TOPIC: Captains Log

did my second compliment yesterday also at the book store. Told a lady i thought her jacket was cool (it was).

Also i did something ive never done last night, I called into my favorite radio station and played this movie game they play sometimes at night. The game is trying to name 25 movies matthew mcconaughey has been in. The categories of the game are always random. The listeners get to call in and give two guesses and one of the radio hosts ( whos a big movie nerd) has two guesses. Essentially its the listeners vs the movie geek radio host. We'll after a certain point i was sitting there thinking " man theres like 4 movies nobody has guessed ". I had been feeling great all day and night and just said " fuck it, if they say the radio phone number and i can get through then ill call " .

This parts important though... at one point i really told myself " this is stupid im not going to call, whats the point? " . It was in this exact moment that i looked at my wall where i have a piece of paper with the words " the only regret youll have in life is not trying " . This was something i saw Chris say on here months ago... i thought it was so important i wrote it down and put it on my wall in bold letters.

We'll my call ended up going through and right before i had to give my guesses my heart was pounding like crazy. Thinking about a radio station ive listened to for years and tons of other people love, were going to hear my voice freaked me out. ( reign of fire and tropic thunder were the movies i said by the way. Someone had already guessed tropic thunder that i missed but i got reign of fire right and my guess ended up tying the listeners vs the radio host )

so yeah... i called, felt a shit load of anxiety. The call ended and i felt good. I actually laughed after for probly 20 seconds. It was a huge adrenaline rush even for something so trivial.

Going to a mantra meditation meetup this saturday.

Also going to go to yoga class tonight early ( i usually show up at the last minute so i dont have to socialize )

did 3 compliments last night and i sort of had some revelations. Going to do a full write up after i go check my mail soon and hopefully my kratoms arrived. Sleep deprived as fuck right now but going to grind the day out and get some good rest tonight.

Im going to make this quick as i didnt sleep last night and just feeling lazy as hell.

Last night i was very close to not going out and doing my 2 compliment rule. Forced myself to just go to wal mart and do it.

Ended up telling an older guy his hat was cool. He seemed happy.

Told a cute scene looking chick i liked her glasses. She seemed both shocked and happy.

Told a tiny petite girl working there who had a very cute butt that " i just wanted to say i saw you earlier and thought you were really cute ". She literally had the biggest smile on her face. This made me feel great. I said something about not wanting to creep her out ( stupid ) . I could tell she was nervous by me ( in a good way ) but i ejected immediatley.

I could say a lot more but ill save it for tomorrow. Basically everyday since i started doing this things have gotten much easier. Im going to start stepping things up. No more fucking around.

I feel very tempted to buy this book and practice into action what it teaches, I love it's title and it has 10 Five star ratings on Amazon, no other ratings of the kind, its a relatively new book from how it appears:
www.amazon.com/Why-Youre-Socially-Awkwar...y+awkward+with+women

i fucked up the last two days and im starting over today. Its very frustrating to be feeling really great and motivated then depressed randomly and not giving a fuck anymore. Going to blame it on low serontonin and lack of exercise. Went out and got some 5htp and things seem to be back on track.

i'm heading over to a Comic Convention now called Comikaze, since i'm into the pop-culture, sci-fi stuff and shit, they have hot nerdy geeky girls at the Cons I've been too but sadly most were taken, but must take action constantly

So today is day 1. I did one compliment at the bookstore yesterday but then just went over my parents and watched football the rest of the day. Complete fail.

Some notes on things ive been thinking about / feeling lately.

- I think my gut health has been a lot worse than i ever thought. I say this because for the last 10 days or so i havent taken any probiotics and old habits have came back very hard. Im not blaming all of my laziness / procrastination on not taking probiotics but im feeling like theres a big connection that shouldnt be ignored. Gonna go to the health store later and pick up a bottle.

- My sex drive has been dead and ED has slowly returned. I blame this all on laziness. I stopped working out consistently and its thrown everything out of wack. Yesterday I did air squats / push ups and a ton of stretching throughout the day. We'll this morning i woke up with a throbbing erection and i was very happy. I thought doing yoga 4-5 times a week would be enough exercise for me but this is not the case at all. Im definitley going to change things up and making this a big priority. When my sex drive is low im just depressed period.

- momentum is huge for me. By the third day i had made these changes and started forcing to compliment and spend time around people my anxiety / fear was so low it shocked me. Life was feeling great again and i was pumped up. Then i got drunk on halloween and it all went to shit ( more on that later ). Basically the more I stay on course and just do the shit i need to do the better. Considering doing victor prides 30 days of discipline...

- TV is much harder to give up than i thought. It makes sense when your so used to doing something youve done since you were a little boy. Night time has been the biggest problem. This is when loneliness and boredom are at there worst. I should add that i only watch TV when i go over my parents house.. who live about 10 minutes away from me. I dont enjoy hanging out around my parents but if i spend too much time isolating myself at night my depression comes back.

- Until i replace old habits with new habits / stimulating activities ill just keep falling back into old patterns. This is where meetup.com, toastmasters, getting a part time job ( note: I plan on joining the army in the future. I would have joined already but i was prescribed Adderall in late april and the rules say i cannot have taken any ADHD medication within a year of joining. More on this later ) .

- My hippo order was mixed up and sent somewhere else by usps and it was 9 days ago when i ordered it. It SHOULD be in my mailbox right now which im about to go check. For whatever reason i deleted the email with the tracking number when i was drunk so i have no idea if its in my town. But basically this is the third time its taken me 10 days to recieve my package since i started using popmoney. This seems rediculous and im fucking pissed off. Im also pissed off that im getting pissed off about this ( why the fuck do i need kratom to be able to function and be happy. Same thing with a lot of supplements. I hate that i need these things to function but its true ). Thank god i have some kratom left from the head shop i go to, its not that terrible but yeah.

ok this turned into a bitch fest and im going to go and get shit done today.

Had to drop off a book and check what time yoga is tonight. But my hippo order came in the mail finally. Burned about 3 g's of red hot hippo and the aroma is just now hitting me. Wow im feeling nice.

Yoga will do wonders for you if it is the right class.

My cousin is a yoga instructor, she begged and pleaded for me to try it out. I tried it out and damn, I felt good after a session. As an added bonus, the amount of hot pussy in yoga classes is nuts.

i'm gonna head over to starbucks and continue reading David Wygant's "The Fearless Code"

Mack Holder wrote: Yoga will do wonders for you if it is the right class.

My cousin is a yoga instructor, she begged and pleaded for me to try it out. I tried it out and damn, I felt good after a session. As an added bonus, the amount of hot pussy in yoga classes is nuts.

I didnt actually go to class last night but i did a good hour of some stretching + yoga combo. The studio i go to is doing a hot yoga class tonight which im definitley going to. I agree though Mack, i have a membership at a studio and been going for almost 2 months and my mind just works totally different when i go to class consistently. The last 10 days i fell off track but things are back to normal. Unfortunatley my yoga studio has mostly older women but some of them arent bad. Ive seen 2 or 3 legit smoking hot girls the whole time ive been there. Though one of my instructors is pretty cute and im 80% sure she has a crush on me (shes married but things still cross my mind).

A couple updates

- did my two compliments last night at walmart (i really need to do more). One middle aged lady, told her she had cool boots. One older lady i told her i liked her jacket. She looked completely confused and almost frightened. It was hilarious actually.

- I was literally having a fucked up day yesterday. My general anxiety was out of control and i was also thinking about people who have wronged me in the past a lot. Like all i kept thinking about was getting revenge. I then bought some almond milk and probiotics. Took the probiotics, a magnesium L-threonate and a glass of almond milk. 45 minutes later i was a different person, completely calm. I know it wasnt just the magnesium l threonate because i had been taking it recently and although it does help my moods it wasnt making the difference i felt combined with the probiotics. Im now positive i have some sort of food allergy i need to get checked. Dairy is something ive known i cant handle for a long time but now im sure theres something else.

-sex drive is slowly coming back.

- This is my second day using Hippo kratom in almost 4 months. God damn i feel nice.... Only burned probly 2g's of HH1 this morning but i havent felt an aroma like this in months.

- going to play around with my supplement stack today and for a couple days. Today ill have Kratom, NAC 600mg twice a day, vitamin D 5000iu twice a day, 800mg magnesium l threonate at night, 2g's fish oil with every meal and probiotics.

today im going to really push myself to compliment two hot girls face to face. Like get right up in there face and be creepy.