TOPIC: It's clear 99% of us are not retaining girls. This is a problem.

Retention vs ONS... This has always been an intriguing topic

Let's just get one thing out of the way... If you are banging hot girls but not retaining them, it is a whole helluva lot better than not getting pussy at all or even being a beta male who might get into relationships with average or hot women but he is completely owned by her/has to wait for sex/doesn't get to fuck other women/etc

That being said, I think there are a lot of reasons why guys on GLL fail to retain most of their girls (myself included, I have had a lot of success and a lot of failures when it comes to retention so I know at least a little bit what I'm talking about)

The biggest reason for our struggles is that we put out the scumbag/player vibe a little bit too much... This is a good problem to have because it means that women like you and all you have to do is re-calibrate your game/image a little bit... As opposed to a guy who can't get girls at all and the typical nice guy boyfriend material who has to wait for sex (those types of guys have mountains to climb, well not really, but compared to the former type well then yes he does)

I think another reason why us GLL's struggle with retention is because the mentality of the forum seems to encourage us to treat women as objects and conquests and sources of validation (not that there's anything wrong with that) as opposed to focusing on having great experiences/sex with women

Anybody who wants legit material on retention and relationship/fuckbuddy management seriously needs to check out blackdragonblog.com

Myself personally, I'm cool with being a total scumbag/player ONS thrill of the hunt type of guy for a while until I get tired of it and then I'll definitely be focusing on retention and building up a fine harem of goddesses

Story wrote: Retention is the whole point of all of this. If you have 400 one night stands but not a single girl wants to see you again or is interested in you as a person then thats depressing to me. Getting good with sleeping with women is the goal to be able to sleep with multiple women where you then have a ecosystem of hot women that you CHOOSE to be around because you have options, and then picking your favorite one or two to go deeper with out of that circle instead of what most guys do which is settling for what you can get because your inexperienced and she giving you sex.. MY OPINION

Now with that said I am very good at retaining women. And I honestly think the key is by NOT retaining them. let me explain. When I see and sleep with someone new, The whole experience is a peak experience for them. I am actively being happy, fun, engaging, and alpha. Sex is open free fun in the moment and talked about. When our time is up wether its that night or the next morning they leave or I do. Now from this point is where it seems like your questions begins.

The biggest key to retaining is TO DO ALL THE RIGHT SHIT WHEN THEY WERE WITH YOU THEN LEAVE THEM ALONE AFTER. Ill text once the next day some shit like "had fun the other night" or "glad we met" something that gives her something but does not need a reply. She is more than welcome to ignore that and it doesn't shit on me because it was a statement not a question. Now they MAJOR key is you need to get her fucking social media. Snapchat is the best instagram is next and then Facebook. Fucking say hey lemme get your snap. And then when she leaves you bet your ass she's watching your shit. SOOO be cool, live a cool life, snap yourself with your friends laughing and leave her alone, I even snap other women that I'm seeing. SHE WILL RETAIN YOU. you'll get texts and calls and she will actively retain you. Women hate needy insecure guys and you cannot be that guy or she will ignore you. Have your own life shit going on and friends and women and you'll be surprised how hard she works to be in it. Now with that said, make it easy for her to do so, don't be a dick and ignore her and make her jump through hoops.

Another little practical thing you can do is, I send them little snapchat emojis or a heart or some bullshit to let them know Im thinking about them but its so no effort and it so doesn't need a response. Dont need anything from her, don't ask her bullshit questions if you still haven't retained her yet. send a fucking heart in the eye emoji on a pic she posted on snapchat. Or a funny gif over text. Offer value and fun. Things that give without needing a response.

And then when you see her again which you will. hold frame and be fun and carefree and fuck her good again. She will chase you forever.

I can't retain for shit. My One week fuck buddies completely left my alone because I ignored them and acted distant. Now it may just be these girls. But one I hooked up with and barely texted all week followed by another hook up the following week fuck buddy call at 12:30 I was at the bar and left to go there. The whole time she keeps saying I wanna date you, your to good for me..etc. Wouldn't give up the pussy , yet will suck me dry.

Another girl, the hottest I hooked up with solid 8 blonde. I I met at a day party texted her in the week for a date, she flaked, didn't respond to her bullshit excuse, made out with two girls in front of her at party and took her home later that night. Incredible girl, one I actually liked, ( she also wouldn't give in to sex. Only blow jobs) she said "Mabey you'll actually call me back". I played distant agian, and didn't text her for two days. Saw her at another party she was making out with a dude in front of me, I pulled her off him and talked to her and this kid came up to me and got in my face we went to the ground ,Put him in a choke hold and that fucker got kicked out. THEN SHE WENT HOME WITH HIM STILL. Didn't text her for two days. Said "Hey whats up" No response for three days. Im bummed the fuck out.

Why are these girls not giving up sex? Why are they not staying around?

Amarsh213 wrote: Saw her at another party she was making out with a dude in front of me, I pulled her off him and talked to her and this kid came up to me and got in my face we went to the ground ,Put him in a choke hold and that fucker got kicked out. THEN SHE WENT HOME WITH HIM STILL. Didn't text her for two days. Said "Hey whats up" No response for three days. Im bummed the fuck out.

Why are these girls not giving up sex? Why are they not staying around?

The problem may be that you're being a dick. From what I just quoted it looks like that may be the case. It seems like you think because you beat the guy that you "won" and now she's yours to take home. Even back in jungle that's not necessarily how it works. Girls still get to choose which guy they want, regardless of if you kick the guys ass.

Almost every girl I've lost in the past few years ghosted after I did something rude or annoying (getting too drunk in front of them, making fun of their boyfriend, being selfish in bed etc.) You have to actually be nice and respectful of these girls. Sure, some will stick around no matter how you act, but some won't.

Bad Idea Bear wrote:

Amarsh213 wrote: Saw her at another party she was making out with a dude in front of me, I pulled her off him and talked to her and this kid came up to me and got in my face we went to the ground ,Put him in a choke hold and that fucker got kicked out. THEN SHE WENT HOME WITH HIM STILL. Didn't text her for two days. Said "Hey whats up" No response for three days. Im bummed the fuck out.

Why are these girls not giving up sex? Why are they not staying around?

The problem may be that you're being a dick. From what I just quoted it looks like that may be the case. It seems like you think because you beat the guy that you "won" and now she's yours to take home. Even back in jungle that's not necessarily how it works. Girls still get to choose which guy they want, regardless of if you kick the guys ass.

Almost every girl I've lost in the past few years ghosted after I did something rude or annoying (getting too drunk in front of them, making fun of their boyfriend, being selfish in bed etc.) You have to actually be nice and respectful of these girls. Sure, some will stick around no matter how you act, but some won't.

You're probably right. I was pretty fucked up and was defiantly a dick then

@Amarsh213 I have a few thoughts, Few criticisms and some advice.

You say they leave you alone because you "ignore them and acted distant" theres a fine line you will play with and find by crossing it. Sounds like you've crossed it here. Dont be to distant and ignore too much, its better than being needy and texting too much but you have to give them something, give them hope that you will give them more and that they are not wasting their time or else they will bounce. So for them not staying around sounds like you need to move the needle back towards the middle of giving them some more attention. But like i said earlier, the right kind of attention. Re read my last post for examples. Give without needing.

Fighting never works. If you fight and win your the asshole who cant handle his emotions or use his words and usually the girl doesn't want an overly aggressive abrasive asshole. If you fight and lose, then your usually hurt and she's looking down on you. Use your words, outsmart and out cunning the other guy and make him look foolish for needing to resort to violence because is brain isn't as on point as yours. That makes the girls more excited. With that said fight when you have to of course. but it almost never will get you laid or look good.

As for how to get them to "give up sex".. What you're describing happens a shitload, what I've found is that its less that they mean what they're saying and more that they wanna see how you respond to it. Subconsciously of course, i don't think they know there doing this. There are like a bunch of tips or things i could tell you to say but it really depends on the girl and the dynamic of the situation but ill give you a few examples and maybe one of them will fit next time you find yourself hearing the same shit.

- Sometime I say this after they say We can't have sex tonight or whatever.. "oh so you're one of those girls" and shell be like "what girls" and to some effect you'll say "One of those girls who places imaginary boundaries on their ability to live in the moment" say it jokingly but also like your disappointed. Like she just revealed something that makes he look silly for being difficult.

- Sometimes I bring u examples about how every girl Ive ever dated put out on the first night. And I think its because I respond to women who are in touch with their sexual desires and aren't conditioned into it being weird or bad.

-Also you should have been joking and talking about sex enough for her to know that it isn't a big deal and your not judging her. She shouldn't be saying this in the first place, so its a symptom of a bigger problem of you not setting the right frame before you even get into the bedroom.

-Lastly when they say something to this effect while you're hooking up, say ok no problem i understand and then get up turn the light on and go back to just hanging out. Shell be like wait what no come back. because she likes the attention and foreplay. You say something like no its ok i understand and she wants the sexual attention again so you touch her and start hooking up again making out and keep progressing, if she stops you again then you say ohh ok and get back up and stop the hooking up. She likes the attention and is turned on and when you take it away she feels needy and misses those emotions. And you say "i dont like being teased so i understand you don't want to have sex so lets just hang out". rinse and repeat and she won't stop you the next time or you keep doing it until you actually get frustrated and want to stop forreal.

Hope some of that helps

Also the second problem is part of your retention problem.. When a girl pulls that no sex just BJ thing. I genuinely don't care. BJ's are great and she's gonna wanna see me again so ill get sex the next time. Be willing to see a girl more than once. Be patient if you have to, its actually smart for her to hold off the first night. You only really have a problem if the girl doest sleep with you by day 3 and she's not blowing you.

In the most simple terms = the higher you are on the "fucking awesome guy" spectrum, the more a girl will stick around. Are you a catch or not? A girl will give a lot of fucking flexibility to a guy who is a 10/10.

If you're the hottest guy ever then a girl will let you piss on her mom's face to stay with you. If you're a 5/10, she's going to set some ground rules.

Dudes ffs there isn't any technique or set of tricks that makes a girl stick around and fuck you whenever you want - each girl is different remember.

I've retained 100 percent of all of the girls that wanted to see me again.

Of the girls that didn't want to see me again I retained 0 percent.

It's because she's a person and she'll do what she wants.

Do whatever you want and if the girl likes it she'll stick around. But because they all want different things you can't have a set of rules. Loads of experienced guys here and I don't get how it's so hard to understand this.

Chris' guide is great but here's the secret - The rules are mainly to stop YOU falling for HER. That's why you only see her once a week for instance.

If you're truly doing what you want then why are you chasing girls that aren't very interested.. You can keep them for a bit but in the end your game of catch up will end. You are being that married guy that pampers his wife because she stares at other men all the time and he knows she doesn't want him.

Let the girls do what they want and spend more time with the ones that suit your desires..

They rarely leave you for a 'better' guy btw. I could tell you the guys my fuckbuddies left me for and they are losers. Physically, emotionally, financially. But they are what my girls were looking for.

In simple terms for me, to retain girls - be a high quality guy that they can see themselves having a future with.

No, not at all. Just be the guy she wants to see again at the time.

You could be that awesome high value guy and then she decides instead to fuck the drug addict from next door.

Or vice versa.

ETA - I think the idea of 'retaining' girls is a carry - over of the 'get any girl, any time' PUA scene. There's an unspoken assumption that girls are 'retainable' by default. Personally I'd assume they aren't and if they want to see you again it's an added bonus.