TOPIC: Please critique my Tinder/Hinge pics

True, I wanted to feel like I could control/influence something. But this unfortunately means that getting lucky really is just getting lucky. I hate feeling lucky.

Overthinking helps me squeeze more experience out of a single encounter so I can improve faster. There is a balance to it though...

Today a Tinder match from long ago who had kept flaking at the last minute surprisingly didn't flake today (I had planned it exactly so I wouldn't be disappointed either way). I wasn't looking forward to it, but she turned out to be way better than her pics. I offered to take better pics for her but it seems she's satisfied with her results so far, lol

And we got along quite well. I like to think that it's not just because she wanted to get with me, but also because I spent years getting better at conversation and making chemistry more likely to happen.

Making advances was enjoyable this time - always tinged with excitement. She was on her period though so we just made out, but my fingers still smell of her... and I think it's going to be a done deal this week

I should change the way I think then.
Instead of "creating chemistry", it is "making chemistry more likely to happen".
Instead of "I got lucky" or trying to discount luck altogether (unrealistic), it is "making luck more likely to happen".

First thing is keep hitting on lots of girls, which you are doing, and as you can see, already making progress. You'd be amazed how many problems start to fix themselves as long as you stick to that, along with escalating and actually trying to fuck them consistently (including if you're nervous, it's ok, just try anyways).

So definitely keep doing that, don't stop.

As far as luck, hate to tell you this, but it is getting lucky really. Yes you can control it some and improve your odds and success, but that is inherent to the game. It never goes away. So get used to it.

Getting attached to girls - I am not sure that ever goes away either. I mean always be strong and discipline yourself, but I'm not sure you ever reach a point where you aren't susceptible to that. I've banged alot of girls and I will still feel that way if I meet a rare one I particularly like. I just ignore it cause I don't want a relationship for now.

Banging girls doesn't fix all your problems like some guys seem to think. You're just a regular dude, you are just having sex now. But you still are human. That doesn't change just cause you have alot of sex.

You also won't meet many girls you have extreme chemistry with, wheter you bang alot of girls or not. That is just rare in general. If you want extreme chemistry then just hit on lots of girls til you find it and maybe try to hang onto that girl. That's just normal.

As far as escalating when you don't feel it, I actually did that for awhile and it did help me in the beginning, but ultimately I don't think that is the place you want to be in. I don't do it at this point. I only escalate when I feel it and I know the difference at this point when I'm just being a pussy vs I actually don't want it. And Ive done it so many times that even though I still have insecurity and nerves, I don't need to prove it to myself or learn it like I did in the past. I know I can do it so I can afford to sit back and chill more sometimes now.

I agree with other posters that you are overthinking, you also strike me as a guy who's not as big into just fuck a bunch of girls, you seem to more enjoy emotions and a connection as well, and nothing wrong with that. Taking advice is always a balance of listening to others but also your own individual experience and goals.

You are also still holding yourself back with these girls, I don't want to say you can't succeed doing that, but the less you do it the better. Just be vulnerable and try to fuck them. It actually is being vulnerable to try and fuck girls believe it or not. The more of this "playing hard to get" / butthurt bullshit you cut out the better. Doesn't mean don't have boundaries or be weak, but you are a man and you've got to lead the girl by putting yourself out there. You've got give her the chance to reject you basically. You've got to put yourself forward and be the man and take the responsibility for that and not put it on her. She doesn't want you, fine, but you have to put yourself on the line and you'll never regret doing that. You'll only regret it when you don't.

Don't try to show girls "I don't need you or I don't need this". That's the wrong mindset. Don't be a pushover or desperate but go for what you want, if you do in fact want it. And let the cards fall where they may. Open yourself up and take some hits if necessary. And I'm sure you will get laid in the process.

Taylor1345 wrote: First thing is keep hitting on lots of girls, which you are doing, and as you can see, already making progress. You'd be amazed how many problems start to fix themselves as long as you stick to that, along with escalating and actually trying to fuck them consistently (including if you're nervous, it's ok, just try anyways).

So definitely keep doing that, don't stop.

As far as luck, hate to tell you this, but it is getting lucky really. Yes you can control it some and improve your odds and success, but that is inherent to the game. It never goes away. So get used to it.

Getting attached to girls - I am not sure that ever goes away either. I mean always be strong and discipline yourself, but I'm not sure you ever reach a point where you aren't susceptible to that. I've banged alot of girls and I will still feel that way if I meet a rare one I particularly like. I just ignore it cause I don't want a relationship for now.

Banging girls doesn't fix all your problems like some guys seem to think. You're just a regular dude, you are just having sex now. But you still are human. That doesn't change just cause you have alot of sex.

You also won't meet many girls you have extreme chemistry with, wheter you bang alot of girls or not. That is just rare in general. If you want extreme chemistry then just hit on lots of girls til you find it and maybe try to hang onto that girl. That's just normal.

As far as escalating when you don't feel it, I actually did that for awhile and it did help me in the beginning, but ultimately I don't think that is the place you want to be in. I don't do it at this point. I only escalate when I feel it and I know the difference at this point when I'm just being a pussy vs I actually don't want it. And Ive done it so many times that even though I still have insecurity and nerves, I don't need to prove it to myself or learn it like I did in the past. I know I can do it so I can afford to sit back and chill more sometimes now.

I agree with other posters that you are overthinking, you also strike me as a guy who's not as big into just fuck a bunch of girls, you seem to more enjoy emotions and a connection as well, and nothing wrong with that. Taking advice is always a balance of listening to others but also your own individual experience and goals.

You are also still holding yourself back with these girls, I don't want to say you can't succeed doing that, but the less you do it the better. Just be vulnerable and try to fuck them. It actually is being vulnerable to try and fuck girls believe it or not. The more of this "playing hard to get" / butthurt bullshit you cut out the better. Doesn't mean don't have boundaries or be weak, but you are a man and you've got to lead the girl by putting yourself out there. You've got give her the chance to reject you basically. You've got to put yourself forward and be the man and take the responsibility for that and not put it on her. She doesn't want you, fine, but you have to put yourself on the line and you'll never regret doing that. You'll only regret it when you don't.

Don't try to show girls "I don't need you or I don't need this". That's the wrong mindset. Don't be a pushover or desperate but go for what you want, if you do in fact want it. And let the cards fall where they may. Open yourself up and take some hits if necessary. And I'm sure you will get laid in the process.

The vulnerability aspect is fundamental i think.
Eventually that's all it really comes down to, can you be vulnerable and make a move, or not. period. lol

Check out abbafishead on reddit ( www.reddit.com/user/abbafishhead/ ), especially his tinder post on the redpill.

That was useful, thanks. I'm gonna copypaste it here:

I use pre-selection to my advantage in another way. Every time I date a HB8 and above, I take a selfie with her and post it on my Instagram, with a very generic caption, e.g. "Great night! <kiss emoticon>" that's open to interpretation. Over time, my Instagram is filled with pictures of me with hot girls whose SMV is easily 1-2 points above my own.

Anytime I match with a girl on Tinder, I add them on Instagram beforehand to "make sure they're a real person" and "not a catfish." Sometimes, I'm able to move the needle by convincing girls that are hesitant before to finally come over and bang.

Women are herd creatures more than anything else.

I am happy to say that I got a fuckbuddy from Tinder!

She was one of my first matches but flaked twice/thrice because of lockdown, she got sick, always something or the other. After the first time I simply stopped replying whenever she canceled at the last minute, because seriously, wtf. Her photos weren't anything to drool over anyway. But the funny thing is, after some time, she would always ask if we could try meeting up again. I wonder why - most of the time, women just forget about you.

On the third time she actually showed up. She was actually attractive in person, a killer body, she just had shitty pics, but she's a girl so she can get away with it.

It turns out that she is in a LTR but recently she wanted to open it up. I asked her why and she says she doesn't really know herself, she just wants to try it out. I think there's something there because she's really hungry in bed... and being tied up to a powermac g5 really turns her on.

I sent her some spirituality books. Hopefully she'll figure out what she really wants, and tell me. It's interesting to figure out women...

The aforementioned FB lent me a book, David Hawkins' Letting Go. This is the best self help book I have ever read, here's an excerpt. Dating is sales after all.

Feelings and Sales Ability

Inasmuch as selling is a part of many vocations, involving either a product or ideas or our personal services, it is rewarding to look at the relationship between these three basic levels of consciousness and sales ability itself.

The lowest or inertia state is governed by feelings of apathy, grief and fear; it is obvious that sales ability is at its lowest. Sales persons in this state are often told by prospects that they are not interested in the product right now. This leads immediately to negative thinking and self-criticism with thoughts such as, “They don’t want my product.” The very nature of sales activity exposes sales persons to rejection and disappointment. They may temporarily escape these feelings, by taking coffee breaks or indulging in personal conversation with other employees; however, their feelings have impaired their concentration and diminished their ability to produce resourceful ideas. The low self-esteem creates vulnerability to discouragement, which, in turn, creates expectations of failure. When thoughts of failure are held in mind, failure is precipitated in the sales situation. At this point, by acknowledging the negative feelings and letting go of the payoff from each of them, a person can evolve to the next level.

The next level, the energetic state, is based on feelings of desire, anger, and pride. It includes a greater degree of vigor and drive. This facilitates better concentration on the work goal; however, because the feelings are somewhat driven, there may be excessive verbalization, with more time spent talking to sales prospects than listening to them. This may typically lead to premature closings, pushing too hard, and creating marketing problems. Nonetheless, achievement of sales goals is possible on this level because of the higher energies invoked. One block to success on this level is the focus on self-gain and the underlying viewpoint, “I win; they lose.” This self-seeking motive is intuitively picked up by sales prospects and may lead to resistance. The thoughts characteristic of this level are along the lines of: “I want to get them to buy it, so I’ll get a good commission.”

On the highest or peaceful level, based upon the feelings of courage, acceptance, and love, our ability to concentrate is at its highest. Sales people on this level are able to listen carefully to the other person, and place the sale in a context of what is beneficial to the buyer rather than to the seller. Because the mind is peaceful and creative, they are never at a loss for creative ideas as to what will produce sales or what will turn problems into solutions. The person on this level often converts customers to friends, and the customers tend to become loyal. Achievement of sales goals on this level is assured because what is being held in mind is the positive situation of win-win and the inner certainty that a win-win solution can be created in the situation.