TOPIC: How should I handle this (Relationship)

So guys, Ive been in a relationship for a few months but I have issues from my previous relationship (She cheated). Ive decided recently that I don't think its a good idea for me to stay in this relationship despite her being amazing. The problem is I don't want to lose her - Im in a different country and my job is very isolating at times and her support and having her is a major positive. I just want to have the ability to work on myself without being in a relationship, I want to go back to before we was in a relationship and be fuckbuddies (sort of) but still have the good aspects of the relationship.

Am I just being stupid and this is impossible? or just simply "Ask her if she wants that so you can work on yourself" Ive spoken to her about it and she is really unsure. she doesn't want to lose me but doesn't think we can be just friends.

What exactly are you looking for? Spending less time with her? Only having sex and not going out and doing activities?

I also just noticed she's a different country.

I don't think there's anything you can do to make her wait, and I don't think you should try. Rip the bandaid off, man. If it's a FB relationship where you emotionally support each other, you could find that in a matter of months with a girl you can actually see in person.

Or have a female friend, that sounds like a good idea too.

Im not sure what I want 100%, We live in the same country and see each other. What I mean is I'm living in this country without my family and friends etc and she has been there to support me. We are in a committed relationship now but I have insecurity about being in this relationship, I want to be able to focus on myself and my job but also not lose her completely, she doesn't want to be friends and I think that would not work anyway.

Something like Andy speaks about, being able to emotionally support each other and also be able to see other people and give me the chance to gain confidence and work on myself while not losing her completely, I hope that makes sense.

So if it's just that you want to be able to sleep with other women too? Then yeah, you'd need to express that to her, although she probably won't like it

Tbh what you're saying doesn't entirely make sense. You're like "I want a relationship but I also want to work on myself while we support each other". Is she not allowing you to work on yourself or something? You definitely need to figure out what it is you're even looking for, or any conversation with her is gonna go pretty badly.

You say you don't want a relationship, but then you describe what you DO want and it's a relationship. Just an open one instead of a monogamous one.

Downgrading a relationship is a bad idea.

Opening up a committed monogamous relationship to non-monogamy is a bad idea.

What I have with my girlfriend is not even remotely what you're talking about here. I STARTED my relationship open. My girlfriend knew from the moment I met her I would be banging other girls, so she knew what to expect. We also share a lot of girls together, which adds to our relationship and draws us closer. I'm assuming you won't be doing that with this girl.

I'm also in a position of experience/maturity/honesty/emotional stability/patience where I can handle her feelings, look after her needs, speak to her about her feelings, talking to her about any jealousy that arises, make her feel loved. An open relationship is 100 times more work than a monogamous relationship, I would never recommend it to someone who doesn't know what they're doing - you are just going to hurt yourself, and hurt this girl.

You're talking about just telling your girl "Hey because I want to have my cake and eat it too, I want to keep hold of you selfishly, but I also want to fuck other girls."

I'll be blunt: keeping hold of her just because "I don't want to lose her" would be the most selfish, horrible thing you could do to her.

All you're doing is thinking of yourself; at no point have you even mentioned what she wants, or her needs, or how she might feel if you do this, etc. The fact you haven't even mentioned how this might impact her tells me the answer - you're not in the position of maturity required to handle an open relationship. You want to hold onto her just so you don't have to feel any pain, even if it causes her immense pain (saying "I want to bang other people" or "I want to downgrade to just fuckbuddies" will absolutely hurt her.)

You're in a relationship with this person; being in a relationship means caring about the other person. What you're considering doing here is something selfish, with very little consideration for the other person.

Read this, particularly the story about my mate who always tries to downgrade relationships and be friends with girls:
killyourinnerloser.com/how-to-breakup/

Thank you @BIB and @Killyourinnerloser

Im afraid of being single and not having her / being lonely etc but i also feel in a relationship like im stuck and i feel insecure. I know ill still feel insecure but in a different way when im single. Its a situation where i know both are going to suck . My way of thinking was being in some type of relationship with her, If i get rejected i have someone anyway but if i dont get rejected it would increase my confidence and i can still work on myself etc. Your right that i didnt think about her as much as i should, we are going to end it and ill be single, for now i guess ill just focus on work and myself.

CFC wrote: Thank you @BIB and @Killyourinnerloser

Im afraid of being single and not having her / being lonely etc but i also feel in a relationship like im stuck and i feel insecure. I know ill still feel insecure but in a different way when im single. Its a situation where i know both are going to suck . My way of thinking was being in some type of relationship with her, If i get rejected i have someone anyway but if i dont get rejected it would increase my confidence and i can still work on myself etc. Your right that i didnt think about her as much as i should, we are going to end it and ill be single, for now i guess ill just focus on work and myself.

Good idea to call it off with her. Sounds like it was about to be a very co-dependent situation. I think giving yourself some additional dating options or just female companionship in general wouldn't be a bad idea. Once you get enough experience to realize that female attention/validation is overrated (i.e It won't get your dick wet nor will it guarantee a happy relationship) those insecurities will be much less of an issue.

If you're truly feeling lonely then get some guy friends. Do not rely on women as your emotional crutch.

Your whole frame is beginning from a place of neediness, weakness. That is one of the most unattractive qualities for a woman to see in a man. You need to change this if you ever want to keep high quality women in your life. Out of that you're doing the oneitis, putting a woman on a pedestal thing. You shouldn't worry about losing a woman because there are a million others just like her, and a million more who are even better. Change your mindset: losing a woman is an opportunity to find one that's even better.

Your self-awareness is great. Your goal should be to feel completely comfortable and secure without anyone else in your life. Becoming a man means you're the Rock, you're the Foundation in this world. When everything else goes to shit, you're still standing. When you don't need women is when they will find you the most attractive. I suggest being single until you can develop this part of yourself.

Fuck buddies, or NSA are great. It takes care of that urge and clears the mind for better uses. Having a FB let's you search for a relationship without pressure, it removes the sexual neediness. Friends with benefits is a slippery slope for you right now. I highly caution against it because your tendency will be to blur the lines into a de facto relationship.

1. Work on your guy relationships.
2. Work on your neediness, confidence, etc.
3. Get a fuck buddy. Someone who excites you sexually but has some flaw that takes her out of relationship territory. Like maybe a woman with a 3rd nipple. A whole lot of dirty fun in bed, but you'll never take her on a date at the water park. (Realistically I mean a woman who talks too much, for example. She's fun to fuck but you can't stand hanging out).