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A girl I really want to meet from POF invited me out to the bar to hangout with her and her roomate tonight. Completely out of the blue. It took every ounce of strength I had to say no to her... It really sucks but at the sametime im proud I was able to say no. That never ever happens, especially when theres drinking involved. The truth is though that its just a really bad time. Im pretty much broke, tomorrow I have work that NEEDS to get done. And also me and a girl have already made plans for tomorrow. Shes completely average but we have already talked on skype briefly and shes excited to see me. Also shes a massage therapist. If something happens you will know.
The good news is theres 3 girls who im making plans with right now. 2 of them it seems like its in the bag. *knocks on wood
Today I had an amazing workout at the gym. Was actually there for 3 hours. As usual it was just a ton of random exercises. Also I went and shot hoops on the basketball court for over an hour. A half hour to get warmed up before the gym and then shot more after all my workouts were done. I actually shot really good after my workout was done. Basketball makes me so happy, I cant believe I went so long without playing. My body is starting to look pretty damn good, for my standards atleast. Definitley not at your level Terminator or anyone else who can stay so driven with fitness.
I would write a lot more but I really need to eat my dinner soon. Hopefully tomorrow is a great day.
I fell asleep like a rock last night after I ate my dinner. Ended up falling asleep on the couch without a blanket or anything. Really great sleep. I credit this to going to the gym, taking kratom and not having much caffeine that day. Woke up at 7 am and went to the gym an hour later. Had another really great workout this morning doing pretty much the same thing as yesterday except I hit my arms harder.
I was just about to drive to work ( incase anyone doesnt know I work by myself and most of my job is driving around A LOT ) and I basically drove into a snow storm. Checked the weather on my phone and its not going to let up for hours. So no work today..
The average girl ended up flaking on me. Well technically I told her to fuck off but im 95% sure she was flaking on me. She said she wanted to hangout yesterday but asked me " so what do you wanna do? ". Later in the night when i texted her back I said I was broke until monday so she should come over and have some wine and watch movies. Didnt hear anything back from her. So about an hour ago I decided maybe sending a picture would help so i took a good selfie and sent it to her. She replies with " lol whos that? ". I can be very gullible so I actually believed she was confused. Also who knows how many guys she might be talking to. My reply was " uhh the guy you skyped with? " She replies with " I know im jk lol " . I wanted to call her a fucking idiot. She can make a horrible joke but not answer my question about hanging out with a simple yes or no? I tell her " your playing games and its annoying. Take care " She says " uh, ok. u 2? "
Im sure some people will think I should have still tried to hangout with her. I've learned though that when a girl takes forever to answer simple questions it never changes. There always just a headache for me.
So shes gone..
The smart girl I was actually trying to become friends with has gone cold on me. The last time we hungout, wednesday night I think? It started off cool and the conversation was going nicely. We went to this whole foods place which was actually really cool and I helped her shop. I know, pretty gay but I havent been socializing at all so I actually enjoyed this.
Later on we were watching ........................... Ok as I was just typing this up she sent me a long friendly text. This just goes to show how paranoid I can get. Fuck me...
Nevermind her... But something to pay attention to. Shes actually semi dating a guy from POF right now. Like I said I actually want to be friends with her but maybe someday there could be something. Shes a naturally thicker girl but because shes been running everyday she looks kind of trim but with a fat ass. I would say its just a, nice fat ass. Not a good or great fat ass. But that night it looked nicer than usual. So maybe all im doing right now is building up a ton of sexual tension and its inevitable im going to pound her out.
Havent heard back from the girl I was going to meet at the bar last night. Maybe I just completely missed an opportunity for a dtf girl... hopefully not. My gut told me it wasnt a good time. I can only say there was about two times when I ignored this gut feeling before and they both ended badly.
I was really pissed when I started this post but now a hot new girl on POF is being receptive, like magic I feel good again. Shes a skinny hispanic girl with tattoos. Hopefully this abundance mentality is starting to sink in. Even though girls still piss me off badly at times it seems like I get over it much faster than I used to.
This is random but Im going to be looking into group therapy, regular therapy and MAYBE start attending AA meetings again. Me and my NLP therapist agreed it was a good idea.
I thought exercising, supplements / diet and girls would "fix" me. Its clear as day now that this isnt going to happen. They certainly help and make life amazing at times but theres deeper things going on that I still dont understand. More help is needed.
Feeling like shit right now. Didnt sleep good last night and I helped my dad out with a plumbing job this morning. I ran out of vitamin c yesterday. If I havent mentioned this already ive been taking vitamin C ( 2-3 g's a day) for so long that my body is actually dependant on it. After about two days without vitamin C my stress noticeably increases, skin looks much worse, and low energy etc.
I thought I would get paid today but I didnt know it was presidents day, so no money until tomorrow. This gives me no options to do anything today.
The two girls I thought were dtf have flaked on me. What a surprise... The girl who invited me to the bar said we will hangout another time. I'll push for this weekend. The hispanic tatted up girl and me are sending very short messages back and forth but its very flirty.
The smart girl tried to have a debate with me yesterday through text about what being "feminine" is. Basically the feminist in her came thundering out. It feels like any potential friendship died because of this.
My brain is in a complete fog right now so im done with this update. Overall im just pissed off at women the last two days.
One good thing though... I was able to edge last night for a solid 20 minutes using only a picture of the girl who invited me to the bar. Ive been waking up with erections more consistently and overall just jerking off more. It feels like certain exercises im doing in the gym are having major positive effects in this department. I think another 2-3 weeks of gym time will answer these questions. This is giving me a ton of confidence and major motivation to get laid soon. Theres so much room for improvement.
Just a matter of time now.
EDIT* Not even 20 minutes after I submitted that post my boss texted me and said the check was ready. So went and got that, cashed it at the liquor store and bought some Vitamin c from the health / vitamin store. Also when I was there I was looking through this basket with supplements that were on sale. I came across some Cats claw extract for $3. I remember Mokele talking about this so I bought it. Very curious to see how this works with kratom.
Todays been good, I bought some nordic naturals Fish oil last night since its been forever that I used fish oil. Things are feeling much smoother mentally.
Had a difficult workout not to long ago. I didnt have any breakfast so the energy was just very low. Still ended up being a decent workout.
So like I said in the last post. My sex drive and erections have been much better. Theres the obvious testosterone increase from more consistent exercising, but here are four exercises I feel have been contributing big time.
The inner thigh machine is the king I believe. I can feel my pelvic floor contracting strongly when I do this. Like I said I need more time to be sure but I feel like all of these exercises are making the biggest difference.
Staying on this topic. As far as women go for the time being. The only thing I care to look for is ONE fuckbuddy / girlfriend to have GOOD sex with. Ever since this new resurgence of horniness im confident sex in the future will be pretty damn good... Now just need to find a sweet / submissive girl with a decent butt to get naked for me.
The depression the last two days have discouraged me from asking the girl who invited to the bar to do something. I think one more gym session tomorrow will change this and ill try to meet up. If not her ill go on an insane POF blitz until there is success. A few cute girls are being responsive right now but im positive there boyfriend hunting. Obviously im not opposed to being in a relationship but I really need to end this fucking dry spell.
Im gonna go shopping soon and then cook my meals for the next 5-7 days. I've never actually done this but recently ive been eating way too much fast food out of pure laziness to cook. Also need to really budget my food money.
Might buy a new pair of shoes while im out as well.
Just got out of the gym 45 minutes ago. Arms and back today. Also did a little bit of cardio on the bicycle which felt good. My stress fracture / bad shin splint is still very present in the left tibia, so the bike and only certain leg exercises are an option for awhile.
Todays been great. I woke up and cleaned my house. Went to the laundry mat and cleaned my gym clothes and then the gym obviously.
This was the only picture online I could find of my second pair. There the brown ones. There for working, hiking etc.
I still need another two pairs of shoes.
After I bought the shoes I went to a grocery store called ALDIS and spent $87 on food. I'll be set for a few weeks. I didnt end up cooking anything like I said I would but its a great feeling to see your kitchen stocked with good healthy food.
Last night and today was good for POF. Dating truely is a numbers game. Im going to keep quiet until something happens but damn being persistent pays off.
EDIT* Ex-girlfriend has posted new pictures on her POF profile. Shes definitley lost weight and looks cute as hell. Fuck you devil woman.
Captain Ramius wrote: I thought exercising, supplements / diet and girls would "fix" me. Its clear as day now that this isnt going to happen. They certainly help and make life amazing at times but theres deeper things going on that I still dont understand. More help is needed.
What is it that you think you need fixing with?
25 y/o virgin before GLL
Relationships, If I had to try and narrow it down Terminator. I would say that might be on the top of the list.
Trusting people, forming and maintaining relationships seems to be getting worse for me. I know a big part of this is because I dont trust myself.
I dont have much time on the *computer so I cant go into great detail at the moment.
* Im scared to get a computer and then start wasting time like I used to again by thinking im "learning". As amazing as the internet is it can suck the life out of me, I keep going back and forth if it would be a good idea to own a computer again.
EDIT* The smart girl i've been becoming friends with sent me this earlier today.
I'll just say i've been getting to the gym 4-5 days a week and im starting to become addicted to it. I cant believe how much I took the gym for granted for so long. I just get a totally different energy in there compared to my living room.
Im barely talking to any of my family going on two months now. Zero contact with my mom. At first I was very happy about this but now im starting to feel very depressed.
Getting some great feedback from girls on POF recently. Even if nothing comes from this, the quality of the girls that are responding to me gives me tons of motivation and excitement about life. So far i've gotten 4 phone numbers.
Ive been working with my NLP coach and trying to structure a realistic plan for the future. Im still very lost in so many ways..
Right now the only thing im focusing on is getting to the gym consistently and trying to form a close social circle.
So lifting weights at the gym is the only thing I care about right now. Its awesome to know how much progress I can make since I havent taken it seriously in years. Adding mass to my arms is going to make the biggest difference physique wise. Everywhere else I simply want to be strong and somewhat shredded. Adding too much mass to my back and chest simply doesnt look good for my body.
The biggest thing about lifting for me has been the mental benefits. No question. My brain feels like its rewiring itself.
Two days ago a 8.5 - 9 /10 girl on POF matched with me and we chatted for a little bit. She looked like a hot dumb blonde in her pictures but after reading her profile and talking I was completely wrong. Very intelligent and cool girl.
After me and her talked for a bit I signed off the website and I havent checked it since. I havent texted any girls lately and simply dont care. Talking to that hot girl on POF gave me the validation I needed at the right time.
Right now im simply not ready yet to get back out in the field and start meeting girls. I dont give a shit about texting and girls being flakey. When Im fully ready to get back out there I want my killer instinct to be deadly.
The gym is like a temple. You can forget about everything else and just focus on the moment. Let nothing bother you. For me, too, it's the one thing that really sets me free no matter how shitty everything else is. The only time I believe I stopped hitting the gym when I was smoking weed in my bed all day every day but I couldn't take it for more than a week.
Ugh I have an opinion about that mindset though... but I won't share it out of respect
Family is something that I believe you kinda need in the end. Sometimes it may feel like you get too much of it, but at other times it's really meaningful that there exist people who care about you no matter what. That's why you gotta keep in touch even when you don't really want to.
25 y/o virgin before GLL
The day started good and I had a great gym session this morning.
But just a minute ago my dad called me, he needed a ride to go pickup one of his cars that was getting fixed. I decided to use this opportunity to try and have a serious conversation ( Not exaggerating. Theres been many ) about me not wanting to be a part of the family anymore.
The pain and disappointment in his voice just kills me. Im on the verge of breaking down in the library right now.
Im being very vague about all this so ill try and be a little more clear. My family arent bad people but they are toxic and its vitally important I distance myself from them for atleast a few years. This isnt a knee jerk reaction I havent thought through. I've been going back and forth about this for years now.
ill open up more about this sometime, I dont want people to think im blaming every wrong thing about my life on my parents or family. Definitley not the case. But they have played a huge part in my struggles. This is a fact. When I think about living my life and never seeing any of them again, but knowing that they will all be ok in there own lives. A sense of peace comes over me. This tells me everything I need to know.
My confidence is really starting to increase. Im positive its testosterone.
This is will be my shortest update.
Very breifly I flirted with a girl who worked at mcdonalds today. It felt so completely natural and fun. We were both smiling and I made a joke about how shes probably high on weed. And right after that when I pulled up to the next window in the drive through the girl working said " holy crap you have pretty eyes ". Ive heard this since I was 8 years old but its still nice to hear.
My energy just feels completely different and im sure its from the weight lifting. I fucking love this.
I have my laundry drying at the laundry mat right now and then im heading up to the gym.
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I didn't think the "Get Hung" guide would have girls eyeing my bulge. It did.
I didn't think that your exercise and diet advice would have girls checking me out. It did.
I DEFINITELY didn't think that your hair-loss prevention would fix my hairline. Not in a billion years. It mother fucking did. You saved me a crazy amount of time, a ton of money, unnecessary pain, and destroyed my #1 source of anxiety. DESTROYED IT.
Kratom is next!
To anyone reading this, follow through, read this material, APPLY this material, and enjoy life.