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I've been lurking around this site for a loong time. It's really the best site for getting laid I have
ever seen. I realised it was stupid of me just to wander around and not even introduce myself.
My name is Richard, I'm 19 years old and I live in Europe.
Over the past 3 years, I achieved (thanks to GLL):
- Ripped body
- Above-average looks & style
- Launched a successful online business
- Quit watching porn
I was the one that people always made fun of in High School,
which is why I became committed to self-improvement.
After HS, instead of College, I went to a 1-year Language course. (to work on business full-time)
It looked awesome - Only 12 people in class, and I would finally be a normal, respected guy.
From the beggining, I established myself as one of the 'cool guys'.
I only spoke to the cool guys (2, namely). The conversations
were awkward, but I was happy to be accepted by them.
Later on, however, they must have sensed I'm not as cool as them,
and the cool guy (better than me - great style, tall, everyone likes him)
started calling me childish names (just like in HS). He became good
friends with the cool girl, and now they both make fun of me.
How could this happen every single time?
I look good, quit porn, and did everything to be normal.
There are only 12 f*cking people in the class.
Noone knew me beforehand.
What caused their behaviour? How to react?
Thank you for any ideas.
They probably sensed you weren't genuine. You likely came across as phony and they attacked on that. The fact that you didn't give him shit back(which is apart of most dudes friendships) gave him a "pass" to keep going in on you.
You need to work on asserting/standing up for yourself because all the cool looks in the world will only get you so far, especially with dudes because they aren't trying to fuck you. You don't need to look cool to hang with cool dudes, although it kinda helps I guess. Your personalty is the most important factor. You go out to a bar, basketball court, kickback at a friend's house etc. Its not going to be a roundtable of male models. It's just a bunch of dudes with varying levels of attractiveness.
The way to fix this, let him know you don't appreciate the shit talk or give him shit back. Of course, it may have been a lot more effective to check him as he started since he's already formed his opinion of you. Sometimes friendships are formed because one dude was talking shit and the other dude checked him and they realized they were compatible.
You say the conversations were awkward? So none of you guys really felt comfortable with each other. Sounds like a forced "friendship". Did you actually hang out with them or you just saw them in class?
Thanks for your insight. What you said about personality is a fact I was probably trying
to ignore. I was wondering how guys who look like shit could be so popular, etc.
I did actually give him shit back from the beggining. The thing is, it is difficult
because he has the 'cool' girl on his side, which will support him.
(About the girl - we also didn't get along very well, boring convos,
then she started teasing me and I messed it up somehow)
I think she is the one who made him mock me in the first place.
We never hang out outside of class. We did travel from school
together and kind of talked, but it felt very forced. (naturally he doesn't
make fun of me when we are alone).
I don't care about him calling me names sometimes, as long as it looks like
friendly joking between the two of us. What I really want to avoid is losing respect
from other people in the class, which is basically what happened in high school.
So should I start mocking him from my own initiative? I feel like other people
would be on his side, which would do me more harm than good.
Why did you only talk to the cool guys? For starters, why not be friendly with EVERYBODY. That's a cool guy, the guy you're trying to be friends with sounds like a douche. I'd have just done what Ajax said and checked him. At my work, I remember there were these guys that were trying to start giving me crap, I told them the same day, 'yo, we don't get along like that, chill out.' He hasn't bugged me since.
Dude, you sound like you're trying to please people. Just be friendly to everyone, actually be 'the cool guy' not the 'too cool for school' guy. The thing about social settings is that once you've established yourself as 'the awkward guy' or the 'quiet guy', in that social setting, it'll be quite difficult to lose the tag.
Read the book "How to win friends and influence people" by Dale Carnegie.
@ElGansoFeliz Thank you for your response. What I meant was that I just established
myself as the cool guy, but of course I am still friendly and talk to everybody. I just feel that
the other guys are a little reserved when talking to me - it seems difficult to form a good friendship.
In addition, most of the girls flirt/are interested in me, and all in all it is a great learning ground for me.
That is also why I don't want him to mess it up.
*Thanks for the book recommendation, I actually have it here in my library. Will read it asap.
Richard, I was in same situation in middle school. I was close with richest and most popular guy in class, and with underdog guy. And one time I opened one big sexual secret of mine to rich guy and he rumored it to ALL THE TOWN. Thank god my town is >1 million of people. But I had lost most of my social circle because they were superficial pieces of shit as much as rich guy. And you know what? Underdog guy didn't even mention this shit, because he knew it would make me uncomfortable. He was not the nerd, he was involved in drug dealing and many arguments. He was cool underdog, not the nerdy type. Long story short, this guy has been being my friend for already 10 years. I value him and he is great person. Popularity poisons people's minds. I assure you that you will make better friends with not popular people. "When you are friends with everyone, you are friends with no one."
Be sure that given half a chance this "cool" guy will stab your back. Fuck him and his friend. I recommend you to punch his face if he doesn't get that you are not the one to fuck with. And be simplier. You will not ever be happy if you chase "cool" people. You should chase people that make you feel comfortable and "at home", not "cool".
If you do choose to talk to the guy directly, not saying you should but if you do, I'd advise to do it in a fairly friendly way as if there's been a misunderstanding, and make sure that it isn't in front of anyone else.
That way you give him an avenue of escape so he can apologise for any 'misunderstanding' on his part, and you don't have him trying to maintain a front in front of the whole class.
I mean sure if he's a douche you could just punch him in the face in front of everyone but it's not really required (athough when I've done that I got a swift apology from the person I punched each time).
Bear in mind that if you're not bringing value to any friendship then you're not really a friend.. You're a hanger on. Sure don't give out free shit and buy people but there needs to be a reason to be friends with you (just like to get a girl there needs to be reasons for her to want to be with you). Maybe you supply the alcohol at parties, maybe you hook people up with your other friends.. Or maybe you look cool already and just hanging with you makes them look better and they are just flat jealous of you, and are generally bad people themselves that don't think they need to offer value on there behalf (my hunch).
School sucks because you're forced into a small place with people and you can't just leave if those people are dickheads. That's why people hardly fight as adults - because they can just not hang around with people they don't respect.. I.e. just not be there.
You aren't broken, they are.. Sounds like you already own your shit to be honest, and they don't.
@N1cetouch Thaks man. You're absolutely right. What I think I did
was that I was trying to compensate for all the years of being
the one who ppl made fun of. I wanted to try what is it like
to be a part of the 'cool crowd' ,which probably backfired on me.
@Mikesplosions Thank you. You mentioned something I never
really understood when it comes to friendships - giving value.
I feel like I have nothing to offer as of now. I think the reason is
that I am constantly living in the future. As soon as I 'make it'
in business, then I will truly focus on my social life.
In my mind right now, money would solve everything:
money = my own place = get laid
money = interesting life = more friends
money = freedom to do anything
To focus on my business is the main reason why I didn't go to college.
And I could focus if there weren't such douchebags as these guys.
All I do now is think about them all the time. It's exhausting.
Go easy on yourself bud, from what you've put and your attitude I'm sure you have a lot to offer -they just don't appreciate it which you can't control
Your general attitude to life seems very mature, which is a good and a bad thing at 19. Part of growing into a man is just letting yourself off the hook when you try your hardest at something and it doesn't pay off. It's hard to explain.
Richard, you know what you can to offer to people and what is much more valuable than your money and coolness? It's your sincerity. Don't pretend. If you like to hang out with "losers", then do it. And you'll be happier.
Even the language you use here doesn't sound genuine. You probably come across as trying too hard. Try less, give them shit, and relax. It's not worth spending time around people that treat you like shit.
They could tell you weren't the cool guy too. And you aren't yet, don't lie to yourself. I've been there. You can't fake it, but you can make it. Simply put, keep trying to befriend everyone. Keep getting laid. Eventually that experience will change your demeanor and you won't be telling people on a message board you're too cool to be bullied..., you'll actually be "cool". There's no technique or trick but experience.
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