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A little background, back in high school I was skinny and not a very popular kid. I was insecure, feared rejection and so on. Later, I started getting serious with the gym and now, at my 23 years old, I have a very decent body, i'm browned skinned, i'm tall enough and I have a edgy look. I speak 4 languages and I am finishing my university degree in Engineering.
Girls check me out every-fucking-time. Guys see me as someone superior, since I am sometimes very bold and agressive with girls. Now. I get laid every once and then. I approach around 5-10 girls a month. And I know if I could get rid of my following problems I could be much happier and live to my full potential:
1. Deep down, I am still insecure. I can't seem to hold eye contact. And I get very anxious when people are staring at me. It's like I get very self-conscious and start getting nervous. It's like I can't beleive I am so fucking attractive.
I've tried exposure therapy for 3 years, by going out of home all the time and wearing tank tops to seek attention, but it doesnt go away!!
2. Also, I get plenty and plenty of verbal attacks and insults from people for no reason. Perhaps they have inferiority complex. Some people call me roid-muncher, others take me for granted, others try to pick me up. And I am fucking 94kg and 184cm tall. I'm fully ripped.
Therefore I become more serious and isolated and less open to people because this kind of shit hurts me, I just suck at verbal bantering, which makes me get into physical fights sometimes because I don't know how to deal properly with verbal insults. Which sometimes makes me hopeless because I exposure myself in those situations and I cant handle them.
Sometimes I want to fuck around with someone whos being a jerk, but because I suck at this kind of things, I avoid conflict in case I get hurt verbally.
I just want to reach my full potential, and points 1 and 2 make it impossible for me. I'm tired of exposing myself and getting defeated, or worse, crying sometimes.
And yes I have fear of conflict because I don't know how to handle them verbally as a secure and confident person.
I have fear of rejection also, because I don't know how to handle when people laugh at me or awkwardness
I have fear of being judged, about what others think of me. Since I've always been criticized.
What do you think? It's like living in a perfect body with a toxic personality
I understand what you are saying, as I myself am similar in that Im good looking, have a decent amount of mass and im well known (among males, at least), but I always struggled with confidence and self esteem.
Im starting to get much, much better. How have I got better? Through taking action and approaching girls and acting on girls approaching me. For too long I was a pussy, sitting back and wasting my potential. I always thought I could get girls, now I KNOW I can get girls.
Who cares that people call you roid muncher? They are acknowledging your size and physical presence. This should give you a boost. I take a secret pride when people associate me with steroids, as clearly they believe im big. People are just challenging you, as they feel you are worth the challenge. They are intimidated by you.
Basically, start taking action towards building confidence and a sense of entitlement.
In regards to fearing rejection and judgement, I was also exactly like this. You've just got to say, fuck it! Seriously. You will be so much better off for doing it.
I don't mind approaching and getting rejected. Problem is I later don't know how to deal with the verbal insults, awkwarness, social pressure of people who laugh at you or see you as inferior because you just got rejected.
Say I get rejected, I get laughed at, I don't know how to react and this hurts me a lot because I am seen as inferior, I feel hopeless, isolate myself and become serious and therefore sad and angry with myself.
3 -4 years going non-stop outside. every weekend. Getting rejections. Dealing with criticisms from guys and so on.
How much fucking more exposure should I get?!
I was thinking in stepping up, and taking boxing or Muay Thai, to improve those aspects. What do you think?
You can do that if you wish. Im not really sure how it will help in regards to girls though. You'll be able to defend yourself and it might promote confidence - but if you are as good looking and in as good shape as you say, then it probably wont help. The problem here is mental, not physical.
I think your problem is that you are still trying to seek validation. This was also an issue for me. I overcame it through starting to interact with girls physically and verbally and realising I actually enjoy it.
Man if you are in Toronto area I would be down to meet up and talk. I overcame the same shit you're going through over the past few months. My lessons learned / substances that might help you:
#1 - Learning/Knowing your worth - I KNOW I am a catch for women and holy fuck dude 4 languages and an engineer AND jacked. You are a fucking big deal. The biggest thing to improving self-esteem is self-realization and KNOWING YOUR WORTH. AS NARCISSISTIC AS IT SOUNDS YOU ARE WORTH A LOT MORE THAN THE AVERAGE MAN.
"I am worth it - Not only do I have a bright future, I'm smart, caring/loving, genuine - and I know I deserve THE BEST." So give it your best man and don't settle for anything less
#2 - Kratom - This shit is not over hyped. It's a pretty good natural substance to USE IF YOU CAN. I very rarely use it BUT I VOUCH IT CHANGES MINDSET IN A POSITIVE WAY. It changes the way you think and feel and that biochemical changes in thought patterns/in your brain definitely stays with you through exposure. I WOULD ADVISE AGAINST USING IT BEFORE STUDYING / TAKE IT ON A RELAXING FREE DAY TO TEST IT OUT TO SEE HOW YOU REACT. This will defiently make you not give a fuck what naysayers and dumb lowlifes are talking about.
#3 - BE SOCIAL - If someone seems interesting or you have ANY questions on your mind. Ask that person. No fucks given. You are THE GOD of your REALITY. I find it quite amusing to KNOW I control my ACTIONS and therefore control MY LIFE. I've made most friends and acquaintances in the passed 6 months than I have in the past 6 years!
#4 - BE POSITIVE - It's a simple concept that can definitely be hard to adapt to. Kratom will definitely help get on the right track. However, just a shift in mindset is needed. Which is accomplished mostly by my next point as contradicting as is may sound...
#5 - DON'T GIVE A FUCK - If ANYONE is half-assing a social interaction. Fuck em'. They ain't worth your time. Because I am polite I don't call them out but rather make some reason to excuse myself and disengage. Simply you can just walk away cause you shouldn't give a fuck if they don't. The biggest thing I have learned from GLL is to SCREEN. If a girl is ON she is ON. It's that simple you just have to LEAD. If she ain't feeling it SHE ISN'T ON - MOVE ON.
Hope this helps somehow man. Peace and love brotha
Dude I almost made a post just like this weeks ago.
I FEEL you and I'm struggling with the EXACT same thing. I was scrawny in highschool and not very popular.
I hit the gym like crazy and my face matured a lot and now girls check me out everywhere whereas before girls joked about how scrawny I was behind my back and wouldn't want to be seen with me. Guys were kinda the same and picked on me and bullied me mercilessly for my size.
People fuck with me verbally and I feel singled out like its highschool all over again, hell it even happens at work. I've figured out guys though man - guys generally aren't mean or rude per se, hell if they're ribbing you they probably want to be friends and joke with you. A friend of mine teases me for being so swole every time he sees me and has brought up roids...but hes a good friend of mine now actually, I never took offense to it.
Really I know he likes having a dude who is strong and can also fight roll with his crew...who wouldn't?
See how valuable you are there?
Girls however...I've gotta say they can be cruel. I'll try to have a conversation with a girl and be vulnerable, open, and REAL. I'll make a connection to maybe a slightly obscure topic...like today it was the butterfly effect, with a girl I was speaking to at work. She said "I don't care" and walked off. And I'm just left like...damn that's cold. I was trying to conversate a bit and she shat all over it.
I don't EVER treat people that way, even if I'm not at all interested in what they're saying.
Then, hurt a bit, I go from wanting to be MYSELF(carefree, smiling, playful) to being like
"fuck everyone I'm just gonna be silent and a dick and preemptively reject others to prevent myself from being hurt"
but I'm figuring out that RUINS you for the people who might actually LIKE the real YOU.
So just don't get bitter, I'm still struggling with this too but have found that having a sense of humor and not being too serious, being PRESENT instead of inside your head helps a bit.
It's harder for us who grew up being unpopular instead of having years of positive reference experience like say the popular football players.
I also have fucked plenty of chicks and it seems like we are auto-sabotaging ourselves and that is what makes us unhappy.
I think it all comes down to the 3 points I mentioned at the end of the post
"And yes I have fear of conflict because I don't know how to handle them verbally as a secure and confident person.
I have fear of rejection also, because I don't know how to handle when people laugh at me or awkwardness
I have fear of being judged, about what others think of me. Since I've always been criticized."
So I guess more exposure would be worth...or not...
Being an older GLL, I learned that it is a state of mind that carries into my actions that makes females rub their pussies right in front of me. I got creamed and nailed by my male boss, not just criticized, and I kept on doing what I was doing, I got all my female colleagues in time( not physically though) , but eventually had to quit becuase of his overbearing state and jealousy of me.
If you keep reading Chris's lifestyle posts and articles you can infer the mindset he carried(s). That is what is needed. Women can flip their decisions in a heartbeat so give them less credence and be SELFISH, something Chris confirmed for me. I would add that sucking up and making friends is more important with superiors than with people of equal footing. In every way, you have to bring something to the table. I am isolated since my behaviours and approach are quite different. I eventually learned to laugh off the snide remarks, which I continue to receive, and this is easier said than done. Chris's articles alleviated alot of the mental angst I had, which has helped me psychologically and spiritually.
Be Selfish, Be charismatic, be frank( I would have approached the girl again) and be true to yourself. Make the mindset then the state of mind and then make it your own.
Everyone says this shit. "I'm easily a 9 or 10 but I can't get laid, wtf is going on!?"
It boils down to these things: You either aren't as good looking as you think you are, your style sucks, or you aren't approaching enough. Based on your post I would guess it is you aren't approaching enough, but the other two are just as likely.
Some guys need a reality check when they think they can't improve and are god's gift to the planet and actually have a lot of work to do on their image.
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I didn't think the "Get Hung" guide would have girls eyeing my bulge. It did.
I didn't think that your exercise and diet advice would have girls checking me out. It did.
I DEFINITELY didn't think that your hair-loss prevention would fix my hairline. Not in a billion years. It mother fucking did. You saved me a crazy amount of time, a ton of money, unnecessary pain, and destroyed my #1 source of anxiety. DESTROYED IT.
Kratom is next!
To anyone reading this, follow through, read this material, APPLY this material, and enjoy life.