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I'm writing this in hopes of feedback on how I should pursue this situation, in hopes of getting her back.
I'm going start at the beginning of the relationship, so you guys get the whole picture.
I do have regrets on things I did during and after the relationship.
All three of us, Ashley, Bryan her new BF, and I work for the same company (Mountain Rides) in public transportation. She's in the office. Bryan and I are drivers.
Ashley and I first met a couple years ago (before she worked at Mountain Rides, and I was a winter seasonal driver).
I was let go from Mtn Rides for the summer. It was about two weeks until I needed to go back to PA for my brothers wedding. So I decided to help a fellow driver with her landscaping business. The day after I started, Ashley started. It took me a little while before I had the courage to talk to her. I just had to talk to her though, because I had a crush on her.
Skip two years later:
I walk into the break room at my job. To my surprise, I see Ashley sitting there. Since she had come back into my life, my feelings for her had come back, and we started hanging out with an occasional flirt from me. I had a feeling like she felt the same about me.
Eventually I asked her if it was ok if I started staying on her couch on the weekends, because my shift ended at 12 AM in the same town where she lived, and my shift the next morning started at 11 AM. (if I drove home, I would have got home at 1 AM on Saturday Night and I would have had to get up at 9 Am Sunday morning) She said that it was OK. I stayed on her couch a couple weekends. A couple weekends later, on a Saturday night, we were sitting on the couch watching tv. She decides to make it official, she strattles me, takes her top off. I pull my Penis out and slide it into her pussy. After I blew my load in her pussy and on her tits, I said "well I guess its official."
From that moment I kind of started living with her (I say kind of, because I still had my apartment). I lived with her for about a year and a half. Then she decided to sell her place (june 11th, 2019), and move in with me. I was ecstatic, because thats a huge commitment, we lived together for a couple more months until one day she says to me "this isn't feeling right for me anymore" (late August or early September 2019)
I told my dad that Ashley and I broke up, and what I should do to get her back. He basically said "Leave her alone, only talk to her when you really need too."(make her miss you) He also gave me two analogies "Treat her like a bird. Set her free, if she flies back, it was meant to be."(Leave her alone and let her miss you) and "Girls are like timid animals. If you chase them, they will run away. If you are patient, they might slowly come to you." ( don't be Ducky, in pretty in Pink)
I asked my friend, and she pretty much said the same thing, as well as " You gotta do whats best for you, talk to her as little as you can, and move on, chances are that she won't come back until she feels like you moved on."
A couple of days before she said "this isn't feeling right for me anymore." I see her phone light up, because she got a text from Bryan saying "I miss you" I asked her why he would send that. She told me that when she was in Georgia for a business trip, Bryan would comfort her through texts.
Who I'm mad at:
Me (for making her feel that she had to leave me), Ashley (for not coming to me to talk about our problems), Mainly Bryan (for basically taking my GF away from me, what a shitty move)
For not being strong enough, and ignoring everything my dad said for the first 5 months after the break up. (Begging for forgiveness, still being her friend, getting mad everytime I heard Bryan's name, his voice over the radio, Ashley going places and making plans with Bryan)
What I'm doing now:
Trying to be more understanding that Ash and Bryan are together (No matter how much it hurts), Focusing on me more, trying to move on (Some days are better than others). I did write her a couple of notes during the break up. The last one saying "I loved you. I know that I had my flaws of being your boyfriend. Since you brought them to my attention, I Know where I can improve. If you and Bryan ever break up, I hope you can Forgive and let me love you the way you were meant to be loved." Ever since I gave her that note, I decided that it was finally time to take my Dad's and friend's advice, and leave Ashley and Bryan alone (except for the occasional middle finger to Bryan.)
You specially asked, "What should I do?" Best thing to do is move on, mate. This girl isn't a match for you - otherwise you'd be together.
From your post it doesn't sound like you want to do that, at all, so I won't try to convince you. You have to walk your own path. But moving on is the only solution in this situation. You can't force someone to be with you. Plenty of other girls out there who'll be an even better match for you.
I understand that you can't force someone to do something they don't want to do. The last note i wrote to her was kind of me telling her that I was kind of ok with her relationship, but if something goes bad, I will always be there for her. It was also a way for me to get closure and a way for me to wrap up a lot of loose nasty ends that I felt like i created. Now I am just taking my Dad's advice and setting her free (so to speak) and me stepping away.
For now, focus on yourself - put her out of your mind (I know that will be fucking *hard*). Distract yourself with friends, hobbies, family, goals, self-improvement, talk to all of us on here, start working on some projects you've always wanted to get around to. Your only mission is to fill your days with as much as you possibly can.
Moving on is one of the most important skills to learn for any young adult, and not just in relationships. What you're doing is pretty much the opposite of what someone here would suggest. You need to find your own strength and value as a man. Learn that your life shouldn't revolve around any 1 woman. Not even remotely.
You're in heartache. It sucks. Everyone goes through it. Learn to conquer it.
Here's a good rule to learn: most relationships don't deserve a second chance.
Super secret bonus rule: There is a woman who is hotter and more awesome than your ex who would love to be your girlfriend. This is true for all men.
From the start you talk about you, your ex and Bryan.
This relationship does not make you happy, you're simply under the influence of the love feeling. Which makes you relation with your ex more colourful than it actually is.
Also you asked for advice to your father, quoting his words here and now you ask for advice here in the forum.
This indicates that you treat this relationship, and I'm guessing it's the same about your life, like others are in charge.
Like it's normal for you that external circumstances and external people decide for you and what you should do.
It's not OK. At all.
You are responsable for yourself and your actions.
You should begin to make a list of all of your fears and all these little things which make you feel uncomfortable.
And you should confront them assertively.
Claim you manness back.
Decide what you what and do what it takes in order to get it.
As for your relationship with this girl. Move on.
Forget about her, keep yourself busy. Jerk off to porn to remind yourself of other sexy women. Talk to other girls and get laid.
Crimson_Ghost wrote: What do you mean by "your doing the opposite of what someone on here would suggest."
He means one of the core values of Good Looking Loser is to not get hung up and upset about any one girl. One of the most important skills in life is the ability to let go when a girl is showing signs of disinterest.
Obsessing or even asking questions about any one girl is a sign that you are not hitting on enough women, and you need to bring more women into your life to reduce your neediness.
Thanks for everything you guys. It's time for me to move on to bigger things!
Well there's a few things first you have to want to let her go until then most of what we say is on deaf ears. 2nd she's with some other dude. Some other guy is messing with her. You shouldn't want a girl who's with another dude. I know it's tough and there's a million ways to get over your ex you have to look at what you value most then go from there. And remember it's the emotions you felt with her your addicted to not her.
For example if you value being a man well a man isn't gonna let himself be cuckolded knowingly.
And lastly if you do get back with her it's unlikely she had changed or you have changed so it'll just be a repeat which would be more painful.
Everyones advice above is spot on. Take the advice that resonates the most.
Till the end of 2020
Work around lockdown and bang my apt neighbor
get a sales job either locally or out of state in Texas
Finish my shit and do the best I can in No Nut NOvember
If you and Bryan ever break up, I hope you can Forgive and let me love you the way you were meant to be loved."
Let this text be the LAST time you ever say something like that to a female.
Abundance mindset man. Go bang 10 more new chicks. That's literally the best and most beneficial thing you can do.
Go work on yourself and become a far better version of yourself.
I know it's hard, I've been there with the SIMP love letters, I think we all have. It's coming from a place of no options. If you don't have options you won't get over her. So go get yourself 3 new lays and report back. Focus 100% on that if you want to move on from this time. Shit sucks so I want you to move on as quickly as possible.
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Kratom is next!
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