TOPIC: Crazy ex girlfriend

Hey guys, will try to sum this all up as best as I can

Basically I met a girl last year outside my place, we really hit it off instantly and started dating. Immediately after we got together I started noticing she had issues and tried to leave. She became suicidal and basically played it to her advantage to get me to stay.

I ended up resenting her and cheating on her multiple times throughout the relationship, we'd break up, she'd try to commit suicide or threaten it and we'd get back together in that cycle. Then I'd get sick of her attitude or the way she was acting and break it all off again.

Its been a year and I've been trying to make it work but it wont. Most recently when we got back together she told me she needed "time" before we had sex again. My spidy sense immediately started tingling and I broke it off with her basically telling her to fuck off if she was going to be stingy about sex.

Then I found her on another guys page on instagram sending him love heart comments and all this bullshit kisses and stuff and proved my gut instinct was right. Instead of ignoring it I went off at her about lying because I've always said I don't care if she fucked other guys (I don't) the only thing I care about is lying and hiding shit behind my back.

She denied it the whole time saying they've been friends for 4 years and telling me she hates me I hurt her and she never slept with anyone but me (I have my doubts). She then went on to tell me she's started dating someone "because he's not me" and doesn't want to be with me any more. Now she has their nicknames posted all over instagram and is posting picture of his cat on facebook trying to make me jealous.

I'm pretty beat up because I liked her a lot but no matter what I did and how I tried to help this crazy bitch would blame everything on me and continue to act up. Have any of you dealt with psychos like this? The sex was good but I'm sure I can find someone better and more mentally stable. It just fucks me up that she thought she could do better and was willing to fuck up her chances with me like that.

The real question is why do you invite - and create - this level of drama into your life?

KillTheInnerLoser wrote: The real question is why do you invite - and create - this level of drama into your life?

I guess I enjoy the chaos on a certain level. And she was sexy enough to make me think that if we could work through some of our issues it would be worth it in the long run.

Then she's not the crazy one. You are.

I'm saying this with love, mate. I had my fair share of insane girls - one who literally called the cops on me after I broke up with her - long story. A mate of mine said to me, "Why do you enjoy all this drama and craziness?"
I said "I don't enjoy it, it fucking sucks dude. I hate crazy bitches."
"Nah, you like this. You want this. Otherwise it wouldn't keep happening."

It absolutely threw me for a loop. I went away for a few weeks and thought about it, and reevaluated my life. That was the moment I decided I'd never get with another crazy girl - and touch wood - I never have since.

What's more important to you: The chaos and craziness and having the insane stories to come on here and "brag" about? Or the confidence, serenity and calmness that comes from being strong enough to decide you won't tolerate craziness any more?

There's no right answer man, and it's your life. I'm not going to tell you what to do. It's at least worth having a big think about though, because I'll tell you from experience - it's hard to enjoy your life when it's so full of chaos.

KillTheInnerLoser wrote: Then she's not the crazy one. You are.

I'm saying this with love, mate. I had my fair share of insane girls - one who literally called the cops on me after I broke up with her - long story. A mate of mine said to me, "Why do you enjoy all this drama and craziness?"
I said "I don't enjoy it, it fucking sucks dude. I hate crazy bitches."
"Nah, you like this. You want this. Otherwise it wouldn't keep happening."

It absolutely threw me for a loop. I went away for a few weeks and thought about it, and reevaluated my life. That was the moment I decided I'd never get with another crazy girl - and touch wood - I never have since.

What's more important to you: The chaos and craziness and having the insane stories to come on here and "brag" about? Or the confidence, serenity and calmness that comes from being strong enough to decide you won't tolerate craziness any more?

There's no right answer man, and it's your life. I'm not going to tell you what to do. It's at least worth having a big think about though, because I'll tell you from experience - it's hard to enjoy your life when it's so full of chaos.

No you’re right man. I don’t think I did tolerate it. Every time she would act up, I would leave her. But I kept going back because the sex was good and there were positive qualities to the relationship at many points.

I’m not on here to brag. And to be honest I wish I shared more instead of keeping everything to myself until it gets to a point where I can’t physically deal with it any more.

I totally get that I’m the one at fault for allowing her to act like this and allowing her to effect me this way. I guess I’m just looking for answers to why and how the fuck people can act like this. But I already know, she’s had a fucked up past and she’s traumatised.

I have too much patience and I need to cut people off quicker. And I’ve been pulled into her by my own loneliness and doubting my ability to meet a girl who is better than her.

She’s literally messaged my mates saying I grabbed her by the neck and dropped her (which I did long ago, when she was assault in me) posted way over the top flirtatious comments on some local rapper friend of hers instagram, and got right into a rebound and is trying to do everything she can to hurt me.

I’m worried about my own well-being at times because she’s fucking crazy. I just don’t understand how someone can go from being so sweet and innocent to completely vile and hateful like that. And maybe I never will.

Im just trying to share this because honestly I’m pretty fucked up over it and I don’t know how I was stupid enough to let it get to this point. And I have no clue why I still want to be with her but I do.

A lot of guys who have trouble with crazy exes have similar problems.

This is probably the area in which Andy and I have the most experience, because we're both EXCELLENT at picking low-drama girls to let into our lives.

Let me point out the fundamental misunderstanding:

I don’t think I did tolerate it. Every time she would act up, I would leave her. But I kept going back because the sex was good and there were positive qualities to the relationship at many points.

That IS tolerating bad behavior. If you leave her, but then you come back, you're signing off on her behavior.

Not tolerating it would be ACTUALLY leaving her after she freaked out a couple times. Breaking up with her and getting back together will not fix her behavior. The purpose of not tolerating drama ISN'T to mold the girl into the person you want to be, the purpose is to legitimately cut off all contact with people who bring chaos into your life.

It's not good enough to "next" if you go back. You gotta stick to your guns or not only will be she not get any better, but you'll actually make her behavior worse by repeatedly demonstrating to her that nothing she can do will scare you away.

Avoiding crazy is about picking the right person, not trying to change someone who already has problems.

You already got alot of solid advice and I can relate to you with some of my past crazy FBs. Fucking them was convenient, but it isn't worth the games they play

At the end of the day it sounds like you have a low self value of yourself. If you max out your looks and beat AA then you will have to employ more SCREENING to keep your pool of FBs down to a manageable number. You look past the crazy ones or ones that have any CONS so you can spend more time with the ones that are actually legit. When you know your potential you will have a lower tolerance for bullshit

Thanks you're all right on point. I need to continue to up my self worth and work on myself. I deserve better than some bitch who acts like this and the convenience of pussy isnt worth all of this drama.

I'm lucky because I've met some good friends recently and have 2 weeks off work so we're going to go out party and meet chicks and I'm sure I'll be able to find someone who is better suited to me.

My biggest weak point are social skills and confidence so I'm going to focus on that for a while. Will go out more, start posting more on instagram and being more comfortable with who I am.

Cheers for the kind words

Of course you deserve better than a complete psychopath.

But it's up to you to put those boundaries in place - and as Bad Idea Bear said - stick to them.

rapitup wrote:
She denied it the whole time saying they've been friends for 4 years and telling me she hates me I hurt her and she never slept with anyone but me (I have my doubts). She then went on to tell me she's started dating someone "because he's not me" and doesn't want to be with me any more. Now she has their nicknames posted all over instagram and is posting picture of his cat on facebook trying to make me jealous.

I'm pretty beat up because I liked her a lot but no matter what I did and how I tried to help this crazy bitch would blame everything on me and continue to act up. Have any of you dealt with psychos like this? The sex was good but I'm sure I can find someone better and more mentally stable. It just fucks me up that she thought she could do better and was willing to fuck up her chances with me like that.

She's not psycho, she's giving standard female behavior. I just replied about how to be a man on another post. One point was: being in the driver seat of your life, taking responsibility for what happens and stop being a victim. That applies for you too. You allowed this to happen. You should have left the relationship long ago. In rare cases I MIGHT allow 1 breakup. The 2nd one is over forever. It's best if you learn to not tolerate poor behavior in a relationship. Make your expectations clear and if she cannot meet them then move on. Though, I'm confident you contributed in that poor behavior too. Own up to it.

Specifically about the other guy, Women always have a backup plan (man). Many women aren't strong enough to just leave a guy without someone else's arms to fall into. Hell, she may just use that guy for 2 months to get over you and then she'll hop onto the next guy who she is truly attracted to. Standard behavior so learn to get used to it.

Mate, no... If you think everything he wrote is "standard female behaviour", you've been huffing the Red Pill propaganda too much. As rapitup points out himself, this bitch is crazy.

I full agree with the rest of your first paragraph - this is his doing. As Jocko Willink/Jordan Peterson say, everything is your fault, and you've gotta take ultimate responsibility.

Second paragraph: jesus, dude. No. I'm saying this with love, so please don't take this as me being a dickhead: you're talking in the way someone talks when they don't have a lot of good female experience.

That's BAD female behaviour. That is not STANDARD female behaviour. You're talking like a feminist who says "rape is standard male behaviour, they'll all do it if given the chance" or "domestic violence is standard male behaviour".

Go sleep with/date 100 women. You'll find there's some shit ones, some average ones, and some truly lovely ones. They're not all copy-paste clones "running the same female firmware."

By saying bad behaviour is "just standard behaviour", you are doing exactly what you criticised rapitup for doing - you're normalising it. You're saying it's normal, you don't expect any better, so guess what? A lot of women you get with will treat you like that, and you'll say "This is just par for the course. AWALT."

If instead you said "This is TERRIBLE behaviour for an adult. I'm not going to tolerate any fucking bitch who's has a backup plan to leave me", then guess what? You'll ditch all the shitty women and have more free time to go out searching for the good ones. Read this:
You Get What You Subconsciously Believe .

All of this is said as someone who was HEAVILY into red pill stuff, more than anyone else. I read TRP/Return of Kings/Roosh/Rational Male/Chateau Heartiste/etc daily. Immersed myself in it. Was convinced all women were like that (AWALT). That shit all went out the window when I actually banged a large number of them and realised some of them are truly magnificent people who aren't itching to ride the cock carousel/branch swing. Read this:
It’s “You and Me”, not “You vs Me”

Andy,

It's really fascinating, that kind of TRP women behavior is much less common than the internet thinks.

About 30% of people suck, and that applies to women as well. The other 70% are pretty cool as long as their circumstances allow them to be cool.

I found that when I observed bad behavior in a woman I was dating, I could often find several things I did myself that may have caused the problem.

Because people tend to give back the same energy you give them, I noticed that the most savage, cutthroat behavior came from girls that I had kind of put on the backburner myself. They could sense that I didn't really care about them, and acted accordingly.

If women around you are always playing games, it's time to figure out if YOU're playing games.