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I am 22 years old and recently got into a relationship a few months back. I met this girl at the beginning of the year. I'm in college and this is the first girl I have ever been with. My girlfriend is super friendly, a real social butterfly. Literally everyone likes her. I on the other hand have always had trouble socializing, and while i've made major improvements since I've been at university I would say I'm definitely below average when it comes to simple conversation and making friends.
My problem is I can't focus on other shit because of her. Not because she's always hitting me up, but because she's always on my mind. I get really pissed off too when she tells me how much fun she's having with her friends and what not; it's because i'm insecure. I fucking hate it. I wish I wasn't like this but it eats at me 24 hours a day. I wake up in the middle of the night stressing about what she's doing and if I'm doing enough, etc.
I can't study because my mind can't focus, I sometimes sit in my chair for long periods of time just thinking about our relationship. When she's with her coworkers I get fucking jealous. For example, tonight she told me the waiter at the restaurant she was at with her coworker thought that they were a couple. I fucking felt like yelling and punching the wall. And when she tells me funny stories of her with friends or with coworkers I think to myself "Could I have made her laugh like that?". I try my best not to show it but deep down I'm fucking pissed. I don't know what to do. It can't be normal to feel like this. When I'm with her I'm happy and things are great, but when I'm not I'm a mess. I literally was crying the other day because I was so stressed out. Tonight I was fucking raging with anger.
At times I really feel like breaking up with her because I'm just a mess. I really like her though, I love her. It just kills me inside.
Been there done that. Same happened to me, at first i wasnt bothered but after few months i was so stressed out. I even went to doctor to check me out. My mind was so full of my girlfriend that i had no time to think on myself. I had shitty memory and shitty consertation.
Your problem is that you think you don't deserve her, i can even say that you think you're lucky to have her. Saying that she already likes you etc. It won't change anything unless you really mean it. It didnt help me atleast.
Theres 2 things i recommend you to do.
1. Start working on yourself, your body, social skills, AA etc.
2. Prove yourself that she is not better than you. Talk to other chicks, make her feel threatened, but don't over do it so you'll lose her.
You see if you continue whats happening right now you'll fall too deep into it. You start putting her on a pedestal, you start acting like you need to prove her you're wotrhy. I say STOP and start working on those 2 things. Or just dump her and learn to fuck other girls
I just accepted that I'm not my girlfriend. She is who she is and I am who I am and we are two different people and EVERYONE is different.
I started to realize that I had things about me that were good too. She was awesome all round, but I was better on the supportive side and in other areas too. In the end we fit together just fine. She was cooler, better looking and someone I am still impressed with. Yet, it was exactly our differences that made us work.
You might want to ask her why she likes you. (Not in a weird way. Just bring it up.) THEN really listen. Sit there and let her lay it out if she likes. THEN really realize that's how she feels about you. She doesn't feel like that about anyone else because otherwise she wouldn't be with you alone, right? That's what it means to be boyfriend and girlfriend. There's no one else in her picture or yours. That's what a relationship is.
When you realize that you both have reasons to like each other then you'll probably realize that who you are and how you act is why she's with you.
The girl likes you for you. They always do. If you've had a few girlfriends then you can think back. They liked you for different reasons and you liked them for different reasons. Those reasons come together to make things what they are.
You guys are all right. The weird thing is a month into our relationship I brought a girl home the club and it gave me confidence in our relationship. Like a "I like you but I can still get other girls if this doesn't work out". I can't be doing that very often but I see what you guys are saying I need prove to myself that I'm capable of shit.
Right now thinking about banging that chick gives me confidence.
When I met my first girlfriend, I held the same mindset. I was always overthinking my actions which would result in inaction, feelings of inferiority, and overwhelming self-pity. Now before I met her, I was slowly overcoming my introversion and building confidence in a few ways.
1) I had lost 40 lbs and was hitting the weights. Significant body recomposition built the foundation for my confidence.
2) I got a job that required me to socialize with strangers as well as coworkers.
3) I had let go of the social stressors I placed on myself and left my comfort zone.
The body recomposition gave me confidence. Socializing gave me the practice to... socialize. Taking the leap from my former shell to set the new me in motion. All this allowed me to be myself around the chick and I became her best friend.
The main point of this jumbled response is that you have to leave the comfort zone, you have to put in probably the most effort you'll have to put into anything else into forcing yourself out of the nest. The main point of AA is practice. You practice talking to women while desensitizing yourself to what you feel makes you inferior. Confidence is earned, not given. It's a process that will make you a better man all around.
Some guys are just jealous, you may be one of them. I'm not, but I have been with girls that have had jealous boyfriends. Some chicks like it , some don't. I just don't see the point. It's a waste of energy, and if she wants to cheat, she will. It's absolutely beyond your control.
Your going to have a lot of girlfriends over the years, you may even fall in love. Hell may you already have! My motto is " I don't get suspicious / jealous unless they give me a reason ". In which case I would probably dump them anyway.
Whether you realize it or not. The end is near with this girl. If your banging other chicks, she will find out. You might not think so, but the truth always comes out.
Sounds like feeling less is the case. You felt good banging another girl? Probably it's time to redo the wardrobe, get a hair cut and tan up. Then hit lean and big and enjoy your GF while she's about.
Relationships don't last forever, but RBenn is right. If you screw around, you'll only hurt her and yourself later. She'll either find out or you'll lose it and split.
I could be wrong, so might not want to listen to the above. Maybe time to join a gym and get yourself sorted in all areas. Even if you don't need it so much, getting one's self sorted is a good way to stay ahead of the curve for life.
Why do you assume she's having so much fun? All these stories sound cool in third person, but if you're actually there you'll realize how these are actually pretty average people she's hanging out with. Things are rarely as cool as it sounds in stories.
Also, girls don't want to be in a relationship with the clown who makes them laugh all the time. They just want their pussies wet by a strong secure guy. Just do your thing and let her do hers
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