This is an opinion website that offers information of a general nature and none of the opinions should be construed as advice. Nothing contained within the site is the advice, opinion or otherwise the view of any host, owner, server or other provider of services to Good Looking Loser. Nothing stated shall be construed to serve as a replacement for competent advice from professionals.
Affiliate Disclosure: At absolutely no expense to you, if you make a purchase, we may receive commissions from some links on this website. That is how our community supports itself. I don't recommend anything that I have not used personally or believe in. Thanks!
Just to start off: I feel tense/anxious while writing this post.
But I need help. I feel confused and lost. I am exhausted after, IMO, trying my hardest at fixing my problems.
I am 26 years old. Live at home with my parents. No job, no education (dropped out of college 5 years ago because of social anxiety), few friends, no social life. No sex for 2 years. No job for 1.5 years. I am tall (6`4"), athletic built at 200 lbs. Been told my whole life I am handsome. Not to brag but I feel I might be the epitome of a good looking loser, haha.
I am not sure if I am able to describe my situation, because anxiety and depression is my life, and have been my life since as long as I remember. I was always a sensitive kid, and now I am a sensitive manchild. The thing is I was extremely stressed out for a long time, basically all through my teens and until around 23. Now I have chronic sinusitis (constant pressure headache), apathy, low motivation, really bad social anxiety/panic anxiety to the point where I have a hard time going to the grocery store (even if it is early in the morning with a lot less people), brain fog, some dizziness. Feel numb. Just feel dead and empty inside. Eyes look lifeless. I wouldn´t call myself depressed, but I guess I am and have been my whole life. I have wasted an insane amount of hours in front of a screen, but I don´t feel frustrated. I am numb, as i said. Feels like a burnout.
This pressure headache is something that has come on gradually over 3.5 years. And this is something I have gotten confirmed through a MRI scan and a neurologist is a (mild) sinusitis. The doctor said it is harmless and should go over by itself. And after having wasted my time (years) with diets and some other stuff, I feel like this actually is a result of some mental problem manifesting physically. Because I remember having sinus pressure as a 16 yo (for a brief period), and going to specialists and taking scans of my head, just to be told I was perfectly fine.
Did my first cold approaches as a 20 year old. Got some numbers, which led to nothing.
In 2015 I found GLL and after a horrible summer I started the AA program. Started off with really bad anxiety, had to ask old women for the time at first. But in the following weeks I experienced an incredible social freedom, a feeling I never ever had felt in my entire life. It was truly an amazing experience and the drills were so much fun. Got my first cold approach lay 2 months after starting the program (lost my virginity). It was a divine experience. Just basic guy game, and the whole process was so fun and easy.
A little bit before the first lay, I started feeling a sort of pressure in my forehead which would come and go. I noticed it got worse with stress. It was also accompanied with a sort of drunk like feeling, with a lot of anxiety. This has just progressed since, to the point that I had to stop working 1.5 years because I felt like exploding from frustration and anxiety. And for a good 1.5 years (2015-16) I was pretty consistent with cold approaching, I managed to get to day 57 of the AA program, although I rushed it somewhat. In total I did around 4000 approaches both from drills and half assed approaching and full on approaches. Had sex with a total of 6 girls from cold approach.
But I never really got over the AA, always felt like I was starting over for each day. Today I can do 37 approaches on day 4 of the AA program, and go from a 1 to a 2 on a scale of 10 on social freedom Still feel pressure in my head, socially awkward, bad anxiety, dead inside. Going on pure willpower basically. I have probably started the program over more than 20 times. Usually it lasts to day 20. Just today I forced myself to ask 18 girls for the time, despite feeling dizzy. Afterwards I felt worse, just wanted to go home and sleep.
The thing is, I am very physically able. I´ve done all sorts of crazy things despite having extreme social anxiety: got accepted for 1 year army special forces, worked in a sporting goods store for 1.5 years (which require social skills), took a skydiving course and jumped solo out of a plane 20 times...
I have never been into drugs or alcohol either, I am not a downer at all. And despite feeling apathetic and beat down, I am still extremely motivated in a way. I want so bad to win, and I know I will never give this up. Ever. I will fight to death, literally. People might laugh at that, but I truly feel that way. I don`t care about much else, I just want this handled. But I just don`t understand what is holding me back.
I can´t help but to think of this:
... that my problems may originate from a demon that I have been avoiding.
I feel like my main problem is my body image issues. I have always been extremely self-conscious of that. But can this manifest as chronic sinusitis and all these other things? I have admitted all my problems to people I trust, and talked through a lot of these things. I also feel like I have come a long way in this aspect, but maybe not.
The plan now is to start the AA program and just be consistent with it every day, and eventually try to complete it, but do it thoroughly. Basically force it through. Maybe go to a psychologist also.
Have you talked to a counsellor/mental health professional? Or a life coach of some description? Someone you sit down with each week who can give you direction, listen to your fears/worries/concerns/insecurities, give you a list of small baby steps to take each week and keep you on track with your self-improvement. I offer coaching myself - but do your own research (you probably need a mental health professional).
All your problems are fixable, if you're willing to put in a tonne of work. You already know youre starting from really far behind... But I was a train wreck too when I started:
There's other guys on here who had a lot they needed to improve too - ask WhiteKnightRises about his journey too. BadIdeaBear also went through a tonne of stuff. If we can fix our shit, you definitely can too.
Thanks for the encouragement. I appreciate it a lot.
And I absolutely agree with that. I probably need a professional to work through my issues with.
I actually went to a good psychologist 5 years ago, and had weekly meetings with him for several months. But when he asked me about my body image, I smoothly avoided the entire topic, said I was happy with it (I lied). It was too painful for me.
The GoodLookingLoser.com forum offers visitors the ability to exchange information and thoughts. Nothing contained within GoodLookingLoser.com forum is the advice, opinion or otherwise the view of any host, owner, server or other provider of services to GoodLookingLoser.com or of Goodlookingloser.com itself. Nothing stated shall be construed to serve as a replacement for competent advice from professionals. Visitors are to make their own independent inquiries before acting on any information contained within the website forum.
I didn't think the "Get Hung" guide would have girls eyeing my bulge. It did.
I didn't think that your exercise and diet advice would have girls checking me out. It did.
I DEFINITELY didn't think that your hair-loss prevention would fix my hairline. Not in a billion years. It mother fucking did. You saved me a crazy amount of time, a ton of money, unnecessary pain, and destroyed my #1 source of anxiety. DESTROYED IT.
Kratom is next!
To anyone reading this, follow through, read this material, APPLY this material, and enjoy life.