TOPIC: Really fucking lost, been stuck for years and I don't know what else to try

Hey losers, long time lurker here.

I created this because I'm really fucking lost. I've been emotionally stuck for 10 years, I worked hardcore the last 4 years to get unstuck but I'm still in the same position and my alternatives and ideas are diminishing.

I'm going to give you a list of things I done, tried... and how I'm feeling. Sorry for the long thread, I REALLY need your help guys.

- I'm a 24 year old guy

- Virgin

- Can't talk to girls I don't know, unless they are part of the social circle or hobby, but even so it's still very hard for me.

- I work freelance but it's getting harder to concentrate, during the last 3-4 years my productivity has fallen to the point I procrastinate the projects until the last moment... I just can't work, I can't focus, I feel so miserably that it's almost impossible for me to work. If I don't work I don't eat...

- Still living with my mom, and being a loner, miserable, not necessarily depressed guy makes forming relationships with anybody even harder, I can't stand my mom but it's not her fault, I'm just super miserable.

- I hate wallowing in self-pity, this is not a thread of "oh poor me and my problems"... it's just that I don't know what the fuck else to do.

- I tried doing the AA program, I've been doing it on-off for 2+ years but I can't finish it. I get stuck on the 1-2 weeks. My anxiety and low self-steem ends up blocking me and I can't get any further. I feel pathetic.

- I tried online dating, went out with a couple girls and kissed one. Only managed to get first dates, never second dates.
Now I can't even use it, the other day I created accounts on tinder but I started feeling like shit. I always felt bad using those applications, it's like something is wrong... these things are so cold. I really tried, believe me, but after a month of using online dating I just end up feeling worse and more miserable.

- I became aware of my AA at 14 years old, and since then it has been limiting my life in every way possible, my relationships, my career... my entire life.

- I tried salsa dancing, acting, you name it... I talked to some girls there but I always end up leaving because I start to feel like shit, it's not necesarily anxiety, I start to get miserable because everyone around me is getting laid and being social and I'm here asking "WTF is wrong with me".

- I cannot make friends anymore, I tried, I have no problem talking to people but as week passes I lost interest and get miserable again because they have normal dating lives and I don't and that kills my self-steem and the current relationship. I feel like they are waaaay above me.

- I feel like most of the people my age are WAY ABOVE me in terms of dating, life experiences. At my 24 years old the ONLY thing I managed to improve is my work situation, but not that much. I could be earning a lot of money but again, my emotional issues get in the way and every day is worse.

- I don't have social anxiety, I don't have any problems chatting up with people. I just have problems with bonding because I feel like a fucking pathetic loser that hasn't managed to improve is love life yet.

- I was skinny until a couple months and I managed to gain a couple lbs and I look better.

- I know I'm attractive, I have chicks eyeing me everyday. I dress sharp too. So looks aren't the problem OBVIOUSLY.

- I really don't know what else to try, I can't stand trying another acting or salsa class because I just cannot stand being with people that have normal sex lives and are 100x better than me.

- I already tried the "first fix your mindset and be happy" route but it didn't work, it was like a temporal quick fix.

- I readed gorilla mindset and every manosphere respected blog (B&D, D&P, GLL), I tried everything, nothing REALLY worked, I'm still in the same situation.

- Being a virgin is not the problem, the problem is losing ALL the potential opportunities that I lost and they are VERY HEAVY weight on my soul and life.

- What should I do? I'm willing to put my last ounces of effort into solving this but I really don't know where should I look... I thought about volunteering but again, just being near people that are better and have more sex than me is enough to make me totally miserable and I end up leaving whatever activity I'm doing

- I look at porn but I don't like it (3-4 times a week), it makes me feel empty, I use it to don't feel that lonely at night, even though it doesn't make any difference. I tried the NO PMO thing but haven't experienced any differences from it.

- I tried counceling various times for a long time each one (1 year each), I improved but very very slightly and it wasn't enough to make a substantial difference

- I feel like I'm endlessly spinning my wheels, getting nowhere...

Is there any way to solve this? I thought various times about just killing myself and end this agony but I'm too much of a coward to doing it.

get ur test levels check and thyroid . seriously u might need trt , it can be a game changer .. and if u read gorilla mindset i had a friend like you who read it and nothing happened. thats because u forgot 99% of the things in that book, if u used the worksheets for a good month u will see improvements.
My last reccomendation is 30 days of discipline , it gives u something to lookward to and enhances life

im sure other people will respond to but please get ur levels checked out it could be a hormonal issue

also please read this === www.gll-getalife.com/get-success/how-to-...with-low-self-esteem
(here is the video)

Oh nononono! Don't think about killing yourself just because you're a virgin! And all those stories about how people have soooo much more sex than you. Thats just a fantasy in your head!

I'll tell you a quick story. One of my best friends got married last year. I got really happy for him because I know he's kind of a pervert and so I thought: "Man, good for him, he finally found a girl he can share his passionate perversions with".
But no, last month he said that they basically haven't had sex in 6 months. And here I thought they had this wild sexlife!
Haha! But all in MY imagination! Imagine that!
I'm guessing this is really common for virgins. Imagining that eeeeverybody else on the planet is having this awesome sexlife. But its simply not true.

We have alot in common. It seems like you also like to read alot without really taking any real life-action. Thats bad bacause it get you stuck in your head, and thats were depression happen. Trust me I know!

Unfortunately I cant give you advice on what steps to take (we are basically in the same place), but there's alot of cool guys here that's willing to give you their advice.

But I think it helps just seeing it as a fun game. Losing your virginity is supposed to be FUN! Its EXCITING! And being a virgin in your twenties I think you've deserved to have even more fun with it! Atleast thats how I try to think about it.

If you want someone to keep accoutable to we can be friends if you want.

Anyway, good luck with everything!

.

It seems your biggest problem is your pride, so that's where I'd start working on. You're trying so hard to hide your low self-esteem from other people out of fear of what they will think of you, which is shooting yourself in the foot. I used to feel like an outsider due to the fact that I don't have many social skills, but after I've shared about that enough I've realized that even the most outgoing people still suffer from the same insecurities that I do. It was pretty arrogant of me to think I'm somehow worse off.

For example, you say you get miserable when you interact with other people who have a sex/dating life. Have you ever actually admitted to them that you are jealous and that you are still a virgin?

The whole beginning part of the AA program is designed to force yourself to suck up your ego and approach chicks even though you appear foolish in doing so.

The lost opportunities only feel like a burden when you're too proud to admit that you fucked up. When you admit that mistakes were made, it's easier to forgive onesself. There's no use in wallowing in the past, since it can't be changed. The only reasonable thing is to focus on the current events.

Counceling for 1 year is a very short period to make any tangible progress. I was in therapy once for a year and quit it, but I was informed by a couple of long-term therapy-attendees that the progress is barely starting after one year.

im not in a position to give out advice, but I lost my virginity this very weekend (21 years old). I was in the same mindset with the whole self pity thing , but since i started to take some serious action ( going on 1-2 tinder dates a week and hittin the clubs/bars 3x a week) it took me 1½ months and I swiped my v card. Ive come to the realization that nothing will change in your life if you dont take some serious action consistent - that was atleast the situation for me. Good luck

Terminator is spot on with the ego stuff.
I only recently joined and got laid following what the lads on here said to do I had a dry spell for years. Like LeetoN said he lost his v card and I am sure you can do the same.
www.goodlookingloser.com/forums/lose-you...vcard-proof-included
Also, follow the advice of the guys with experience like Terminator, BIB and killyourinnerloser. Check out their AA program threads it will motivate you and show you it can be done:
www.goodlookingloser.com/forums/approach...aa-8-hours-every-day
www.goodlookingloser.com/forums/approach...-inner-loser-aa-vlog
I can't give advice because I am a newbie as well but you say you're a freelancer you should have a ton of time to change things around.
You said you tried the AA program but where are the posts about it on the forum?A journal can really help to keep you accountable and write your thoughts for the day and others can help you if you are stuck.
There are two options you can take:
Option 1: You stay exactly the same.
Option 2: You move forward to improve your situation.
I think you would rather pick the latter.

If I were you I'd just use online dating to lose your virginity. It seems like a lot of your problems come from that.

Try and get the best pictures of yourself that you possibly can and go hard on every online dating platform. You'll feel much better about yourself once you've had sex with a girl.

You have deep seated issues that go beyond dating. Depression, anxiety, lack of confidence. A guy like you should definitely stay in psychological therapy. Find someone who either does psychoanalysis to go after your feelings of regret, or CBT to rewire the way you think and perceive your situation.

On top of that, you should try some meds. An SSRI would be ideal, except for it's negative effects on libido. But since your're not having sex anyways, that might be a fine trade-off. Otherwise give Wellbutrin a try. It's one of the only antidepressants that doesn't affect your sex drive.

Fixing all this stuff should be your top goal for 2017. Girls will come after.

With the AA program, its exponentially harder with severe issues of anxiety and self esteem (as youve probably learned).
I was kind of in a similar situation as where it took me about 2 years to fully complete. I first had to go through some therapy to help with my deep rooted issues, and took time to build up my self esteem and confidence.
A lot of that was with lifting weights, and getting in pretty good shape. i also took time to appreciate my life, and really push myself to enjoy time with my friends.
I recommend you seek help as well, and pick a productive goal for increasing your self esteem (lifting and getting in shape is great, itll also build character, discipline and confidence).
Go hard in online dating, lose your v card, and get more experience with women overall through that venue. Theres no shame in going for average or slightly below average girls during this time. Just no that online dating can be difficult, kinda goes for most guys (even on here).
Try the AA program again when you mend your other concerns first

TheStorm wrote:

- I tried salsa dancing, acting, you name it... I talked to some girls there but I always end up leaving because I start to feel like shit, it's not necesarily anxiety, I start to get miserable because everyone around me is getting laid and being social and I'm here asking "WTF is wrong with me".

- I cannot make friends anymore, I tried, I have no problem talking to people but as week passes I lost interest and get miserable again because they have normal dating lives and I don't and that kills my self-steem and the current relationship. I feel like they are waaaay above me.

- I feel like most of the people my age are WAY ABOVE me in terms of dating, life experiences. At my 24 years old the ONLY thing I managed to improve is my work situation, but not that much. I could be earning a lot of money but again, my emotional issues get in the way and every day is worse.

RIP: If everyone has "normal" dating lives then that means they are not getting laid. Remember that your low self esteem will fuck with your worldview and the way you view other people. Even if you're a virgin you are MAX 10 girls behind your friends (and that's assuming they are above average with girls). Stop idolizing other people and realize you are NOT that far behind.

Hey guys, I appreciate your advice but with all due respect, things you advice me to do are things I already done, things I already tried! isn't time to take a different route?

let's see:

Khan:
My test levels are above average based on readings from a couple months ago. In fact, they are waaaay above average, so that's not an issue.

Thyroid is fine too, I already checked everything and my body is fine.

Already tried gorilla mindset and 30dod, no results.

Flaneur:
I took a lot of real life action, for the last 4 years.

Keepyourheadup:
I can't stick to online, I can't use it even for one day, I really despise it.

I mean, using an application to meet girls?? wtf is that? the girls I can meet is based on an algorithm! that's sad.

Like I said, I really tried online, for at least 3-4 months in total. I had some results, but it really affected my mood and didn't want to use it anymore after that.

terminator:
I like what you say about shooting myself in the foot, you basically say being honest with others... interesting.

leeton:
Yep, I seen your thread, congrats man.

rubac:
standards are quite high here, that thing about the average guy getting laid 4-5 times in his lifetime is totally bullshit.

The average guy here gets laid at least 15-20 times in his lifetime.



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So, in a nutshell, most of you are just advicing me to keep pushing it... but hey, I pushed for at least 3-4 years and that got me nowhere. I've been going suuuper slow, so maybe this isn't the correct way to do things for me.

Again, isn't there another route? Maybe I'm giving something for granted, you know what I mean?

If A,B,C,D didn't work... why do you advice me to keep doing A,B,C,D again???