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I've been starting to think I'm running out of time to make this happen for me since I'm already 27. I've gotten laid with 19 chicks but I definitely don't feel like I can get laid when I want to. What I'd like to ultimately gain is the confidence that I can get laid. I don't need to bang a hundred hot chicks, all I want is to be able to get cute girl next door type chicks, and mainly a GF. Even this feels out of my reach as it is now as it's been months since I last had sex since my current GF has been away. I'm mainly interested in chicks 21 y/o and under.
Is cold approach a viable option for doing this in the first place or should I instead be focusing on something else?
Do you think I should make getting laid my #1 goal? How much time should I be directing towards that goal each day?
What specifically should I do? (AA program again, going out alone program, something else)
My main stumbling block is depression but I don't believe there's any other way to fix it than to improve my confidence. I really need your input guys.
25 y/o virgin before GLL
If it bothers you that much then ya make getting laid your #1 priority. If I was you, I would stop chasing the bulk and cut cycles and just get diced and stay that way and then get the sex life you want before you focus on other bodybuilding endeavors. If you legit approach 5 girls a day for the next few months I guarantee your life will completely change. If you are able to cold approach already why would you do the AA program? Go hit on girls. And yes cold approach is a viable option for this, I don't see what else would be a more viable option?
I know there are tonns of guys on here that getting laid is their #1 priority right now, however, I can count on 1 hand how many guys on here ACTUALLY go out and approach 5 girls a day +. If you commit yourself to that schedule I think you will always have strong options. If you actually get consistent with it too 5 girls in a day could take less than 20 minutes which is a very small time investment for the rewards you would get from a 5 girl approach rate every day. For example, I try to incorporate it into my life now instead of setting aside big chunks of time to going out and doing approaches. Last week I had a class, and just between the time of me walking from my class back to where my car was parked to leave campus I did 4 approaches in ten minutes, got 3 numbers, and got a date out of it with a smoke show 9/10 girl. It doesn't need to be a super involving time consuming process if you just make sure you're always dressed on point, well groomed and looking good, and don't let opportunities pass you by. Tonns of split second opportunities will make themselves apparent in your everyday errands and other things, key is to always capitalize on EVERY single one of them.
First I wanna thank for the answers. For a while there I thought I wasn't even welcome on the forums anymore.. dc7 I'm gonna stay lean after I cut next time, because I simply feel like shit when I'm fat. I guess I have enough muscle mass to look good ripped.
Either I think I'm worse off than I actually am, or you don't realize how bad things are for me right now. Chris defined the ability to cold approach that you can approach 90% of the chicks you want, when you want. Well I went to a mall to try and do some approaches today, but I couldn't even do a single one. I probably shouldn't beat myself up too hard for it since I was only there for like 10 mins, but I think it's safe to say that I can't cold approach anymore. I can sometimes do it when the situation arises and I feel good... but these days I never feel good.
I'll probably feel a lot better when I see my GF again in a few weeks, but all she does is make me comfortable, not solve my actual problem which is the lack of confidence to get laid. I can't believe she's stuck with me all this time even though I've been depressed as hell and doing nothing but bitching to her about my insecurities, but I think it's only a matter of time before she realizes what a loser I am and I have to be able to get another one.
All I can think of is I look like shit, my style looks like shit, I feel like shit, I don't wanna bother girls because they won't like me anyway. (Attached is picture of what I actually look like these days) So I'm thinking don't even start approaching until I lean out a bit?
I've realized however that something needs to be done because I can't keep feeling like this. I'm gonna read my old AA log to see if I can gain any motivation from it, but right now even the first page just made me feel miserable because I realized how much more cynical I've become. My head is a really fucking dark place to live in. I need to either stop living inside it or keep working on changing my thought patterns - preferably both.
I'll try to just say hi to some chicks tomorrow.
25 y/o virgin before GLL
Dude you are more than good looking and edgy enough to attract women. I remember you showing people your 4 tinder pics and I was like wow... I want to model my profile off this guy. Your pics screamed good looking, fun and edgy. I'm not just saying this because you're feeling down but those were my legit thoughts when I saw your profile.
dashedhopes wrote: Dude you are more than good looking and edgy enough to attract women. I remember you showing people your 4 tinder pics and I was like wow... I want to model my profile off this guy. Your pics screamed good looking, fun and edgy. I'm not just saying this because you're feeling down but those were my legit thoughts when I saw your profile.
Thanks man, really appreciate that although you saying it doesn't make me feel it. And why is it that I've gotten suck crappy results lately even though I'm using the same pics? I think I just come across as super depressed nowadays, and as soon as the chick doesn't reply 100% smoothly, I immediately spin into a negative cycle thinking it's about me and stop talking.
The fun thing is, my GF also thinks I'm getting laid left and right since we have an open relationship during her time abroad. She's super jealous. I guess it's weird when a guy like me doesn't get laid.
25 y/o virgin before GLL
Well I went to a mall to try and do some approaches today, but I couldn't even do a single one. I probably shouldn't beat myself up too hard for it since I was only there for like 10 mins, but I think it's safe to say that I can't cold approach anymore. I can sometimes do it when the situation arises and I feel good... but these days I never feel good.
That feeling and experience is totally normal when you get out of the physical AND mental habit of doing something. If I haven't cold approached for a while, and then I go out and "see if I can do it," I simply can't. And it seems like I've lost the ability and AA is back. That's not true. It's just how a loss of momentum makes things seem. Once the ball gets rolling, it all starts to come back. That part of your mind will wake up.
Your "identity" is made of the things you do on a daily basis. With working out, that is a clear part of your identity, because you live it everyday, and the results are obvious. It can be the same for anything else that's important to you, as this "other goal" clearly is for you. The "approaching and meeting women" goal just has more mental barriers and baggage. Your fears are confronted every step of the way, so it makes it more of a challenge to get that get that momentum ignited, and to keep it going.
Your ability to build a physique proves you can commit and accomplish something rare, even when you have depressive thoughts that come and go. That's impressive. So if you can take that de-"termination," and focus it more directly at getting women, success will be guaranteed.
I don't like approaching anymore much and I've been struggling with this and trying to figure out why. But I think to myself that nothing will happen if I approach today. But I get girls if I put in the nubmers, fact of the matter is the game is like that it's always a numbers game and no one bats 100. So its work but its part of it. My confidence is different everyday.
Rousseau my fucking man!!! I don't know how long it would've taken me if somebody hadn't actually told me to go do it.
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So I put on my best clothes, sprayed on some cologne and drove out. I went to a gas station but all the chicks there were with guys. I thought about approaching still but figured I'd better not start with a sure-fire way to get a bad reaction. I couldn't handle it but I spoke to some random couple instead about the gas station. That alone actually reduced my AA by at least half since it was a nice reaction.
I then had no choice but to drive out to town. There's no chicks anywhere else at 10PM on a Sunday night. At least then I'd better approach or the 20min drive would've been for nothing. At first I just visited a small grocery store which had no customers unfortunately. I asked the salesgirl if they sold bread even though I'd just been looking at the breads. Then it was time to go out.
I did something I've never done, especially not at night. I stopped a girl who was walking towards me even though I figured I looked super creepy with my built physique, boots, dogtags and hands in the pockets of my leather Terminator jacket. I asked her for the time, was super awkward about it, but slapped her a high five to which she laughed I realized I was gonna be awkward and rusty so I just embraced it after that and decided to be Mr. Awkward tonight
I actually stopped another chick on the phone and whaddaya know, she wasn't creeped out by me either!! I asked if she could call back since she was cute and I wanted to talk to her. She actually had no problem holding my handshake until I let her go after she politely told me she can't stop the call.
I then thought about running up and catching to a couple of chicks but even though I felt I had the momentum by this point, I approached a stationary pair instead. I immediately got a "not interested" vibe, but persisted since they hadn't even heard what I had to say. To my surprise I started to find the lines and jokes again. Fuck I loved it by this point. The other chick seemed to dislike me but the other was lukewarm so I got her number. Repeat: I got her number!
I walked around the bus terminal and as my last victim I found a 30+ woman standing right outside a grocery store. Again, super awkward and I could tell she was really flattered by my approach but doubtfully interested so I left it at that.
Then I talked to a couple of army guys, and some random couple. Also yelled at a chick from the window of my car, which I've never done before. The attempt failed but now I'll be able to do it again.
I now know exactly what I need to do, and that is to definitely approach 5+ chicks per day. Do you reckon I shouldn't even analyze the approaches and just do it without thinking? I'm so proud of myself I can't believe it how depressed I was. Apparently I can come across well even though I don't look my best due to the bloat. My GF can do whatever she wants, I have the means to create my own sex life
Beast That is quite possibly the most uplifting thing I've ever read, because it makes so much sense.
Wow... I feel great. I'm not even kidding, you guys just helped me make my night. This was the most exciting thing I've probably done all summer It prolly won't last, which is why I need to keep doing this. I see that now.
25 y/o virgin before GLL
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