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killtheinnerloser wrote: This week I've only put in bare minimum (1 app a day). Have only had about 30min per day for approaches because I've been working more to make more $$$.
Yo, if you're getting your 1 approach within 30 minutes, major props. That's a huge leap forward.
re: 1 push-up challenge and slight edge: Ya 1 approach per day is infinitely better than 0. BUT, you're not going to get ripped doing 1 push-up a day. And if you want to be an elite cold approacher, I'd bet the same is true (obviously I don't have the experience to back that up).
Why not keep your 1 per day BUT ALSO have a 10 min per week? That way, you're still accomplishing your 1 per day but are still pushing yourself to new limits.
I appreciate you pushing me, man. Definitely gonna aim for more than 1 approach per day lol.
The point is 1-per-day is the MINIMUM you're happy with. As in, when things are absolutely terrible and you're sick with the flu and you feel like dying, you force yourself to get out of the house and do ONE approach then stumble back home, crawl into bed and feel like you were successful.
2 years ago I did a 365 photography project - making one photo every single day for a year. 1 per day was the minimum. I did not miss ONE SINGLE DAY - I was sick twice, one time I had food poisoning, my grandfather died and I had to go to his funeral, etc. I still did 1 photo on those days. If my minimum had been 3 photos per day or 5 or something, I absolutely know I would have said "fuck it, too hard" and failed on a few days. But one is so pathetically small there's NO WAY you will EVER fail it.
Same with pushups/cold app. Yes, 1 per day is not elite; it's pathetic. But it's your MINIMUM on your WORST days. This week I've had a truly shit week, I just have not felt like talking to anyone. If my minimum was even something like 2 approaches per day, I 100% know I would have failed at least once (specifically, on Tuesday). And as soon as you fail once, it's easy to fail the next day, then the next day. Then before you know it, it's been 7 months without approaching... exactly what I did at the start of this year. 1 approach per day was at least doable this week.
The point is you set your minimum at something so absolutely pathetically disgustingly tiny that you will NEVER fail it, NO MATTER WHAT. Even if I get food poisoning or have the flu or break my leg, I can still stumble out of the house, do a pathetic "You're cute, lemme grab your number" on some girl, then stumble back home. You're 100% correct that 1 pushup a day will not get you ripped - so on most days you push yourself to do 50 pushups a day or whatever your goal is. But on bad days your MINIMUM is 1 per day, so as long as you hit that MINIMUM, you've been successful. You're teaching yourself to still take some positive action no matter how you feel and never waste a single day.
I'm not happy with 1 approach a day. This week I've barely approached at all. But - I've hit my MINIMUM every single day without fail, so I've been successful. Not ideal, not elite, not even decent, but at least making SOME progress.
Daily success, no matter how tiny, is infinitely better for your mindset and success than constantly stopping and starting.
Dude, wtf. I never thought much of eye contact+smile from a girl. I normally don't stop women that are moving but.... today while out and about doing my thing, this girl gave me eye contact and smiled at me, I said fuck it and stopped her and hit on her. She was so happy, she was engaged, but she looked pleased that I hit on her. More than one woman gave me eye contact and smiled, I think I'll try to hit on them all most of the time from now on.
And I definitely agree with you on that, if a girl is into you and is available, she you don't have to be a fucking smooth faggot pua, the girl I hit on, I literally asked her about her shopping then told her how my spanish is bad(it isn't, i was just nervous as fuck) but she stayed talking to me regardless. Bro, your journal motivates the hell out of me. Before, I didn't think I had 'permission' to hit on girls since I didn't do the AA program, but I like what you're doing to overcome it.
Craigslist isn't better, it's different. Yeah, shitload of flakes (but you get flakes with everything, including cold approach). The first message I send to a chick who replies to my ad is: "Send a pic". If she doesn't immediately send me a pic (eg some of them will say "I'm shy, can we talk a bit first") I block their email. If they even remotely waste my time in any way, I block. I push for a number as soon as possible, block them if they don't give it.
The 4 cutest girls I've ever banged came from Craigslist. So there's definitely hot chicks on there. However, I'm not going to lie - you have to put in a shitload of work. I've personally ALREADY done the hard work (because I used Craigslist from about 19 years old) so all my ads are already written, I just have to click "repost" every few days.
But you're already doing the AA program, which you'll be finished in 4 months tops and then you can cold approach. I can't recommend you try Craigslist because honestly it'd be a waste of your fucking time. Beating your AA is what you should focus on, and just use Tinder/POF/OkCupid when you need to get some dates.
I mean hell, right now, as nervous as you are, and you've only JUST started the AA program... you could go to Melbourne Central, walk around for 1 hour and nervously blurt out to girls, "uhh... excuse... excuse me.... um.... hey... uhhh... i'm so nervous omg... but... uh i thought you were uhm.... cute.... I'm HealthyAdda... uh.... oh fuck i'm so bad at this... shit... um.... can I get your number?" And you'd have infinitely more luck than Craigslist could ever give you.
(My first 20 cold approaches were basically that bad, I was a mess, still got a few numbers).
When your bodyfat is 30%, girls simply don't give you eye contact. My style was exactly the same as it is right now, I had great posture, I'm 6ft2, I'm attractive enough, but girls just don't notice you when you're a chubby motherfucker.
I'm still getting used to girls giving me eye contact. More than half the girls I look at, look back at me. That's insane to me - I'm still used to being ignored by 99% of girls. When girls look at me, my first thought is "Shit, do I have something on my face?" I don't feel attractive AT ALL, and I probably won't for another year or two.
Hey I know exactly how you feel. I still feel like the same fat, pimple faced kid who cut his hair once every 4 months and shaved every 6 weeks. I I think I'll introduce myself on video tomorrow maybe if I have time. You think it will take that long to begin to believe you're not the same fat unattractive guy you used to be? I think Chris has an article on that, for people that get into shape within a few months, they lag it when it comes to believing they are now more attractive.
@Elganso: Prob take me a year to not feel fat and gross. I still dont feel like a player. Ive been a loser all my life, wont get into all the details but shit was pretty bad. This is all very new to me and several times per week I wake up thinking, "Is this real or am I just pretending?" Friends and family don't recognise me anymore.
Did 3 approaches today, got 2 numbers. One girl on a university campus had insane chemistry with, talked for 10+min, then she never replied to my text.... Gay.
Other number is a girl who's leaving in 2 days so not worth bothering. So really, 0 numbers today. But I had fun, and I'm slowly conquoring my fear of approaching at a university campus.
Tomorrow have 3rd date with Chinese chick I made out with. Taking her straight to my place will go for bang.
Ok so met Dara (23, Chinese, only been in Australia 3 weeks now) at train station, we go straight back to my place. This was the 3rd date (I prefer to bang on the 2nd date but I was slow with this chick because I was being a pussy faggot). Kissed her quite a bit on the train right home, rubbed her leg, etc. From the moment we walk into my place BOOM I makeout with her, she's into it but super shy (she's the most shy chick I've ever met, EVER). After a bit of making out, she does this thing Asian girls (specifically Chinese girls) do where they "shut down". As in, they turn into a mute and are no longer capable of communication. It's weird.
So she's completely fucking mute, and I can't get her to talk even if I ask her a question. She's absolutely FIGHTING me any time I try to touch her tits, or rub her puss through her pants, or grab her ass. As in, REALLY fighting - grabbing my hands and saying "no no no no no" but not saying any words other than "no". I slow down for a second to see if it's a real "no" (it almost never is, most girls feel compelled to put up resistance), she keeps hugging me and doesn't leave, so she's obviously up for it.
Guess how long I keep persevering, despite her constant "no's" and fighting me? FOUR HOURS LOL. HAHAHAHA FOUR FUCKING HOURS. It was a grind the entire time, each stage took aaaaages. I'm actually tired from physically fighting her/struggling with her for that long. Took me like 100 attempts (not even fucking exaggerating) to touch her tits over her clothes before she finally stopped pulling my hand away. 100 more attempts to touch her tits properly (not through clothing). 100 more attempts to touch her pussy through her pants. 10 attempts to take her pants off. After several fucking hours, I FINALLY get my hand on her clit and jesus fucking christ she's so wet it's dripping through onto the bed. Bare in mind this entire time she never once stopped saying "no no no no", it was like a constant stream coming out of her mouth, in between her moaning in pleasure. Fighting, saying "no", nonstop for 4 hours - yet still remaining in my bed and still hugging me tightly.
I rub her clit for a bit, she's clinging on so tight to me, moaning like mad. I move my finger down and start circling around the entrance to her pussy. I tease her then she goes "wait, stop... it won't work."
I'm like "Why won't it work?"
She looks away from me and says "it's my first time."
I looked at her, deep into her eyes, and said "I need to tell you something too."
*pause for dramatic effect*
"This is my first time too."
Silly bish actually believed me too lol, til I started laughing like a madman.
Ok, so things make a bit more sense now. Chinese chicks are usually insanely conservative and will put up amazing resistance, but this chick took things to a whole new level. Her being a virgin explains things. So I slowed down a bit, cuddled her for a bit and we just hungout in bed for a little while.
Every 20 minutes or so, I'd start touching her again (and of course she'd fight me like crazy.... she never made it easy for a single second). At one point I managed to get to her pussy again (after like another 40 minutes of fighting). I tried getting my finger in and jesus it was hard. She's INSANELY tight. I could barely get my finger in, and after 1 minute she begged me to stop because it was hurting just having my finger inside her.
Did this another couple of times (I'd have a rest and talk for a bit, then escalate and turn her on again). 4 times I tried fucking her... But there was no way it was going to work. Even with HEAPS of lube, I could barely get 1 finger inside her, no way my dick is going in there. I did manage to get a TINY bit of my cock in for like 5 seconds hahahhahaa so I guess that's a bang? Lol. Technically the penis entered the vagina. But she literally couldn't take it for more than 5 seconds and was in real pain, and that was only like 5% of my dick, I wasn't gonna just shove it in and traumatise the bish.
She started sobbing a tiny bit and told me she was sorry, I'm like "pfftt don't be silly, why are you sorry you dork?" Made her smile. Fooled around for a bit more, then after a while I was super horny (it'd been like 5 hours at this point, fucking hell) so I taught her how to give a handjob. She made me cum in 10 minutes which is a pretty damn good effort for a virgin who had no idea what to do.
We chill for a bit longer, then I tell her to get dressed and take her to the city. Ended up hanging out for another 4 hours, I had fun. I highfived some strangers and shit, but couldn't get her to try it herself.
She COMPLETELY changed though in terms of affection. Quick background: so this is the girl who was so shy on the 1st and 2nd date she barely talked. NEVER initiated conversations. Super shy with touching, NEVER initiated it.
Now all of a sudden she's clinging tightly onto me, reaching out and grabbing my hand any time I let go, resting her head on my shoulder, hugging me constantly, etc. Complete 180 from the old Dara.
Remember a few posts ago I said "Shy girls NEED you to break through their shyness, and to not give up, and keep fighting them. They HATE how shy they are, and most guys give up, so if you keep going they will REALLY fucking appreciate it"... Yeah, case in point. I pushed/forced/FOUGHT HER for 5 hours (worth it to still not even get a proper bang? I dunno, it was good practice I guess). And she got super affectionate because of it.
If I'd given up, she'd be feeling shit about the situation, I'd be angry/disappointed, nobody wins.
Yeah I'm counting it, technically penis went in a tiny bit Yeah when she said "It's my first time" I absolutely was not at all surprised.
Yeah old me would have quit after an hour. But there's a HUGE difference between a real rejection, and a girl who has inhibitions/is shy: A rejection is REALLY FUCKING OBVIOUS. Like, she gets up, puts her pants on, grabs her purse and walks out your front door. My mindset the entire time was "I'm either going to fuck this girl, or push her so far that she gets up and leaves". I was trying to screen her in or out.
This chick, despite constantly saying no and fighting me, STAYED IN MY BED. Twice she got up and went to the toilet, then came straight back into bed and cuddled me. The entire time, she's non-stop clinging on to me, hugging me (while at the same time fighting me).
I'll say it again, I feel bad for shy girls. She clearly wanted me to fuck her, but holy fucking christ her instincts wouldn't "let" her, if you know what I mean. As a man, it's our job to overcome that, push through, "fight" her and conquer her anyway. I'm getting decent at understanding how last minute resistance works; it's a biological/instinctive way for a girl to "test" if the guy is worth sleeping with. Any guy who says "Oh honey it's ok I won't pressure you to have sex" is admitting he's not man enough to take what he wants. Not to mention admitting he cares too much about women's constantly-changing, hilariously-unreliable emotions.
A guy who smirks and says "Hah sure, we'll stop" but then keeps kissing her and touching her & trying to fuck her is SEXY AS HELL to girls. Nothing turns them on more than you seducing them when they're making it hard for you. It's their biggest fantasy.
Hmm that's again pretty interesting. Opposite to what I've been doing. I used to always push for the lay, but the girls still wouldn't give it to me and wouldn't see me for a 2nd date. These days if they don't get turned on by a couple of attempts at escalation, I just stop and chill out normally for the rest of the date. Then I fuck them on the 2nd date, when there's no resistance from the girl's part anymore.
I think it just comes across as needy if you keep on trying to escalate when she says no, whereas my tactique projects the mindset "I don't care whether you have sex with me or not". You probably got away with it this time since she was a virgin and didn't know any better.
This is my take on this, curious to know your thoughts about it.
25 y/o virgin before GLL
Hmmm. Interesting, man. Bad Idea Bear and I were talking about this earlier. I agree with you in general about the neediness... but I think what you wrote would only apply if I was pushing/escalating the entire time non-stop.
It's hard to explain without you actually being there. I'm not pushing in a "needy" way, nor am I pushing for sex the entire time. I took about 15 breaks during the 4/5 hours, would just chill and chat to her for a bit, my dick would go soft, we'd just hangout in a non-sexual way. I think THAT is what stops it being needy. If you're pushing non-stop, I agree with you; the girl is going to be pretty put off. If you back off and chill a bit in between escalating, you don't have that desperate "oh my god I need to get laid". If anything, you appear super laid-back like you don't give a fuck if you get laid or not.
Which sounds like a conflict with what I said earlier, "I'm either going to fuck this girl or she's going to leave my apartment". Of course I absolutely was not going to stop escalating-chilling-escalating-chilling with this chick, and was definitely gonna screen her in or out. BUT - if she got up and walked to my front door (which is exactly what she did on the 2nd date, remember) I wouldn't have given a shit and would have just resumed escalating on the next date.
I think the best comparison would be cold approaching: You're PUSHING for the girl's number. But you don't really give a fuck if she doesn't give it. Same thing here: I was PUSHING for her pussy, but I wouldn't have been that bothered if it didn't happen.
Also, "if they don't get turned on by a couple of attempts at escalation, I just stop " -> She was REALLY fucking turned on. Like fucking CRAZY turned on, dripping through her panties, through her jeans, onto the bed. I've never had a chick THIS turned on. So it wasn't that she was saying "no"... It wasn't a real no, if you know what I mean? Especially apparent by the fact she went to the toilet twice and then came right back into bed to cuddle me - clearly wanting more.
As with everything you write, you've given me something to think about.
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