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Hey Guys. I wasn't sure which Forum to post this in since I'm married, which makes my situation and problem completely opposite from everyone else on here. My problem has to do with staying faithful. I got laid a lot in High School & College but since meeting my wife, I've Only had sex with her. I travel a lot for work so sometimes I'm away from my wife for 10 days at a time. I've had several chances to fuck women that I've met at Business Meetings, Conferences and Hotel Bars, but then I think about what it would do to my family and I end up going back to my hotel room with a raging boner & blue balls. I have a fleshlight that I use and it feels awesome, but its still not the same as fucking a real chick. It doesn't help that one of my buddies from High School and College also works and travels with me. He's married too but is always fucking other chicks. He said he loves his wife but loves pussy to much to stay faithful. His motto is "A Stiff Dick has No Conscience". We share a hotel room a lot and there's been a few times when I'm working on a presentation or speech for a meeting the next day, and he's fucking some chick on the bed in front of me. I get jealous of his ability to cheat and not feel guilty and of the fact that he's getting laid a lot while we are traveling. The few times when I almost did it, I think about how much I love my wife and what would happen if I did. If she found out, then she'd divorce me, my kids (twin boys 4 and a 6 year old girl) would be devastated and then I'd only see my kids every other weekend, and that always stops me. My wife and I have a great sex life. I never have to ask/beg for sex, she initiates it more than I do. I never have to beg for BJ's like all my other married friends do. She just does it. They all complain about getting laid like once or twice a week and maybe a BJ every 3 months. When I'm home, I get laid almost every night. So if I love my kids and my wife so damn much and I have an awesome sex life with her, why am I finding the urge to fuck random women so strong? Its getting hard (literally) to control the urge. How many of you guys think you'd be able to stay faithful once married? I don't want to be the asshole that breaks up his family because he fucked a stranger.
Because variety is the spice of life. You aren't happy about something, man. Otherwise you wouldn't wonder. It may not be from lack of sex. Maybe you view your wife as more of a mother to your children than a sexual being. So, even if you are having regular sex, it isn't satisfying in the way it could be with someone who isn't so intimately involved with your daily life. Sometimes, sex can be just going through the motions. If you want to be a good guy, tell your wife what's up. Maybe she'll have an idea that helps. Role playing or some shit. Your other option is to get it out of your blood and just fuck a random. Then you'll know if that was all that was up. If you still want to after that, then you should probably see a counselor with the wife.
Hey Ace- I'll repost it for you. Or you can if want.
I don't know that I can give you solid advice on this... unfortunately. so take my comments as "something to consider" rather than as any sort of authority.
I think Jeremy has a good understanding of the conflict you are in... a lot of what he said never quite occurred to me.
the desire for 'sexual variety' is probably the biggest obstacle in even the best of committed relationships. it might help, however, to think (And list) what you love about your life, wife and family though. One of my problems in the past was constantly thinking about what a girl/friend/person lacked rather than what they DID have going for them.
now that might not give your a boner or the urge to have sex with your wife over-and-over but its a start.
another thing to consider (this is a GLL exclusive haha)-- boost your testosterone up (see the doctor, of course) ... and you'll simply naturally want to get busy with her. I def agree playing out some fantasies/fetish stuff is awesome, its such a tight emotional&sexual bond
strong sexually urges can come and go, if you are getting hot and bothered by sex happening in front of you... go jerk off, and leave the room... (in whatever order you choose haha). leave a marriage for just sex, and only sex, isn't my recommendation.. but again, never been married or quite know the husband/wife dynamic that you have
Man, I just have to spell out: Consistent sex doesn't always equate to a great sex life. I agree, try to spice it up. But just be aware that it may not be enough, and if it isn't, don't feel bad. Just do what you have to for you.
"I don't need your pussy, bitch. I'm on my own dick." - Kanye West
"My dick? On the double-feature screen. Your dick? Went straight to DVD." - Mickey Avalon.
"My heart is massive, but they want my dick. Bitch, you ain't never felt no shit like this. So give me a kiss." -Tech N9ne
(Sorry for the Long Post. Talking about all this helped me realize how stupid I was for thinking about cheating on my wife)
Chris, you told me to write/list what I love about my wife and kids. Great idea man. It made me think about my marriage and what I'd be throwing away if I ever did fuck some chick and my wife found out. I would never want to hurt her or my kids like that. The guilt would kill me. Writing about it helped reassure what I already knew and that's how much I love my life, my wife and my kids.
Jeremy, I had kind of a weird defensive reaction when you said "you arent happy about something man, maybe your wife just doesn't do it for you and consistent sex doesn't equate to a great sex life". I'm actually glad you wrote that because it made me think hard about; what I might be unhappy with, does my wife really do it for me, and how good my sex life is. Dude, I'm 100% happy, I honestly can't think of anything I'm unhappy about. I'm totally attracted to my wife and our sex life is awesome. You also said that maybe I view my wife as more of a mom to my kids and not a sexual being. So I will tell you some personal stuff about my marriage.
After we got married, we talked about a lot of stuff. She told me that she will never be the wife that gains weight, lets herself go, wears sweat pants to the grocery store, has sex only in the bedroom or missionary position, never gives blowjobs and only sleeps with her husband like 5 times a month. She said she doesn't want a mundane marriage or sex life and wants to keep the sex between us as hot as it was back in our college days. By being wild and totally spontaneous, she has been the one to help me separate from seeing her as as just a mom to our kids and someone I am totally attracted to. We do role play a lot. We both love it. She asked me one day who I want to have sex with. I told her a slutty school girl (I know that will sound like a total cliche to you guys). The next night, I was downstairs working in the office. I thought she was asleep. The doorbell rings, I answer it. It's my wife dressed in a short plaid miniskirt, black leather knee high boots, white shirt tied above her belly button, the first thing she says to me is "Professor, I need help with my homework". It gave me an instant hard on. It made me so damn happy that she actually went out and bought stuff to look like a school girl just to please me. She said she always thought it would be hot for some guy to come up to her in a mall, flirt with her, make her feel sexy and then have sex. So one day I told her to go to the mall to pick up my suit I had altered. I left my office early, I knew the kids were at home with our nanny. I wait in the store for her to pick up my suit. I walk up behind her, whisper in her ear, she turned around and saw me and we end up fucking in a dressing room. Totally turned her on. I've got several role playing stories but I'm not going to write about all of them. I get road head all the time. BJ on a flight. Sex in a movie theater. She gave me a handjob in a booth in a restaurant which went from being a total turn on, to one of the most embarrassing experiences of my life. (Just ask if you want to know what happened). We still laugh about it. We talk a lot when I'm traveling. One time I was in a hotel and I told her that I was horny as hell. She tells me she'll call me right back. She hangs up, takes naked pics, emails them to, calls me back, tells me to check my email, then she tells me to jerk off while she talks dirty to me. Another time, I had been gone for 9 days, on the phone, I tell her that I'm stressed, I'm under a lot of pressure because my meetings aren't going that well, I can't sleep and then I jokingly tell her that I've got major blue balls. The next afternoon, after my meeting, I get paged to come to the front desk at the conference center. I go there, they tell me the lady sitting over there is looking for me. It was my wife. She got her mom to stay with our kids for 2 days so she could fly out, have sex with me and try to help with some stress. You have no idea how awesome it was that she did that for me. At her parents family Christmas Party, we had a quickie in her childhood bedroom with like 50 people downstairs. I could seriously write for hours about how incredible my sex life is with my wife. We never just go through the motions, its never boring or dull. There's certain things she does or says that get me hard so fast. Like, I'll call her when I land at the airport, and she'll say something like "hurry home I want you inside me". That might sound cheesy to you guys, but to me, it gives me a boner and I can't wait to get home. I pull in the driveway expecting to go in and rip my wife's clothes off and have sex, but what always happens instead is, my 3 little ones are so excited to see me, that they come running out to hug and kiss me. Then I end up playing with them for hours. And if I've been gone for a week or so then they miss me and want to sleep in the bed with us. So then we have to wait until the kids are asleep and sneak to another room. I hope that by telling you guys some personal stuff about my sex life with my wife that I didn't portray her as some overly horny nympho. We just happen to have an incredible sex life together. Aside from sex. Shes an awesome wife, great friend, awesome cook, great listener, amazing mom to our kids. Shes in great shape. She loves sports, hell she knows more about football and basketball than I do. She does cool things like surprising me with Superbowl and World Series tickets. Unlike most marriages, we still go out on dates when we get a chance. Most people when they get married and have kids basically just become parents and forgot about their husband/wife but I'm not Dad first and Husband second, my wifes not Mom first and Wife second. We found a perfect balance of both and I think thats why we have such a great marriage. I would never be able to find someone who is so perfect and that makes me as happy as she does and that's why I feel like such a fucking asshole for having the urge to fuck some random chick.
Kids - I have a 6 year old daughter and 4 year old twin boys. Back in college, I swore I'd never have kids. I just thought I could finish school, work, party, get laid and hang out with my buddies. The thought of kids scared the shit out of me. I didn't want to be responsible for something so little and helpless. I didn't want to be tied down to something I had to raise. I saw kids as a loss of freedom. I could never see myself being a good dad and the thought of it almost had me scared to even get married. I got married and when we found out my wife was pregnant I pretended like I was happy, but I was scared, I was nervous and freaking out. What changed it all, was in the delivery room. The first time I held my daughter and she looked at me, I got teary eyed (its ok, call me a pussy) and all I could think was, shes mine, I made her. We were lucky, she was an easy baby. Which helped ease us in to the next pregnancy. Twins. My twins are 100% boys. Obsessed with anything sports. They love baseball, football and karate. Heres some advice for you guys. If you have twin boys and they take karate lessons, invest in a good cup. I swear my balls have turned in to a punching bag for them. I went from being the wild college dude who didn't want kids to having 3 kids and loving every minute of being a dad. I miss them so damn much when Im working and cant wait to get home and see them. Its awesome to hear your kids tell you they love you. I love hearing them tell me to hurry and come home because they miss me. Now we are deciding if want to have one more or if 3 is enough. My wife tells me all the time that she loves watching me play with our kids and that Im a great dad. Crazy how much I've changed from my college days.
Shit, Chris, you told me to make a list and I realized after I wrote it, how perfect my wife and marriage are. Sorry I rambled on and on. I actually think that talking about it helped me realize what I have and how stupid I would be to throw it away by having random sex. I think the urge I have to get laid when I'm traveling, has a lot to do with the fact that I'm away from my wife for up to 10 days. I get horny and want to have sex. My work can be stressful and sex has always been a great stress reliever for me. Guys are competitive by nature so knowing my buddies are fucking chicks and I'm not, gives me this feeling of "This sucks, I'm a guy, I'm horny, I've got a boner and I wanna bust a nut. They're all getting laid and I'm in the bathroom jerking off like some loser". Chris I do get hot and bothered by sex happening in front of me. My buddy Maxx brings chicks back to the room and gets BJ's or Laid in front of me and that makes the urge I have even stronger. Most of the time I do leave the room but there's been a few times I've had to finish a presentation for an early meeting the next morning and I can't pack up all my stuff and go work on it out in the hall. So it can be frustrating to control the urge to join in.
I appreciate your comments and suggestions. They more than likely helped stop me from doing something stupid and ruining my marriage.
You are a cool dude. And to me it sounds like you have a very awesome and rare marriage. sound's to me you have something that will be great till you die. congrats on finding an amazing woman like that!
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