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Hey gents, name's Sam, I'm 25, and I grew up in Seattle, went to college near Philly. I've been reading manosphere/seduction shit on-and-off since I was in 6th grade (David DeAngelo lmao), and I never put sufficient effort in applying that knowledge. I've tried to do this program twice before and never got past day 8. I expect this time to go differently because this time I've got an ace in the hole - after more than 10 years of effort, I've successfully abstained from fapping and porn for 88 days. I beat my porn addled brain, And I'm goddamn ready to beat my beta bitch heart too.
Garbage sex life, I'm technically a virgin, I've only had one REAL girlfriend (physical relationship) and the last time I got nekked with her was 6 years ago. Her breaking up with me kinda crushed me, left me with some scars and a major chip on my shoulder.
I'm worried about a couple things. 1) I live in a sorta-urban-area-but-not-quite, which means I can't just walk to Times Square and approach girls with no realistic expectation that I'll ever see them again. 2) Which is connected is that the stranglehold of feminism has only tightened since GLL started writing and I'm anxious about the ability of #MeToo shit to inhibit my ability to get laid without getting arrested.
I'm 5'10", but I'm only 130 lbs bc I have a very wiry frame (mother is an inch shorter than me and weighs 106 if you can believe it) and I'm working out every other day while continuing NoFap indefinitely.
By the end of January, I want to feel secure in my ability to get women. That means either sleeping with a girl, or legitimately deciding not to fuck her but knowing I could if I wanted to.
"I'm anxious about the ability of #MeToo shit to inhibit my ability to get laid without getting arrested."
I promise you this isn't real; you have nothing to worry about, as long as you're not being an ultra-dickhead to women. Be a normal human being who understand boundaries and you'll be perfectly fine. I've never had an issue with feminism/"rape culture"/etc. Other veterans will chime in and tell you the exact same thing.
"By the end of January, I want to feel secure in my ability to get women. That means either sleeping with a girl, or legitimately deciding not to fuck her but knowing I could if I wanted to."
This is a very, very vague goal. Make your goals tangible, so you'll know when you've achieved them. eg "I want to lose my virginity before December" or "I want to sleep with 5 women before February" or "I want to gain 40lbs on my bench press before January" etc.
Seconded what Andy said. It's extremely unlikely you're going to end up in any kind of significant trouble. You will encounter a handful of people that will be angry at you if you do the AA program, and you MAY get security at some place politely asking you not to come back, but that's the limit. That actually happened to me and I survived it and moved on regardless. As long as you're not sexually assaulting women or grabbing them you're gonna be fine.
I commented on your AA Log as well. Given the timeline, I would keep your 2019 goal to JUST finishing the AA Program. Nothing about getting laid until next year. You have about 3 months which is just enough time to finish the program. End this year with a huge win (beating your approach anxiety) and start 2020 as a monster ready to be unleashed on a socially inhibited world.
Count: 109 (30 from cold approach since finding GLL)
1. [Reevaluating due to Coronavirus]
2. Quit nicotine (DONE)
KillTheInnerLoser wrote: you have nothing to worry about, as long as you're not being an ultra-dickhead to women. Be a normal human being who understand boundaries and you'll be perfectly fine.
Bad Idea Bear wrote: As long as you're not sexually assaulting women or grabbing them you're gonna be fine.
You'll forgive me if I find this advice frustrating. The whole point is that nobody knows what the rules are anymore because the rules are capriciously enforced, and therefore effectively ever-changing. At what point does being a normal human being, with non-zero testosterone, cross into being an ultra-dickhead? What's the line between aggressively pursuing women in an exciting way, and sexual assault? (And by the way, hold on...don't the later AA drills LITERALLY tell you to grab women's hands, hug them without permission, etc?)
A small (but influential) group of people today will tell you that sexual harassment means "any verbal or body language behavior that is likely to make a man sexually successful, especially if the man is unattractive". As someone who's been to American university, telling me to be myself and trust my instincts doesn't help me because a) being a semi-autistic virgin, I don't have any useful instincts, and b) I just spent 4 years in an insane asylum run by the inmates, who told me straight up during orientation that if two drunk people sleep together the man is a rapist and the woman is an innocent angel. I (and society, clearly) are so confused I'm not even sure I'd recognize normality or reasonable social standards if they walked up and bit my nose off. Trusting my instincts basically means "never speak to women unless spoken to, never look at women, NEVER contradict a woman, and most importantly run far away from those evil abusers of women at GLL and never look back."
I know you guys are trying to help, and I thank you for it (and the anger expressed in this post is mostly directed at people in my past, not at you), but with gut instincts like that, I can't trust myself, and I sure as hell can't trust anybody else. What's a clueless schmuck like me supposed to do? Either die a virgin, or take a 50/50 gamble on becoming the next guy canceled on social media globally because of an honest misstep?
There are no guarantees about anything and you have to learn to cope with that. However, even if a worst case scenario happens it's not gonna matter in the long term. We think like animals so we overestimate short term consequences and underestimate long term consequences (wasting your life away watching porn and videogames).
Not gonna lie, as you said the metoo think is real and it seems to be harder to get laid from cold approach. And you may have some bad reactions and some people trying to lecture you. It is fine, they feel hurt/creeped out so they try to defend themselves. It doesn't matter tho.
While doing the AA program I had mostly neutral or positive reactions. I had some worst case scenarios. Some of them are:
-A boyfriend trying to punch me because I squeezed her girlfriend in the arm. Then a police officer told me to get out of that area. After that I did a lot of drills in that area.
-Girls insulting me (calling me a jerk)
-Girls trying to fight me (for real)
-A girl thinking I poisoned her and shouting that I poisoned her to her boyfriend who was in the other side of the train station. No one did anything.
-A girl trying to lecture me about Jesus Christ. And I encountered her again months later.
I'm telling you, nothing happens.
I recall some pua acquaintance being in jail for a couple of hours, but nothing happened after that.
You are right, some people would say that week 8 drills are sexual assault. But you don't have to run aggressive game man, just talk to girls and be normal, maybe hold their hand.99% chances nothing happens.
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I didn't think the "Get Hung" guide would have girls eyeing my bulge. It did.
I didn't think that your exercise and diet advice would have girls checking me out. It did.
I DEFINITELY didn't think that your hair-loss prevention would fix my hairline. Not in a billion years. It mother fucking did. You saved me a crazy amount of time, a ton of money, unnecessary pain, and destroyed my #1 source of anxiety. DESTROYED IT.
Kratom is next!
To anyone reading this, follow through, read this material, APPLY this material, and enjoy life.