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lucasxpogba wrote: Got that. Is there any reason especifically why you don't like sharing it? In other words, is there any possible negative (or positive) consequence of sharing it with girls?
Honestly, if it was important to my girlfriend, I would just tell her. However, her attitude towards it has basically been "I don't care/want to know" so that works for me.
When it comes to other girls, it just feels tacky and weird. We also live in a society that is pretty judgmental about sex, so I just don't want to be judged. Maybe not the best reason, but that's how I feel about it right now.
When it comes to friends or social circle: I don't tell people because I literally think they won't believe me. I think I would come across like an arrogant douche, and it would look like I was inflating my numbers to make myself look cool. I really don't want to give off that impression, and I have no need to impress anyone when it comes to women.
I also know how fast word gets around, and I know that within my social circles some people will interpret "sleeps with lots of women" as "treats women badly". It's unfortunate, but it's kind of how things are right now.
Thanks for everything you guys. It's time for me to move on to bigger things!
This is an interesting topic because I've gone through the same thing. When I was 19 & 20 and just got into GLL, I didn't have any idea who I was or wanted to be. The only thing I knew was I wanted to get laid and I was doing anything I could to get there (weird pick up videos, methods etc.)
When I went up to a girl to screen her, I wasn't screening her based on MY personality and what I truly wanted. I was insecure and didn't know myself, I would literally try to deepen my voice and word for word copy Chris' style.
This worked from time to time. Because getting girls is a numbers game. Its about looks, perceived value killer instinct authority and all the other things discussed on this site. But it never fulfilled me emotionally, I never felt like it was me who was getting laid I felt like a guy in a mask which is what I was.
Over the years I've slowly opened up more and more gained more confidence and learned about myself. Now I've got a couple LTR's under my belt, I've made mistakes and learned from them and I will continue to make more but its all good. Now if I go out to a club or bar I'm completely comfortable being my weird ass self. Maybe not completely - but night and day compared to 3-4 years ago as a 21/22 year old. And I can still get laid.
Its easy to say on the other side, but women just want good looking, successful and confident men. They can't control what they're attracted to just like we can't either. We're all born different and have our strengths and weaknesses, some people can't walk and are dysmorphed. The world isn't fair as cliche as it is. But we have ultimate control and agency over ourselves. We decide if we eat vegetables or sugar, go to the gym or lie around in bed feeling miserable, work hard or stagnate.
The choice is up to you and I've been in that place where it feels hopeless, where nobody matches you on tinder, you have no friends, you're all alone and it feels horrible. But I and many others on this site are living proof that if you work hard eventually it gets better. Its not a light switch and the progress happens slowly over a period of 4-5 years and on forever.
I believe any guy who wants to work hard enough on his intelligence/business/wealth and health/fitness/body is able to get above average women. EVEN if you are screwed genetically (which nobody on this site really is its all in your head).
To sum it up. I wanted women because they MADE ME FEEL GOOD ABOUT MYSELF. Shit if this girl wants to sleep with me I must be something special, its that dopamine you get. The fact is getting women does not make you successful. You could get a bunch of surgery convince women you're a millionaire and get laid. That will not give you the feeling you're looking for.
I'm convinced (and correct me if im wrong) men are wired to produce and achieve. The reason I feel so much better and I'm not depressed any more is because I've got a degree, I've got a level of success I worked for and am proud of, I go to the gym and have been consistent day in day out for over a year, I eat healthy and I push myself to align to my values even when its uncomfortable. This is what gives me my real sense of worth and confidence, the fact I know I can work hard and be disciplined no matter what. And yeah I get laid but life will forever be a carrot on a stick. Nothing will ever satisfy you like hard work. And again to bring it all back I was a lazy stoner teenager who never did jack shit suicidal depressed bullied and dropped out after grade 11 at 18 years old. 2 chicks under my belt at age 20. Now I work in business and get up in the morning to run to work and spend 2-3 hours at the gym. Anything is possible if you want it.
@rapitup I haven't been following this thread too closely so I'm not even sure if what you wrote is on topic, but damn that was a nice post that really resonated with me, and matches my experience. Life changes when you master discipline; with it, you feel like you can do anything you set yourself to. Without it, you often feel completely lost.
Everybody wants to go to heaven but nobody wants to die.
@Homeskills Agreed. I read into a couple posts and I felt like the poster was having some growing pains similar to the ones I had in the beginning. It started out about deep talks but turned into I'm having problems etc. I know that discipline was the game changer for me because it changed the way I looked by working out, changed the way I felt by giving me routine and achievement and ultimately got me chicks.
There's a great resource on this site called 30 days of discipline which is a $10 e-book and its basically a bunch of habits you hold yourself to ever day, getting up earlier, 100 pushups situps crunches, walking confidently making eye contact with others, taking cold showers etc.
Ties into the fact that it takes 30 days to build a habit. If you can make it through the 30 days it will change your brain and your life. Couldn't recommend it more to anyone looking to change themselves for the better and gain discipline.
I too have become far more disciplined this year. @Rapitup what a kick ass post. I can vouch that results gained from being disciplined, building habits, and putting in the damn work even when you feel like shit is one of the best things in life. Every successful person I know has non negotiable habits (waking up at 6AM daily, gym, food, supplements, etc) that they adhere to DAILY. It's not an option, you HAVE to have discipline or you won't get anywhere IMO.
As far as deep convos, I really enjoy having them with girls and guys. I can go down a rabbit hole into certain topics (ie business, self improvement, etc). There's a thought that if you show weakness to a chick (ie talk about self improvement) that she will stop liking you or grow bored or something, but I kind of doubt that. Maybe at first impression you want to come across as a boss who was "Born with it" but down the line of the relationship, I think it's important to find girls you can have deep meaningful convos with. Cause they're good convos, at least I've had with a few chicks. In my experience, not alot of girls are capable of having deep meaningful convos, so if you find one that is, keep her around fasho.
"There's a thought that if you show weakness to a chick (ie talk about self improvement) that she will stop liking you or grow bored or something, but I kind of doubt that. "
Hell no son. Every girl I've shown all my weakness to has respected me more because of it. I used to be Mr Tough Guy, and that only made me more insecure because I was terrified no girls would like me if I EVER dropped the mask. The last 2 years I've been brutally honest and raw about everything - to everyone - and it's been freeing. You don't have to stress about being perfect, you gain this weird confidence from being able to say "I'm a complete trainwreck, I'm the furtherest thing from perfect." There's an assuredness that comes from self-acceptance. Mark Manson says it best:
"In my experience, not alot of girls are capable of having deep meaningful convos, so if you find one that is, keep her around fasho."
My experience is the polar opposite - the VAST majority of girls I meet are great with deep, meaningful, honest conversations. That must be a case of I'm screening for it, and filtering out the ones who aren't great with deep convos and being vulnerable/honest.
Hell no son. Every girl I've shown all my weakness to has respected me more because of it. I used to be Mr Tough Guy , and that only made me more insecure because I was terrified no girls would like me if I EVER dropped the mask. The last 2 years I've been brutally honest and raw about everything - to everyone - and it's been freeing. You don't have to stress about being perfect, you gain this weird confidence from being able to say "I'm a complete trainwreck, I'm the furtherest thing from perfect." There's an assuredness that comes from self-acceptance. Mark Manson says it best:
Yeah I agree. It's inauthentic anyway. Authenticity is key. I'm an open book 9 times out of 10.
It honestly might be California and the way people are here. I've tried to dig deep with lots of girls and they simply cannot comprehend what I'm saying. And their responses are whack. Another thing I've noticed is when a girl tries to have a deep convo it becomes annoying, like she's faking that she cares about my life, etc. I will keep trying tho because I love those convos.
TBH I miss having a "girlfriend" for those convos alone. My ex was very very good at it and always pushed me and questioned me, in a good way. Neither of us are "super smart" but it felt like we were the same amount of smart... if that makes any sense. Trying to find a new chick like that.
@andy can you go into how you screen for this type of stuff?
Funny how this thread got resurrected, i like it.
And it occurred to me that i right now have
4-5 girls in rotation i really like (most abundance i had in my life, i am middle thirtees)
and i am very open honest with them and i love it, i love it so much.
I say more stuff that is 'a bit stupid', i am a bit ashamed of, stuff that is hard to say for me, stuff where i think she will say no.
And so so much less 'tactical'.
And on first dates i ask them when they last had sex and then they also ask me (and i of course had sex a few days ago), and i tell them monogamy is not for me.
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Kratom is next!
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