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Hey guys, so you may not know me at all, because Im pretty new to this forum. After hours of searching every few days, I've manage to find a youtuber with a relationships forum thats active and on going. A guy that doesn't advertise their product with every video that they've release.
So heres my story, sorry if this is long. But hope you enjoy reading.
After hours and months of sitting on the computer I've decided to head for a change in my teenage life thats about to go into deep shit. So I've decided to hit the gym and made decent progress past 6 months. But still that wasn't enough, although it made me physically fit, my mind isn't very well fit. I started going out with friends and attempt to be more of a conversation starter. I've learned to be more talkative, becsuse after all, i am a introvert. After years of sitting on the computer, who couldn't go from being a extrovert to introvert. I've started noticing these things when i opened my eyes and looked around in the real world. And damn, when looking for a girl, theres tons of **sholes out there.
I started going to raves because 1. For the music nd fun 2. The amount of people there of both gender. Not once! Have i ever been approached by girls. I would get compliments from just guys about my hair, body, outwear. A month or 2 ago, when i was at a rave. This girl passed by me 2 times, staring at me and smiling. Third time i held eye contact and she walked straight up to me, introducing herself. With my amateur conversation skills, i attempt to hold the conversation. But you all know how that went.. not very well. But she stood around as we conversed. Telling me about how this was her first rave. Man she enjoyed asking questions, so with that in mind, i did the same. Later on, she introduced me to her guy friends, 2 extreme introvert that did nothing but stand there and stare. And another 1 that seemed very out going. So i losted her and she ended up being with that 1 guy who was out going. I sat down and took a rest, she found me again and decided to approach me asking for my number, gave me a quick kiss and move along. I later found her again in the crowd, she stares at me, walks up and starts dry grinding on me. I didn't not expect that, 100%. So as a "man" i was, i went along with it. The next day i texted her telling her how it was nice meeting her and it was fun...
We continued texting and finally i asked her on a date. First date, we went to a park, walked and conversed, getting to know eachother. She was older than me and because she owned a car, she was the driver -.-
Shes heading off to college soon meanwhile im still in highschool. Forwarding a few weeks ahead, she went on Europe for vacation. Before she left, i had told her that im interested and liked her. She replied with
"I'm glad you're saying that, but I am too old. Idk I told myself I wouldn't try with younger guys because how can it work if I'm at college and having a job together with everything else?"
Afterwards, I wrote this long ass deep emotional text, attempting to convince her, changing her mind. The messagw sure did hit her, some where... Ontop of that she called me boy... she said that i was very convincing and we'll talk when she returns.
1 month later she returns and texts me first. Asking how it was going, but never mentioning the relationship stuff. She took a long time to reply for some odd reason. One time she haven't responded in 12 hours and so i said
" I just wanted to let you know that if you're not interested, its fine - i understand. I would, appreciate a direct answer about how you feel"
She replies with
"Damn I'm sorry I feel bad now, I've been driving for awhile so I couldn't really text , I'm not exactly not interested just not looking for something either"
I was like, "thats understandable, i wouldnt want to push you into it either. I hope you'll find someone out there. But if you ever do change your mind, ill be here. If you would still like to persue as friends, thats great."
She replies with
"I would love to...when I'm in ur area I'll randomly stop by! I don't wanna stop talking. I just don't use my phone often and lately been busy and Ik that's an excuse and I'm sorry , just I don't really have car privileges and my friends have been driving so kinda hard to hang out u know"
After this message, she never said anything else. She checks my snapchat stories, likes my instagram pictures and that's about it. But i'm sure if i ask her something, she'll reply.
"I completely understand since we both live completely difference lives at the moment. I hope things don't change between us. And hopefully in the future circumstance will change. So i can know you better than i did before"
So now i'm thinking, fuck man, i just wasted all that time for nothing. On top of that, she called me a boy, would things change if i get a job and car? I mean after all, she did drive me on the date -_-
Im sure no girl would want to do that.
What should i do now, i would like to move on but at the same time wouldn't because i just keep thinking that something will change in the future.
EDIT: I also forgot to mention that she just out of a 3 year relationship just 6 months ago.
Dude, the girl wants or at least wanted you. She's probably not interested in a bf relationship, she just found you attractive and had you taken her home from the Rave, you probably could have scored or at least had some heavy petting and make out. Stop trying to date her and start being a boss and work on getting in her pants, because that is what she wants.
It sounds like she might even have a BF already and just wants some fun on the side maybe? Regardless of why she is not looking for a BF, she is attracted to you, so don't sweat it. Just stop trying to be her BF and try getting sexually active with her. She might not even see you as bf material since you are younger, but she is still attracted to you and would probably sleep with you if she is sexually available/DTF. Think boss and be the boss... lead her where you want to go, because what they say and what they do are often exactly the opposite.
My very first sexual experience was very similar! I was in 10th grade and this girl was a "poplular" senior. I was scared shitless of her at the time, but she found me sexually attractive and I pulled her from a boat load of older guys that were chasing her. Actually, she came after me because I was scared of her. I was never the most popular or best looking guy in school in either. I was a jock though, and I was in good shape, so I had that working for me even though I didn't have a ton of experience with girls yet. I had gfs and had experience with that and fooling around, but I was still a virgin at the time.
I was so proud of myself for that first conquest, but more than anything, it gave me a boatload of confidence with women. I was horrible at cold approach though, but if I knew a girl was interested in me, I had the game, so I had to work hard at any cold approach and still do to this day. I just hate rejection and it still works at me today, even though now I just let it roll off my back like water off of a duck and move on like it didn't happen. Once I know I have the green light, I can close at a very high rate. I just have to push myself hard to make that first approach, even after a lot of success at it, I'm still anxious when I do it.
Most of my guy friends, some that are much better looking than me too, all like to go out with me because they don't like cold approach and I will normally find some women to talk to. Not because I'm better looking or anything, but because I'm willing to do it. That fact alone separates me from 90% of guys that are scared to start up a conversation with hot women they do not know. We go out to bars and there are so many hot women standing around in groups or dancing together and all these guys standing around watching them with their fingers up their @$$! They are too scared of rejection!
What helped me more than anything was to stop looking at them like dates or possible gfs. Approach them like you would anyone you wanted to talk to and just be normal and talk about whatever comes up. Just like you were waking up talking to your buds or your sister as others have commented. Make up a believable question or some story to tell, whatever, just talk and get them talking to you and do not think sex, gf, attractiveness or anything at first. Once you get comfortable doing this, then you can start escalating some. If it is just friendly, and you are not too pushy to quickly, most girls are just normal people and will respond in a normal way, which is nicely, even if they aren't interested in you for anything past friendly conversation. Once you figure the approach part out, the approach issues get much easier, but then you have to work on escalating, and that is another story for another day, which really separates the bosses from the few brave men out there!
Step 1 - stop focusing on her and get busy with other girls. Sounds like you have good fundamentals but just need approaching experience so you should have no problem getting with other girls once you put yourself out there.
Step 2 - text her"hey let me know next time you're in town we'll go have some fun;)"
That's it. No emotional bs. Go to step one. If she starts texting you back keep it brief and about when she'll be around. DO NOT start off on getting all emotional.
I'm not sure how old you are, but I completely get how this shit can fuck with your head especially early on.
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