TOPIC: How can a guy that has the ability to attract women be this disappointed?

For most of my 26 years of existence on this earth, I have been a shy, introverted, fat kid loner. I rarely had any friends, was picked on and made fun of, and had little self confidence. I floated through life being quiet and just going through the motions. I left school and college as quickly as I could, never really talked to anyone, and just did things in a hurry so that I could GTFO of there.

Throughout the past few years, I have been improving my physical image by losing over 100 pounds of body weight. I never had an ugly face to begin with, so I suppose that I was lucky there. I have also never had a serious relationship or a girlfriend. For a few years I had a couple of oneitis that friendzoned me.

Anyway, recently I have given dating a try. I always wanted more friends, especially female friends. I always thought about how fantastic it would be to cuddle with a woman and have a woman desire me, and who would want to hang out with me regularly.

About two weeks ago I met two women - one through OKCupid who lives only a couple of minutes away, and was introduced to another girl through a mutual friend. I hit it off with these women REALLY well, to the point where they were insanely attracted to me and were blowing up my phone with texts constantly. I made it clear to both of them that I was not interested in anything serious, but perhaps I falsely lead them on by answering their texts quickly. I went on about two dates with each of these girls, to local bars and restaurants. But it absolutely BURNS me out. I severely backed off on the text messages, to the point where I haven't talked to any of these girls today. My phone is back to it's normal self - eerily quiet. The battery hasn't even drained at all, all day long.

I was feeling so mentally drained that it was seriously disturbing me. But isn't that what I always wanted, to be desired by women? I have experienced this same sort of burn-out before.

Yes, I bedded these women BOTH on the second dates with them. Now, from years of masturbation and death-grip, I am unable to experience any penile pleasure sensations when another person is attempting to pleasure me. But at the same time, I am not a very sexual guy at all, besides masturbation. It has been to the point where I seriously considered myself to be asexual. Perhaps that is still the case, I really don't know, but I have NEVER experienced sex like most men seem to experience on a weekly basis. And because of that, I really don't have a strong desire for it. I can please women all night long, but it does absolutely NOTHING for my own pleasure. But that's not really what I'm writing about. My "pleasure" problems are a topic for another night.

My real issue is, how can I be so depressed and upset because of how burnt out I get from just a couple of dates? I mean seriously. I think that I'm so abnormal when it comes to being social.

This isn't the first time that this sort of thing has happened, either. Years past, I would meet up with women, get into bed with them, and then everything would fizzle out soon after. It's like it's all a fantastic novelty at first, I'm enthusiastic, but REALLY QUICKLY I begin to lose interest, I get burnt out, and things fizzle because I'm just so emotionally and mentally tired. I can't handle it, but really, what can't I handle? Just hanging out a couple of times is NOTHING, and I'm totally lame because I can't handle the most simple of human social interaction!

What's wrong with me? Because I really don't know.

x

Welcome to GLL. You will get better.

Get bloodwork man. You might have something going on (low testosterone/thyroid) that you don't know about. You can fix that shit in 2 weeks and feel COMPLETELY different.

I apologize for attempting to post this twice, as I did not realize that the first post had to be approved by a moderator before it would appear.

Anyway, I have not had my blood tested in awhile, but I have previously. I have never had any abnormalities, diseases, or any health problems of any kind throughout my entire life.

I haven't masturbated in nearly two weeks now, that is the longest I have gone. But usually, I was masturbating once per day, or at least once every other day. And that has occurred like that since I was 13 years old in 7th grade. I will soon be 26 in a couple of weeks.

hmm very similar problem here..im introverted and grew up shy but learned social skills..then learned the game and i have always been attractive to women..then i met a few women and slept with them, some took longer to get into bed than others but it happened...the end result was i was underwhelmed..2 of these women were gorgeous too and the next morning had me scratching my head as to what the problem was..sure, the sex was nice but all the social play leading up to it made me feel it wasnt worth it in the end..or, at the very least, this whole 'one night stand' wasnt al its cracked up to be..


whats weird to me is as soon as i start talking to a girl, know i have her, then i start to lose interest and become bored..sleeping with her only kindles the fire a little but i also find all of the social/texting stuff to be draining..ive talked about this before on here..my phone has gone silent lately as well but i can get it ringing again but damn, it seems like effort..most guys love the thrill of the hunt, the chase and the social game and then sex but to me, it falls short..maybe i do have a hormone imbalance, ill get that checked..im with ya OP, send me a PM if ya want, maybe we can brainstorm..

I am truly comfortable with being alone, and I think that is the "core" of my dilemma. I do get lonely, though. But as soon as I get overwhelmed by people and their fast paced lifestyles, I once again crave being alone all over again.

And I have never been able to enjoy sexual activities with a member of the opposite sex. Never. I barely feel anything "good" and I just feel numb, both physically and emotionally. It takes all of the fun out of it. Perhaps that is why I also have a decreased drive to interact with women, too, because I know that I will never experience great pleasure, no matter what happens. I, like you, feel that it just isn't worthwhile.

But that's not all of it. I just prefer to be alone as well, which doesn't have anything to do with my sexual problems. But when you combine the two issues, you get a much larger issue as well.

People who are more comfortable alone often need to "recharge" after spending a lot of time socializing.. they call these people "introverts". When you are more comfortable socializing and living a "fast paced" lifestyle, as you call it, you won't need to "recharge"

get uncomfortable:
www.goodlookingloser.com/entry/get-laid/...-the-undersexed-male

you should be calling the shots when you socialize also, telling people where you want to go, giving suggestions for where YOU want to hang out.

^^well if it was just a matter of being comfortable socializing, i would have reached that point by now.. im very similar to OP, i get drained by socializing, especially mundane type socializing and just retreat..when it comes to women and playing the social game, i admit i find much of it to be a hassle especially when the sex aspect isnt mind blowing...

its the introverted dilemma, we are comfortable being alone 90% of the time, but we dread 'small talk' so being able to attract 3-4 constant fuck buddies and keep them around can be difficult..its the 10% of time when we want companionship is what gets us..i keep running into this problem..i need very little social interaction and get more than my fil through work so this hurts my social life...i read this site and read reports of guys approaching 3-4 women every other day or going on 3-4 online dates a week and im like wtf..

Okay, just a theory...

If guy A can't get thing B for a very long period of time, even though he usually can get everything else except thing B, then guy A will put thing B on a throne and start to think about it way, waaay too high, like it's the ultimate goal, the goal of goals, to get thing B.

Now, if guy A finally gets close to getting the thing he chased for so, so long, guy A gets nervous. Because, what happens if he reaches his ultimate goal? What then? Is life over then? (exaggeration.) If a goal is too big we tend to subconciously start to sabotage ourselfes, so that if things go wrong we have something to blame, so we have a way out when expectations aren't met. If we don't sabotage ourselfes we have to fear our illusionary bubble of the ultimate goal may burst and leave us empty and dissappointed, and that's exactly what happens to many guys if the chase after something too fanatically.

Long story short:
Maybe girls aren't the holy grail you thought they were. They are still pretty damn nice for several reasons. Maybe, just maybe, the problems are your high expectations, even if they are subconcious expectations.
So you lose your motivation, because you got too close to your goal and fear being disenchanted.

Or maybe I'm talking philosophical bullshit again. I tend to do that. If so, ignore it.


Solution?
Stop thinking in black and white. You may not enjoy female company as much as you thought you would, BUT... part of that is simply because you aren't used to it. It is still a nice (not the ULTIMATE) thing to have. Once you are used to it, you tend to be more willing to be social and feel a greater need to sorround yourself with people. (At least it's possible.)

Actually this is a very interesting thing, lots of guys masturbate A LOT nowadays. I don't know the answer but based on experience I could give you an idea so here goes:

I reckon it's to do with your masturbation habits, you've watched so much porn and jacked off so much to really hardcore porn and you've strangled your cock in the way that you absolutely love it best every single time. Based on your age, you grew up in a time where porn was not so readily available but started becoming moreso when you were about 15-16 and this fed your addiction to continue more. You've been doing it for so long the way you want it, watching the porn that you most prefer that your dopamine receptors (it's the sense of enjoyment you get in your brain) are wired in a way that you can ONLY get sexually pleasured if you get things in the exact way that you want. That and the combination of the reduction in testosterone due to the frequency that you have been doing it.

Again, based on experience, I would say to just lay off of it completely for a while so your testosterone builds up a bit also because, in reality, the sex that you get in person will usually not be as hardcore as what you see so it phases your expectations from reality. About the number of women, well everyone to their own taste, some people would like to have a few, some people prefer to just have one.

Quite honestly it sounds like the chemistry with those women just wasn't there....It happens, I have met and fucked super hot women that didnt do it for me like the "cute" girls I fuck.... In fact it really makes me ponder WTF it is that makes attraction so different from woman to woman.

RandomScrub wrote: Actually this is a very interesting thing, lots of guys masturbate A LOT nowadays. I don't know the answer but based on experience I could give you an idea so here goes:

I reckon it's to do with your masturbation habits, you've watched so much porn and jacked off so much to really hardcore porn and you've strangled your cock in the way that you absolutely love it best every single time. Based on your age, you grew up in a time where porn was not so readily available but started becoming moreso when you were about 15-16 and this fed your addiction to continue more. You've been doing it for so long the way you want it, watching the porn that you most prefer that your dopamine receptors (it's the sense of enjoyment you get in your brain) are wired in a way that you can ONLY get sexually pleasured if you get things in the exact way that you want. That and the combination of the reduction in testosterone due to the frequency that you have been doing it.

Again, based on experience, I would say to just lay off of it completely for a while so your testosterone builds up a bit also because, in reality, the sex that you get in person will usually not be as hardcore as what you see so it phases your expectations from reality. About the number of women, well everyone to their own taste, some people would like to have a few, some people prefer to just have one.

I would have to agree with this. You also said you have a death grip when masturbating and that might be why sex is so boring. All those years of porn could've definitely taken a toll. Here's an article on the benefits of quitting porn, if you think thats the problem.

Like others mentioned it could also just be that you're naturally introverted. On top of that you finally got what you've wanted your whole life, and you probably dreamed about it so much that there is no way it could measure up.