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Just a few questions about the differences between the green light, yellow and red light topic. I've read it before, but I wanted to get some input on this situation.
I met up with this girl from Tinder last night. We matched a few days ago and I set up the date early on over the phone (exchanged numbers and called her). She's 27 and I'm 24.
We met up separately in different cars. When we met at the spot, we gave each other a hug and greeted for a second, then started walking towards the bar. I told her to take my hand and she did. In the bar, I had my hand on her thigh and rubbed it here and there. No problems at all, very receptive to it. I put my arm around her a couple times as well. Conversation was good. She commented that I really like her leg since I had my hand on it for awhile. And I did this on and off throughout, probably a bit repetitive, however, she didn't care.
When we finished our drinks, I told her, "lets go for a walk.' Same deal, had her take my hand again, though I probably should have slapped her ass or pulled her a bit closer to me at that point (wasn't thinking about that in the moment). We basically walked around the block back to where we initially met and sat down there. I told her my back was hurting and she gave me a quick massage. I was ready to go for it, so I put my arm around her again and made out with her.
I think I moved a bit fast because after we stopped kissing, I suggested we go watch a movie at her place since my parents house is off limits. She lives with her brother, so that was a no go for me at least, so I told her I'll get us a room. I called the hotel that is like a 3 minute drive from where we were at and they had a spot open.
This is where I think I moved too fast/fucked up. I stood up after the call and told her to come with me. She laughed and said that she didn't want to stay at a hotel with me because it was too soon. I played it cool, but asked her if she was going to be okay to drive herself home (she lives 45 minutes away) and she said she was fine. I went with it and we split from there.
Overall, I think I had it, but I needed to slow down and try again. I was turned on so i just followed my instinct. This sounded like a yellow light to me, but since I gave up so easily, it just fizzled out into a red light
What are your guys' thoughts on this? Before being quick to mention getting a room, makeout more/get more physical? Or if she rejects the room idea, stick around and go for it again?
Girls don't usually wanna fuck in a hotel because you don't have anywhere else to go. That alone will honestly scare away some dtf girls.
You need an actual place to go to.
And also you can tone down the touching. I did the same thing when I first started and I didn't realize I was actually creeping out some girls that WOULD have fucked me on the second date (or even on the first if I'd been less aggressive).
The time for really escalating is when you're back at your place. Light touching is honestly all you need, although sometimes it's fun to go beyond that on a date.
But generally speaking you don't need to go so hard. Get your logistics problem fixed first, then just keep doing 70% of the physical touching you were doing.
I'm not saying that there aren't girls who are down with getting felt up in public, it's just that a bunch of them aren't down.
Lay Count: 94 (30 from cold approach since finding GLL)
2018 Goal: become self-employed (accomplished)
I've had some luck with getting girls to hotels and fucking them. Not all are gonna be into it obviously. But I'm thinking of getting an Air BnB or something for the time being before I move out of my parents place. So I'll look in to that.
Why do you say that hotels will scare away the dtf girls? I don't understand how that's not an actual place to go to. Unless you mean that they know exactly what's up when going to a hotel and they put their guard up? vs. going to my place to chill where anything could happen and it's low key/not so clear cut about my intentions (the sex just happened thing).
As for the physical aspect, I agree that I should tone it down but she was still into it. Each girl is a little different however. Some let me touch them and make out throughout the night before we got a place to stay and still nailed them. Others I hardly touched and it worked out.
But, thank you again. I will definitely make some changes and just keep trying. Like Chris has said, sometimes you win and sometimes you don't win.
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Instead of thinking in terms of "Red light, yellow light, green light" as a way of measuring your likelihood of getting laid, instead think in terms of: Good looks, great logistics, and social freedom. The latter is far more practical and realistic as a guide for how to gauge your chances with a girl. That being said, I agree with BIB in that your logistics was the main factor in why you didn't get any that night (that was actually within your control at least).
Basically until you get into a situation where you live somewhere where you can have sex with girls anytime without issue or you're only spending time with women who can bring men back to her place to fuck without issue then the scenario you described will keep happening unfortunately.
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