TOPIC: Captains Log

Random things ive been doing lately that seem to be helping my mood out a lot in no particular order. Plus other random thoughts.

Well my mood the last month or so has been complete shit and ive just been dealing with depression daily. Ive probly watched more TV the last couple weeks than i ever have in my life. Ive literally had no motivation to do anything.

things that have helped lately

- staying off dating websites and trying not to think about the lack of women in my life. I feel like the pictures i was posting were decent but i knew were not the best. After being ignored by some very average girts multiple times I was getting extremely pissed off. I kept thinking to myself " im fucking better than this little slutty bitch and shes gonna ignore me? You are nothing how dare you not see how awesome i am ... " . Yeah i was thinking pretty crazy shit.

Also just having to sort through so many trashy, ugly, fat and bitchy women so much on dating websites really gets to you after awhile.

- Watching natural grounding videos. If you havent heard of natural grounding i highly recommend it and believe in it. Its something i used to do a lot but got away from after awhile. Heres a link from a post by mystery explaining it. I know what your thinking, " mystery? pickup artist bullshit? fuck that ". Just have an open mind and give it a read. If you understand how the subconscious mind works then youll see that this could be helpful for a lot of guys, especially those recovering from porn addiction or who have no experience with women.

relationalmastery.com/amember/forum/view...7974b03c14fdf495dc6c

heres my favorite grounding video


- ive been doing this alpha male body pose that Mike from dangerandplay recommends and i think it really does have a huge impact on stress and i feel like my posture is improving a lot. Here it is
www.dangerandplay.com/2014/06/23/raise-t...ortisol-look-taller/

- Ive been doing a lot of dead hangs on my pull up bar lately which i believe is a HUGE stress and tension reliever. I think any type of grip and forearm strengthening releases pent up anger.

- been stretching out my hip flexors a lot lately. In yoga and bioenergetics they say emotional trauma or past pain gets stored in the hips. Any type hip opening stretches is said to release this pain. Honestly i have no idea if it helps for depression but one thing i can say is that i believe hip flexibility helps erections and posture BIG TIME. It seems like i just stand up much straighter and i think my pelvic floor gets a good stretch as well.

- listening to good music from pandora on my phone. I also stopped listening to any music on the radio, it literally makes me angry now hearing the same fucking songs for two months straight and me thinking " i really want to hurt the people who like this shit " . Not healthy...

- listening to stand up comedy on pandora and funny shows / movies. Last night i watched beavis and butthead do america and almost cryed from laughing. Laughing heals the soul.

- Supplement stack. Ive been taking vitamin D, C, B complex, Magnesium, turmeric, ashwagandha, L-citrulline, 5htp, probiotics. Also kratom and recently kanna. Honestly my dosages and days i take some of these are completely random. The things i make sure to take everyday though are vitamin D, probiotics and magnesium. 5htp might be making the biggest difference im thinking. The tell tale sign that my serotonin is low is when i start thinking about people who have fucked me over in the past. That and when every little thing gets on my nerves.

-cold showers

-intermittent fasting

-meditating for less time but with more focus. Ive gotten away from my meditation practice lately. Its been important for me to cut the actual meditation time down but to put more focus on my mantra word and breathing to clear thoughts.

I think theres some other things id like to talk about but i cant really think of at the moment and to be honest im just getting lazy. I'll finish by giving one final thought. When i started this log and went out and complimented people without any expectations not only was my mood consistently good but also good things were just happening in my life. When I became more selfish and isolated my life slowly started going to complete shit. I want to slowly start building my momentum up and getting back out there and put some kindness and love out in the world, i know thats some hippy sounding shit but its true.

Also i want to start not being so hard on myself if things arent always going well because its inevitable that im going to make mistakes and have set backs. It seems like this has always been a big problem for me.

will post back soon, have a good weekend yall

I read that post from mystery (not PUA mystery, which is what I expected ), but nowhere it talks about subconscious stuff?
Or did I miss it?
Could you explain a bit more?
I'm very interested

The subconscious part was more my own words than anyone elses. Basically anything we watch no matter how stupid it seems, the subconscious mind believes its real. Logically we know its not real but subconsciously our minds believe what were watching is really happening. This is why we got so scared watching when we watched scary movies growing up. Its the same thing with our dreams, or doing visualization, this is the subconscious mind at work.

I guess the theory is that by watching these grounding videos, your retraining your brain into seeing how women should naturally be. In there most feminine aura you could say. I know every guy knows that one girl whos just naturally flirty in a non slutty way and shes just always smiley / happy giving off great vibes. This girl might not even be the most physically attractive but just the vibe she gives off can be very attractive.

These videos are supposed to bring out a males feminine energy. I know that sounds strange and contradictory but it actually makes you more masculine.

Theres a lot of info online if you do some searches that explain it a lot better than i can. The bottom line is that i believe it works and it makes me feel very peaceful if nothing else. When i really lose myself in the videos and fall into a semi meditative state i feel like im with these girls in a way. Like i have a girlfriend or something.. its strange but it calms me down and usually puts a stupid grin on my face. I think there might be something oxytocin related happening but obviously i dont know this.

Captain Ramius wrote: The subconscious part was more my own words than anyone elses. Basically anything we watch no matter how stupid it seems, the subconscious mind believes its real. Logically we know its not real but subconsciously our minds believe what were watching is really happening. This is why we got so scared watching when we watched scary movies growing up. Its the same thing with our dreams, or doing visualization, this is the subconscious mind at work.

I guess the theory is that by watching these grounding videos, your retraining your brain into seeing how women should naturally be. In there most feminine aura you could say. I know every guy knows that one girl whos just naturally flirty in a non slutty way and shes just always smiley / happy giving off great vibes. This girl might not even be the most physically attractive but just the vibe she gives off can be very attractive.

These videos are supposed to bring out a males feminine energy. I know that sounds strange and contradictory but it actually makes you more masculine.

Theres a lot of info online if you do some searches that explain it a lot better than i can. The bottom line is that i believe it works and it makes me feel very peaceful if nothing else. When i really lose myself in the videos and fall into a semi meditative state i feel like im with these girls in a way. Like i have a girlfriend or something.. its strange but it calms me down and usually puts a stupid grin on my face. I think there might be something oxytocin related happening but obviously i dont know this.

I totally believe this.
But what use is this, if you watch so much other 'useless' crap?
If you'd only go on the computer to watch these videos they might have a huge impact. But for me personally I'm watching so many different things, I don't see how watching some 20 minute video among the other 500 minutes will do much good. (it probably does a tiny bit of good, but just as insignificant as eating of a slice of a banana).
Actually, I've grown accostumed to watching videos purely as entertainment or inspiration and not to 'connect' with, because of all the negative influences many videos (especially media) could have on me -> I don't invest emotionally in them.
Because of that, it's hard to 'switch' to an open hearted way of watching where I don't watch with sceptisism and actually watch to connect, to experience emotion..
With that said.
What I need to do is probably 'watch' less stuff in general. Which is what I'm definitely gonna do when school exams are over.

Like I said yaze I think it's a great tool to help guys get over porn addiction and see women In a more healthy way. Obviously the more you watch it the better, but you'll have to choose what else your puting into your subconscious. I'm on a phone and can't make spaces but just a quick little update on something. The alpha male stretch that DnP recommends has been great and I've been doing them throughout the day lately. Both my posture and voice seem to change when I do them consistently. Like it's easier to breath and my voice is a lot more clear and a bit deeper. I also feel a lot more relaxed when I do these and any tension around my eyes disappears. This is huge for me while maintaining eye contact with people. Like I suspected serotonin is the biggest thing for my depression / anxiety. I've been taking 5htp lately and I'm feeling much better. I might switch to a good quality St. John's wort for a more long term approach to keeping serotonin elevated. I made a new pof profile with better pictures of me smiling and girls are much more receptive which has been big for my confidence. Today all I'm doing is watching playoff football, stretching, grip strengthening, intermittent fasting and moisturizing with lots of coconut oil.

Some random quick thoughts and updates. This michigan winter is starting to get to me and I've been stuck inside for way too long. My sleeping schedule is all fucked up and I might need to stay awake all night and day tomorrow to reset it back to normal. I just did a lot of dead hangs and wall sits and feeling pretty relaxed, just burned some kratom as well and feeling great. I've been talking with this pretty hot Latina / mixed girl from badoo for over a week now and I think we really like each other. Going to ask for the phone number soon and confirm this isn't a catfish ( I've actually confronted her about this before and she insists it's her and she'll prove it to me soon. We'll see ). Girls continue to be very receptive on pof which is awesome and something i needed badly. Some very cute / hot girls are responding to me which is great. Unfortunately after reading some of the profiles there serious boyfriend hunters or just bitchy / delusional. You guys know the type, " I don't want a guy who's this or that bla bla bla " . There's two girls who seem pretty cool and there very cute so well see what happens. I need to get some social momentum going soon because the last few times I went out in public my anxiety popped up again. I'll be making this a priority starting tomorrow.

I didnt really sleep last night and just dont care to go into every detail about my night but it was pretty interesting and random. heres the breakdown.

- After i ate my dinner i did a crazy amount of core work and really pushed myself. Planks, side planks, sit ups, supermans etc. After all this was over i was checking girls out on POF and got a raging boner, this made me very pleased. Lately my erection quality ( again ) and sex drive has been up and down and it gets frustrating. But i think i might finally be on to a consistent exercise program that will fix any ED and poor erections naturally.

- this girl who works at a gas station down the street from me texts me asking me if im looking for a relationship. To sum up everything about this girl. We know some of the same people and ive gone up to the gas station maybe 3 times while i was pretty drunk and bored just to chat with her and bum cigarettes off her. Shes not the most attractive but is, kind of, cute, in a way. Thin girl with nice eyes and decent smile at best. Anyway i went up there about 8 days ago pretty drunk around 3 am ( she works night shift ). We talked about a lot of random things, shes just a genuinely nice girl and seemed very into me. Exchanged numbers and pretty much forgot about her until last night. Convinced her to come over and we cuddled on the couch for awhile and talked while oceans 11 played. Then i said lets go to my bed since its a lot better. We got in bed and kissed a little bit and instantly i was throbbing, i was pretty excited about this and told her straight up " im fucking turned on, cant help it " while its pressed against her leg. Her response " its not like its the first time its happened to me " and giggles. Then says " but nothings happening ". I was fine with this honestly since i sort of want to have a condom for this girl. We end up falling asleep around 9 AM for a few hours and then i sort of politley kick her out and give her a kiss. She gives me a strange long look which said " are you going to hurt me? " I give her a look that says " are you going to get crazy if we fuck ? " then she leaves while i say ill text you later.

The seeds for future sex have been planted and ready. Im going to be patient and look for signs of insanity first though.

Two things..

1) So happy i was able to get an erection instantly. This will only get better and im feeling very motivated to work my ass off.

2) Ever since ive said im going to focus only on myself and my own happiness, it seems like girls are just sort of popping up. Both online and in real life. I still need to write up about the girl who works at gamespot. Will save that for another day though.

My bodies looking the best it has in a long time thanks to intermittent fasting and intense core strengthening. Its so big for my confidence and i just got a # from a cutie on POF who seems DTF.

Going to pick up some kratom from this ethnobotanical store in ann arbor then go walk around the mall for awhile just to build up some momentum and be around hot girls.

I woke up feeling pissed off and bitter towards women. Then i took some vitamin c, probiotics, 100 mg 5htp, curcumin, ashwagandha and magnesium. Any anger i had has disappeared. It sort of sucks i have to take a bunch of stuff to feel normal but whatever.

So last night and this morning I had sex with the gas station girl. Im on a phone right now ( not mine ) so I'll do a full write up tomorrow in the lay reports section. A couple things though. She showed up at my house last night looking WAY better than I've ever seen her. Just her hair, makeup and outfit made her look really good which surprised me in the best way. Another surprise was she was amazing in bed. She got on top for awhile and rode me the best any girls ever done. Her body was also a lot better than I thought and her pussy was surprisingly right for having a two year old son. This was the first time I hooked up with a mom so I wasn't sure how It would be. When we had sex this morning I just started rubbing her pussy while she was still asleep and she woke up with a smile. I fucked her holding her legs up in the air and the look on her face was phenomenal. " that feels so good " she said once while she had that look of pain on her face. My confidence is so high right now and I'm more motivated than ever to really start taking some serious action in a lot of ways. Everyone have a great day !!!

Nice, congrats! There are a lot of hot moms if they don't let themselves go while pregnant. Even a loose pussy feels good if she's been doing kegels.

A few notes

I am drunk

I think my grandfather is going to die..

A girl from pof is bugging me to hangout.

A couple random thoughts.

Well my grandfather did end up passing away a few days ago. We werent super close so overall i feel pretty fine. Im just worried about my mom and grandmother.

Its been 5 months since ive smoked any marijuana which is another milestone for me. I believe the longest ive gone without pot since i was 16 had been 2 months. Im pretty proud of this and believe its been a very positive thing.

On the flip side though my kratom use has gradually increased and i believe im now a full blown addict. I ran out last night around midnight and im starting to become depressed for no good reason. Ive kept my use to around 12 g's a day so i understand my addiction hasnt gotten completely out of control. But im at the point where life is just so boring without kratom and my motivation to do shit when im off it just isnt there. I think im going to have to take 3-4 days off and get past the mental withdrawls. Any time ive gone on a long kratom run i never seem to get physical withdrawls its always mental. For about a week im just emotionally flat and dont care to do anything.