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Hey gang. I'm a 46-year-old married father of three. Probably not your typical GLL forum user. Anyway here i am.
I like my wife well enough, but after 20 years of marriage i realized she only liked me well enough too -- she just wasn't turned on by me. So for the past 18 months or so I've been on a journey to admit my reality, get over my anger about it, man up and fix myself, and start getting what i want in life.
It was hard at first to even understand what i want, but it's getting clearer. I want to raise my children to be free and accomplished in the world. I want to be free, healthy, and accomplished myself. I want to be confident with women, whether it's my wife or anyone else.
The background is a long story, but probably familiar to a lot of guys. As a youngster i somehow came to believe i was unattractive to girls. As a young adult it was easy to hide in religion and say i didn't want sex with women. I soon found myself married to a good-enough woman whom i didn't really even choose or make any effort to win. It was all God's will, i believed.
Any young guy who asks me now is going to get advised against marriage. Flat out. You wanna lock yourself down, give away all your commitment in exchange for sexual rejection and duty sex every month or two (or whatever she decides}, and the expectation that ending it would cost you your children and half your net worth? Be my guest, but don't say i didn't warn you.
So, I've spent the last year-plus reading and "trying to swallow the red pill", but it's been mostly theory except for hitting the gym regularly, and on rare occasion actually approaching women. But the approaching usually gets shut right down by mind-numbing AA.
Living in a n a small town doesn't help. For lots of good reasons, I'd like to avoid getting a reputation as a try-hard old creeper who's already tried and failed with every girl in town or one of her friends. This makes me hesitate to try anything around here, and driving an hour one way to the nearest urban area, where i can have both volume and anonymity, makes it real hard to make a regular habit of approaching.
I recently committed to doing that though -- making that drive and doing those approaches --at least once a week. But the AA has made it almost impossible to approach once i get there.
I finally realized in a recent session, which was mostly what GLL calls "unwanted long walks around the mall without approaching any girls", that my goal at this stage can't simply be "picking up girls", or "getting a date", or "getting phone numbers" or even "approaching girls." My goal at this point has to be "learning to handle that awkward feeling in my stomach and chest and legs when i try to flirt with a girl, and getting through it and being okay with it." I'm putting myself through exposure therapy here, and the result is not anything the girl does; it's all about what i do and how i feel and how i process it. After that, after i stop being afraid of my own feelings, I'll be able to learn actual skill in game.
So GLL's explanation of the AA Annihilation program makes a lot of sense to me.
So how will i do it, if geography is such a challenge, and I'm so damn risk averse in my own small town? It's still an hour's drive to the nearest high volume urban center, but there are several other small cities nearby, just 20 or 30 minutes away, where i can do the drills. Not easy, not ideal, but quite probably the best chance I've got.
I can't honestly say at this point whether I'm interested in fucking girls on the side, whether I've got the balls to do it and own all the consequences.
But I can say for sure: I'm tired of letting fear be the reason i don't approach; I'm tired of just letting the months slip by while nothing changes for lack of action. So now I'm taking action, every good damn day.
How's your test levels? Are going to the gym? How's your physique? You can do a lot of gll-work living in a small town.
Getting a bathmate is good too.
Some cialis is cheap as well.
At your age I would probably research anabolics and hop on low dose test forever. you will get way faster gains in the gym that way. Ofcourse, some solid training experience would be good before doing that. Like a year of solid fumdamental full body training.
Right. i started low level trt about a year ago, currently getting pinned with 75mg weekly. Lots of things have contributed to bettering my energy levels, confidence, and outlook; i think trt has been one of them.
Physique has improved but i started out skinny- fat. Presently 5'10", 170lbs. Lifts are: 200 (x3) bp; 300 (x6) sq; 325 (x6) dl. I've been bulking at .5 pounds per week for the past few months, currently holding weight steady because I'm skipping some lifts (arms, lats) to let some tendonitis heal.
Mate, sign up for the approach anxiety program right now. Sign the petition, start a thread for your daily log, and get stuck into it now.
"I can't honestly say at this point whether I'm interested in fucking girls on the side, whether I've got the balls to do it and own all the consequences."
You're interested in fucking girls on the side; otherwise you wouldn't even be here. Sex is a need for a man. If your wife isn't giving it to you, get it somewhere else. You'll find once you sort your sex life out, you'll have a lot more time, love and affection to direct towards her and your kids. Yes, I'm suggesting having extramarital sex will make you a better husband and father. You've got to take care of your own needs before you can successfully take care of others' needs.
Re: age, 46 isn't too old (I know you never mentioned "I feel old" but let's address the elephant in the room). You'll definitely have to put in more effort to bang younger (18-30yo) girls, but it's entirely doable if you sort out your style, your confidence, your fasion and your body. 46 is as good a time as any to sort all this out. There are a lot of girls who LOVE older guys. I'm finding it easier to get laid the older I get.
Agree with @breakthechains that you should consider Testosterone Replacement Therapy (TRT). Go get bloodwork done (either through your doctor, or through a private lab - you can even do it online). Post your Total Testosterone, Free Testosterone and Estrogen/Estrodial numbers on here so we can see where you're at.
EDIT: nevermind, you and I posted at the same time. Glad you're on TRT. Your lifts are really solid. Post pics of yourself and what you usually wear so we can see what your fashion/style is like.
Traveling for sex doesn't sound like much fun. But I do travel for work a few times a year, which is a chance to hook up with a new girl.
Gotta get over this AA first though. Last month i actually did take a weekend for myself to travel to a larger city and meet women, but could barely bring myself to approach a handful, and none of them for more than a nerve wracking 10 second exchange. At this point traveling is the easy part, and it's a waste of time if i can't pull the trigger when i get there.
Like they say: Wherever you go, there you are.
Income is decent, not hurting to make ends meet. Run my own niche software business, which really is just mostly myself and the occasional contractor. So I'm as overworked as i let myself be (which is a great excuse to be unsocial), with the upside that i can take time when i decide to for things like this AA Program.
Hey, 41 y/o here. There's a few of us seasoned guys around.
I was married to a modelesque wife, yet had a terribly disappointing sex life. I got divorced around age 30, and made it my mission to understand women and attraction as I returned to the dating market. I've been living the bachelor life the last 10 years and would never go back to a poor relationship/marriage.
Just want to encourage you to not accept that same kind of sad relationship. Either fix it or move on.
There's a lot of excitement and hot sex out there if you're willing to go get it.
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I didn't think the "Get Hung" guide would have girls eyeing my bulge. It did.
I didn't think that your exercise and diet advice would have girls checking me out. It did.
I DEFINITELY didn't think that your hair-loss prevention would fix my hairline. Not in a billion years. It mother fucking did. You saved me a crazy amount of time, a ton of money, unnecessary pain, and destroyed my #1 source of anxiety. DESTROYED IT.
Kratom is next!
To anyone reading this, follow through, read this material, APPLY this material, and enjoy life.