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I've been dating a girl for a month+, not commited yet but moving towards it. Everything seems pretty okay except one thing. She seems to be talking and visiting her last fbuddy, who she says she has no feeling for anymore. They cut it off maybe a month prior to meeting me. She is very open about it and is not trying to hide anything but my mind goes crazy all the time with all them theories. I know it's probably because of insecurity but should i still be cautious?
A scenario that happened few weeks back:
Her friend wanted to go and buy a new pc and wanted her to come with him. So they already spent a day together.
Later i went to my girl friend place for a poker night and we talked through messages prior to that, i kinda made her feel jealous i guess by saying i’m going to a girl’s place without mentioning anything else. She then got a bit dry so i stopped messaging her. I later wanted to meet her but she said she can't. Few hours later i saw her snapping in a random dude's car and also at 3am she snapped good night at his place.
In the morning i saw a snap from her of him taking her back home. And i was a bit puzzled so i asked her where she was that night, she answered and i ignored her she then said nothing happened even though i didn't ask for it. I said it didn't bother me but i lied.
A day later we went out and i asked again about it, she then explained to me that the guy was his old fbuddy and they watched an anime they’ve been watching for some time.
She also said that she have done some serious bdsm shit in the past with this guy. She also mentioned he’s bigger xD
Few days ago she was at work and i asked her if she wants to watch a movie later. She replied she needs to wash and that was it. Few days later she said the same dude visited her that day at work.
Idk if i’m overreacting, should it not bother me? I’m overthinking all the fucking time bc of it. Don’t get me wrong, i’m not the one chasing her, it’s the other way around and she is really open about her relationship with this guy. She also said if i want she could stop seeing him but i don’t want to be the type of guy who make’s her cut out friendships because i’m insecure. And honestly she could just hide it from me then. And honestly if she wants to cheat she could do it anyway with someone else.
I mean we’re not yet commited and i haven’t had a relationship for a long time so i’m taking my time before making it official. I’m not rich nor do i have anything to offer other than myself so this is not the reason she likes me either.
I'll be the first to message on this thread to say your jealousy is 100% justified. lol
You clearly like this girl and things are getting more srs and she's allowing herself to be alone with a dude who seems to be playing a long term game, no straight dude watches anime with girls alone and isn't trying to get some p*ssy. (She's probably confused as well about expectations regarding your arrangement at this stage)
I wouldn't be surprised if he's made moves on her, that she's had to resist, and your girl has been only comfortable enough to keep him around for whatever reason that is.
Like, she can't make new friends to watch anime with? who are preferably not men who she's done bdsm stuff with??
Idk dude, I feel like your in for a lot of potential heart/headache with this one if you don't let her know how you really feel (f*ck coming off as insecure) BUT only do this if you've decided you want to be exclusive with this girl. Otherwise it's kind of a dick move to string girls along while you do your thing with other chicks.
Good luck! and report back
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It's rough but the sooner you drop her the better you'll feel. This feeling of jealousy and wondering what's she's doing will only get worse with time and distract you from better things.
I'm guessing you've only seen her for a little while so bib is right it's your emotions driving you here.
But the majority of guys will say but she's differnt which is partially why you'll either take everyone's word and advice or do your own thing and come back and decide weather we were right or wrong. But all we can do is lend perspective the choice is yours.
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I think you need to hear this so I'm gonna be blunt.
Based on the tone of your post I can confidently say shes fucking multiple dudes behind your back if not 1.
"She hangs out with her old fuck buddy but she says she has no feelings for him anymore?"
Lol, shes fucking him and you're a back up/safe option. Most likely the old fb probably didn't want a relationship and she is still trying to convince him otherwise.
And plus you never get into a relationship with a girl you met just a month back. This is exactly what girls do to nice/safe guys. Youre a safe option right now.
The only reason you're obsessed with this girl is because you're scarce, and that's okay. We've all been there.
Think about it, if you had 5 dimes chasing and begging to hang out with you, would you really still care about being in a relationship with this particular girl?
I highly recommend you dont get into a relationship till you actually start understanding women properly as you're gonna get burnt otherwise.
But like BIB said, your onitis is likely to consider my advise as retarded and you most likely will end up ignoring all advise and doing what you were gonna do anyways (but thats okay )
I personally wouldnt cut this girl off, I'd keep seeing her but keep working on myself while only giving her very limited attention.
This girl seems very insecure and so do you. She is deliberately snapping pics with random dude at 3am so you see it. She wants you to see it. but you can't blame her cuz you're literally playing the same game.
Get more girls while you keep fucking this girl to get more experience and understanding with women. Get other hobbies and work towards bigger goals in life. hope that helps
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Chicks like this are like heroin. Feels good when you're high but it's actually destroying your mental and physical health. Think of all the stress she's caused you with her games already. You're not even dating yet and there's all these red flags. This girl is incapable of being loyal to you. If she wanted a relationship she would never put herself in a position to lose you. Personally I'd block her on everything and completely move on. She's already disrespected your feelings and lied to you many times. Do you deserve to be treated like a doormat?
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