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BodyFat %: Aprox 13-15%??
Gym: 6-7 days a week for past 4 months
Hair/eye color: Black hair green eyes
My name is Andy, I'm 27 years old and I live in a decent size college town on the east cost USA. I'm joining the community for likely the same reason everyone else has joined- I want to get better with women. But unlike some guys on here, I'm happy just finding a high quality girlfriend. I'm experienced enough to know the most effective way to do this is to get a rotation of girls and keep the one you like best, so that's what I'm hoping to do. Also, I want to see if I can actually develop an abundance mindset when it comes to dating. I think a little bit of a backstory on my life would be helpful now.
All throughout grade school/high school, I was a good looking guy but I was too shy to get with girls. Going back to 6th grade, I was the first of my friends to get a girlfriend (the popular girl in school liked me) but I didn't even kiss her. I was a total pussy when it came to women basically all throughout my school years and into college. I think part of the reason for this was because I was really self conscious about my skin, particularly acne- I had it somewhat bad at times (it was never horrible,) but I just have a huge fucking ego and I really let it destroy my confidence and it manifested itself with my inability to get intimate with girls.
Anyway, I went to a local college and continued to do nothing with girls. It was awkward as fuck because my friends were pretty cool guys and they got pussy and they always wondered about why I never could get any. I'm sure they talked a ton of shit behind my back, but oh well. I finally lost my virginity at age 19 to a super sexy girl (Still best looking girl I've been with probably.) After that, I didn't get laid for like 2 years, and it was all bad experiences. Never had a real girlfriend or fuck buddy to practice on.
It all finally changed at age 23 when I moved into my own house and decided that I had to do something drastic to fix my sex life. I wasn't going to become that dude who was a weirdo/incel and went his whole life jerking off and never having a girlfriend. I met a girl through friends and started fucking her. She wasn't the best but she was good practice. I practiced with her a few times until we stopped talking, then I downloaded Tinder and got good pictures and started tagging a few girls off of there.
Within the span of 6 months, I went from basically a virgin (I had very few sexual experiences) to a guy who could handle himself in the bedroom. I had just turned 24 at this point, so I was definitely a very late bloomer, but it was a huge accomplishment to handle that part of my life.
I kept banging random girls for the next 2 years, with intermittent seemingly random dry spells strewn throughout. When I was 25 and a half, I found a girl who became my first sort-of real girlfriend- we went out on a few dates and fucked for several months then she ghosted me in Jan 2017. I was in a shitty place for a little while, but spring 2018 I got really focused on the gym and got a little bit shredded.
Then, in March 2018, I met another girl and we started fucking, than going on dates, and she became my real girlfriend. Those first few months were pretty cool man- having a girl that I actually liked who I could fuck and bring to family parties and go do cool shit with was really cool. She was a very pretty girl too- not my ideal body type exactly but she was really social and had tons of friends and a good family and I liked that about her.
She moved to grad school that fall and we kept dating until September of this year. We were fighting a lot towards the end because she found out by going through my phone I had a drunken 1 night stand the previous thanksgiving. I dumped her after a big fight, but regretted it and kind of tried to get her back for a month or so. Than I really regretted and tried to get her back again and she had moved on at this point. Last time we spoke was November- I reached out and made it clear (I had been dancing around it before) that I wanted to fix things and she made it clear she moved on so that was the end. Haven't talked to her since than and I'll never reach out to her again.
Not gonna lie, what happened still stings a lot (wounds are still fresh.) It was my first real breakup- and to have a girl who told me how many times she loved me to completely turn on me was hard to deal with emotionally. But there are positives- I've had a real high quality and popular girlfriend now which improves my preselection to other girls and also, ever since we stopped seeing each other in September, I've been going to the gym 6-7 days a week so I'm starting to get some really nice results. I've fucked a few girls since we split, and just this past week I hooked up with a sexy 20 year old blonde college girl that I met through a friend. But I'm honestly missing that connection I had- fucking these girls just feels like jerking off or something to me.
So here's what I'm trying to do- get good at day time cold approach pick up. I will still go to bars occasionally, but I want to find my next girlfriend during the day time. I downloaded tinder and bumble a few weeks ago but deleted them- the idea of fucking tinder sluts does not appeal to me at all anymore, and I refuse to find my next girlfriend on a dating app (I just think its lame.)
I think I can be good at day game. I have limited experience with it, but a couple years ago I went out and got a date with a sexy college girl on the campus in my town after doing maybe like 10 approaches. I am tall with broad shoulders and take care of myself and have a full head of hair and facial hair. I'm not socially retarded. The only thing stopping my is approach anxiety. In the past 2 weeks, I've taken steps to try and combat it. I've been complimenting 3 girls a day in public. That's all I do- compliment them and leave (a couple of times I've asked follow up questions and had small talk.) I figure I will do this for a while and begin to start opening to girls at some point in the future.
I also want to develop a true abundance mindset. I stuck with my ex for way too long- I used to google "how to breakup with your ex" but I was too afraid to do it because I knew I would feel incredibly lonely and depressed afterwards (Exactly how I'm feeling now.) I NEED to fix this part of my life- even right now I'm still scared that I'll never do better than my ex. I know this is irrational but it's causing me a ton of emotional turmoil. If I could approach and meet girls anywhere/anytime, I would be lifting a humongous burden off of my chest and I feel like my quality of life would improve dramatically. I LOVE pussy and just women in general- to be able to get quality girls regularly and not have to be stuck with one for too long after the relationship's expiration date has long passed is a huge goal of mine. There's no reason that I shouldn't have quality women other than my own limiting beliefs so I really want to work on that (AKA fuck more quality girls.)
I'm hoping I can get away with no doing the AA program since I have a full time job that takes up most of my time, so do you guys think what I'm doing now (complimenting 3 different women during the day) is enough to quell my approach anxiety?
First off- thanks for the reply Andy. I appreciate your work on here and I'm a big fan.
I agree that what I'm doing isn't the most effective way to beat AA during the day, but there are a few things to point out.
I still approach at night, I usually go out and talk to girls at the bar at least once a week. I've probably brought 10ish girls home from the bar in my life so I'm not a super beginner but I can definitely improve, and by going out consistently I feel myself getting better. Keep in mind during my year and a half relationship I wasn't going out to game chicks so I got pretty fucking rusty.
Also, my job is my top priority, not beating the AA program so I feel like I don't have the time or the willpower to pull it off right now. Also, since I'm focused on a relationship and not banging a ton of girls, I only need to find one quality girl who meets my standards who is down to fuck.
I think you're right, I'm just spinning my wheels, but I need to do something that I can actually accomplish if I want success. Like Chris says- exposure therapy is how you beat AA. But in my case, the AA program feels like too much work in the sense that I don't have the time to talk to 20 chicks in a day. I have other shit that I'm working on besides my job too (gym usually 1-2 hours per day.)
I don't know man, night time always involves alcohol which makes it so much easier. Even at night I definitely have AA but I can usually push myself to approach. I definitely have a really bad case of AA though- my big fucking ego is telling me "cool guys don't approach" or "you don't have to do this shit it's lame." I'm afraid to get rejected, to look like an idiot even though there are no social consequences and nobody gives a shit about me. I think being in a relationship definitely made me feel above this shit or something, and I know that's crazy talk and weak thinking but I'm just being real I think that's what is going on.
The 1 a day seems so easy and I fuckin love that approach, I've been wanting to do it for a while. Here's what I think I need to do- before I start my work day, I need to force myself to do the approach. Because I've found that I work all day and by the time I get done I'm fuckin exhausted and the last thing I want to do is go hit on some girl. But if I do it first thing before I start my work for the day, it will push me to get it done and also I'll have more energy to do it.
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