have this but mostly through online dating. I know it's only a matter of time before I find a DTF girl online. For me what's been a big improvement is playing to my strength which is boyfriend material. When Im aggressive online it doesn't seem to translate to actual lays hardly ever. There's a lot more I'd like to write but typing on a small phone is becoming torture so I'm going back to watching my breaking bad marathon while I nurse this hangover. I got pretty wasted after my grandfathers funeral last
Night so my bodies in pretty rough shape at the moment.

Random thoughts.

- I have a large order of supplements coming in the mail tomorrow that are badly needed. Specifically Turmeric, NAC, and Holy basil leaf extract which ive never tryed but I hear a lot of good things about. Fish oil will be arriving next tuesday according to the tracking #.

- I think im going to take a long break from Kratom to try and get my sex drive back to normal. Even though ive started getting laid more recently I cant say ive exactly had this deep urge for sex. Like even when i know the girls are coming over im only moderatley excited and unsure if ill care to have sex ( sexual anxiety I think ). Thankfully once I get close to the girls and we start touching etc everything has gone good and i get excited. I just miss those days when im so horny i cant even think straight. I know if i can get back to that point the sex would be SO much better.

- Im still texting with this girl with badoo and we seem to have this connection but shes openly told me shes scared to meet me. I dont really care to talk about this much but will just say I think im going to start distancing myself from her as to hopefully give her some insentive to communicate in other ways ( phone, skype, meetup ).

- My moms been driving almost insane lately. We have never had the best relationship but the last few months it seems to have improved a lot. But lately things have been ugly. Ive decided to not go around the house for atleast a week to let things cool off.

- Been thinking a lot about my priorities lately and what I should be doing. I know in a few months ill be eligible to enlist in the military. Unless some other opportunity pops up ill most likely be joining. I know i need the discipline but I also want the challenge and the whole experience. At the moment i see this as my only way of moving away from this place and being fully independent and on my own.

- Weed played such a big part in my past social anxiety. Im still very shy in a lot of ways but the anxiety i used to feel is way way down. It makes me feel much more confident in my ability to go out and explore this world on my own.

- Reading the logs on here of you guys and thinking back to how i was when i first stumbled upon GLL is very surreal to me. We all share so much in common its frightening. Mostly this pertains to women. Literally about 4 years ago I almost married a fat (very chubby, not exactly obese) psychopathic girl. I totally thought we were in love and was pretty much her bitch. Since then ive fucked 10 other girls. 8 of them since joining this website. My point is I could give a shit about any girl these days. No girl will have power over me anymore ( atleast i tell myself this now ). I know my best days are ahead of me. Everyday when im out in public i get looks from some real hotties ( im still a huge pussy and need to fix this ). Im so thankful for this place and all the motivation you guys give me. Thank you all.

Random thoughts.

Well yesterday i got all my supplements in the mail besides the fish oil which ill get tuesday. I think i may be making a post about Holy Basil in the future. So far im pretty blown away at how calm i feel on this supplement. The combination of Holy basil, NAC, magnesium and kratom seems to be like instant calm for me.

Todays been productive so far. Cleaned up my house a little bit. Exercised right after i woke up. Whitened my teeth. Did some reading. Im wearing one of my nicer shirts today and I have to say i look damn good, which is making me feel good.

A girl i fucked a few times in the past responded to my text yesterday. Im starting to gradually find my sex drive again and thought maybe i could see if shes DTF. Well she certainly is and seems excited to see me. I cant say im surprised seeing as shes not the best looking. Im very on the fence right now because i want to fuck but shes kind of an idiot and hard to talk to and isnt much to look at. She has a nice set of tits though and gives good head. In the end i think this will be enough to have her over later. Ill see if i can snag a better prospect in the meantime though.

my best friend whos in the army will be in town tomorrow so im excited for that. This guys been a natural with women ever since we were 17 and always inspired me. Im thinking ill see if he wants to go out and we can wing each other.

Im still talking to the girl from badoo everyday and im starting to think im getting oneitis with her which is rediculous. But we seem to really have a good flow of conversation going and shes very hot to me. Last night i mentioned hanging out soon and she said she wants to. I think ill give it one more month and if we dont hangout im cutting off contact.

Havent really cared to post anything in here lately as ive just been thinking a lot and trying to get back to some basic stuff.

Sleeping better, exercise, diet, cutting out bad habits etc.

I'd like to post my supplement stack im taking currently because it seems to be working GREAT. The order i take them in throughout the day and dosages change a lot depending on my mood so ill just list what im taking.

Fish oil, B complex, B12, Vitamin C, NAC (the most important), St johns wort, Bacopa, Holy basil leaf extract, Turmeric, Barleans greens, Vitamin D, magnesium, probiotics. Its a lot of supplements i know but amazon has saved me a lot of money. Should have started ordering things online years ago.

At the moment the only thing i take a lot of throughout the day is NAC ( 3000 mg) and vitamin c (3000-5000mg). It seems like NAC and st johns wort have a very nice syngery together and make me feel stable but still able to feel my emotions. Everything else im trying to take low amounts of in order to save money.

When i started this log it was to improve my social skills. It didnt take me long to realize that once i got some momentum going and really forced myself out in the world that social skills were not really my problem. After listening to a recent podcast with Victor pride and Mike Cernovich im realising my main issue has always been discipline.

Not trying to make excuses but im positive a big part of this has been biochemical. When im fueling my body with the right nutrients etc Im just a different person, its not even a question anymore. After doing a ton of research on NAC the last few days and experimenting with dosages im starting to feel very excited about the future with this supplement. This has happened in the past ( probly due to placebo ) but this time things just feel much different. Ive really been a lot more focused and urges / compulsions are minimal.


So, all of this leads me to my NEW #1 goal. Qutting Text messaging (exception being work related texts ) , instant messaging and online dating.

It probly sounds dumb to some guys but to me this is actually a terrifying thing to comprehend. Texting / instant messaging has been something ive done ( way more than i would like to admit ) since i was about 14. Im truely an introvert by nature and this, crutch, has been something ive relied on for years to meet people and fill a void in many ways.

Its given me an illusion of having a social life and women in my life. Ive spent way more time texting with girls than actual meetups and at this point it needs to change. I believe cutting myself off from these activities will FORCE me to interact with women / strangers more often. I'll simply go insane if i dont. The very first day I did my first cold approach and talked to some other girls I ended up getting a strippers #. Which eventually got me into her bed. Not long after that I ended up hooking up with the girl from the gas station and had some great sex. This was off cold ( half warm ) approach. So i KNOW that when im not a pussy and try to make things happen i can get laid from cold approach.

Its been 6 months since ive quit marijuana and dont plan to go back. I havent owned a computer in my home in over a year ( spending time on the computer was always a big problem for me). In the last two years ive maybe watched porn ten times which is a major improvement and something ill continue to rid from my life.

The point is I know i can quit this addiction since ive already proved to myself i can quit other things.

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. Its time to do things differently.

Slept like crap last night but feeling pretty good despite that. Read a lot yesterday and last night plus I did some dumb bell exercises.

Ive decided I want to start really building up muscle on my arms and shoulders. Mostly deltoids and triceps. Everything else I want to just focus on staying lean and ripped. Ultimatley I believe this will give me my best physique.

Today im going to cut down my supplement stack to mainly focus on how larger doses of NAC alone effects me. Though i have some kratom coming in the mail pretty soon so ill be taking that as well. Kratom helps so much when I havent slept good so cant wait for that. At the moment though since waking up ive taken 2400 mg of NAC and just seem to be "locked in". Completely focused in a good way. Theres sort of a tension I have in my head, not like the jitters from tons of caffeine but something along those lines. I think this is from increased dopamine and low serotonin. If i would have taken St johns wort along with the NAC then this sensation probly wouldnt exist or be much less pronounced.

So im thinking the NAC in large doses by itself is great for ADHD, studying, researching etc but not the best for socializing etc.

When I take this stuff OCD thoughts and ruminating thought loops seem to be killed. Like I can be totally present in the moment. Theres no fear of the future or anger from the past. This is really huge for me and is very exciting. Anyone reading this should really consider giving NAC a try if they havent yet. Or if you have but didnt get much from it then consider upping the dosage until you feel it.

Things to do today. Fill out this W 9 form for a side job im doing. Laundry. Dishes. Light core strengthening and body weight squats. Stretch hip flexors and groin. Read Rich dad poor dad at barnes n nobles. Baby sit dog for my parents. Watch a movie later as a reward.