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It turns out my gums / jaw is pretty infected and im going to the dentist monday. Dealing with this has been a 24/7 thing the last 5 days and its just a pain in the ass. Havent accomplished anything. Ended up going to my uncles house yesterday for thanksgiving. Ended up doing what ive done the last 8 years and just slammed beers the whole time while watching football and forcing small talk with family. My grandma ended up giving me some percocets for my mouth pain which was nice. I didnt really need these and ended up going to the bathroom and crushing them up and snorting them to get a quicker buzz. Im not proud of that but its the truth. Either way thanks grandma you made my day a lot nicer.
3 girls from POF who seemed interested have flaked and are pretty much out of the picture. I ended up sending them a pretty shitty picture of myself which, i thought, looked good, but quickly realized wasnt good at all after i sent it. My mouth infection had me feeling shitty at the time and consciously i knew i should just wait to send the pictures but did it anyways. Mistake... Wont do that again. Honestly though i dont feel bad about this. Maybe for an hour i was disappointed but dont even care right now. Ever since i really started to understand how dating / fucking girls is all a numbers game its taken away a lot of the stress i used to feel. Progress.
Spending time around my sister and niece has been surprisingly very pleasant and enjoyable the last few days. Ive pretty much cut off contact with my sister the last few months after our last phone conversation where she tryed giving me some terrible advice and i realized she doesnt listen that well. I think that keeping myself looking good is the reason her attitude has been different towards me. It gives the impression i have my shit together, even though i dont lol. Well im getting better, shouldnt be hard on myself. What ive realized and what GLL preaches a lot about looking good is so true. A few times this year and even recently girls are always shocked when i tell them my drug and alcohol history. Its always the same response " you dont seem like someone who does drugs or anything ". This is a good thing and something i want to maintain. Being able to walk amongst society while being inebriated on kratom or whatever other substance i want and people not knowing is a freedom i enjoy very much.
USPS says my kratom is in town and also my other supplements. Im literally counting the minutes until i can go check my mail and take a large dose of kratom. Im very excited and eager to get my mouth healed up and have a productive weekend. As i write this a girls walking past me in the library with a fat fucking ass in some tight jeans. I wanna fuck her with her legs in the air and cum inside her. I get so fucking horny when im hungover i never understand it. Does something to my hormones...
Last thing i almost forgot about. Im going to be getting some tests done soon on my hormones and also vitamin levels seeing if theres any deficiencies. I have a suspicion my adrenals might be slightly fatigued. I should have done this years ago and feel retarded for not doing so.
Last edit. While i was at my uncles yesterday i looked at an old family photo from about 8 years ago and saw myself when i used to be fat. This was frightening and its been years since i saw myself looking this way. I'll never be that way again..
What kind of history do you have with drugs/alcohol? I'm interested because I used to drink wayyy too much every night. Then I spent 2 years sober and now I'm keepin it under control (once a week or so).
I've realized that even though it may seem like people sometimes don't listen and give bad advice, they still probably mean well. You can't expect most people to be as awesome as we are.
Be glad that those POF girls flaked. They would've wasted your time. If they don't like how you looked in that shitty picture they can fuck off. There are lotsa girls that would've been all over you even after seeing those pics. Nowadays I really don't give a shit about sending "bad" pictures, videos or voice messages to girls. If she likes me she'll love it. If not then fuck off.
25 y/o virgin before GLL
Started smoking pot at 16. Was a moderatley heavy user off and on up until about 3 months ago when i realized it its just not good for me mentally.
Done cocaine a handful of times, LSD, mushrooms, ecstasy, cough syrup, pills.
I really love heroin though and have been an off and on user since i was 18. I just sniff it and have always been too scared to try needles. Im pretty sure ill never have to go back to using that though ever since i found kratom. Kratoms been a godsend for me.
Alcohol though has caused me many problems ever since i was 17. I've gone on some pretty horendous 3-4 day drinking binges where ill drink until i black out, wake up, start drinking again until my body cant take it anymore. Thankfully this is very rare nowadays and doesnt really happen anymore. I really owe it all to kratom and other supplements.
2 years sober is impressive though man and hopefully i can get to that point eventually. I saw in one of your posts the other day how you said testosterone is the best drug ever and i really have to agree. Ive never actually gotten my levels tested but i can feel when my testosterones high and its been over a year since ive last felt that testosterone rush and my sex drive was insane. Need to get back to that level.
I agree about people meaning well also. I knew my sister was just trying to be helpful months ago but after a certain point when she says " have you thought about medication? Have you thought about rehab? " ( Usually when i see my sister now its when theres some type of family function and i just get drunk because having conversations with my family is painful. Last time i saw her i got really tanked at a family party on beer and kratom. Nothing bad happened and i had a good time but my eyes were blood shot and my speech was slurred so she got concerned. ) Anyways..... after she brought up medication and rehab i wanted to laugh in her face. I told myself its better we dont talk for awhile until my lifes really under control and she will just shut up.
Yeah i agree about the girls flaking also, before good looking loser i would have been all " YOU FUCKING CUNT ILL KILL YOU! WHY DONT YOU RESPOND ?! IM SPECIAL !! " now I feel nothing and move on. Freedom...
I've always thought pot isn't that bad for you but you know your body best. My binges were never as bad as yours - at worst I'd only drink a sixpack in the hangover morning and nothing at night, OR I'd wait through the hangover and get drunk again the next night, but never more than 2 nights in a row. The point where I was at my absolute rock bottom was where I was drinking a 12-pack every night just to feel normal and not get sick That didn't even get me drunk.
Drugs that I've tried with some effect:
alcohol - My go-to choice. I hate the hangover but it always makes me feel good.
speed - Worked great, even when I was anxious as hell it made me turbo social. Felt horrendous for a week afterwards.
lsd - Worked in that I got weird thoughts and visuals, but it also freaked the fuck out of me and made me nauseous.
benzos (alprazolam/xanax) - chill/fucked up for about an hour or two... not worth it
salvia - Worked as it's supposed to ... 5 mins of being totally out of it, and then wears off.
The following drugs made me very, very nauseous with no positive effects:
DXM (cough syrup)
I'm surprised that you've tried heroin. Hard opiates are probably some of the ones I'd never dare to try in addition to extacy.
Sobriety is actually quite easy... it's easier than recreational use in my opinion. You just have to get used to the fact that your life is boring (unless you do crazy stuff like approaching, AA program etc ). I've come to the conclusion that there's no harm in occasional use if you have the willpower to keep it at that.
Haha I can totally relate about your sister..... There were a number of times that some "mandatory" family/friend events were so deadly boring that pretty much the only options are:
1) Not attend
2) Get drunk
25 y/o virgin before GLL
Doing approaches, or even just small talking with attractive girls. That and hooking up with hot girls is the best drug ever. The last girl i was with was actually the first hot girl i had actually fucked ( PM for pictures ). She would come over and make me food, suck my dick, fuck and literally just wanted to be all over me kissing and cuddling all day. THAT.. was the best drug ive ever had, hopefully ill be getting that feeling back soon. I doubt ill ever do heroin again unless its just sitting there in front of me.
- My mouth infection is healing nicely ever since i started taking antibiotics. Feel much better.
- My legs are fucking WEAK, but ive made some progress. I started doing wall sits, body weight squats and weighted walking lunges recently. My stamina is just pathetic at this point but im seeing progress so its very motivating. Also i feel like my mood is a lot better ever since ive started training my legs again. Testosterone increase?
- Meditated for 20 minutes yesterday and felt great afterwards.
- been doing the yoga child pose at night more often the last few weeks. This has really improved my posture and my overall looks. When i combine the child pose with the superman pose my posture looks great. Google the poses if anyone is curious.
- my supplements came in the mail yesterday and couldnt have came at a better time. Fish oil, Curcumin- BCM95 , L-citrulline powder, and magnesium were what i ordered. I megadosed 20 g's of fish oil and my skin looks great today. Feeling very confident because of this.
- Jerked off twice on friday with a good quality erection both times. Very full and sensative. Last night i had THE BEST erection ive had in months, It lasted a good 10-12 minutes with very little edging. I know ive been saying this a lot lately but last nights really was the best. Everyday ive been making progress and my confidence is only getting better. I think what put this erection over the edge was both the supplements i took earlier (20 g's fish oil, 1200 mg niacin, 1500 mg's L-citrulline) and the butterfly stretches i did at night. My groin muscles were very tight and i stretched them out for only a minute. I think very soon ill be back to my old self . Once im confident that my dicks back to 100% ill be posting up my routine in the Penis problems section.
Thats all for now. I have a lot of things i want to get done today and even more things to do this week. Ill post what ive done after i do them.
P.S. - Chris's swag factor article has got me thinking a lot lately. I have some ideas floating around about how i can improve myself in this area and will also be checking the forum for advice also. My opinion is that neediness and low self esteem kills swag factor instantly so thats the first step.
Going to be copy n pasting a bunch of random articles from the net on here for me to later come back and read up on. Thought maybe some other guys might find them useful as well.
- sleep schedule has been all fucked up lately and I wake up still feeling exhausted. Im trying to quit drinking coffee so its a struggle to get going when i wake up for atleast an hour.
- did a ton of flutter kicks and superman holds last night. My posture is feeling a lot better from doing this and i can more naturally sit up straight while sitting down now. Also it seems like my facial muscles get toned as well when im doing a lot of core work.
- meditated last night and this morning for 20 minutes each and its made a big difference on my mood today.
- I was feeling unsually stressed out about my life today. After i took some magnesium and 5htp i felt much better. Then when i got to the library i borrowed a pair of headphones from the front desk and logged into pandora to listen to music. For whatever reason i just forgot about pandora and really havent listened to any good music in a long time. Well HOLY SHIT ive felt incredible the last hour and a half. Been listening to some deep house and techno shit and its fucking awesome. Im really pumped to go exercise soon and really push myself. My sex drive is also up from listening to this sweet music. Like ill be scrolling through GLL and see those pictures of hot chicks chris has on the side and im in instant chubby mode ha. Im making a big point to start listening to good music everyday from now on, my moods just really great right now.
- deleted my POF today as ive been spending too much time on there and having very little success. Will make a new one when i feel i have some really good quality pictures.
- Read things on the computer at the library and listened to music.
- meditated last night 20 minutes
- workout- deadhangs on pullup bar, planks, lying pumps, wall sits, hip & groin stretches, stomach vacuums
- cold shower
- oil pulled/ flossed/ brushed teeth
Elliot Hulse convinced me to try something a little strange last night. After hearing him and some other guys talk about bioenergetics recently i decided to just do hip thrusts like an idiot last night until i was pretty much exhausted. So yeah i was just sitting in my living room by myself fucking the air ha. I would do it standing up and also down in a push up position like if i was in missionary. A couple things that stuck out to me besides feeling pretty stupid were, this is actually a great workout and a good way to be ready for sex. I was pretty winded after around 10 minutes which is pathetic. But also my hips and lower abs seemed REALLY tight and stiff despite all the stretching ive been doing. That shocked me. Maybe its just placebo but i swear to god i slept really good last night and i think it may have been because i did this strange act of air fucking. Like some type of release (not the jerking off kind) happened that i cant explain. Either way im going to continue doing this daily along with a lot of other things in order to be ready for sex.
Went to the dentist today and got my mouth x rayed. Seems that my wisdom teeth on the right side are coming in and ill have to get surgery soon, not looking forward to that at all. The x ray also showed i have two silver fillings that i completely didnt know i had.. must have got them when i was 8 or 9. This has me wondering how much mercury my brains been flooded with over the years and could explain a lot of anxiety issues ive had.
Doing a 24 hour fast today so wont be accomplishing very much
-Ive been spending a lot of time strengthening my core and shedding body fat and its finally starting to pay off.
-My pictures on POF look a lot better and im finally getting some good responses again which has been huge for my self esteem ( that kind of makes me sad but whatever)
-I went and grabbed a beer thursday night with the 24 yr old mom i met on pof awhile ago. I told her before we ever met that we would never workout but i would like to be her friend. Well thursday she had came back from a date with some other guy and she actually looked pretty damn good with her outfit, hair and makeup. Long story short im going back and forth if i should push for sex. I know shes into me and i could make something happen but honestly its been a good thing for me to hangout with her on a friendship level. I also dont want to hurt her because shes one of the sweeter girls ive met in my life. Just going to go with the flow and hit up other girls.
-Spending too much time on GLL isnt good for me, i now know this lol.
-I really enjoy watching sports and will continue to do so.
-Im starting to accept the fact that i might always have to work a job and more or less be a slave to someone. As long as the job doesnt drive me nuts and i can make enough money to keep my body and mind healthy then i can live a great life.
-I bounce back from my mistakes quickly and stronger than ever
- The last few months have been extremely up and down for me mentally and emotionally. As well as being very confused why my sex drive has been so low. Well i think ive finally gotten to the bottom of it. The answer for me is vitamin C... yes vitamin c. Ive been taking the stuff for years and was usually megadosing it. I stopped taking it after i read an article in some magazine that you shouldnt get any antioxidants from supplements (which i partly agree with). Well my diet right now just doesnt have enough fruits and vegtables in it. So yesterday i went out and bought a good brand of vitamin c and took around 5 grams spread out over a few hours. Well fuck me running i had the best most chill night last night. I was calm, could think clearly, my skin looked great and i was FUCKING HORNY. I edged for a good 15 minutes with a solid boner. Heres some good articles on vitamin C
- Improving my swag / coolness will be my biggest challenge with getting and keeping quality women in my life. My emphasis on this will be to work on my fundamentals and also do things i really enjoy doing. Its going to be very important that i find other things i enjoy doing in my life besides women ( i dont have much else at this point ).
Ive been pretty depressed the last couple weeks but plan on posting again soon and getting back on track.
Ive came to the conclussion that serotonin is probly my main issue. I bought some 5htp last night and kanna two days ago and i feel pretty great today. Going to alternate with kanna one day and 5htp the next as a way to keep tolerance for both low.
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I didn't think the "Get Hung" guide would have girls eyeing my bulge. It did.
I didn't think that your exercise and diet advice would have girls checking me out. It did.
I DEFINITELY didn't think that your hair-loss prevention would fix my hairline. Not in a billion years. It mother fucking did. You saved me a crazy amount of time, a ton of money, unnecessary pain, and destroyed my #1 source of anxiety. DESTROYED IT.
Kratom is next!
To anyone reading this, follow through, read this material, APPLY this material, and enjoy life.